Building on Lies (10 page)

“ Yeah," I said, softly. “ And you can see why he won’t leave Samantha”.

“ He feels responsible for her," Ro repeated, then took a deep breath. “It’s hard to believe she’s so...unbalanced. She seems so normal!”

“ Personally, I think she sounds like a drama queen," I said. “ But Channing is always scared she’s going to do something outrageous”.

“ I just don’t get why he can’t stand up to his parents. If he doesn’t love Samantha, why should he be forced to marry her? It would be a lifetime of unhappiness," Ro said, in disgust.

“ I guess rich families do things differently, Ro. Well, at least his family. They’ve got Channing’s whole life mapped out. And he feels like he has to be the responsible son, the good son," I said.

“ Yeah, because Ty Sutton is just wild. I can’t imagine him being forced to do anything he doesn’t want to do," Ro said, and there was just a trace of admiration in her voice.

“ Ty doesn’t care about his family’s reputation," I said, defensively. “ Channing does. He’s made a lot of sacrifices just to please his parents”.

I wasn’t going to tell Ro about Chan’s wanting to be a woodworker. That was something between me and him. I was proud Chan had shared his passion with me. Most of the A crowd knew about the Samantha situation, although according to Channing, no one dared mention it. But no one knew about his hobby. Only me and his brother.

“ Yeah, but what about his own happiness?" Ro asked.

“ Well, it’s his life now. I’m not a part of it anymore," I said, running a hand through my hair. I didn’t feel any better for saying it, though.

“ Nellie, I don’t know what to say”. Ro shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “ I know how much you like Channing, but a part of me feels like maybe he’s too complicated”.

“ Yeah. Maybe I should just focus on Joaquim. Nice, uncomplicated Joaquim," I said.

“ Don’t focus on Joaquim just because you’re pissed at Channing. That’s not fair" Ro said, shaking her head. “ But I do think you should have some fun with Joaquim. Hang out like the old days. You’ve been so wrapped up in Channing, you know?”

“ What’s for dinner?" I asked, needing to change the subject. Talking about Chan and his situation made me miss him, brought all of the tenderness I felt for him. He was a good guy who’d gotten in over his head. I had a feeling I was going to be wrapped up in Channing for a while. Even though I’d broken things off, I loved him, and it was going to be a long time before I got over him.

“ Steak and potatoes?" Ro suggested, catching on that I didn’t want to talk about Chan any longer. I nodded, and got the potatoes out of the fridge.

The next day was Tuesday, and my mom came back from her assignment. She had even more work, though, as it was approaching the holiday season, and a lot of customers wanted to change their draperies for heavier materials. I went with her on a project Wednesday night. It was a school night, but I was caught up with most of my schoolwork, and looked forward to the distraction.

My mom was more excited about my going to the Winter Dance with Joaquim than I was, and she kept talking about it with Giselle.

“ Young love is so beautiful!"Giselle said, with a romantic sigh.

“ And don’t Nellie and Joaquim make the most adorable couple? I used to date his father in high school, remember, Gee?" my mom laughed.

“ Yeah, before his wife Fran stole him from you!"Giselle teased.

I tried to pretend I was amused by the whole thing, but it was hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about Channing.

On Thursday, I felt like I was walking through a thick fog. I couldn’t focus on anything my friends said to me, and it was hard to concentrate in class. I hadn’t heard from Channing, or even seen him in the halls at school. I missed him so bad I felt like I was going to die from how much my heart ached. I jumped anytime my cell phone rang, hoping it would be him. At night, I waited for his good night text message. It never came.

After three months of dating, it seemed like Channing was okay with us breaking up so abruptly. It was hard to believe. We’d had so much fun together, and I thought he genuinely cared for me. Maybe I’d just been a distraction, something to take his mind off his ugly relationship with Samantha.

It didn’t help that Joaquim had taken to meeting me at my locker every morning, and waiting around for me in between classes. All of our friends were hinting we should become a couple. It seemed like everyone…from my mother to Ro to Tommy…wanted me and Joaquim to get together. No one noticed I just wasn’t into Joaquim in that way. All they saw was what a cute couple we would make.

I considered pretending I was sick on Friday, in order to stay home from school, and also to avoid going bowling with Joaquim. I didn’t want to go to school because Friday was the day I had Sociology, the class I had with Channing. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle sitting across from him for an entire forty five minutes.

Most other Fridays, I looked forward to Sociology because I loved exchanging secret looks with Chan when no one was looking. We’d even come up with a secret code to communicate in class. Two fingers over our lips meant, “ I want to kiss you”. When he stretched his arms high over his head, “ I think you’re beautiful, Nellie”. When I bit my lip and raised my eyebrows it meant, “You look hot today, Chan”. Sometimes we'd even tap our feet at the same time, together, for no reason at all.

Ro thought all the twitching and gesturing we did in class was ridiculous. “ Especially since no one knows why you two are doing it! It looks like you’re both suffering from nervous symptoms!”

Channing and I had fun with it, even though there were times where we would have to struggle not to crack up altogether.

And when we weren’t using our secret codes, we’d just stare at each other. Not long enough for anyone to become aware of, but long enough so we could both get our fill of each other. I never got tired of staring at him. And not just because he was movie star handsome, with his dark hair, green eyes, and strong build.

No, it was because I’d started to notice little things about him that were so cute. The wrinkles that formed in between his eyes when he was concentrating, the way he lifted one eyebrow when someone in class said something silly. I noticed his smile, which was kind of on the sly side, as if he knew a world of secrets. I also noticed he was able to keep his body really still, something he’d learned to do as a part of his wood making.

Channing said he liked the way my eyes sparkled whenever I heard something funny. He liked the way I made goofy faces in class when I was bored, and how I nodded my head whenever I agreed with someone. He loved my sweet smile, and told me I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. It felt great to know he was just as into me as I was into him.

But he didn’t even look up at me when I walked into class on Friday. He kept his head down, staring at his binder. I didn’t try to make eye contact. I just slid in my seat beside Ro, and asked her if I could look off her text book, because I’d forgotten mine.

“ Slip him a note or something," Ro whispered in my ear. “ You both look miserable”.

“ Nope," I said, trying to make my voice sound airy and light, even though I felt like dead weight inside. “ Beside, he wouldn’t appreciate a Cove girl like me trying to talk to him”.

Ro sighed. “ You know that’s not true, Nellie”.

“ Let me see your notes from last week," I said, ignoring her.

I did try and peek at him when I was sure he wasn’t looking. I didn’t know what Ro was talking about. Channing didn’t appear particularly miserable. He didn’t look too happy either, but maybe he was just uncomfortable being in class with me. He had a neutral expression, and I realized it was pointless to try and gauge what he was feeling, or thinking. Channing was an expert at hiding his feelings, I knew that better than anyone.

Our Sociology teacher allowed us a five minute break. Channing got up from his chair, and my heart pounded, wondering if he was going to talk to me. He didn’t. Instead, he sat next to Bethany Grant, one of his good friends and an A-girl who was just as popular in their little crowd as Samantha. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but it annoyed me when Bethany started to laugh hysterically at something he said.

I turned to Ro, wishing I could control my emotions as well as he could. I felt my face turn flaming hot, and my hands were shaking so bad I had to grip the edge of my desk.

“ I can’t wait to go bowling later on, Ro," I said loudly, loud enough for the whole class to hear.

Ro looked startled since I’d practically shouted in her ear. She gave me a bewildered look until she noticed Channing and Bethany.

“ Oh…" she said quickly, but just as loudly. “ Yeah, we are going to have so much fun”. She put a little too much emphasis on the word fun, but I was too upset to care.

“ You and Tommy. Me and Joaquim. It’s going to be such a fun double date. I love going out with Joaquim. We always have so much fun on our dates," I went on.

“ That’s right. You do have fun on your dates with Joaquim," Ro repeated, but she gave me an “ are you for real” look that I hoped Channing didn't notice.

“ Fun isn’t even the word. More like amazing, awesome, fantastic, just a sexy good time on our dates!" I said, and the rest of the class began to chuckle. I blushed…what in the world did a sexy good time even mean?

“ We know how much you love sexy good times at the bowling alley, Nellie!" teased Thiago Silveira, one of Joaquim’s friends. A part of me briefly panicked. Thiago was most likely going to repeat everything I was saying to Joaquim,which would then give Joaquim even more hope about us as a couple. But another glance at Channing and Bethany made me angry again.

“ I am the queen of sexy good times, Thiago, bowling alley, movies, whatever, wherever ” I told him. “ And Joaquim and I are going to have the best time bowling tonight. Hanging out and being young and having so much FUN”.

“ We get the picture, Nellie," Ro said, rolling her eyes.

I took one last glance at Channing. He still had his usual poker face, no reaction at all to all I'd said. He went back to his seat, took out his cell phone, and started scrolling through it. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

My shoulders drooped, and my eyes began tearing up, despite how cheerful I'd tried to sound.

“ Nellie, you look so pretty today," Ro said, in a sing song voice, that always made me smile.

“ Is there ever a day she doesn’t look gorgeous?" Thiago asked, and that cheered me up as well. Maybe I wasn’t as glamorous Samantha St. John or Bethany Grant, but I was very pretty and most guys noticed it.

Except for Channing, who continued to be absorbed by his cell phone. I looked over at Bethany Grant. I knew she and Channing were friends, but I always associated her as being more of Ty’s friend. She was one of those loud, flirty rich girls that drove too fast, and made sarcastic remarks all the time.

My face grew even hotter when she stared right back at me and smiled. It wasn’t a nasty smile-it seemed sincere-but I gave her a dirty look, and turned around.

I spent the rest of the class absorbed in my Sociology textbook as if it were the most fascinating subject in the world. I kept my eyes glued on the teacher, and made a big show of participating in class. If Channing wanted to act like he didn’t care, then I was going too as well.

The bell rang, and Channing was the first to leave. He didn’t even give me the slightest glance. He walked out swiftly, his eyes on his cell phone.

Ro draped an arm around my shoulder as we walked to our next class.

“ Guys are just like that," she said, reassuringly. “ They make a big deal about not caring, you know?”

I shrugged. “ Whatever. I don’t care either”.

“ The worst thing you can do is pretend you don’t care, Nellie. You do care, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting you do. Trying to hold your feelings in is only going to make you sick," Ro said.

“ Since when did you become the relationship expert, Ro?" I snapped. “ I’m not going to turn into a fool because of Channing Sutton. I’m moving on”.

“ To Joaquim and bowling and sexy good times?" she teased.

“ Yes," I said, giving her a dirty look. “ Exactly”.

“ Well then, we need to be ready by six. That’s when Tommy and Joaquim are going to be at the alley. See you later!" Ro said, giving me a little wave as we went to our separate classes.

At five o clock that evening, though, I was nowhere near ready. I was in bed, in my pajamas, trying to finish up some homework.

Ro was sitting at our vanity, using a curling iron on her hair. Ro had impossibly straight hair, which was the bane of her existence. It was kind of amusing to watch how the minute she removed the curling iron, instead of curling, her hair just settled back into a smooth straight line.

“ You’re going to fry your ends, Ro," I told her. “ That curling iron isn’t doing anything for you”.

“ Gah, you’re right!" she said, turning it off, and running a brush through her long black hair in disgust. Personally, I thought the way Ro’s hair fell in a black silky curtain down her back was beyond gorgeous.

She spun around to look at me. “ Nellie. You’re still in pj’s? Is that how you’re planning on going to the bowling alley?”.