Building on Lies (9 page)

“That would be cool!" Ro chirped. “ We haven’t hung out together for a long time”.

“ So, Nellie. Is it a date?”, Joaquim asked.

“ It’s a date”. What else could I say?

Chapter 5

Joaquim dropped me and Ro off. I gave him a quick, friendly hug before I went in.

“ Feel better, Nellie," he murmured into my hair.

He stayed in my driveway for a bit so Tommy and Ro could talk. Ro wanted to take advantage of my mom not being home so she could get some kissing time in with Tommy. As much as I wanted Joaquim and Tommy to leave, I couldn’t be so unfair to Ro. She was always covering for me and Chan, I couldn’t really complain about her wanting to hang with Tommy for a bit.

I went to my bedroom, and sat near my bedroom window, which looked out onto the street. I kept the curtains pulled in case Joaquim looked up and saw me. I dialed Channing’s number.

“ I’m home," I said to him as soon as he picked up.

“ Back home after your fun date at the mall?" he asked, sarcastically.

“ Chan, I think you’re the last person who should go there," I said, angrily. “Need I remind you you’re the one who has the steady girlfriend?”

“ Nellie, you know what the deal is with Samantha. I’ve always been honest with you about her," he said, almost yelling.

“ Yeah, and you don’t see me flipping out over it. You’re getting all mental because you saw me talking to another guy in the hallway!" I cried.

“ You guys weren’t just talking, Nellie. He looked like he was about to kiss you. Matter of fact, he did. I saw him!”

“ It was a kiss on the cheek, Channing!" I yelled, but then I lowered my voice in case they heard me outside. It wouldn’t make sense for me to be in bed with a headache but screaming at the top of my lungs. “ I’m sure you and Samantha do much worse!”

Channing was quiet, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I liked to live in this fantasy world where all Channing and Samantha did was hold hands, or maybe smile politely across the room at each other, like some old Victorian couple. His silence made me realize he probably did all the things with Samantha that he did with me. Maybe even more, considering their history.

“ I don’t want to fight with you, Nellie," he said, quietly. “ Maybe we should talk some other time”.

“ Or maybe we shouldn’t talk to each other at all!" I shouted, regretting the words as soon as they came out of my mouth.

“ Is that how you really feel?" he asked, his voice hard.

It wasn’t how I felt at all, but I felt weary all of a sudden. I was tired of the lying, tired of competing with Samantha even if it was all just in my head, tired of feeling so darn insecure. I loved Channing, there was no denying I loved him, but I didn’t think I could handle all of the pressure that came with our relationship.

“ Yeah," I said softly.

“ So, you’re breaking up with me?" he snapped. “ Fine. Have fun with Joaquim!”

I expected him to ask me to think about it. I was so surprised at his unfair reaction I also snapped.

“ You can count on it! I’m going out on a date with him to the bowling alley this Friday, and I’m going to the Winter Dance with him! And you can go off and live happily ever after with Samantha!" I said, my voice wobbling at the end. I hung up on him before he could respond.

I looked out of the window, to see if my friends were still out there. Joaquim’s truck was gone. Where was Ro?

I left my bedroom to look for her. She was in the kitchen, taking food out of the fridge. She looked at me hesitantly as I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. I could tell she’d heard me shouting.

“ Everything okay?" she asked, sitting down in front of me.

I wiped the tears already streaming out of my eyes, like someone had turned on a faucet in my head. My hands trembled on the table.

“ Aw, Nellie," Ro said, and came around to hold me. I held her tight, my best friend who was more like a sister to me.

“ Channing?" she said, and I nodded.

“ I broke up with him," I said, and once I said it out loud, I started to cry for real.

“ Nellie! Why? What happened?”

I told her about our brief conversation. She went to one of the kitchen counters, and brought over a box of tissue.

“ I don’t know, Nellie. Maybe you over reacted," Ro said, wiping a tear from my nose.

“ Over reacted?" I exclaimed. “ Ro, he’s the one who over reacted. He saw a harmless, nothing little kiss between me and Joaquim in school, and made it seem like I was practically having sex with him!”

“ Yeah, true. But breaking up over the phone is never a good move. Sure, Channing has no right to be jealous, considering he’s still seeing Samantha. Still, maybe this was something you two needed to talk about face to face," Ro said.

“ Romina, I can’t believe you’re defending Chan. I thought you didn’t like him," I said, incredulously.

“ I never said I didn’t like him. I don’t like your relationship with him. Cheating, and sneaking around only leads to heartache," she said.

“ Tell me about it," I murmured.

“ I just think you two need to work it out face to face, though," Ro went on. “ You’re going to be a mess until you talk to him”.

“ Oh, I’m not going to talk to him anymore. I have too much pride," I said, firmly, even though I couldn’t stop crying.

“ Um, not to knock you, Nellie, but you didn’t have all that much pride when you started seeing a guy who already has a steady girlfriend," Ro pointed out.

“ Ro, you don’t understand. There are reasons why Channing won’t break up with Samantha St. John. I mean, he won’t leave her for me or for anybody. Not even another A-girl," I said, sadly.

“ What reasons, Nellie? Maybe I’d understand if you told me what they were," Ro said impatiently.

“ I promised Chan I’d never tell," I said, taking another tissue out of the box. But maybe I could finally tell Ro… Channing and I were over, after all. Ro wasn’t a gossip, like my other friends. If I told her, it would stay with her.

“ I just can’t think of one good reason to stay with someone you don’t love," Ro said, shaking her head.

I took a deep breath, and told Ro what Channing had explained to me about his relationship with Samantha.

“ Okay, so Channing and Samantha grew up together, just like you and me and Joaquim and Tommy”, I said. “And they started seriously dating two years ago”.

Ro raised an eyebrow, “So they started dating in junior high? Wow, that’s really young”.

“ It is”, I agreed. “Channing regrets it now, he says they were definitely too young to be so serious. He thinks things might have been a lot different if they’d hadn’t moved so fast. But even though they were both really young, their parents were happy to see them together. He told me they actively encouraged the relationship, even though they were both barely fifteen.”

“I mean, I guess it’s not that weird, I know my parents started dating really young”, Ro said.

“True, but I don’t think Daisy would ever let us spend time alone with boys. But Channing says his parents and Samantha’s parents went on vacations together, and let them spend all this time together. That’s how happy they were that Chan and Samantha were dating”, I said. “Chan thinks his parents were on board with it because Ty was dating girls his parents didn’t approve of. So they were thrilled that Chan was dating a girl from within their circle”.

Ro rolled her eyes. “Why does that matter so much to those people? Especially when Channing and Ty were just little kids in middle school, it’s not like they’re going to get married or anything.”

I bit my lip. This was where Channing’s situation got complicated.

“ Yeah well, they barely graduated middle school when Samantha got pregnant”, I told Ro.

Ro’s blue eyes widened, shocked. “What? Pregnant? I didn’t know they had a baby! I mean, we don’t run in that crowd, but this is the first I’ve ever heard of a baby!”

“Well… they don’t have the baby now” I said, unsure how to continue.

“They don’t have the baby? Where is the baby?” Ro asked, incredulously. Then she narrowed her eyes. “Oh. I see”.

I shook my head. “No, it’s not that, Ro. Samantha had the baby. But… okay so, Channing wanted to tell both their parents right away, but he says Samantha refused. He says she was in denial about the pregnancy. It didn't matter how many times he told her they had to make a decision… tell their parents, or terminate the pregnancy…she refused to say or do anything about it. He says she refused to even talk about it, she just carried on as if nothing were wrong”.

“So she hid it?” Ro breathed. “Wow”.

I sighed. “Yeah. Not only did she hide it…she decided to do something really stupid. Instead of telling their parents, she overdosed on pain pills, and was rushed to the hospital”.

“Oh my God!”, Ro gasped. “She tried to hurt herself?”

I nodded. “She had to have her stomach pumped, and it was then her pregnancy was discovered by their parents. Chan said she was really lucky, she got to the hospital in time for them to help her. She didn’t lose the baby. Instead, her parents sent her to England to stay with relatives until she gave birth. The baby was placed for adoption in Europe.”

Ro looked at me in disbelief. “That is so crazy, Nellie. I would never have imagined anything like that happening to Channing or a girl like Samantha. Those people lead such perfect lives, you know?”

“It seems like it, doesn’t it?” I agreed, thinking about how all the A kids drove expensive cars, lived in beautiful homes, were at the top of all the classes at Lincoln High. It didn’t seem like unplanned pregnancies and suicide attempts could happen to such golden people. But they did.

“Anyway, after the pregnancy, it was decided Channing and Samantha would marry once they graduated high school”. I continued. “He said his parents were furious with him, and really embarrassed over the whole thing. They felt having Chan and Samantha was the only way to…fix what happened. He said Samantha’s parents agreed, especially since Samantha didn’t want to break things off with Chan”.

“Samantha didn’t, huh?”, Ro said softly. She fiddled with the tissue box in front of her. “What about Channing? How did he feel?”

“ I think he felt so bad about placing Samantha in such a sad situation that he’d agreed”, I said. “He told me he didn’t love Samantha, but he felt really guilty about what happened.”

“And the baby? Did they ever get to see the baby before the adoption?”

I shook my head. “Chan told me he never even got to meet the baby since Samantha gave birth overseas, and he was here. All he knows is that it was a boy. Both their parents decided Channing and Samantha would never have contact with the baby. Because they were so young, you know?”

“I mean, I guess I understand. Fifteen is too young to be parents. But it just seems really cruel that Chan never even got to see the baby”, Ro said.

“ He told me he wanted to keep his information available, in case his son ever wanted to find him. He said he was willing to be a father.

But both their parents wanted to keep everything a secret. They didn’t want anything to be discovered, and Chan said they set it up as a private, closed adoption, so there’s no communication with the adoptive family.”

“How’d Samantha feel about it?”

Chan admitted to me that this was where the rift between him and Samantha had deepened. He’d wanted to seek out their child, and at least keep their information open for the future, but Samantha had not. She didn’t want to be a mother, and she didn’t want people to know about her pregnancy. She was fine with the closed adoption, and was glad to have the situation solved.

“Samantha didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby, or the adoption”, I told Ro. “And when Chan wanted to break up…she refused. He wanted to break up with her, but anytime he hinted at it, Samantha would do something extreme.”

“Extreme? Like what?”, Ro was at the edge of her seat, fully absorbed in what I what I was telling her.

“ Chan told me smashed all of his car windows in last year when he tried to call things off. Or she’d threaten to take pills again. Or she’d go to his parents and make it seem like Chan was being mean to her. He says she’s constantly reminding him of the pain she’d had to suffer because of him, even though he’s apologized over and over”.

Ro frowned. “That’s sounds really awful. But I don’t know, it seems like Channing has gone out of his way to paint himself the good guy in the whole thing, and Samantha is the troublemaker”.

“No way, Ro!”, I said, needing to defend him. “That’s why he’s still with her. Because he feels bad over what happened. He feels responsible for her. And he doesn’t want to let his parents down either. He’s always trying to please them, and they want him to marry Samantha. He can’t break up with her”.

Ro’s frown deepened. “But he doesn’t love her?”

“No. He says they were just kids when they started hooking up. And then things got bigger, a lot bigger than he could handle. And then…he met me”.

“ Poor Channing. So he has a kid out there he’ll never get to see?" Ro asked, breathlessly. Ro was an orphan, and I know that part of Chan’s story troubled her the most. I don’t know if it made her sympathetic toward him, but I could tell by her frown that she was moved by it.