Bulletproof (Healer) (22 page)

             
"You'll be okay, Cassie," Rose says. Her voice only makes me feel more broken. She touches my shoulder and I don't have the energy to push her away.

             
"We'll leave you alone, if you want?" Angelica offers. "And come back for collection. Then you can go for lunch or a swim before phase two."

             
"Phase two?" I exclaim.

             
"Yes," Angelica blinks at me. "There are five stages per day for the first week then we up the dosages once your body adjusts…"

             
"My body can't adjust to losing that much blood, I'll die!" No witch’s potion would stop me from passing out if all my blood is gone.

             
"Trust us," Angelica says but it's difficult to put any faith in those sly eyes which dart around the room. Angelica is a snake who will do anything to please her master. My health and safety is only her priority if Maurice wishes it to be. Where is her humanity? "You will be fine, Cassie. This room is constantly monitored. Any signs of a mishap and the needle will be pulled out and you can rest."

             
"Fine," I snort. "Just go away. Give me peace, please."

             
Fifteen minutes alone in that room is a lifetime. I dread to think how it will feel to sit here for an hour. Then to do this five times for a whole week. And that is low level. I want to cry but the tears don't come. The medicine that is being pushed through me is making me feel light-headed.

             
The room is modestly decorated. A maroon carpet, a couple of dull paintings of flowers and the medical setup in the middle. I turn around and see a glass wall. I realise I'm in the surveillance room. Gabe brought me here on my first day in Toulouse. Obviously, the glass monitoring system can be used in the opposite way. At the other side, Maurice lies asleep. I wish he was awake, he could put me at ease. Somebody with a clipboard is probably in there too, watching me with intent eyes, checking that I don't try to escape or faint from all the pressure.

             
Angelica returns but Rose hasn't come back. Maybe she realises I don't want to see her. It'll be easier to endure this if somebody I used to consider a friend isn't watching on. How could she stand there and let people prod me with needles? I thought she understood me. And where is Gabe? Has he ran away now that his job is done? Couldn't he have warned me about Maurice's ultimate intentions? To keep me hooked up to be a tap for human blood. I am so angry. I would've given anything to save him from all his troubles but he doesn't want to help me.

             
"Just going to switch over the needles, Cassie," Angelica's voice is monotonous and I don't reply. There is no need for chitchat. We both dislike each other, we just want to go through the motions for Maurice's sake.

             
When Angelica pulls the first needle away from my arm, there is no small hole where it had once been. Angelica gasps, "That's amazing."

             
"That's why they call me Miracle Girl…" I say, contemptuously.

             
She thinks I'm being humorous so feigns laughter before sticking another sharp stick into the crevice in my arm. I watch as the blood slowly trickles down the clear tube and into a plastic bag. That icky, gooey red juice is what Maurice flew me all the way over from Ayrin to get a hold of. I could have sent it over in an envelope, that would have been easier. Would've been cheaper too. All the expensive gifts and a trip to Paris just for a bag of my blood. And all those kisses.

             
I'm being silly. Vampires don't feel like humans do. I always knew that. I didn't mind that all his charms and good looks were fake because I adore the way I feel around him. It's a small price to pay, I remind myself when I look at the ugly metal rod sticking out of my arm.

             
"Would you prefer it if Rose sat with you?" Angelica asks.

             
I shake my head, "I'd like to be alone please."

             
And alone I am. Totally alone.

SEVENTEEN

             
The draining of my blood is not as sensuous when it is a sterile needle performing the task and not Maurice's gleaming teeth.

             
In the silent darkness of the surveillance room I remember the last time I was here. It had been one of the few times I'd felt the promise that Gabe might actually like me. The sight of Maurice's clinical resting spot was gruesome but it had been a quiet moment that Gabe and I had shared together. Looking back it must have been a cruel joke. He knew that eventually I'd end up here with beady eyes staring me down at the other side of that thick glass.

             
My blood must be regenerating so I don't lose consciousness or the magic concoction is working. I am wide awake, watching the blood pour out of my like a cherry red river and I feel okay. My body really is prepared for any danger, adjusting itself to suit my every need and sheltering me from physical pain but I'd like to feel the physical pain  - it would make a pleasant change, a welcome distraction, from the hollow ache in my chest.

             
While I am still alive and aware, the sensation is certainly not comfortable. I can't really move much or the needle will dislocate from my arm and that will call for somebody to return and fuss around me. So I sit perfectly still.

             
Time feels like it has stood still but the hour must have passed. I may be able to defeat pain but the passing of time is something that I cannot avoid. The next minute will always come, nighttime will come and I can be with Maurice again. I crave the calm he offers despite knowing his intentions are cruel and selfish.

             
Rose returns this time and I scowl in her direction. She is holding a notebook and a guilty smile. "I wanted to tell you, Cassie," she begins. "Right from the beginning..."

             
"But you didn't," I snap back. Why should I loosen the slack on her to make her feel less guilty about what she has done? I thought we were friends but she threw me into the dragon's den. She doesn't deserve my forgiveness, "You could have saved me from this, took me home or something.”

             
She shakes her head, "No. I told you we are bound to a contract."

             
"A contract? A measly piece of paper is worth more than my life?"

             
"You won't die, Cassie," she shakes her head but I can tell she isn’t certain.

             
"I know but it's still my life!" I finally understand why dad turned all the researchers and doctors away. He gave up all the money and fancy luxuries they offered so I could still own my life.

             
"Just because I'm different or special or whatever doesn't mean I don’t deserve to
live
. I came here so I could finally do that, so I could ride in fast cars and kiss scary vampires in the dead of the night. Not to be hooked up to a machine.” I pull the needle out of my skin knowing the hour is up and my blood can be my own property again. For now.

             
She winces and picks up my blood bag. "You don't understand, Cassie, with Maurice it isn't just a piece of paper we sign to say we'll do our job. With vampires there's no escape."

             
"There's always an escape, Rose," but I'm not sure if I even mean that. I always thought that honour could surpass any obstacle. If you believe something in your heart, you can free yourself from any bad situation. Nobody has the right to control you, that’s what I said but how can I think that when I'm sitting here, hooked up to a draining device but waiting to be with the same man who’s doing it to me? When did I become such a coward?

             
Dad didn't want this life for me. He didn't want scientists to control my decisions, didn't want me to be locked up like a guinea pig for testing but what use was freedom if I couldn't enjoy it? He never let me go jogging in the morning or taught me how to drive a car or gave me permission to go to parties. Yes, I was free from the confines of a hospital ward but I was still trapped, unable to make my own decisions and live life how I wanted to.

             
So it seemed I had a choice. Succumb to the researchers and the doctors and even the vampires who lust after my blood but in turn I could taste a new flavour of life. Be it Russia or Toulouse. This choice gave me the freedom to explore the wild and the unthinkable. Or I could forgo the scary clinical treatments that made my stomach turn for a life of peace. A boring, safe life but at least it could be my own.

             
The choice isn't mine now. Maurice has took my life in his hands and picked my destiny for me. I am his personal gold mine that will never deplete.

             
But was the choice really ever my own? Before Maurice, my dad had made the decisions. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I am totally in control of my own fate. I can wake up in the morning with no lines drawn on my map, no programmed satellite navigation telling me where to go and what to do. I can be a free spirit. It seems unthinkable; it is a silly dream that tastes like candy floss on my tongue.

             
"After a few days in here you will know that there isn't always an escape route, Cassie, when it comes to vampires you're stuck," she whispers.

             
"But don't you love it?" I query. Her life with vampires has supplied her with clothes, a beautiful home and the ability to care for her brother.

             
She shakes her head and touch the spot on my arm where the needle pierced my skin - completely clean, "Who could love this?"

             
"You chose this," I say, "I didn't."

             
"I chose it no more than you did. Stop being so arrogant and realise that I want to help you," she sounds like she's going to cry. She is. Her beautiful face is crumpling, sad lines forming, a glassy layer of water is appearing in her eyes. I can't handle it if she cries, I couldn't keep scorning her. It would be like kicking a puppy. "I don't enjoy seeing you here. I think of you as my friend, Cassie. This kills me."

             
She turns away so I don't see the tears spill across her flawless face. Her words have punched me in the gut and made me feel like a terrible person. I should never have doubted her sincerity. Past her materialism and her obvious beauty lies a pure heart with good intentions. She would never want to hurt me, I should never have thought differently.

             
"I'm sorry," I say. I wonder if somebody is watching our exchange from the other side of the monitoring wall where Maurice lies sleeping. Surely Rose wouldn't risk being heard. Her words would not be thought of kindly if Maurice heard. It was her after all that warned me to be careful about what you say and how you act here. "Don't cry, Rose. I'm sorry for being mean. I just wish you would stop being so cryptic."

             
"I have to be. Maurice would have me dead if I gave too much away. You don't get fired from this job, you're in it for life and one wrong move..." she simulates having her throat cut. Displease Maurice and you're a goner. He can't let his employees leave with all the secrets they hold. It is vital that his existence remains a mystery and ex-employees would run around telling stories of his extravagant existence. They're trapped. I know the feeling.

             
"None of us knew what we were getting into. We saw the opportunity to make a lot of money and live a fancy life. I was young and I was like you, I wanted to see the world and escape the confines of a boring life. I didn't know that the restrictions are so much more asphyxiating."

             
“And now you can't leave?”

             
It's a sad story. Is this the reason Gabe despises working for Maurice? I can't imagine he was driven by greed or a desire to travel the world. It had to be something more for him.

             
"No, I'm stuck here forever and I'll end up an old witch like Angelica," she lets a giggle escape through her tears.