Burden of Survival: Killing the Dead : Season Two (2 page)

He wouldn’t ask what my plans were. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, just that he thought that if I wanted him to know I’d tell him.

“We’ll give them till lunchtime,” I said. “If they aren’t here by then… we need to know why.”

“Fine.”

With another sigh I pushed the covers to one side and winced as the cold air hit me. I scrambled to get into my clothes and tried not to think too hard about the last time they’d been washed. That was a luxury these days and one that came around all too infrequently.

“Speak to Will before you go,” I said. “He’ll get you a list of things we need more than others.”

“Will?”

“William, Sophie’s husband,” I said. “Remember, we found him and his family near the top of the lake.”

“Ah, the man who shot Pat.”

His expression had darkened at the memory and I swore softly to myself.

“That was an accident, it’s all good now.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s been excellent at keeping stock of our supplies,” I said without adding
and keeping away from you.

It was understandable really. Ryan had so few people he actually cared for that when one of them had been shot he’d not taken it especially well. He’d not killed the man because Pat had realised it was accidental and asked him not to, but I suspected he’d had a few choice words for him.

Whatever he’d said, Will had kept as far from Ryan as possible and that certainly hadn’t helped when it came to trying to convince everyone else here that he wasn’t a threat to them.

I pulled on my boots and grabbed my coat as Ryan waited patiently. If pressed he’d likely not be able to say why he waited, but I liked to think it’s because he enjoyed my company on the walk back to the house.

With an impish grin I linked my arm with his as soon as we were on the shore and didn’t hide my pleasure when he didn’t pull away. When we’d first met he’d have rather been stabbed than touched by someone else and it didn’t escape my notice that he still avoided contact with everyone but me whenever possible.

The morning air was cold and crisp and the walk along the shore wasn’t unpleasant. The new flowers of spring were beginning to unfurl their petals and welcome in the end of winter. Birds in the trees were singing their songs and here on the island, we could forget the world had ended.

In the distance I could hear the faint moans of the undead and the illusion was shattered as reality came crashing back. I couldn’t see anything when I looked across the lake waters but their moans likely indicated they’d found prey.

My urge to grab a boat and go to see if someone needed my help was almost overwhelming and overshadowed by the knowledge that I couldn’t possibly be in time to help them.

I glanced at Ryan and saw he hadn’t noticed or more likely had noticed but realised it wasn’t anything that would affect us so had dismissed it. His lack of caring for others was so utterly the opposite of everyone I had ever known that I was constantly amazed at it.

It wasn’t just self-preservation like many we’d met since all this began. I could understand that and despise them. Those people who knew others needed help but wouldn’t put themselves in harms’ way to do so.

Ryan wasn’t like that. He had frequently risked his life to save me and others, even strangers. The fact was though that he only really did it because he knew I wanted him to. If not for those few times he did something without realising it didn’t benefit him, I wouldn’t be able to love him.

When he’d saved Emma, a young girl he’d found when cut off from our group. He’d had no need to save her. He was alone and no one would have known if he’d left her or killed her. That he had actually saved her life and brought her along with him told me that there was something inside of him that was worth loving. Well that and his reaction to her death. His vengeance had been swift and complete. Surely that was done because he’d cared for the child.

Over my time with him I’d seen more of those little pieces of himself that he kept buried far away from others. He wasn’t just the cold blooded killer that even he thought he was, he was something more.

That he was a killer though couldn’t be denied. A serial killer before the apocalypse and since then… well, I couldn’t say how many people living and undead he’d killed. Somehow it didn’t matter so long as he helped protect those innocents who needed to be protected.

That promise he’d made to me, all those months ago. That was the one thing that kept him from being the kind of monster we’d met so many times since then. It was a fine line and I knew that he killed others but so long as they weren’t innocents, I found that I could still love him.

“Morning,” Jenny said.

I jumped at her sudden appearance from beside the tree and grimaced at her look of pleasure at my discomfort. Ryan didn’t seem fazed and I figured he likely knew she was there all along.

“Good morning,” I said.
Stay polite
I told myself.

The slim woman had her hand resting against the handle of the large carving knife that stuck out of her belt. Since Ryan had rescued her and killed her abusers, she’d been doing her best to emulate him as much as possible, following him around like a lovesick puppy.

“We’ll leave you here,” Ryan said to me.

“Don’t forget to see Will about the supplies,” I reminded him and he nodded absently.

He pulled his arm free and paused as he waited for something. I smiled and patted him gently on the arm. He hated public displays of affection from others and more so when he was involved and I wouldn’t put him through that. He smiled warmly at me in thanks before setting off into the trees with Jenny following.

Jealous bitch
. I couldn’t help the thought as I watched him walk away. She’d spend the day with him and I hated that. The worst part was I knew he didn’t even realise how badly Jenny wanted to be with him.

Even if he did, I doubted that he’d do anything with her. He’d had ample opportunity to be with other women while I was with him and he never had. None of them had been of interest to him but I had, which is a thought I held on to as he walked away with a woman who definitely wanted him.

      
I pushed my worries about that to one side as I approached the round house. The doors were open and the people were up and about already. Cass and Gabby were leaning against the wall chatting as they waited for me.

Several people nodded or waved in greeting as I passed. Too many though watched me warily. They knew I worked hard to help them but they couldn’t understand my choice of bed partner.

“Hey,” Cass greeted brightly.

“Good morning,” Gabby added.

I smiled greetings at them both. Cass had been a friend since Ryan first rescued her and brought her to us while we’d found Gabby and her group hidden in the cellars beneath a row of houses in Windermere and persuaded her to join us.

That had been just about the time that Rachel was at her worst and I couldn’t begin to apologise to her for what I’d dragged her group into. She’d taken it in her stride though and when the dust had settled had agreed to be one of the people to lead our band of refugees.

“No sign from the mainland,” Gabby began without preamble. “I had Toby double check all three points and he saw nothing.”

“Damn,” I said. “I was really hoping the Coniston people were just running late.”

“What do you think we should do?” Cass asked.

“I’ve asked Ryan to go over and check on them.”

“Ah,” Gabby began with an apologetic look. “I’d rather send Toby.”

“Why?”

“He knows the woods and to be frank, I trust him more than I do your boyfriend.”

Cass opened her mouth as though to reply but I shook my head at her as I considered what to say.

“You know what Ryan’s done for these people,” I began.

“I also know what’s said about him in whispers,” she interrupted. “I have no desire to argue with you but the folk around here are scared of him for a reason. Matthew for all his faults had been a policeman before this and he had his suspicions too.”

“Matthew allowed Rachel to do the things she did,” Cass said pointedly.

“Yes,” Gabby agreed. “And after that perhaps folk here need a little less of that sort of thing.”

“What sort of thing?”

“Every time someone dies, your boyfriend is there. They need to see less of him killing people and let the memories of how dangerous he can be fade.”

As much as it pained me, she made sense, but I also knew that he was likely the best person for the job when it came to surviving amongst the undead.

“Why not send both?” Cass asked.

“That doesn’t solve the problem,” Gabby said.

“Put Toby in charge,” Cass said. “Everyone can see Ryan doing good things for the group and know that any decisions made weren’t his. That way, they can see that some of the things he’s had to do are simply the things anyone else would have realised they needed to do eventually.”

Gabby looked thoughtful as she considered and I mouthed
thank you
to my friend who beamed back at me in response. She was one of those who knew everything about Ryan’s past and while she’d taken a little convincing, she’d realised it was actually a benefit during the zombie apocalypse.

“Perhaps,” the other woman said musingly.

“It wouldn’t be a bad thing,” I said.

“Fine I’ll talk to Toby, I assume we’ve no need to vote?”

When neither of us responded she nodded and changed the subject.

“I’ve asked Melody to take a group and check on all the chimes,” Gabby continued. “Will is working on an inventory and we have three boats going out today fishing.”

“Pat’s put up a new watch schedule,” Cass added with a smile at mention of her boyfriend. “No surprises on it and I don’t think we’ll have complaints.”

“Who’s looking after the kids today?” I asked.

“Vanessa and Alicia,” Cass said.

“How’s Maggie doing?” I asked quietly.

The little girl had been almost catatonic for a long time after seeing her mother and best friend killed when a bunch of deserters from the army had attacked us. She had slowly begun to come out of it but was far from the same little girl I’d helped rescue back at the beginning.

“Physically she’s sound,” Gabby said. “Mentally… well, I don’t think she’s the only one who will have problems when all this is done.”

“Put a psychiatrist on the list of things we need,” Cass muttered.

“I’ll check on her in a bit,” I said.

“Becky’s been to see me again,” Gabby added and I sighed.

“She normally waits till after breakfast.”

“Well she wants an answer.”

“What are we supposed to say?” I asked. “This place is the safest we’ve been since the damn zombies began eating people and she wants us to go to Scotland with her in the hopes that the navy have a safe zone?”

“That’s not all though is it,” Gabby said with a look towards Cass. “We’ve not found anyone else immune to the zombie infection.”

“I’ll talk to her,” I said. “If she wants to go then fine, but we aren’t forcing anyone else to go with her.”

“If my blood can help then I should go,” Cass said. “But no one else needs to.”

“She has her brothers’ data that might be enough,” I said. “Surely she could just take some samples of your blood with her.”

“Wouldn’t work,” Gabby said. “God knows how long it’d take to get that far north. The samples wouldn’t make it and if they lost them part way…”

“When is she wanting to go?”

“A week at most,” Gabby said. “Her leg’s healed and she’s been waiting all winter. I doubt she’d stay longer than that.”

“Maybe get a list from her of exactly what she wants to take with her and we can ask for volunteers.”

“I’ll do that,” Gabby said. “You need to go and speak to your boyfriend.”

“Yeah, that’s going to go down well,” I muttered.

Gabby smiled thinly and nodded farewell before leaving me with Cass who looked utterly despondent.

“No one will force you to go,” I said.

“I know, it’s just that…”

“What?”

“I’m pregnant,” she said in a rush and burst into tears.

Chapter 3

Ryan

“Where we going?” Jenny asked as I led the way through the thick screen of old trees.

“South,” I said.

She fell silent and followed along behind me. I had no need to see her face to know she approved of what I was about to do. Not that it would matter if she didn’t.

I pushed through the thick undergrowth as we walked down that narrow strip of land towards the southernmost part of the island. I was forced to step over several sets of chimes that had been strung through the trees, careful to avoid setting them rattling. No need to let anyone else know what I was doing.

The biggest problem I’d found in my time on the island was a lack of someone to kill. That urge to maim and kill that I longed to give in to was slowly growing stronger and I knew that before long I wouldn’t be able to help myself. Someone would irritate me and I would convince myself that they should die.

That would of course violate the promise I’d made to Lily and she would turn from me. The very idea of that was almost enough to help me contain that need. Almost.

Instead, I had found other pursuits to occupy me and prevent my killing someone I shouldn’t. I was also more than certain that the majority of people on the island wouldn’t understand or condone what I was doing.

We reached the southernmost point without incident and found the rowboat much as we’d left it, pulled firmly up onto land and covered by some scrub bushes. It took a few minutes to get it into the water and we both climbed in.

The distance between the mainland and the island was less than fifty metres at that point which was why I’d chosen it and in minutes we were climbing out onto the shore and tying up the boat amongst the weeds.

I pulled my knife from its sheath and Jenny did the same. I’d heard the moans of the undead as I walked along the lake that morning. No doubt they’d found something or someone worth eating.

When the snow had covered the ground I’d had no trouble finding the zombies. They left a fairly noticeable trail after all as they ploughed through it. Since the snow had melted I found myself once again an urban hunter in the woods and I had no real idea of what to look for.