Burned (21 page)

I wondered if maybe I should’ve given him a head’s up on the phone. Somehow that didn’t seem appropriate. Neither did bombarding him with the information the moment he arrived. But I had no choice. I was out of options.

The moment I saw Jake’s car round the corner, my heart took off at a gallop. I was getting a good cardiac workout today without even trying. I rubbed my sweaty palms against my thighs. I tried to force a smile but my lips twitched in protest.

Jake slowly climbed out of his car. He wasn’t wearing his usual smile. He had zeroed in on the rusted out Ford that was parked right in front of my Camaro. He stared at the truck, as if trying to make sense of it.

“Jake, hey,” I said as I hurried over to him. “We need to talk.”

“What’s this? What’s going on?” he demanded. His hand swept in an angry motion toward the truck. “Lanna…?” He crammed a thousand questions into my name.

I put my hand on his arm, hoping to calm him.

His tone was incredulous when he asked, “Is that…is that
Bobby’s
truck?”

I nodded, wondering how he knew. Then I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had managed to track Bobby down. It really hadn’t been that hard. It would only make sense that Jake had been curious.

“What’s he doing here?” Jake demanded. “Did you bring him here?”

“Yes. I’ll explain everything. Please, just hear me out.”

“How did you find him?
Why
did you go looking for him?”

“I thought you needed to talk with him. He’s your dad.”

“He is not.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t believe you went behind my back like this!”

“I was trying to help!”

“Unbelievable!” He shook my hand away from his arm and took a step away from me. He stared at me for a moment as if I were a stranger. Then he twisted on his heel and began to stomp away.

“Jake!”

He stopped, turned to face me. “What, Lanna?”

“Won’t you even talk to him?”

“Why the hell should I? He’s had two decades to talk to me. He’s had two decades to be a father and he chose not to be. He didn’t have time for me then, why should I make time for him now?” Jake demanded.

“Because he’s your father! And he can explain. He
wanted
to be in your life,” I said.

“He couldn’t have wanted it very badly. He lives less than half an hour away,” Jake grated out. “He didn’t even stick around when I was in the hospital!”

“He wrote you a letter,” I said desperately. “The nurse was supposed to give it to you but she didn’t.”

“A letter?” he scoffed.

“He was
trying
!”

“What the hell, Lanna? You don’t even know him and you’re
defending
him?”

“If you give him half an hour of your time, you can get to know him.”

“He doesn’t deserve my time.”

“Jake.” My tone was pleading. He wasn’t swayed. “Ten minutes. Just ten! Or five! Just let him try to explain!”

“You just have to meddle in everything, don’t you? First Max and Holly, then Jarrett and Clarissa. Now this? How would you feel if I went digging around in your past? You weren’t exactly up front with me about Kyle. But it’s okay for you to be totally up in my business? What if I went and hung out with your mom for the day? Told her how messed up you are because of her?!”

“You think I’m messed up?!” I couldn’t even take the time to internalize that comment right then. I shook my head. “Jake, I was just trying to help!”

“If I had wanted to talk to him,” he grated out, “I would have. I know where he lives. I know where he works. I found him easily enough. He could’ve just as easily come to me years ago.”

I nodded, not necessarily agreeing with Jake, but simply wanting him to calm down. It was clear I wasn’t going to get anywhere. Pushing him would only make things worse.

“Fine, okay. I’ll tell him you’re not ready. We can go back to your apartment so we can talk about this.”

He scoffed in disbelief. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Okay. I get it.” I sucked in a breath and tried to calm my pounding heart, tried to soothe my rattled nerves. “You need some time to cool off.”

“What I need,” he said coldly, “is for you to back the hell off.”

He turned around and this time I didn’t stop him. His words had frozen me in place. I didn’t think Jake was exactly going to be happy with me. But I didn’t think he’d be so
furious
.

“He’ll get over it,” Holly assured me. “He just needs some time to think things through. I mean,” she cringed, “I’m not taking sides or anything, but you really did kind of spring this on him.”

“I was afraid that if I put Bobby off, he would change his mind,” I lamented. “Jake didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He saw Bobby’s truck and flipped out on me.” I pressed my palms against my eyes as I rested my head on the back of the couch. “You should’ve seen the look in his eyes, Holly. It was like he didn’t even know me. Didn’t want to know me.”

I felt the couch dip as she sat down next to me. “Do you want me to have Max talk to him?”

I probably needed all the help I could get, yet that didn’t seem fair to Max. He didn’t deserve to be put in the middle.

“No,” I whimpered.

“Have you tried calling him?”

My hands fell away from my eyes. I gave Holly a look.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said. “Does it go straight to voicemail?”

“Nope. It rings. He’s definitely avoiding me.” How had I landed myself in the same category as Darby? I slammed a fist into the cushion in frustration. “If he would just hear me out!”

“Who?” Max asked as he appeared in the doorway. “Jake?”

“We didn’t hear you come in,” Holly said.

“I just got here.” He took a step into the room, then seemed to think better of it and froze before making it very far.

“Have you talked to him?” I sat up straighter.

Max scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. But just about school stuff. He hasn’t said a word about you. I swear.”

I nodded, realizing Jake didn’t want to put Max in the middle either.

“Holly…?” Max’s tone was apologetic.

She glanced at the clock hanging on the opposite side of the room.

“You should go,” I told her. I knew they had a big wedding next weekend. The rehearsal dinner was tonight. Holly needed to be there to ensure everything ran smoothly.

She scooted to the edge of the couch but didn’t get up. “I’m sorry. I hate leaving you.”

I motioned toward Max. “Nope. It’s fine. You two go.” I had created this mess for myself; I could sit here alone, dwelling on the fallout. “We’ll talk later.” It seemed to be the push she needed.

She rose from the couch but paused in the doorway.

“I’ll be fine!” I said with a half-laugh. “This isn’t exactly my first break-up.” I didn’t add that at the moment, it felt like the one that mattered the most.

“Call me if you need anything. Like an emergency pep talk or something,” Holly ordered.

“Will do.” I wouldn’t. I knew Holly would be busy tonight. Sure, she’d take time out to talk to me. But she shouldn’t have to and it would be completely unfair of me to expect her to.

With a final sigh she and Max left the room. A few moments later the front door banged shut.

I sighed as I flopped against the couch again.

I had felt awful, returning to Bobby to tell him that Jake was not interested in hearing him out. Unfortunately, he’d heard the whole conversation. He’d been sitting outside and apparently our voices carried.

He had seemed disappointed but not surprised.

I had half expected him to criticize me for dragging him into a potentially volatile conversation. Instead, he’d thanked me for trying. He reminded me that Jake and I both knew where to find him should Jake change his mind.

He’d looked dejected when he left.

Somehow, in no time at all, I seemed to have emotionally destroyed both a father and son.

I contemplated showing up at his apartment. I decided I couldn’t tolerate the humiliation if he decided not to let me in. For now, I was going to give him some space. Not because I wanted to—not even because I thought it was the right thing to do—but simply because I didn’t seem to have any other options.

He would have to forgive me sooner or later, wouldn’t he?

I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t like he and I had a longstanding history.

In the grand scheme of life, maybe I would be nothing more than a blip on his mental radar.

I would be the girl that had betrayed him. Not in the same way as Darby had, but I had betrayed his trust all the same.

I remembered how he seemed to disapprove of me giving Jarrett and Clarissa a nudge in the right direction. He had accused me of meddling then, but I had thought he’d been joking. I should’ve paid closer attention to his disapproval. Maggie had made it clear to me that he didn’t like surprises. If the guy couldn’t even tolerate a surprise birthday party, I should’ve realized that he would not be able to tolerate
this
.

I should’ve told Bobby he needed to wait. I should’ve told him I needed to give Jake some time to prepare. Everything had happened so quickly.

Why was it so easy for life to spin out of control?

~*~*~

With a Diet Coke resting on the coffee table next to my feet, and a bag of microwave popcorn in my lap, I scanned through my Netflix queue. I let out a dismal sigh. We’d already spent too much time together, Netflix and me. I’d seen just about everything I wanted to see.

When the doorbell rang it rescued me from deciding on an old sitcom or a new romcom. I settled my popcorn bag next to my soda and scurried out of the room as the doorbell rang again.

I pulled opened the door, irrationally hoping for Jake, but not disappointed to find Paige.

“Holly asked me to check in on you.” A canvas bag dangled from the strap across her shoulder. It smacked into my thigh as she pushed past me. “So here I am.”

I swung the door shut. “You didn’t need to come over. I’m fine.”

“I doubt it,” she said. “Besides, what are friends for?”

Without waiting for me to answer she sashayed into the living room. She paused in the doorway and turned to me with a scowl. “What is this?”

I wasn’t entirely sure what she was asking but I hazarded a guess. “Dinner and a movie?”

She returned a critical eye to my meal of microwave popcorn and diet soda.

“That’s not dinner. That’s an invitation to cancer.” She snatched the soda and the bag off the coffee table. Spinning on her heel, she stomped off toward the kitchen. A moment later I heard the gurgling of my drink being dumped down the drain. The can was crunched and tossed into the recycling. A moment later came the sound of the popcorn bag being smashed into a ball, undoubtedly with what remained of my dinner inside, then plastic rustling as it was tossed in the trash.

“Paige!” I exclaimed as I finally gathered my wits and marched into the kitchen. “What are you doing? I was going to eat that!”

“I know!” she said with a grimace. “And as your friend, I cannot allow it. Do you know what kind of chemicals are in that junk? That lovely buttery smell is not so lovely. It’s a nasty chemical that causes lung problems and a multitude of other issues. And that popcorn? Covered in pesticides. Not to mention those kernels are genetically modified. And don’t even get me started on the nightmare they put in your soda.” She shoved her hands onto her hips and gave me a look that dared me to refute her.

“Looks like you already got started all on your own,” I muttered.

“Don’t pout. I brought something much better for you than that chemical laden garbage.”

I eyed up the canvas bag she had strapped around her shoulder. “Did you bring me ice cream?” I asked hopefully. Holly always brought me ice cream. But Holly wasn’t here, she’d sent Paige. Or cookies. Sometimes, like after my mom announced her last divorce, she brought me both.

“No silly,” she said as she gave my shoulder a nudge. “I brought you yoga.”

“You brought me yoga?” I echoed.

“Uh-huh.”

Without further explanation she brushed past me and headed to the living room once more. I really couldn’t help but follow. She helped herself to the DVD player, popped her yoga in, and then returned to her canvas bag.

She pulled out two foam mats and quickly spread them out on the floor.

Then she glanced at me, her eyes scanning over me. She grinned. “Look at you! You’re already dressed for this!”

“Yeah, look at me,” I grumbled. I was wearing yoga pants and a tee shirt. My hair was something in between a rat’s nest and a messy bun. I was even wearing a sports bra. I hadn’t even showered yet. Guess it was my lucky day.

I was all set.

For the first twenty minutes or so I was thinking that maybe yoga wasn’t so bad. The sneaky video started us off easy. A little bit of Downward Dog, some Child’s Pose, the ridiculously easy Warrior Pose. It quickly progressed to pain from there. A few Sugarcane and Bow Poses later I was cursing my friend.

And I was seriously considering the validity of our friendship. Call me picky but I tend to make friends with people who do not want to hurt me.

By the time we rolled around to trying to bend me into a Bird of Paradise, I was sweating like a cow and cussing like a sailor. When the freakishly flexible, disgustingly mellow lady on the TV suggested I try to cause permanent bodily injury by subjecting myself to becoming a Little Thunderbolt—which really didn’t seem to fit the garish way she curled her body into a backward ball—I’d had enough. I flopped down on my back and enjoyed the paltry padding of the thin foam mat.

I missed Jake.

I missed Holly.

I appreciated Paige’s willingness to spend the day with me, but I was pretty sure yoga was not what I needed.

If Holly were here, she’d know what to do.

She’d let me eat chocolate chip cookies. She might even heat them up and smother them with ice cream. She wouldn’t have taken away my soda and tossed my popcorn.

I huffed and puffed while laying flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

“Feel better?” Paige asked from beside me.

I turned my head to look at her. “I hurt. I hurt everywhere.”

She grinned at me. “I know. But I bet you didn’t think of Jake the whole time, did you?”

“Sneaky,” I accused. She was right. I hadn’t thought of Jake once. Not until I was done. Now, I was probably going to spend the evening concentrating on my aching muscles and my screaming joints. I glanced at the clock. Or…I might just go to bed. I was exhausted enough that I just might sleep. Paige had kept me busy for so long, the sun had set. Holly and Max would be home fairly soon.

Paige sat up and gave my thigh a pat. “You did great. Time for your reward.”

“My what?” I followed her with my eyes as she moved across the room. I hurt too badly to follow her in any other way.

“I’m going to make us green smoothies. You just relax. I’ll be right back.”

“Yummo,” I said flatly.

Far too soon Paige returned with two enormous glasses of what looked like swamp slime. Or sludge. Swamp sludge? I assumed she had smuggled the ingredients into the house in her duffel bag. I was sure our fridge hadn’t been harboring the ingredients for something so…healthy looking.

I wasn’t ready to move yet. With a groan I managed to roll into an upright position. Paige plopped down beside me and handed me a glass.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shrugged. “Not much to talk about. I messed up.”

“You should tell him that.”

I gave her a pointed look. “I’ve tried. He is currently not speaking to me.”

“Right.” She took a sip of her smoothie.

Reflexively I took a sip of mine too. To my surprise, it wasn’t so bad. I thought I tasted pear…maybe a hint of cucumber…some mint…and I was going to pretend that I was absolutely not drinking spinach. That seemed wrong.

“I keep telling myself he just needs time to cool off. But it’s been days. He won’t even talk to me. I’ve left several apologies on his voicemail. He’s probably not even listening to them,” I realized. He was probably erasing them, just like he’d erased Darby’s messages.

“You know the boy has been through an emotional wringer.”

I nodded, knowing I’d accidentally spun him around once more. “I wish I could make him understand that I only wanted to help him.”

Paige looked at me thoughtfully as I continued to sip my drink.

“I think,” she finally said, “that was part of the problem.” She used air quotes when she said, “His mother was ‘only trying to help’ when she lied to everyone about who his father was. She claimed she did it for him, wanting him to have a better life. When Darby broke things off she was ‘only trying to help’ by giving him space to ‘rediscover himself’. So maybe Jake just wants to figure things out on his own. Without other people,” she gave me an apologetic look, “
helping
.”

I took a moment to think that over. “You’re probably right. I wish I could take it back. And at the same time, I wish Jake would just talk to his dad. The man wants a relationship and I don’t think that Jake would have ever approached him.”

Paige shook her head. “You don’t know that. He might have. Given enough time, he might have. As it is, the boy’s trust has been stuffed into a blender. It’s been destroyed repeatedly.”