Burning Down the House (27 page)

On Saturday,
Dana and I went Christmas shopping together. I selected a bottle of my mother’s favorite designer perfume to take back to Greenville, and some Armani aftershave for Stanley. I’d already ordered a really nice aviator flight bag at a place online so Dad’s gift was already taken care of. Even though my funds were limited, I couldn’t resist picking up a ballerina Barbie for Peyton, one that came with a pink tutu and her own teensy little pointe shoes. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to get it for her.

Rob
was the one I was having trouble with. There were so many things I was sure he could have used, but I wanted to get him something he could have fun with. Something totally impractical. It was Dana who pointed out that he was always playing Xbox when he hung out at Trent’s house. Only problem was, I didn’t have enough money left for that and I didn’t want to put it on the credit card. I had to pay for it myself. It wouldn’t mean anything otherwise.

“
What was your dad planning on getting him?” she wanted to know.

“I have no idea. He asked me
just yesterday for some ideas but I couldn’t really think of anything.” Other than a plane ticket to Illinois, but I still wasn’t sure how to bring that up without raising suspicion.

“Well,
pitch the Xbox idea to him and see what he says. See, if he got him that then you could buy him a game for it.”

I
brightened at her suggestion. “Hey, that’s brilliant! Dana, you’re a genius!”

“I know,” she said immodestly.
“Actually the reason I thought of it is ’cause I’m getting Trent the newest Grand Theft Auto. I know it’s not very romantic, but what do you get a guy? You know they don’t give a crap about clothes and stuff like that. They’re impossible to shop for. Oh, and by the way, just so you know I have
zero
cash left, I’m talking a buck seventy-five in my bank account, so please let’s go ahead and agree not to waste money getting each other presents this year. Okay?”

“
Okay, sure…” I agreed evasively.

“
No, really - promise you won’t. Because if you get me something and I don’t have anything for you it’ll just make me feel bad.”

“What if I just
made you some fudge?” I compromised, knowing her sweet tooth couldn’t be denied.

Her eyes lit up and she grinned.
“Hm. I guess I could live with that…”

I was in my room
just after 9:00 that evening when my dad walked in. He found me on my hands and knees shoving some long rolls of wrapping paper underneath the bed. It was the best place I could think of to store them. If I put them in the closet, they’d just fall over on me every time something bumped against them.

“You already eat, ladybug?” he asked
, rumpling the hair on top of my head.

“
Kind of…we had pretzels at the mall. That pretty much filled me up.”

“
There’s some leftover sesame chicken and egg rolls in the fridge if you change your mind. Hey, is it all right if I use some of this wrapping paper?” He stooped to pluck something up off the floor before straightening.

“Sure. Which
one do you like?” I pulled them back out partway and looked up at him expectantly. He had something that looked like a scrap of paper in his hand and was staring at it with the most peculiar expression. “The plaid’s my favorite. I got some green ribbon to go with it. Actually, if you want to bring me whatever you need wrapped, I could do it for…uh, for…you…”

My words
hung frozen in the air as I suddenly realized what he held in his fingers. Not a wadded-up candy wrapper or a torn piece of paper as I’d assumed, but the most incriminating evidence imaginable. A freaking ripped condom wrapper. It must have been caught up in the bed’s dust ruffle and fallen out just now.
Oh, shit-shit-shit...

“
Sara…” He pulled his gaze from the telltale wrapper to meet my eyes and I’m sure at that moment I must have resembled a deer in headlights. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. What
was
there to say? The testimony was right there in his hand and there was no way to dispute it. I’d been caught red-handed. Or maybe red-faced would be more accurate.

I waited, not knowing what to expect. It was absolutely, without a doubt, the most awkward few seconds of my life.
And yet his reaction was perplexing. He simply glanced at the foil wrapper one last time before crumpling it in his fist and then he turned to walk away, mumbling back at me, “Never mind.”

I sat immobile on the carpet of my bedroom and
gawked after him, too confused to be relieved. Because I knew, I
knew
, that it couldn’t possibly be this easy. This couldn’t just be swept under the bed like a stray bit of foil. There was no way I’d heard the last of it. And…oh, shit - what if he was on his way to confront Rob right now? Had he made it home from work yet?

I scrambled up and
jogged down the hallway, checking the living room and kitchen first, feeling a rush of relief when I found my father in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee. He cut his eyes at me but said nothing. I searched my mind desperately for something to break the uncomfortable tension.

“You
know you’ll be up all night if you drink that this late.”

He leaned against the counter, taking a sip out of the mug before
meeting my gaze to study the expression there. Quietly, he asked, “Is it Rob?”

“No,”
was my automatic response. There was no hesitation whatsoever. I couldn’t believe how easily I’d just lied to my father, but what other choice did I have? I couldn’t betray Rob. Not when the outcome was so uncertain.

I saw him knit his brow, then he paused to take another sip of coffee before pressing on. “
Then may I ask…who?”

So far h
is tone was calm and nonthreatening, but…who? How to answer that? My mind raced. I couldn’t say Trent, he was Dana’s boyfriend, and Doug was over here too often - so I indiscriminately blurted out the first name that popped into my head. “Riley.” I don’t know why I used his name. Maybe it was because I’d been thinking about our conversation from the night before. Or maybe I just plain panicked. All I know is, as soon as I saw the change in my father’s features it hit me that it was the
wrong
thing to say. The absolute worst name I could have come up with.

His fingers tightened around the mug
as dark storm clouds gathered in his eyes. “Riley…the quarterback?”

Uh-oh.
“Um…”

“The same
Riley who stood you up two months ago?” His voice was escalating, growing more heated with his ensuing anger. “The same Riley who just got another girl
pregnant?
Would
that
be the little asshole we’re talking about? Would it, Sara?”

Holy hell. I went
totally blank, all thought processes stalled and gridlocked. I’d screwed up royally. My father had never yelled at me before. I’d never heard him yell at
anyone
before. It wasn’t his style. Oh, man…of all the names to pull out of a hat, why did I have to pick that one?

“So what is he trying to do?
Knock up the whole goddamn school?” He slammed the mug down on the counter. Some of the contents sloshed out, and I wondered crazily if the hot coffee had burned his hand. “Add my daughter to the list of people suing him for child support? Is that his long range goal?”

“No. I mean…
”

“
Seriously, Sara - is that what you want? Is that what impresses you? Some arrogant little prick who takes off with his tail between his legs after he fucks up, waiting for Mommy and Daddy’s money to fix everything for him - Jesus, I can’t
believe
someone as smart as you could be so stupid!”

I had to find a way to fix this
somehow. Or at least smooth it over. Desperately I came up with some bullshit story. “It was only once. One time, that’s all. Before I even knew about the baby. He…uh, we were…he was over here and we were studying and it just, you know,
happened
…only that one time…”

My dad’s eyes
moved for a split second to the doorway behind me and I felt instantly sick. Jerking my head around, all I caught was Rob’s retreating back as he was leaving. He’d heard. Oh God, he’d
heard
…

“I
just…I can’t even…what the hell were you
thinking?
Have you no self-respect whatsoever? The guy treats girls like dirt under his feet and you - you let him into your bed! Don’t you think you’re worth a little more than that?”

I heard the front door slam, but my father didn’t seem to notice. Why couldn’t he just shut up
and stop bitching at me? All I wanted to do was break away so I could catch Rob and make sure he realized that all of this was nothing more than an act. Frustrated, I suddenly snapped, “What are you getting so mad about? I don’t see you making any long-term commitments to anyone! Why is there a different set of rules for me? Because I’m a girl?”

He
was clearly startled by my outburst. “We’re not talking about me here! This isn’t about…this isn’t…oh, hell’s bloody bells.” With a deep sigh, he folded his arms and shook his head. In a gentler voice, he began again. “Sara. Sweetheart. You’re getting this all wrong. Or maybe I’m not wording it right, I don’t know. Honey, it isn’t the fact that you’re having sex that bothers me. Trust me, I’m not ignorant enough to think that in this day and age you wouldn’t eventually…ah, go there. I’ve been your age, and it wasn’t nearly as long ago as you think. I remember what it’s like. And I’m glad that at least you’re using protection. I’m not trying to make it sound like sex in itself is wrong. I can’t believe you think that’s what I’m upset about. It just…it pains me to think that you have such a low opinion of yourself that you’d submit to someone who obviously has no regard for your feelings. I really thought that I’d raised you with a better understanding of how a decent man should treat a woman. There is nothing wrong with consensual sex between two people who care about one another, but there has
got
to be mutual respect there. Is any of this getting through to you?”

This was so out of hand.
But at least he wasn’t yelling anymore. Would he have gotten this carried away if he knew it was Rob instead? I shuddered to think what the confrontation between the two of them might have been like. “So you’re telling me you care about Rachel…and Trudy…and Traci…” I started ticking them off on my fingers.

He didn’t fall into my sardonic trap. “Yes, I do.
In my own way. Maybe I’m not prepared to commit to any one of them right now, but I have feelings of affection and respect for each one of those women. I wouldn’t break an important date with one of them at the last minute just because something shinier came along. Nor would they treat me that way. And you better believe that if one of them named me as the father of her baby, I wouldn’t run the other way.” He paused for a moment before breaking into a weak smile. “Of course, considering I had a vasectomy a while back, maybe I should.”

Now
that was just about the
last
thing I expected to hear. “You had a vasectomy? I never knew that.”

“It was after the divorce. When I couldn’t make it work with your mother, I figured screwing up one kid’s life was quite enough. I wasn’t about to do it again.”

“You think you screwed up my life? Dad, are you serious?” I thought of Rob and the sickening way his parents had treated him. My father had no clue what a screwed up childhood really was. There was no comparison. “That’s ridiculous and you know it! I mean, granted, I wasn’t happy about having to leave Cumberland and all but it was hardly the end of the world. I got over it. I’d say I’ve had it pretty good all these years. A lot better than most. Why, do you think I’m screwed up? Just because of -”

“No!
No, that’s not what I meant. I’m proud of you - I always have been, you know that. It’s just that you deserve so much better than to be used as a doormat by some deadbeat punk. You’re worth so much more than that.” He paused. “You don’t - you’re not still seeing him, are you?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Honey, you do understand what I’m trying to say here? I only want you to keep your standards high. Don’t ever settle for anyone who regards you as anything less than absolute royalty. Expect to be treated with respect and you will be.”

Remembering the way
Riley liked to call me
princess
, I could have almost laughed at the absurdity of that comment. “I get what you’re saying, Dad. I do. And believe me, Riley Murphy is never setting foot in this house again.”

It was another twenty minutes before I was finally able to escape
his lecturing and go search for Rob. I got a sinking feeling in my core when I discovered that the Tahoe was gone and so was he. Immediately I tried to call him but he didn’t answer, so instead of leaving a message I quickly texted him:
Where did u go? None of that was true. I was covering for u. Plz call me. I’m worried.

I got no response. I sent several more texts after that, and
tried calling him every fifteen minutes.