Burnt Devotion (18 page)

“If you won’t, Ilyan, I will.” My voice was hard again, a fact Ilyan obviously noticed. His lip twitched a bit before he stared me hard in the eye.

“And hold onto him all the way to Vitoria?” Of course, he would bring up my inability to keep the block on him without contact.

“There isn’t another choice, Ilyan. If we don’t do this, he
will
attack us. He will turn on us. I don’t want any more innocent blood on my hands.” Both Ilyan and Sain flinched at my comment, but I plowed on, unwilling to give in quite yet. “You heard Sain, if we don’t leave soon, we will all die. This isn’t a question of morality anymore. It’s a question of survival.”

Ilyan didn’t look away from me, but luckily for him, I was stubborn enough for the two of us. The hard stares beat neither of us down. That was, until Ryland began to cry, one word seeping from his lips on repeat as his soul flaked away and left him open and raw and dangerous between us.

“Please.”

Ilyan’s eyes pinched shut as he moved to run his hand through his hair, his resolve failing as he looked away from me in defeat. “You’re right.” He said nothing more, but it was enough. I would probably never hear something like that from him again, so I locked it away and turned to Sain as Ilyan began whispering to his brother about what was going to happen.

I didn’t need to hear this. I had lived it, after all, and the old man seemed just as uninterested as I did.

“We’ll need to move as quickly as possible,” I began, my voice a whisper so as not to interrupt Ilyan and Ryland’s powwow. “I know we talked about you taking Dramin before, but I want you with Ryland.”

“Ryland?” Sain’s chest puffed up at the suggestion, the action making him look like an explosive puffer fish. I was torn between laughter and fear at the image, my body settling for tense muscles as I tried not to laugh. “I need to travel with my son. I need to protect him.”

The tension in my shoulders only grew at his comment. All thought of a laugh was gone as he once again played favorites. I knew I shouldn’t care. After all, Jos and Sain really didn’t know each other. Hell, I didn’t even know Sain. However, Jos was my best friend, and how he treated her was so similar to how Timothy preferred Cail over me. It was like watching re-runs of the partridge family, except with magic and sights and people dying.

I exhaled, not really wanting to get in a death match this close to the actual death match, and stood as tall as I could before him. I was fully aware that I wasn’t even close to tall enough to make this as ominous as I needed it to be. I also wasn’t going to unleash my prowess on my best friend’s dad.

Ew.

I guessed some teenaged things had stuck with me.

“I understand that, Sain”—I was trying to be diplomatic, yet I was not sure it worked—“but you can calm Ryland down quicker than anyone. That will be more important to all of us. Thom can keep Dramin safe because, if this doesn’t work, and Ryland still erupts, I doubt you would be able to save your son then.”

Sain’s face whitened to a shade so pale I was sure he was going to be sick. Then his teeth clenched in what I wasn’t certain was irritation or stomach issues. I waited, every part of me tied in knots as the reality of what we were about to face sunk into me, my magic prickling in both eager anticipation and cold-hearted fear.

I knew as well as everyone in this room that we all might not make it to the cave, as much of a sanctuary that it seemed to be.

Sain nodded in agreement as Ilyan stood, and we didn’t wait. We swept Ryland from the kitchen without another word.

While what we were about to venture into seemed a little bit more of a possibility now, it was anything but a sure thing.

I only hoped the bind was enough to keep Ryland safe.

To keep me from killing him.

There couldn’t have been a worse time to tell her about my past. Not now as we faced each other in the middle of the courtyard, moments away from running into the forest, into battle. Yet, I wanted to.

I wanted to spill everything as we stood under the jagged edges of the lightning that cut across the sky, pleading with her not to run into that forest, not to die, while knowing neither she nor I had a choice. The battle was here. She would go in one direction with Ilyan, and I would go in the other with the invalids. We couldn’t stop it.

I didn’t want to say goodbye.

I didn’t want to run away from her with this lie in my heart, either.

I was probably being selfish.

She was essentially leaving to sacrifice herself from what I understood. I just wanted to shoot the breeze about kids and love affairs she never knew I’d had.

She smiled sadly as the sky broke open in a roar of thunder, the storm that had plagued us for days only getting worse as the final moments ticked down. Joclyn looked away from me at the sound, and I didn’t wait. I bolted, running away from her and Ilyan into the forest after my disabled party like the coward I was.

I couldn’t look at her anymore.

I had been avoiding her for days because I couldn’t find the strength to talk to her, to spill my guts.

And now it was too late.

The wrong time. The wrong moment.

She needed to focus on what her and Ilyan were about to do.

I hoped I would get another chance.

Thom stood a few hundred yards into the tree line away from the abbey, the tall conifers hiding him and the others on all sides. Dramin had already found a sturdy fallen tree to sit on, and his body looked as aged as it had last night. Being out of bed obviously wasn’t doing him any favors. Sain hovered around him like a nervous mother, and Ryland … Ryland was hitting his head against a tree.

We were already off to a great start.

Thom looked up to me as I approached, my head held high as my fingers buzzed in the tips, ready for the release that I hadn’t been able to give them these last few days.

“Ready to kill some of my cousins?” I said with a smile, glad when Thom laughed at a joke I had made far too many times before.

I chose to ignore the grimace that lined the Draks’ faces. I couldn’t walk on eggshells all the time, and right now, I needed to have my head on straight if they expected me to get them through this. As a result, they would have to deal.

Besides, Ilyan and Joclyn were already waging their own battle in a mad attempt to distract Edmund’s armies enough to let us get out of there. I wasn’t about to waste that.

It only put everyone else in danger.

“You mean other than Edmund’s little puppets?” Thom said as he came right up beside me, his laugh fading much quicker than it normally would have. “I think we have a problem.”

“You mean, besides the fact that we have to travel through piles of armies to get to a cave with three basically useless invalids.” I didn’t even try to keep the mockery out of my voice.

“That and neither of the Draks can shield themselves.”

I looked at him like he had cancelled a Styx concert all on his own. Murder showed through my eyes. I was sure by the way Thom took a step back, his hands plunging into the pockets of his leather jacket.

Great.

“Shielding ourselves was the only thing we had going.” I tried not to yell, but I was not positive it worked.

“Well, we do always have the option to turn ourselves in. I am sure Edmund would love that.” His voice lingered on eruption, the emotion only increasing as thunder rumbled above us once more.

Double great.

An angry Thom, a quickly unraveling Ryland, and some Draks.

I was feeling like this exciting
challenge
was heading more in the direction of
massacre.
I didn’t think we would be on the massacring side, either.

Triple great.

“I guess we will have to run as fast as we can.” It might have been a simple suggestion, but it was the only option as far as I could see.

We couldn’t change the plans in formation. Sain needed to stay with Ryland and try to keep his mind somewhat stable. Well, at least stable enough that he wasn’t resorting to self-mutilation. That poor tree was looking a little too battered as it was. And Thom was the only one physically capable enough to drag Dramin through the forest.

“And hope that Ilyan’s plan will work…”

“It will work.” I was confident, while Thom was not, and the loud, obnoxious laugh that rang through the forest proved it. I keep myself from glowering at him.

“Have Ilyan’s plans ever not worked?” I was obstinate, but I didn’t care. His lack of confidence was grating on me. Everything might be dire, but we didn’t necessarily have to act on it … right? “Don’t be so cynical.”

I didn’t know if I spoke more to him or to myself.

Maybe both.

Everything Ilyan had always led me through had been rocky, yes, but successful. That said, this was more than the normal hiccups. This was a drunken man’s belch as far as problems. I wasn’t ready to admit that.

I glowered at him and popped my hip out, ready to chastise and fight him on it. However, as I opened my mouth, another bolt of lightning dragged across the sky. This time, in streaks of red as Ilyan’s magic blended with it in a roar of anger and power from wherever Ilyan and Joclyn waged their war.

I stared at the light, the angry beauty of it tensing through me as my magic roared, rejoicing in what was coming.

We couldn’t wait any longer.

I couldn’t be more excited.

“Time to break out the bubbly and get this crazy train moving.” I gave Thom one last look in warning or irritation—I wasn’t sure—and he moved away, everyone taking their place as if this was some grand orchestrated event.

If only.

I didn’t even dare look at them. I began to run, hoping beyond hope that they were following behind, that they could keep up and that the Trpaslík couldn’t keep up at all.

The ground was rough underneath my bare feet, each little stone, each pine needle and stick pressing into the soft tissue in painful little points. It was more than pain, more than pressure of the foreign objects. It was power.

I had rarely worn shoes up until Ilyan had wiped my mind, and what little power that remained of the fire magic had become uncontrollable. Now, though, I had regained control, I had regained power, and with each slap of my bare feet against the earth, my power spread away from me, fanning through the soil and undergrowth like a virus, searching for magic and burning away whatever traces we left behind.

With Ilyan’s plan carefully laid out in my mind, there wasn’t any question of what we were supposed to do. However, now Thom had planted an obnoxious amount of doubt inside of me, and despite the fact that I could see the red line of Ilyan’s instruction stretch before me, I was suddenly wondering if it was the right choice, if there was a better way.

My jaw locked together in frustration as the doubt and confusion continued to swirl around in front of me while my magic moved through the soil. I tried to focus on it instead of my sudden query, but with how fast I was running, my magic was constantly losing contact with the ground, making it impossible for me to scan very far. Sometimes, I wished I could feel people next to me like Ilyan did or whatever Jos did with her tiny smoke people that grew out of maps.

“Let me at her!” Ryland’s voice ricocheted from behind me.

I ground my heels into the ground in a mad attempt to stop, to rush back and help Sain from whatever monster had erupted from the boy. Dead leaves and dirt streamed before me as though a bomb had gone off in front of me, the thunder snapping above us in a crack of simultaneous light and sound.

I flinched at the eruption, a tree no more than ten yards away going up in flames as I raced back to Sain. Even before I reached them, I could tell this task was going to be impossible. I needed to take lead, to try to watch the forest for attacks, but Sain could barely hold onto Ryland. The boy was fighting him with all his might, his body taking on the same jerking motions it had before, his hands clawing at his hair, his body slamming into the many trees that surrounded us as sparks of color flew from his fingertips.

He himself was a bomb.

“Kill her!” he roared, his voice breaking through the forest so abruptly I was sure someone would hear. “I need to kill her.”

Throwing up a sound barrier in a mad attempt to keep us hidden, I ran at him in a tackle, my shoulder ramming into his chest and taking him to the ground like I was some sort of bulky football player and not the wiry five-foot-three-inch Trpaslík I was.

He went down with a thud, the abrupt attack pulling him out of his insanity enough that he looked at me with wide eyes, the fear I knew all too well staring back at me. It was a pleading I understood taking over the fun loving boy I had met in the drama room all those months ago.

“I’m not going to kill you, Ryland,” I answered his unasked question through gritted teeth as I placed my hands against his face, letting my magic travel right to his heart and smothering it with the same shield I had used on Cail for centuries, the same shield I had used on him only a few days before.

This time, however, it didn’t seem to be enough. Just as Ilyan’s bind hadn’t been.