By a Thread (10 page)

Once Billy got home, she set the table and they sat down to eggplant rollatini, salad, and garlic bread.

“Damn. This is so good.” Billy wiped his mouth with a paper towel. “I was going to eat Frito pie for dinner.”

“What the fuck is Frito pie?” Stella asked.

“You’ve never heard of Frito pie?” Billy acted utterly appalled and offended by her lack of knowledge.

“Um, no.” She looked from Billy to Patrick, who was smirking.

“Frito pie is one of the most delicious meals I can make myself.” Billy looked to the left and the right, then he whispered, “I’ve got a secret recipe.”

“I don’t want your recipe. I just want to know what it is?”

“It’s basically chili dumped on corn chips,” Patrick answered. “It’s disgusting.”

“How dare you?” Billy feigned outrage. “My secret recipe includes cheese, jalapenos and salsa.”

“Sorry to offend, but that sounds gross,” Stella said. She took a bite of her eggplant and set her fork down. “Listen, I know we haven’t seen each other that much this year because I’ve been so busy with school, but I just wanted to say thanks for helping out with Cooper when I haven’t been around.”

“Not a problem,” Patrick said.

“Who is Cooper?” Billy asked and then laughed.

At the sound of his name, Cooper looked up from his position under the table, his tail swishing from side to side.

Stella looked around at her family, the two people that helped her get through the last couple of years, and at Cooper, now the love of her life. All of a sudden it hit her like a bullet, she realized she was happy. Of course “happy” was relative. She was in law school and it was kicking her ass, but she was enjoying it. For the past several years she was sure she would, could never enjoy anything again. People like to throw around the old adage that
time heals everything
. That adage sucked because it felt condescending when someone else used it towards you. And it isn’t exactly helpful. She felt ready to admit that time makes things
tolerable
. Time gives you perspective on events that shake your world to the core. Time allows you to move forward. But time doesn’t change the pain that sits in your gut. It doesn’t impact the trickle of sweat and fear that traces your spine when the phone rings in the middle of the night. Time doesn’t alter how that pain changed your entire personality. In fact, time, which had made things tolerable, had actually allowed her to appreciate how precarious life was and gave her a little perspective. Maybe she needed to simply be enjoying life a little more.
Maybe.

Jamie had been dead for two years, she couldn’t believe it. The image of him smiling before he kissed her their last night together hadn’t faded, but she wasn’t having nightmares anymore. Now, she could go an hour without his memory invading her thoughts. Running helped keep her sane. It was when she did her best thinking. That, or she ran so fast and with the music so loud, she couldn’t think at all.

For two years she couldn’t stand the quiet. Stella always had her television or music on, even when she studied. It drove Millie crazy. She also found that she was no longer a fan of being by herself. The quiet made her head pound, and she would get queasy with the quietness reverberating in her head, the quiet so loud it made her hands shake. It made her think she was losing her mind. The only time she appreciated time alone was working out and studying.

Her second year in law school would start today, and looked to be even more daunting than the first. Evidence was one of the hardest courses in law school and it was required in order to graduate. Her professor was notorious for his Socratic method. He routinely made students stand up in class to interrogate them about cases or the Federal Rules of Evidence, which he had literally written. Millie was in her class, so at least she would have a study partner. She was also taking Administrative Law, Tax Law, and a seminar discussing the International Criminal Court. She was hoping to get an internship with the Department of Justice the following summer.

Recently, Stella had quit her job at Cosi. She just didn’t think she manage it all this year. Reading a hundred pages a night minimum had been difficult last year while she was working, but working had been a necessity. She’d taken out more student loans this year so she wouldn’t need the extra money.

She smiled as her phone rang the motorcycle ring tone. “Hi, Dad.”

“You ready?” her father asked, knowing her answer.

“Of course,” she answered without hesitation. This had been the opening line for them every first day of a law school year. They talked for a while about politics and her mother’s latest obsession, scrapbooking. She hung up when she pulled into the parking garage, promising to call again later.

Stella walked into the student lounge and saw Millie sitting on a couch with Davis. She smiled at them as she approached.

“Stella, it’s good to see you.” Davis said from the couch. Millie raised her eyebrows at Stella.

“You too, Davis. How was your summer?” she asked politely.

“Great, I went back to Arizona and worked for my Dad’s law firm. It was awesome.”

Stella wondered how working at a law firm your first year of law school would be awesome, but held her tongue.

“Millie tells me we’re in a couple of classes together. We already have a study group,” he said, looking at Millie again.

“You bet,” Millie answered enthusiastically.

“Well, we should get going. I don’t want to be late the first day.” Stella turned.

“Oh, and I already have an outline for Evidence that I heard is killer. I don’t mind sharing with the two most beautiful girls in class, my study partners.”

Stella turned on her heel, her face registering shock and a little bit of awe. “You have an outline?”

“Yep,” he smiled. “I’ll email it to you both. Let’s go.”

Outlines were how all law students studied for finals, getting an Evidence outline was like winning the law school lottery. Maybe her luck was looking up, she thought. She put her arm through Millie’s and walked with her two study partners to class.

She’d finally agreed to come home. Standing in baggage claim, she was waited for her mother to pick her up from Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport. Her parents were having everyone over for Thanksgiving this year, and begged Stella to come. It had been over two years since she’d been home. Her mother convinced her that so much had happened, Jamie wouldn’t even be a topic of conversation. Stella had convinced herself that even if Jamie’s name came up, she could handle it now. Patrick was watching Cooper while she was gone.

Making her way outside, she scanned the pick-up/drop-off lanes for her mother’s maroon Mercedes. Her mother pulled up to the curb. Jumping out, she ran around the front of the car. Embracing Stella, Miranda Murphy held onto her, clutching her tightly, for what seemed like an eternity to Stella. Stella interrupted, “Mom?”

Her mother looked perfect, as usual. Her stylish bob was shiny and had recently been dyed back to its natural color, black. She was on trend with her skinny jeans, riding boots, and black turtleneck sweater. The only exception being the tears streaming down her face. “I’m so ecstatic to see you. I’ve wanted to hug you for two years. Thank you, Stella. Thank you for coming home.”

Stella knew that her self-imposed exile from the state of Georgia had been hard on her parents, but she really didn’t know how hard until she saw her mother’s face. “I’m glad I was able to swing it this year,” she said, trying to keep it casual.

“Let’s put your bags in the back, I can’t wait to hear all about what has been going on. I know this year you’ve been so busy, but you really should call me more often.” They loaded her bags in the back and got in the car. The ride to downtown Norcross was about forty-five minutes due to her mother’s lead foot and the surprising lack of the typical Atlanta traffic. Her mother talked the entire way.

Stella’s dad was at the house when they arrived, he lifted her up off her feet a bit when he hugged her. “Baby girl,” he said.

“Good to see you too, Dad.” Stella said, grabbing her bag and making her way further into the house. “The house looks great.”

“Thanks, we’ve been working on all the flowers. Your dad’s been planting almost every weekend. It’s his new hobby.” Miranda put her arm on her husband’s shoulder, patting him teasingly.

“Gardening?” Stella looked at her dad with an eyebrow raised.

“Whatever,” he waved her off, changing the subject. “You want something to drink?”

“Of course.” Stella answered as she walked up the stairs to her designated guest room. Her parents had moved into this house after Stella left for college, so she didn’t really have a room there that felt like hers.

She walked into the soft sage-green room where she usually stayed. There were photos on the bookcases she’d forgotten were there. She picked up a wooden frame with a picture of her and Jamie, smiling and in love, showing off Stella’s engagement ring. She frowned and put it down. Fear spread through her stomach and she felt extremely hot all of a sudden.
Could she do this?
She walked around the bed to the pictures of things that had happened in the last two years: cousins’ weddings and baby showers. She’d ignored all of these family events and gatherings. Now she felt a little guilty.

Stella and her mother got up early on Thanksgiving Day and turned on music, made mimosas, and started cooking. They made the turkey, dressing, mac & cheese, and about ten other casserole-type dishes. Her extended family started arriving around 11:00 and lunch was set for 1:00. Everyone seemed sincerely happy and excited to see her. No one mentioned Jamie’s name, just that they had all missed her since she’d left for law school.

The only tense moment occurred when one of her favorite cousins’ girlfriend pointed at her ring and said, “I didn’t know you were engaged.” The entire room fell silent, waiting to see if Stella would break. She responded that she wasn’t engaged, then asked her cousin when he was going to propose, sending the conversation in a totally different direction. There was news of new babies, new husbands, and new girlfriends to fill the space that Stella dreaded. She smiled the entire day, barring those few seconds, happy she’d decided to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

Later that night, she and her parents sat on the back porch for wine and dessert. The weather was pleasant in Atlanta and they were enjoying the fresh air.

“See. Stella, that went perfectly. No one even asked you about Jamie. I hope you enjoyed yourself.” Miranda took a bite of chocolate pecan pie with ice cream and groaned. “I’m sure I gained ten pounds today.”

Stella inwardly cringed at her mother’s denial of the “the whole engagement question,” but wasn’t surprised she’d ignored it. “I did enjoy myself today. I guess it’s okay take a step out of my protective bubble every once in a while.”

“Stella, Patrick told me that you have been so busy this semester that he hardly sees you.” Her dad took a sip of his wine and looked at her, “School okay?”

“Just busy as shit, it seems like August was yesterday. I have no idea where the semester went. I only have one more week of classes, then we start studying for finals.” She put down her wine glass and closed her eyes.

“So, you think you can make it back for Christmas?” her mother asked hopefully.

“I’m not sure. Let me think about it. I was planning on spending Christmas Eve with a friend.”

She’d never seen her mother’s head whip around so quickly. “A male friend?”

Oh shit.
“Yes,” Stella answered honestly.

“Like a boyfriend?” Stella’s dad asked quietly, looking over at Stella twisting her engagement ring around her finger.

“No, not anything like that.” Stella said with a smile. “He works at the bar that we go to all the time. They have this huge blowout with a buffet every Christmas Eve since they all have to work. You’d be amazed by the number of people that come.”

“But you have family to spend the holidays with, Stella, please. Will you just think about it?” Stella’s mother took another bite of her pie.

“Of course.” Stella would think about it, but a couple weeks ago George asked if she would be eating with him again this year. She’d agreed.

Stella’s mother dropped her off at the airport the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Stella needed to get back to get her reading done for the week. They hugged; her mother cried. “I’ve missed you so much. I know you are handling things like you need to, but please come home more often. I need to see you more.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Stella smiled. She turned to go, but then turned back around and leaned into kiss her mother’s cheek. “You know I love you. I’m doing what I can. I promise.”

Millie flew back on Saturday too, so they met at Finnegan’s for a couple of drinks before they had to spend all of Sunday reading.

“How was your Thanksgiving?” Millie asked with trepidation.

“It went fine.” Stella motioned for George to come over to their end of the bar. “Hey, George. How was your Thanksgiving?”

George smiled his megawatt smile and said, “Much better now that I see your pretty faces.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, George.” Stella smiled back at him.

“I probably ate my weight in turkey on Thursday,” he said rubbing his belly.

“Oh, I’m so sure you ate that much. I can see your abs through your shirt,” Millie guffawed. “I, on the other hand, ate an entire pumpkin pie myself.”

“I’m really happy to see you girls, you’ve ignored Finnegan’s for months. I was starting to get my feelings hurt.”

“It’s not you George, it’s us. Law school is kicking our collective ass.” Stella replied and took a long gulp of beer.

“Okay, my ego is very precious and needs to be stroked on a continual basis.” He smiled at them and then moved down the bar to help other customers.

“I bet you would stroke something on him continually,” Millie laughed.

“Shut up,” Stella said petulantly, but nodded her head anyway.