By a Thread (2 page)

Stella clutched her throat; she couldn’t breathe. She felt a ripping sensation in her chest. As she collapsed to the floor, a guttural sob escaped her throat. Not sure how long she stayed that way, she felt strong hands pick her up and carry her downstairs into the room she shared with Jamie. Her mind reeled as she was placed gently on their bed.

“You’re going to be okay, Stella,” a man’s voice said and he patted her shoulder like she was a dog.
She was in a house with people she didn’t know and was being patted like a dog.
“I’ll drive us down to Georgia tomorrow.” She heard him, but it sounded like he was in a tunnel. Stella looked up at the man petting her; it was their new roommate, Patrick. He was tall with hard blue eyes, and his skin was the color of a mocha latte. His black hair was high and tight. She nodded quickly, laid her head on Jamie’s pillow, and cried. Patrick had just broken the news to her that there had been a car accident involving a new ATF agent. It was fatal. It was Jamie.

She sobbed, not just cried, for a good portion of the night until she felt she had run out of tears. Lying in her bed with the weight of Cooper’s head on her chest, she stared into the blackness. Every few minutes, Cooper’s big wet tongue would lick her and he would move a little closer to her face. By the time she tried to get out of bed, Cooper had pinned her down with the top half of his body and his big paws. Her right arm was trapped under Cooper’s massive belly, so she shoved him with her other hand. After the second shove, Cooper jumped off the bed.

Searching through her boxes, she found the only black dress she owned and a pair of heels. The only pair she could find were her red heels.
Jamie loved those heels,
she thought. She packed a bag and made her way to the couch where she sat for three hours until Patrick woke up. Cooper lay next to her on the couch, his head on her lap.

As the early morning sun peeked through the clouds, Patrick moved her into his car. Cooper stretched out in the backseat of Patrick’s Audi. They set off for Savannah, where Jamie was raised. Gazing out the window, she looked into the side mirror. She was almost unrecognizable, her black hair wild and loose, her eyes bloodshot. The skin underneath her eyes looked bruised as if she had been punched in the face; she felt as if she had been. She squeezed her eyes closed and put her head against the window of Patrick’s car. He didn’t try to talk to her, which was good because she was not capable of speaking. Images flashed through her brain sporadically, but the one memory that kept coming up over and over again was the day she first met Jamie.

It had been a few weeks before classes started, her freshman year of college. She was enjoying a rare two-day break from softball practice. She and some teammates had gotten to the pool early that day and she had been dozing off for several hours, when she heard male voices. She looked up and saw him. He took her breath away without even trying. Mentally, she ran through a checklist of her appearance; not a great bikini, but she had shaved everywhere. She was wearing an older seersucker bikini, but it gave her boobs a nice lift.

Stella closed her eyes again, pretending to sleep. Listening to their conversation for a while, she realized that they were on the baseball team. She sat up, squeezed some sunscreen out of the bottle, stood up, and applied it seductively. Her black hair hung loose down past the string of her bikini top, so she wrapped it around in a messy bun. She rubbed more sunscreen on her back, awkwardly arching her back to reach the middle. Cassie, the first baseman on her softball team, giggled at the provocative show Stella was putting on for the boys. Stella winked at her.

The girls hadn’t brought any beer to the pool, but they had plenty of vodka. Stella drank down the rest of her drink and made herself another. She applied lip balm, slowly. The entire process took about five minutes, but the conversation between the guys stopped. As Stella lay back down on her stomach, she reached up and untied the back string of her bikini. Smiling, she turned her head to face Cassie. Cassie mouthed, “You’re bad...” Stella nodded and then closed her eyes.

She felt a shadow across her back a few minutes later. Stella didn’t open her eyes, but said, “Why is someone blocking my sun? I’m trying to rid myself of my farmer’s tan.”

Cassie snorted, “That’s not going to happen, Stella.” All the softball players had horrible tan lines. Stella’s arms looked like leather, but her stomach and chest were white as porcelain, as were her feet. It was heinous. The players’ legs looked like they were wearing white shorts all the time.

“I don’t know, I think it’s kinda sexy. Like I know what you look like naked,” Stella heard in a slow, sexy southern drawl. Her eyes popped open and she found herself staring at the guy with the drawl. One of the best-looking guys she’d ever seen in person. His hair was cut short and looked sandy blond in the sun. He had blue eyes and an actual six-pack. Stella had never seen a guy with a six-pack in person before, and it made her want to touch him. She laughed, noticing that he had the same farmer’s tan that she and the softball players sported.

Stella cocked her head to the side and just looked at him.

“What?” Six-pack asked.

“I’m just following suit and picturing you naked.” She said, then closed her eyes.

“Me too.” Cassie said with a giggle.

“Now I am too,” one of his friends piped up loudly. “Damn it. Someone help me get that image out of my mind.”

Six-pack leaned down to whisper into her ear, “I think you missed a spot.” His fingers grazed the small of her back, just above her bikini bottoms, and her body tensed instantaneously at the spark she felt. Sexual chemistry crackled between them.

Stella used her sweetest voice, “Oh, really? Could you get it for me?”

“Damn right I can.” He leaned over to grab the lotion, but she got to it first.

“Oh, I was talking to Cassie.” She threw the bottle to Cassie. “Thanks, though.”

Cassie snorted again, “It looks fine to me.” Cassie yelled to the other guys, “Ya’ll got any beer over there you can share?”

“Of course,” one of the guys replied. Cassie got up, sauntered over to the baseball players, grabbed a beer out of their cooler, and sat down with them.

“Ya’ll play ball?”

Stella overheard the conversation and was interested. These were all baseball players and seemed to be pretty cool. Six-Pack’s name was Jamie, he was a sophomore. He was a pitcher. Confidence exuded from him and he seemed to be pretty smart and funny. Those were three mandatory traits for Stella before she would even look at a guy. She never fell for the type of guy who looked good, but annoyed the shit out of her as soon as he opened his mouth.

“Stella, you want a beer?” Cassie called.

“Sure.” Stella turned just as Cassie threw the beer at her. She had two options, she could sit up and catch it, showing everyone her boobs, or the beer was going to hit her... somewhere.

“Fuck,” she called out as she rolled over to dodge the beer coming at her face. She fell off the chair, but managed to keep her hands covering her nipples. For a moment everyone was quiet. Then all of the occupants of the pool erupted in laughter. Stella turned forty shades of red and tried to figure out how to get up gracefully. Realizing there was no way to cover her nipples, get up, and grab her bikini top with only two hands, she gave up. Stella stood up, grabbed her bikini top, and with her chin raised walked to the bathroom, showing everyone all she had.

Several hours later everyone was good and drunk, playing truth or dare, and it was Stella’s turn. She picked dare.

“Kiss me,” Jamie said, leaning back in a lounge chair with a smug smile on his face.

Stella got up from where she was sitting and leaned over him. She whispered in his ear, lips grazing his lobe, “You may regret this dare.” Stella kissed his neck, which made him tip his head back. She slowly kissed his top lip. He groaned, and she went for the kill parting his lips with hers. All of a sudden his arms wrapped around her, pulling her on top of him in the chair. She forgot where she was, and that they had an audience until she heard someone clear their throat.

Stella ripped her lips away from Jamie’s and took a long breath. She put her fingers to her mouth, and looked into Jamie’s eyes.
Holy fuck,
she thought.
There’s no going back from that.

Jamie’s arms still wrapped around her, he whispered, “I think you may be right.” Stella thought for a minute he had read her thoughts. Then he said, “Best regret ever.”

Stella smiled. She pulled herself out of his arms, separating their bodies. Suddenly she felt too drunk, too high on the feeling she got from kissing this guy she just met, and too naked. She walked over to where her bag was and checked her phone. She felt arms wrap around her again.

“You need to come with me. NOW.” His lips whispered in her ear.

“And why’s that?” Stella shivered and turned around so that she could look in his eyes.

“You’re pretty much naked and I need to be the only one looking at you.” He reached up and rubbed his thumb down her jaw line. “I need to kiss you, more.”

If she hadn’t been drunk, she wouldn’t have gone home with him. But she
was
drunk, and she followed him home. Immediately.

Cooper ran up and down the beach chasing and barking at every bird that flew overhead. Stella sat in the sand motionless, staring at the waves. Patrick had arranged for a rental house on Tybee Island, right outside Savannah, for the funeral. He also gave Stella a bottle of Zanax after he told her about Jamie. He’d thought of everything. Cooper ran up to her and shook his wet fur, spraying salt water all over her. She didn’t even flinch. He made a couple circles around Stella and then dropped at her feet. She was still in the clothes she was wearing when she heard that Jamie was dead.

“Stella.” Patrick yelled a couple yards away. He was in his dark suit, looking very debonair. Glancing down at his watch, he tapped it once and said, “Let’s go.”

Slowly, she stood up and robotically motioned for Cooper to follow. She walked stoically to the house they were renting, or Patrick was renting. Patrick followed her, Cooper leading both of them up the stairs into the rented house. She walked to the room where her dress was hanging and mechanically put on her only black dress and her red heels, paying no attention to the sand that dotted her feet and legs.

Without speaking, Stella motioned for Cooper to follow her outside and opened the door to Patrick’s silver Audi and let Cooper jump in with fur still wet from the beach.

“Stella!” Patrick yelled as Cooper was jumping into the backseat. “Fuck,” he muttered as Cooper made himself comfortable in the backseat. “You can’t bring your fucking dog to a funeral.”

Stella slid into the passenger’s seat and shut the door, staring forward. Patrick shook his head. She hadn’t said a word since he told her about Jamie. On the way down to Savannah, Patrick used her cell phone to call her parents.

Patrick parked in one of the few remaining open spaces in front of the church. Stella put Cooper on the leash. He walked right by her side into the church. “Ma’am... Ma’am.” A woman called after them. The woman chased after Stella and Cooper, her heels clicking quickly on the tile floor. “Ma’am, you can’t bring a dog in the church.” Ignoring her, Stella kept walking and looked for a place to sit. Jamie’s sister, Sara, motioned Stella to sit by her. Sara reached out and grabbed Stella’s hand with a death grip. They did not speak to each other, only held each other’s hands.

Tears fell continuously throughout the funeral. Stella never said a word. Sara released Stella’s hand with a squeeze and joined the rest of Jamie’s family, without a word.
Stella wasn’t family, she was almost family. Apparently, almost family didn’t count for much.
Inspecting her ring, she wondered if she would be able to keep it. She and Cooper stayed seated as the rest of the church emptied. Stella stared at the closed casket.
How was this possible?

She felt a hand on her shoulder. “Come on Stella, they are doing the burial right away.” Patrick stood in the aisle waiting for her to move.
They can’t do the burial without the casket,
Stella thought. So, she remained seated, until six guys came to move Jamie. She recognized most of them. It was only after the church was empty that Stella rose and pulled on Cooper’s leash.

Patrick put his hand on her elbow and led her back to his car. At the cemetery, Stella and Cooper stood behind all the seated guests and listened to the minister speak, pray, and then dismiss everyone. A collective sob erupted from the seats where Jamie’s family and friends were all sitting, eyes red-rimmed. So many people came up to her to offer sympathy, but she couldn’t speak. Eventually, they all left her alone. When the service was over and all the attendees had gone, she and Cooper made their way up to the casket, then Jamie was lowered in the ground.
He’s in the ground,
she thought
, this cannot be real.

Stella sunk to her knees next to the hole where Jamie had been placed in the ground, then lay on her side. She let out one quick sob, then nothing. She felt like she didn’t have any tears left. She lay on the ground next to the hole, her dress riding up. Cooper lay next to her, his head on her side. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Patrick picked her up, carried her over to his car, and put her in. He leaned in and pulled the seatbelt over her to latch it.

Stella didn’t even realize her mom and dad had been at the funeral until she saw her father walking over to Patrick’s car after the service.
It’s a closed casket,
she thought
, the accident must have been bad.
She wasn’t paying attention to her dad, she just stared out the front of the car. Stella’s mom was standing a few feet back from the car, crying. Jamie’s parents didn’t even try to talk to her, which was fine since she had totally imploded, and was physically incapable of speaking. There was nothing left. Her mind was completely turned off, and she felt like she was nothing but nerve endings.

“Stella, talk to me baby.” Stella’s dad was stooped over her, smoothing her black hair. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” As if the faucet in her eyes had been turned back on, tears began falling. Big wet drops landed on her dress and absorbed by the fabric. She didn’t even try to wipe them away anymore. Her big green eyes were full of tears and devastation. “Patrick, take my card. If this keeps up call or email me and I will come up and get her.”
Her dad looked tired,
she thought. Patrick and Stella’s father walked over to her mother and they spoke in hushed voices.

Stella closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing, but she didn’t really want to breathe.
Just breathe.
She couldn’t wrap her brain around her situation. She was in a house with two guys she didn’t know, in a city where she didn’t know a soul and now she was all alone.
Alone.
Her mother made her way to the car, her black hair perfectly coifed; she was clutching her pearls. She didn’t speak to Stella, but smoothed her hair back and kissed her cheek. Then she turned and walked away.

She and Jamie had decided they were going to get married in St. Simons Island off the coast of Georgia next summer. She’d already found her dress. It had exquisite beading on the torso, drawing attention to her narrow waist. Other than the beading, it was a simple backless dress. The fabric was light, perfect for a beach wedding.

As the car made the drive back to Tybee Island, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat. Arctic air from the air conditioner blasted so hard from the vents it blew loose strands of black hair back. Once she felt the car stop, she opened her eyes.
Jamie’s dead.
Stella let Cooper out of the backseat and walked up to the door. She stood there, waiting for Patrick to let her in the house.

The noise of her heels clicking across the tile floor of the main room vibrated through her chest. She opened the door to the room where her things were and collapsed onto the bed, heels still on her feet.

Patrick with his military precision, his shaved head, and his cold demeanor had moved her through the events of the day. Stella didn’t understand why he would, he didn’t know her at all. Cooper crawled into Stella’s bed at the rental house and laid his head right next to hers on the pillow, his big paw resting on her arm. Stella closed her eyes, but didn’t sleep. She had lived through the day. Even though she thought at least a million times she was going to die, she was still breathing. She didn’t know what came after this. Where would she go? She had no home.
Jamie had been her home
.