By Possession (33 page)

Addis continued packing his belongings into horse bags, trying to suppress the chaotic thoughts and seething frustration racking him.

Damn her pride. Damn her relentless realism. Damn her!

Dark had fallen. Was he undressing her now? Holding her full, perfect breasts? Licking their hard tips, or other places where his own tongue had only ventured in his imagination? Would that mason take the time to give her pleasure, or just use her the way the wool merchant had? Would she truly give herself to him, or just permit her body to be claimed?

“Why pay for a Southwark inn when there's all this space here? If it's because you want to avoid seeing the
child Mathilda, you needn't worry. Wake is sending his family out of the city till all this is over.”

He saw her tears glimmering, increasing the clarity of her water-blue eyes. Like tiny pure pools they looked up at him, reflecting his own awareness of loss. So sad and so happy that last look had been. He saw her trembling smile while she pressed his hand with lips he wanted so badly to kiss. She had walked away straight and strong, taking with her the only thing that truly mattered to him, leaving him with the first declaration of what they should have admitted weeks ago.
I will always love you for asking.

He wiped his mind of the torturous images, wishing he could purge his heart as easily. Nothing left but duty. No course but to complete his responsibilities to the same blood and honor that formed an iron wall between them. He would see it through in the name of his father, but he did not really care if he succeeded or failed right now.

He opened the chest with the armlets. “It is time to trade these for coin. Did your lady know of some merchants who will give an honest price?”

“I asked her, as you wanted. I've the names. Now, about this sudden notion to go across the river, it is not smart. Think about it. If nothing else, it means we have to cross back once things start just to ride north and there's just a few bridges and they can be blocked. Better to be in the city anyway, especially if something goes wrong.”

“I am not some green squire who needs lessons in strategy.”

“Of course not, my lord. Just I don't understand this sudden decision.”

He handed Richard the armlets, then dropped the ruby amidst them. The temptation to keep it, like a token from her, struck him. Best to let it and the memories go. “This too. Tomorrow at first light, sell them all.”

Richard frowned down at the riches in his hand. He plucked up the ruby. “One of your mother's jewels? Should have told me you had it. I've been recruiting the men to pay with the gold is all. This will make a big difference.”

“Not my mother's. Moira's. I traded this house for it.”

“Moira's! Who would think a bondwoman would possess such a thing! Doesn't seem right, somehow.”

“She is not a bondwoman. I gave her the freedom today. And the house. I think that she plans to make it an inn.”

“If so, she should be glad for us to stay. What with the others, we will fill the place.”

“I doubt that she would be glad to have
me
stay, and I know that her future husband would not.”

“Future hus … you mean the mason?”

“Aye.”

Richard chewed on this revelation. “Seems to me that you are making plans as if you know that woman's mind in ways you might not. Perhaps you complicate things for nothing. Better to stay here, and you know it.”

“I know her mind on this, I promise you. We leave at first light.”

“Well, if you don't mind, I think I'll check with her just to be sure. If she intends to make this an inn, her feelings may be hurt if you take your trade elsewhere.”

“You'll not find her. She has left.”

“What are you talking about?”

Addis shuffled together the parchments on the table. His hand paused on the newest ones. “She is with him.”

“Nay, she is not. Hell, I saw her just before I came up here.”

He froze. “Where?”

“In the courtyard. She'd just run in and we jested
about how she almost got caught out after curfew again and—”

“Was she alone?”

“From what I could see, but I was just passing by the gate.”

“How did she look?”

“Hell, she looked like Moira. How should she look? 'Twas dusk and hard to see, but she appeared normal enough to me. Bit out of breath is all. What is this about?”

Addis strode to the door, arguing against a desperate hope. The place was hers, after all. She had every right to return. He was the intruder and she probably had expected him to be gone by now. Rhys had most likely come with her. They probably planned to enjoy the luxury of the solar's bed tonight. He had no trouble finding many reasons for her reappearance, none of which had anything to do with him at all. Still the hope spread like a childish excitement that he could not control. He probably should not go to her, but of course he had to.

Richard's voice followed him down the stairs. Out in the silent courtyard he looked around. Instinctively he knew that she was not in her chamber nor in the kitchen. He walked to the edge of the garden and peered into the darkness.

A light figure moved in the back, gliding ghostlike between the trees. He walked quietly along the wall, trying to see if a man strolled beside her.

She was alone. He stopped and watched her from the shadows while she paced thoughtfully, fingering a leaf here and plucking a flower there. Her hair fell around her body, making dark streaks down her pale gown, swaying to veil her face when she bent to smell a rose.

She appeared very serene in her solitude. She looked
like a woman well contented with how things had turned out. The hope crashed into a wall of disappointment.

Even so, her presence soothed him and the turmoil and regrets of the last hour receded. He would stand here a while and savor the gift of peace one last time and then fetch Richard and go.

The soft flow of the pale robe stopped. For several heartbeats she did not move. He had the sensation that the whole garden had halted in time. Then she plucked another flower.

“I have been in love with you since I was twelve years in age.”

She spoke it as if she merely continued a conversation that needed finishing before they parted.

He moved toward her, grateful to have an excuse to be closer. She paused on the path until he drew up beside her. Neither hope nor disappointment now, just comfort in walking beside her for a while.

“It was cruel of me not to see it back then, Moira. I fear that I hurt you without even knowing it.”

“There was more joy than hurt in it. I will not deny the pain of seeing you and Claire at times, but I was happy for your happiness. And for hers. Even with the heartache, I embraced the love. It gave my young life purpose in a way.”

“I find myself wishing that you had said something.”

“Claire's Shadow declaring her love? You would have laughed, or treated it like the childish thing it probably was at first.”

“Maybe. I would like to think I would have been kinder than that.”

They reached the far wall and she rested her back against it. She fingered the flowers of the little bouquet she had gathered. “The whole time you were gone I loved you. I did not contemplate it much, but it was there.

Strange, isn't it? I expected it to fade once you had died, but when you came back I knew it was still in me. A dangerous thing, love. It is that that I ran from as much as the bonds.”

And what she ran from still.

“Did he come with you?”

“Rhys? Nay. He decided that he did not want me. Even the value of this house could not sway him.”

“He is a fool.”

“Not at all. In fact, he may be the most sensible man I have ever met. He knows that I still love you. He knows that no jewel can buy freedom from that.”

He leaned his shoulder against the wall, wishing he could see her expressions. He felt both anguish and pride in hearing her speak so calmly of loving him. Her voice sounded even and controlled, as if she spoke from some inner resolve. His own blood and emotions were churning. “If a lawyer's document could settle that freedom the way you wanted, I would gladly procure one for you.”

She laughed and poked the flowers at his nose. “I think that you would.”

“There will be another man. You are beautiful and now you are well propertied. And you have a good heart. There will be plenty of men who will count themselves fortunate to have you.”

“I do not think I will be marrying anyone, Addis.”

So there it was. The statement that killed the small chance that she had reconsidered his offer at the cathedral. He could not believe how empty it made him again. Proud, practical Moira. Describing in one breath an endless love and reaffirming in the next its impossibility.

It would be hell to walk away, but staying any longer promised a worse torture.

“I thought that you would not be back tonight. I had
planned to leave before you returned tomorrow, but Richard and I will go now.”

“There is no need. The solar is yours, now and whenever you are in London. Besides, it would be very unchivalrous of you to leave after I have set aside my pride and good sense and come back.”

He stared at the profile sniffing the flowers, trying to see her face in the darkness.

He almost dared not ask because he feared the answer. “Did you come back to your property or to me?”

She turned her head in surprise, as if the answer should have been obvious. “Oh, I most definitely came back to you.” She placed her hand on his chest. “For whatever time we have left.”

Gratitude and relief washed in a torrent. He lifted her hand and kissed it, then grasped her into his arms. Sweet perfume rose as the flowers crushed between their bodies. He buried his face in her hair and savored the feel of her fingers against his chest. Her last words tempered his joy for a only a moment before the sheer pleasure of holding her again banished the concern for a later time.

She tilted her head to invite a kiss and the willing gesture undid him. A hunger more soulful than physical drove his hard response. The sweet taste of her lips sent a ferocious desire tensing through him. The tip of her tongue swept his in symbolic acceptance.

He surrounded her, afraid she might disappear if he loosened his hold. He wanted to bind her to him, seal their bodies, absorb her into him. His exhalant phallus pressed against her belly and he probed her mouth in a simulacrum of the joining he craved. With a sharp gasp she broke the devouring kiss but slid her arms from between them to join the embrace.

He ate down her neck until he found the heavy pulse
beneath her ear. His mouth locked on the hot beat, connecting her life rhythm to both their hearts. She gasped again, rising on her toes with an abandoned stretch.

“I want you. Need you. Completely. Now,” he muttered against her skin.

“Aye.”

Her breathless affirmation made him burn. He almost pulled her to the ground. “Where? Your chamber?”

“The solar. Your bed.”

“Your bed now.”

“Our bed now.”

He had to release her to get her there. He took her hand and led her through the garden, not bothering with the paths, tromping over flowers and pushing through hedges.

She tripped along behind his determined stride much as she had on the way to the cathedral. Her gown caught on a bush and a courtyard torch dimly lit his expression when he turned and snapped the branch with his fingers. Her heart lurched. She had felt very bold and secure while she ran back here and spoke her love in the garden. Seeing his desire and expectation made her excited and nervous and not very self-possessed at all.

He handed her up the stairs and followed a step behind, his tension warm on her back and a guiding hand on her hip. She entered the solar and walked to its center, noticing the packed bags and tied weapons. Despite her decision she felt self-conscious suddenly, and a little fearful. He closed the door and looked at her, then took the candle from the table and dipped its flame to several others in the chamber.

“You do not have to be afraid,” he said with a vague smile. “I am not going to devour you.”

“Do I have your word of honor on that?” She laughed.

He cocked his head thoughtfully, then shook it. “Nay.”

“Well, no one can ever accuse you of not giving fair warning.” Giddy and wobbly, she sat on the edge of the bed and watched flame after flame briefly illuminate his face, exaggerating the hard planes and the golden-lit eyes. He wore the Baltic animal skins and she was glad he had changed from the lordly garments of the feast.

“You remind me of my obligations under chivalry. I suppose since you have surrendered that means I should give you terms.” He replaced the candle on the table. “But I find I do not feel much like a Christian knight at the moment.”

Nor did he look like one. “After such a long and patient siege, I did not expect to get quarter.”

“Good.”

He stripped off the tunic and she did the devouring, with her eyes.

He walked over until he stood in front of her. Each step quickened her blood, flushing her with excitement.

The chiseled muscles of his chest hovered a hand span from her nose. The smallest gap separated her legs from his thighs. She looked up into his severe intensity. Thudding anticipation tremored through her.

She reached with trembling hands and caressed his chest, admiring his lean strength, loving the sensation of his skin beneath her palms. He let her, looking down. She reveled in the feel of his taut abdomen and waist, and ran her hands along the sides of his hips, splaying her fingers over the buckskin. Leaning forward she pressed her lips to him, closing her eyes, tightening with a strumming expectation.

He stretched his fingers through her hair, holding her face to his body, kissing the top of her head. “I have never taken a woman in love before. Not really.”

That was not true, but if time and anger had dulled his
memory of the last time she would not remind him now. “Are you saying that you love me, Addis?”

“Aye, and it needs saying. I love you with both of my souls. I am only whole with you.”

He raised her up and turned her so he could undo the closures on the green gown. He lowered the garment, his hands skimming her with titillating brushes while he slid it down her body. He gathered her long hair to her back and turned her to face him. He slipped the shift from her shoulders and it slinked down her curves until she stood naked in the candlelight. He barely touched her while he looked at her, just grazed her softly with his palms. Finally, handling her like a fragile possession he led her onto the bed and discarded the rest of his garments until they lay skin to skin beside each other.