Calming the Rush of Panic (9 page)

Before beginning this meditation, please consider whether this is the right time for you to do it. Do you feel reasonably safe and open? If not, do some mindful breathing and come back to it at another time.

Foundational Practice: Mindful Inquiry

In a quiet place, find a position in which you can be alert and comfortable, whether seated or lying down. Turn off your phone and any other electrical device that could disturb you. Read and practice the script for this guided meditation below, pausing after each paragraph, or feel free to download a thirty-minute version from New Harbinger Publications at newharbinger .com/25264.

First, congratulate yourself that you are dedicating some precious time to meditation.

Become aware of your body and mind and whatever you are carrying within you. Perhaps there are feelings from the day’s events or whatever has been going on recently.

May you simply allow and acknowledge whatever is within you and let it be, without any form of analysis.

Gradually, shift the focus of awareness to the breath, breathing normally and naturally. As you breathe in, be aware of breathing in, and as you breathe out, be aware of breathing out.

Awareness can be focused at either the tip of the nose or the abdomen, depending on your preference. If focusing at the tip of the nose, feel the touch of the air as you breathe in and out… If focusing on the abdomen, feel the belly expanding on an inhalation and contracting on an exhalation.

Just living life, one inhalation and one exhalation at a time. Breathing in, breathing out, experiencing each breath appearing and disappearing. Just breathing.

And now gently withdraw awareness from the breath and shift to mindful inquiry.

Mindful inquiry is an investigation into emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that are driving your panic, anxieties, and fears, often beneath the surface of your awareness. There is a special and unique way of doing this practice that can foster the potential for deep understanding and insight.

When you practice mindful inquiry, gently direct your attention into the bodily feeling of panic or fear itself. Allow yourself to bring nonjudgmental awareness into the experience of it, acknowledging whatever it feels like in the body and mind and letting it be.

To begin this exploration, you need to first check in with yourself and determine whether it feels safe. If you don’t feel safe, perhaps it is better to wait and try another time and just stay with your breathing for now.

If you are feeling safe, then bring awareness into the body and mind and allow yourself to feel into and acknowledge any physical sensations, emotions, or thoughts, and just let them be…without trying to analyze or figure them out.

You may discover that within these feelings there’s a multitude of thoughts, emotions, or old memories that are fueling your fears. When you begin to acknowledge what has not been acknowledged, the pathway of insight and understanding may arise. As you turn toward your emotions, they may show you what you are panicked, worried, mad, sad, or bewildered about.

You may learn that the very resistance to unacknowledged emotions often causes more panic or fear and that learning to go with it, rather than fighting it, often diminishes them. When we say “go with it,” we mean that you allow and acknowledge whatever is within the mind and body. Just letting the waves of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations go wherever they need to go, just like the sky makes room for any weather.

Now gently returning to the breath and being mindful of breathing in and out…riding the waves of the breath.

As you come to the end of this meditation, take a moment to congratulate yourself, and take a moment to appreciate the safety and ease you may be feeling right now that you can bring into your day. By acknowledging your fears, you may open the possibility for deeper understanding, compassion, and peace. Before you get up, gently wiggle your fingers and toes and gradually open your eyes, being fully here and now.

May all beings dwell in peace.

How to Practice Mindful Inquiry

If you have connected with this meditation and find it useful, practice it whenever it feels right for you. This meditation is different from mindful breathing, the body scan, sitting meditation (chapter 3), and loving-kindness meditation (chapter 4), which you can work with daily. Those meditations are for building and maintaining balance and ease in your everyday life. Mindful inquiry meditation is specifically for when you want to investigate further your emotions and feelings that may be driving your panic. See what works best for you.

R.A.I.N.

Another informal mindful practice is called R.A.I.N. (origin unknown). This acronym stands for:

• Recognize when a strong emotion or feeling such as panic is present.
  
• Acknowledge or Allow that it’s there.
  
• Investigate the body, thoughts, and emotions in order to see what you are directly experiencing.
  
• Non-identify with it, or in other words, don’t take it personally.
  

R.A.I.N. is an insightful and useful self-inquiry practice that you can bring into your daily life to help you discover deeper storylines of what triggers your panicky reactions. You are welcome to bring this simple practice into your life and discover what happens when you make use of it.

Over the next few days or week, bring recognition to any panicky emotions and feelings and allow them to be present in your nonjudgmental awareness. Investigate how they feel in your body and mind. Then make an effort to not identify with them, to not take them so personally. Notice how it feels to not identify with the panicky emotions and feelings. This can be extremely skillful since it helps reduce the storyline dramatically and cultivates the understanding that panicky emotions and feelings are just changing states of mind and are not a complete definition of who you are. In addition, R.A.I.N. may offer you the possibility to look at panic from a perspective that enables you to choose a more constructive response as compared to your old, habitual ways of looking at things.

Karen’s Story

Things were closing down fast for Karen while she waited in line at the supermarket one day. Panic began to surge through her body, and she felt as though she was going to faint. Her palms got sweaty, she had a funny taste in her mouth, and she began to breathe very irregularly and rapidly. She realized she was in trouble and needed to do something quickly, before she made a big scene. Fortunately she remembered R.A.I.N. from her mindfulness class and decided to try to put it into practice in this acute panic-stricken situation. She first recognized what was happening and allowed herself to acknowledge that she was panicked. She then investigated the facts with detachment and clarity: just how were her feelings of panic affecting her body, thoughts, and emotions at that moment? After reflecting on this for a few moments, she felt a bit better and began trying to remember what the N in R.A.I.N. stood for. She almost laughed out loud when she remembered. Duh! Non-identify—don’t take it personally. Afterward, Karen thought, Wow, that R.A.I.N. practice just saved me from a major panic attack.

As you deepen your practice of mindfulness with mindful inquiry and R.A.I.N., you will come to know that the very resistance to unacknowledged emotions and feelings associated with panic often causes more panic, more tightness, more pain, more sleeplessness, and more suffering and that by learning to go with the flow, rather than fighting it, you’ll discover a whole new world. So why not give it a try? Besides, maybe that story of panic you’ve been living with isn’t the whole picture. Maybe there’s another way to live with greater freedom and peace.

By acknowledging your panic and fears, you may open to the possibility of deeper understanding, compassion, and peace. The beautiful poem “Unconditional” by Jennifer Welwood (1998) points to this healing journey.

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning to face my fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within;

Opening to my loss,

I gain the embrace of the universe;

Surrendering into emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me,

Each condition I welcome transforms me

And becomes itself transformed

Into its radiant jewel-like essence.

I bow to the one who has made it so,

Who has crafted this Master Game;

To play it is purest delight—

To honor its form, true devotion.

Applied Practices

Let’s move into some practical applications of mindfulness to help you deal with the rush of panic in your emotions and feelings.

Start Your Morning Off Right

Have you ever had mornings when the alarm goes off and as your feet touch the ground, a feeling of desperation and panic overtakes your mind? Mornings marred by chronic worry and anxiety can ruin your sense of stability and your entire day. You may experience a nagging feeling that something bad is coming or bad news is on its way. Or you may experience distress about something that happened last week or apprehension about something about to happen in the coming weeks.

Let’s have you try out the self-inquiry practice called R.A.I.N., described earlier in this chapter. R.A.I.N. stands for Recognizing your emotions; Acknowledging and Allowing whatever you’re feeling; Investigating the body, thoughts, and emotions; and then Not identifying with those feelings. The following version of this practice will teach you ways to cope with your worrisome and anxious feelings or other similarly strong emotions during an episode of panic.

1. Find a place to sit quietly and get into a comfortable position.
   
2. Focus on your breath. Your breath will guide you into the present moment. If you are holding your breath, take this time to take three deep belly breaths. Pay attention to the flow of the air, the feel of the air, the subtle nuances of the air traveling into and out of your body—starting at your mouth, lips, and nose, then down your throat, into your lungs, and down into your belly. Experience the fullness of each inhale and exhale. There’s no need to rush through this. Each breath is an anchor to being more present.
   
3. After a few breaths, ask yourself what you are feeling. Are you worried and feeling anxious? Are you feeling distressed about something in the past or fretful about something that may happen in the future? Are you worried about a certain person, place, thing, or occasion? Take this moment to recognize any emotions that come up.
   
4. After you’ve explored your feelings, take this moment to allow your feelings to be here with you. Give yourself permission to acknowledge your worries and anxious feelings at this time. Stay in the present moment by tuning in to your breathing. You may be feeling troubled, worrisome, and helpless for a sibling who is ill. You may be feeling anxious about upcoming plans with a friend. This is just how you are feeling right now, and that’s okay.
   
5. You may experience a strong tendency to place judgment on your feelings, such as judging a feeling to be good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair. Practice not judging your emotions, not putting labels on them, letting them simply be what they are. Emotions are just emotions, neither good nor bad. Focus on just the facts and return to your breath.
   
6. Begin to investigate your feelings in your body and mind. Consider where you hold these emotions in your body. Investigate just the facts. How do these feelings affect your body, thoughts, and emotions? Take this time to reflect on what you discover.
   
7. The last step in your mindful inquiry is non-identifying, or not taking your emotions personally. This may require some effort and practice, since it may feel counterintuitive. Try to remember that you are not your feelings. Your feelings are momentary, passing, impermanent. What you are feeling now may not be what you feel later. By non-identifying, you essentially allow your feelings to be, without making them about you. Your emotions and feelings are a passing state of mind, like a passing train. These emotions that you are feeling now do not identify who you are as a person. Reflect on how you feel when you don’t identify with your panicky emotions.
   

This mindful self-inquiry is an extremely useful tool for shifting your perspective on how you look at panic. Start your mornings in this way to deepen your understanding and soften your reaction to your panicky emotions.

Restore Peace in Your Heart

There is no ideal time or place for a panic attack to hit. You may be in the privacy of your home on your day off when panic grips you by the heart. An e-mail, a bill, or a voice message could trigger it. If others are around, you may experience tremendous embarrassment or shame about your panicky feelings. It is intensely uncomfortable to have others, such as family members or roommates, witness your emotional meltdown. Shame is an extremely painful emotion whereby you may even feel apologetic to others for putting them through your panic.