Can You Say Catastrophe? (5 page)

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

—Woody Allen

Monday, May 20, 9:33 P.M.
Official worst day of my life

Why is this day different from all other days?

On all other days, I have something to look forward to. I have a reason to live.

But on this day, I do not. On this day, all my hopes and dreams and any excitement I had about life were squashed like a bug, because on this day my parents told me I'M NOT GOING TO CAMP! THEY HAVE MADE ALTERNATE SUMMER PLANS FOR ME! THE WORST PLANS I HAVE EVER HEARD OF!

I'm so upset I can hardly write. My tears are falling onto the page. My nose is red and puffy and more misshapen than ever. I'm not sure what cardiac arrest feels like, but I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing it. I want to curl up in a ball and die. I know that sounds dramatic but I don't care. The worst part is that I had no idea I was going to feel this way when I woke up this morning.

When I woke up, it seemed like today was going to be a great day.

When I went into the kitchen for breakfast, I didn't speak to anybody in my family. That's what I've been doing for four days now, and it has been going so well.

At school, I took two of my end-of-the-year exams, which I was totally prepared for. I'd had plenty of time over the weekend to study since I wasn't speaking to anyone in my family and neither of my best friends was saying much to me. My problems started when I walked into the house after school.

The minute I got home, I knew something was wrong. Mom and Dad were both sitting at the kitchen table. Mom hardly ever sits down unless she's sewing something, and there was no sewing machine in sight. And Dad is never at home in the middle of the afternoon. When I walked in, they had serious looks on their faces.

Dad asked me to please sit.

Since I'm not speaking to them, I didn't tell them sitting wasn't what I wanted to do. I handled it the way I've handled all direct requests from any of my family members since Thursday. I wrote my response, which was “No thank you,” on a note card and held it up so they could see I wasn't planning to sit.

But that's when Dad pointed to a chair and told me to sit. He said it like he was talking to his dog, not his daughter. I knew I'd better sit, even though I didn't want to.

“April, Mom and I are very upset with your behavior and attitude lately.” Dad started talking about how he and Mom don't like the way I've been acting since my birthday party.

Since I'm not talking to them, I didn't tell them I don't like the way they've been acting since my birthday party either.

I thought Dad would be done after that, but he kept going. “Your mother and I see a negative pattern of behavior developing.” He talked about how I made everyone late for Gaga's birthday dinner, and how I barely spoke to anyone the whole time I was there.

Since I'm not speaking to my parents, I didn't say that I didn't particularly want to talk to anyone at Gaga's birthday dinner and that I happened to have a whole lot of other things on my mind that night.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the kitchen clock like I had somewhere more important to be. I really thought Dad would take the hint and wrap it up at this point, but he kept going.

“The way you have been acting lately toward other members of this family is unacceptable.” Dad brought up that I've been rude to him and mom and that I yell at my sisters.

If I had been speaking, what I would have told Dad is that I'm rude to him and mom because they say annoying things and make me do stuff I don't want to do and that I yell at my sisters because they do all kinds of things they shouldn't do to me, including but not limited to taking my stuff, sneaking into my room, and using my phone for what could easily be classified as child pornography.

He went on about how I “irresponsibly” sent them off to buy groceries and made a fire in the driveway. If you ask me, what Dad should have been doing was thanking me for babysitting them in the first place.

I REALLY thought Dad should be done at this point, but he was still going strong.

He talked about how I haven't spoken to anyone in this family for days. How it's “completely unacceptable.” He said I seem disconnected from this family and that's not good for anyone, particularly me.

I didn't think I should have to explain to Dad that being disconnected from this family is great for me and that I've never been happier. I just sat there with my arms crossed, looking at my parents. I couldn't imagine that there was anything else Dad could possibly say. If I'd had another note card on me, I would have written, “Are we done yet?”

But I didn't have a note card. And it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

Dad was SO not done.

That's when he looked at Mom, and Mom looked at him, and they did this weird nod like it was time. Then Dad looked at me and said the six words that ruined my life. “April, you're not going to camp.”

After that, everything was a blur. Dad said all this stuff about how I need to re-bond (which I don't even think is a word) with him and Mom and my sisters. He said that with every right comes responsibility, and as a member of this family, it is my responsibility to conduct myself in an “appropriate manner.” He said that it will also be my responsibility to babysit my sisters this summer when school is out. Then he said that he and mom bought an RV and that we're taking a two-week family vacation in it to Florida as part of the re-bonding process.

When I heard all this, I ended my boycott. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” I screamed. I've never been so mad in my life. I told them it's unfair to blame me for having bad behavior when the problems start with everyone else. I told them that I am just reacting to how horribly they are all acting. I told them that I am a teenager now and they need to start treating me like one. I told them that they can't just give me responsibilities when I have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS AT ALL!

But no matter what I said, my parents wouldn't change their minds.

I even reminded Dad (who shouldn't have needed reminding) that he just opened a new restaurant. “Can you really afford to leave the diner for two whole weeks?” I asked. I thought I was making a very smart business point and that Dad would see the logic in that and change his mind, but all he did was ramble on about family priorities and his highly capable assistant manager.

Then he told me the conversation was over and camp was out. He'd already called the director. I was staying home.

In my thirteen years of life, this was categorically the worst moment ever. I started begging. I literally got down on my knees and begged my parents to let me go to camp. I begged and I cried and I told them my heart would break in two if my friends left for camp without me.

But my parents didn't care. They just sat there like nothing I could say or do would make them change their minds.

So I told my parents if they didn't let me go to camp, I would run away from home.

Dad said if I wanted to do that, he would give me a thousand dollars, but if I took the money I could never come back. It was the most insane, stupid, heartless thing I could imagine a parent saying to a kid. I'm going to remember it forever and never say anything like that to my own kids. I'm seriously scarred for life.

Now I'm in my room, where I've been since I had this miserable talk with my parents. I haven't stopped crying. I haven't had anything to eat or drink since lunch. The only person who has even come to check on me is May, who said she just wanted to know if I'm going to stay or take the thousand dollars and leave. She asked if she could have my room if I go.

I hate my life. I really do.

I have nothing more to say.

There is nothing more to say.

I've developed a new philosophy: I only dread one day at a time.

—Charlie Brown

Tuesday, May 21
Depressed

I'm depressed. I told Brynn my parents won't let me go to camp.

I thought it would make me feel better to tell her, but it made me feel worse. Brynn just kept saying how it's the most unbelievable thing she'd ever heard, and she'd kill her parents if they did something like that to her. She said she can't imagine what it will be like to be at camp with Billy and without me. That was not what I was hoping she'd say.

I can't even write. I'm too depressed.

Wednesday, May 22
More depressed

I'm even more depressed today than I was yesterday.

Billy and I finally talked today. That sounds like a good thing, but it wasn't. Billy talked to me because Brynn told him I told her that my parents won't let me go to camp. He said it was too bad, but I didn't know if he meant it's too bad for me that I don't get to go or that it's too bad for him because he wishes I were going. So I asked him, and that's when our talk turned into a fight. Our first big fight ever.

Billy didn't want to talk about camp—he wanted to talk about kissing. He asked me if I told Brynn he kissed me.

I didn't want to lie, and it seemed like he knew the answer anyway.

When I told him I had, he said all kinds of stuff about how he couldn't believe I would tell Brynn and that he thought I should know that he wouldn't want me to, and how he trusted me not to tell anyone, but that was a mistake.

I tried to apologize, but Billy didn't want to hear anything I had to say. And now we're not talking. Again.

I'm upset that Billy and I aren't talking, but I don't know why. Things are no different now than before we started talking today anyway.

Thursday, May 23
Still depressed

It's the next-to-last day of school. All we did in school was eat doughnuts and sign yearbooks. I should be happy, but I'm not.

Friday, May 24
Last day of school
Last bell just rang
Last student to leave
(i.e., me)

Question: What's worse than the school year?

Answer: Summer break.

But only if your name is April Sinclair and you have the summer ahead of you that I have. I've never been so unexcited about school ending in my entire life.

One more question: Where's the nearest supply closet? I'd like to hide in it until next fall.

Tuesday, June 11
I think
I'm not sure
I don't know
I don't care

I haven't written anything for a long time, because I haven't had anything good to write about. I've been forced to spend large amounts of time with people (my sisters) I have absolutely no desire to spend time with.

I haven't seen Matt. For all I know he moved back to California.

Billy hasn't spoken to me since our fight, and I still don't know why. I don't know if it's because he's mad I told Brynn or confused about how he felt when he kissed me or upset he kissed me in the first place.

I completely don't get what's going on. All I know is that I miss talking to Billy, partly because I just miss Billy, but also because it means that the only other people I talk to who are anywhere near my age are May and June, who I don't like talking to, and Brynn, who only talks about a camp I'm not going to.

June l4, 9:45 P.M.
Staring at an empty duffle

June 14 was supposed to be the day when I would pack my duffle bag, because tomorrow is June 15, the day I was supposed to leave for camp.

It's making me sick that I'm not going. My stomach is upset and my head aches and my feet hurt. I feel like I'm getting one of those diseases people get when their life is too sad for them to lead a healthy existence.

I hate my parents for making me stay home. I'm too young to be filled with this kind of hatred.

And I know that as depressed as I am now, it won't compare to how depressed I'll be tomorrow morning at 6:45
A.M.
when my friends are on their way to Camp Silver Shores and I'm stuck at home.

I'm not a happy camper.

Saturday, June 15, 7:30 A.M.
Went to the bus to say good-bye
Back in bed
Tears on my pillow

I set my alarm for 6:30 so I could go to Faraway Middle School and say goodbye to my friends before they got on the bus. But I should have stayed in bed.

When Brynn saw me, she gave me a big hug and said she was going to miss me sooooo much and that camp wouldn't be nearly as much fun without me, but I don't think she meant it because she was hugging everybody and screaming about how much fun camp would be.

I saw Billy too. Since he's leaving for a while, I thought he might say something like,
April, I'm sorry things got so messed up between us. I really like you and I'm glad I kissed you. Camp won't be the same without you, and don't worry, I'll write.

But he didn't say anything like that. He didn't say anything at all. Not even good-bye. It was really weird. When I told him, “Bye and have fun,” he just looked at me like he was going to say something, but he didn't.

Then he and Brynn got on the bus with twenty-eight other screaming kids.

I watched as thirty screaming kids in Camp Silver Shores T-shirts drove off. But there should have been thirty-one kids on that bus.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

Sunday, June 16, 5:30 P.M.

Since I woke up this morning, I've watched seven episodes of
Real Housewives of New Jersey
and eaten an entire shoebox of Life cereal. Why a shoebox? Because all the cereal in our house ends up in shoeboxes under May's bed where she keeps it in case she gets hungry in the middle of the night.

While my friends are eating roasted marshmallows and singing songs around a fire, I'm stuck eating cereal out of a shoebox and watching a bunch of ladies scream at each other on TV.

5:45 P.M.

Mom just came into my room to check on me. When she did, I made the saddest face I could possibly make. I thought there was a chance she would say something about how she's already starting to realize she and Dad made a big mistake. But all she said was that I shouldn't worry, that this summer will be good for me.

I fail to see how.

Monday, June 17, 6:50 A.M.

It's 6:50 in the morning and I'm listening to my dad yelling, “Paper, Gilligan. Paper!”

My dad been has been standing in our front yard in his robe and slippers yelling for Gilligan to get the newspaper for at least 20 minutes. He's determined to train Gilligan to fetch the paper. Gilligan seems determined not to learn. In the amount of time my dad has been yelling, he could have gotten the paper himself and read the thing front to back.

And Dad doesn't just yell like a normal person yelling to a dog. He yells in a wake-upthe-whole-neighborhood kind of way. It's completely embarrassing.

It's also exhausting. I just walked outside and told Dad that as a result of being awakened so early, I will NOT be able to perform my job duties today, which he and Mom have defined as making lunch for my sisters and keeping them entertained this afternoon. Dad replied with some stupid comment about the early bird getting the worm.

I didn't see what the early bird had to do with any of this, but I asked Dad if while the early bird was out getting the worm, he could get the paper too.

I thought that was pretty funny. But Dad didn't see the humor. He said I should try to be more “respectful.” I told Dad I should be at camp where my “lack of respect” wouldn't bother him.

Dad didn't think that was funny either.

Tuesday, June 18

I have nothing to write about.

Here's what I will be doing today, which also happens to be what I did yesterday: making lunch for my sisters and keeping them entertained. In fact, I will be doing this every day this week, so if I write nothing else, it's because I already know I will have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

Thursday, June 20

Hallelujah! Tomorrow I will have something to write about. Mom said I can take May and June to the pool to swim.

Friday, June 21, 3:50 P.M.
The ultimate Embarrassment
The kind you never recover from

Unfortunately, today I have something to write about. This afternoon I took May and June to the pool, which I was looking forward to, but what happened there was so humiliating, I'm certain beyond a reasonable doubt that I'll never be the same again.

It pains me to write about it, but here goes.

After lunch, May and June and I walked to the pool. I was really excited. I had on my new bikini that I had to beg Mom to buy for me. It has removable pads, so I took out the right pad, which made my boobs look the same size. I thought I actually looked good.

When we got to the pool, I swam with May and June for a while. We had fun. They were really good and listened to everything I told them. When we were done swimming, I took them to the snack bar and we all got frozen candy bars and Cokes. Everything was going great. Then Matt Parker came over to the snack bar.

I didn't even know he was at the pool. With the exception of the one time in the hallway at school, I haven't seen him since we kissed. It's like he disappeared and suddenly reappeared. That's when the most embarrassing moment of my entire life happened. Here's a recap:

Matt: (Looking totally hot) Hey April, what's up?

Me: (Trying to look and sound cool) Not much.

Matt: (Smiling) I like your bikini.

Me: (Smiling and about to say something cool and/or funny and/or clever, but didn't have a chance to because my crazy sister said something first.)

June: It's a string bikini. That's what April calls it.

Matt: (Still smiling) I see that.

June: (Putting her hands on her hips.) It's got strings here.

June: And there's another string down there.

The next thing I knew, June was pointing to my crotch. I looked down. The end of my tampon string was hanging out, and Matt Parker was standing there staring at it. I swatted June away, but it was too late. Matt started laughing hysterically and looked away. Then, before I could even finish grabbing my towel to wrap around my waist, he said something about having to go, and he was out of sight.

I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I wanted to die.

I STILL WANT TO DIE.