Authors: Jenna Spencer
2013 by Jenna Spencer
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote a brief passage in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.
All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
~This is weird~
Hi. My name is
Candice. I have shoulder length dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I’m not short, but not tall, just average I guess. Everything about me is average. I’m not very popular in school. I have friends, a couple anyway. I wish that the boys would notice me. I wish anyone would notice me.
My Aunt gave me this journal for my birthday. She said that it is for my inner most thoughts and dreams. I don
’t think that I have any inner most thoughts and dreams but I’ll try.
If I do have inner most thoughts and dreams I woul
d be afraid to write them here because my mom would probably read them. But I don’t have anything to hide really. Except that I have a crush on someone, but I’ll save that for another day.
I like school.
At least I get to see my friends and get away from my house. School just started back up again. Summer is over. I miss sleeping in and hanging out with my friends.
My family is alright. I just don
’t have much in common with them. Mom likes to have family dinners together, but we don’t have anything to talk about. She tries to get me to talk about my day, but I kinda just wish she’d leave me alone.
My older brother Jake moved out a few years ago and I don
’t see him much. He stays away. He goes to college, has a job and lives in the city. I am stuck here in this Podunk town with nothing to do. I can’t wait to get out of here.
I live with my mom and step dad. They say they love each other but they seem to fight a lot about money and stuff. Is that what love is? Maybe I don
’t want to be an adult and get married. It doesn’t look like fun to me. They never seem very happy.
At least I try to be happy. I haven
’t seen my real dad in like seven years. Mom and him split up when I was eight and he just kind of fell off the earth. Mom said that he was a bad man and did bad things, so she was glad that he was gone. I don’t remember him much.
I have two really good friends
Paige and Missy. They are awesome. We have been friends since elementary school. They’re actually here now so… goodbye.
I had a really great birthday yesterday. Paige and Missy had a “Twilight” party for me. It was just the three of us. We watched back to back episodes of Jacob and Edward. I am a Jacob fan. But I like him before he got his sexy stomach. When he was just a nerdy wolf, I thought he was hotter then. Now everyone loves him, because he is cute now. But I thought he was cute before too.
and Missy made food for the movie party. They made stuff like dirt pudding and cat eyes. They even made a cake graveyard for me out of cut up angel food cake that looked like tombstones. It was awesome.
Back to school tomorrow. I still have homework to do, blehhhhh…
I hate home
work. I get good grades, but it’s so boring. Do they really think we give a shit about any of this stuff? I don’t think I’ll use any of this great knowledge later in life. My teachers are just big kid babysitters, paid to keep up occupied and out of trouble all day while our parents are at work. I’d rather be doing something else… something fun and exciting, but there’s not much exciting to do around here.
I’m so glad I went to school today. Ben smiled at me. He is so cute. My stomach did somersaults when he smiled at me. I like him so much. He smiled at me… so does that mean that he likes me too? We were in Algebra and I dropped my pencil. Ben sits next to me. It rolled under his desk. He picked it up and smiled at me when he gave it to me. My fingers touched his when I grabbed it. I actually touched him! Oh my gosh, he is soooooo cute. I wonder if he likes me. He is so quiet. He only talks to his friend Dylan. I like him so much.
There is a Sadie Hawkins Day dance next month. Girls are supposed to ask the guys to the dance. I wonder if I could get up the nerve.
Missy told me to pass Ben a note and ask him to the dance. Maybe I will do that, but I am so scared. What if he says no? Then what do I do? I will be so embarrassed. What if he says yes? OMG!!!! If he said yes, it would be awesome. I would feel like a queen. He is sooooo cute. I love his dark curly hair and his warm puppy dog eyes. I just want to take him home and snuggle with him. Ben always wears the coolest boots and he chews on the end of his pencil in class. Oh how I would love to be that pencil and have him nibble on me. J
I am pretty invisible at school. I
’m not the prettiest girl here. We’re not rich, so I don’t have cool clothes. There’s nothing special about me. Nothing that stands out from the crowd. I kinda wish that I would stand out and that people would notice me. I wish that Ben would notice me.
’ll pass him a note. Just do it and get it over with. I don’t think he has a girlfriend. I haven’t seen him with anyone since Lauri Stevenson. She moved away last year. I wish that I was in the “in crowd” so that I knew all these things. I try to overhear gossip so that I know stuff, but nobody tells me anything. I’m just a fly on the wall… no, I’m a flea on the fly on the wall. Some days it feels like I don’t exist at all.
I did it. I
got up the nerve today in class and passed Ben a note and asked him to the dance. He smiled at me and nodded. Oh my gosh, I think I’m gonna throw up. This is really happening.
Ben came over to my locker at the end of school and talked to me. Oh my gosh,
he really talked to me. He got close to me and said that we should hang out some time. I could smell his breath he was so close. He had minty gum in his mouth and he smelled so good.
I told him sure
, that I’d love to hang out with him some time. We made plans to meet tomorrow after school at Pizza King. What do I wear? What do I talk about? I am sooooo nervous. I wish Paige and Missy were coming with me. I can’t believe this is happening. He ROCKS! I am so excited…
Ben said that I looked pretty today. Do y
ou believe that? He actually noticed what I was wearing! When he said that, he looked up and down my body. I felt like crawling in a hole. Ben actually looked at my boobs. OMG>>> They’re okay aren’t they? They’re not huge like Suzie McElhaneys but they aren’t small either. Oh my, Ben looked at my boobs and he said that I looked pretty. I think I’m gonna throw up now. My stomach is turning over in knots.
and Missy are here to help me pick out an outfit…. I think I want to wear my hot pink top with my black skinny jeans. They make my butt look so good. I am sooo nervous. Wish me luck… Later!
Okay… simple fact…. I am in love! Ben is AMAZING!!!! He is smart and funny and nice and soooo cute. I had the best time EVER after school today. We talked about school and our friends. I really got to know him. His parents are divorced like mine. He never sees his dad either and his mom works like two jobs so he never sees her much. He said that when he does see her that she is so stressed out about money, that he just avoids her and goes to Dylan’s house. They can do whatever they want there. Dylans parents don’t even give him a curfew. Wow, can you imagine? That would be awesome! They treat him like an adult. I wish my parents were cool like that.
ents are so strict that sometimes I don’t feel like I can breathe. They think that I am a little kid and they don’t trust me. I just wish they would back off and let me make my own decisions. I’m sure I’ll make some mistakes, but isn’t that what teenagers are supposed to do? They need to cut me some slack. I’m not a baby.
’m gonna see again Ben this weekend. He said maybe we could see a movie or something. He drove me home from the pizza joint and he even opened the door for me. He is so sweet. I like him so much. He’s quiet and shy, but cool. He isn’t nerd quiet, but cool quiet, you know what I mean? OH MY GOSH>>>> I like him sooooo much. Do you think he likes me? I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight. But if I do… I know I’ll dream of Ben!
Paige and Missy are calling me non-stop. They are like little lost puppies trying to live through me. Wow, I love them… but my love for Ben is different. He is the one, I just know it!
Ben called me today. We talked on the phone for alm
ost an hour. He is soooo sweet. I like him soooo much. We talked about school and the teachers. He told me how he cheats in History class. He is very creative. I can learn a lot from Ben. I told him all about Paige and Missy. He said that they sounded like good friends. Of course I agreed with him.
, my mom made me get off the phone. Really? What was I hurting by talking on the phone? Once again, she’s gotta be the boss and treat me like a child.
’s gonna pick me up at six tonight and we’re gonna get a burger then go see a movie. I wonder what we’ll see? Maybe something scary so that I can snuggle with him. I wonder if he will try to put his arm around me. I’ll be sure to wear extra spray so that I will smell good in case he does. Gotta go pick out an outfit. I am soooo nervous! Good nervous!
This journal is pretty cool actually.
I carry it in my purse with me and write stuff down when I don’t have anything else to do. It’s like my friend or something. Someone that I talk to about stuff, personal stuff.
Aug 14 again…
I just got home from my date with Ben. OMG!!! He is AMAZING! We had soooo much fun. I didn
’t know that Dylan and his girlfriend Jessica were coming too, but it was okay. I don’t think Jessica liked me much, but Dylan was nice. He is kinda cool. He is tough and street smart. I don’t think he has much supervision from his parents, so he just does whatever he wants to do. He gets in trouble at school sometimes. Just for skipping class or not turning in homework, it’s not like he brings a gun to school or anything. He’s not a bad kid. He’s kinda cute in a rough way.