Can't Get Enough of You (29 page)

Jenna raised and lowered her hands in a display of helplessness. “I suppose I should count myself lucky that you didn't decide that you're in love with him. Who knows what you might have done under those circumstances.”

“It's true! I'm really sorry. I love you. I wasn't thinking,” Leah insisted.

“Well, you hurt me . . . badly. And you can't just make it up to me by telling me why you did what you did. The facts speak for themselves. I'm not likely to ever forget finding you in my bed with Scott. There is no explaining that away.”

“But I—”

“You had your say. Now it's my turn to talk and your turn to shut up and listen,” Jenna interrupted, shaking with fury. “I didn't have the advantage that you and Lincoln had, because I wasn't adopted. I had to work for everything, especially my education. All things considered, it worked out well for me. I've had some rough times and some breaks along the way. Looking back, I have no regrets. I'm certainly glad I've never felt the need to hurt someone else because I was jealous of what they have or who they have in their lives. I don't think I'm better than you because I finished college. No one needs to point out that it has to do with the way we were brought up. We're identical. It's more than circumstances that differentiate us. We were both smart when we started kindergarten and first grade. Intelligence runs in our family. Look at Lincoln. He was always at the top of his class.”

Jenna didn't wait for a response. “From the investigator's report we know that both our parents went to college. And that Mama dropped out because she was pregnant. Daddy quit college when they got married to support the family, but evidently he couldn't handle the responsibility of being a husband and father, because when we were little he gave up and walked away. Poor Mama never recovered from his leaving.”

She paused before she said, “Our folks had problems, but they were both educated people. You had the same opportunity to do something with your life as Lincoln and I. Why you decided not to go to college no longer concerns me. I see now that you never wanted my help. I won't make that mistake again. Your life is your concern, not mine. Now that we've got that settled, my part in this discussion has ended.”

Lincoln kissed her cheek. “Thank you for hearing Leah out. At least you know that Scott didn't come on to Leah. He's evidently the innocent party in all this.”

Jenna's entire body tightened, as if someone had poked her with a pin. “Innocent? No way. From where I was standing he was guilty as sin. He had her wrapped in his arms. And he looked as if he was prepared to finish what Leah started.”

“Jenna, come on. You can't hold the fact that he reacted as a man against him.”

“Yeah, I can and will.”

“Leah was all over him.”

Jenna snapped. “So what? He wanted her. That's fine with me. He can have her. I'm not going to stand in his way.”

Lincoln insisted, “Scott thought he had you in his arms.”

“You don't know that,” Jenna shot back.

“That's what you told me.”

“It's what he said, but I don't believe it. He said what he thought I wanted to hear at the time. He was aroused, Lincoln. His body told its own story,” Jenna said, fighting her turbulent emotions.

“Come on! So what if he was aroused? That could have happened for a number of reasons . . . a woman in bed with him or a normal morning reaction. Or it might have been exactly what he told you at the time. What if he really was asleep and thought he was making love to you?” Lincoln paused before he said, “There's only one sure way of finding out. Ask him what really happened. You trusted him enough to sleep with him. Why won't you trust him to tell you the truth about what was going on with him?” When she didn't respond, he prompted, “Jenna, have you forgotten that you were considering spending your life with him? Scott didn't strike me as being either a coward or a liar. Why would he suddenly change?”

Jenna's heart began to pound from the possibility that Lincoln might be correct. Had she misjudged Scott? He'd tried to explain, but she'd cut him off, refusing to listen.

Leah said, “I was telling the truth. I never meant to hurt you. Scott was also telling the truth. He was asleep when I got into bed. He didn't wake up until I pressed against him and started kissing his neck. He called your name when he pulled me close and kissed me. Then I heard you scream and the sound of dishes crashing to the floor. That's when I got scared and panicked. I'm not even sure what I said to you. I just made up some crazy excuse for my being in your room. What I'd done had finally hit me. By then, you were ordering me out of the room and the house. Nothing has been right for me since that moment. I lost more than a place to stay, Jenna. I lost my sister. Because of the resentment and jealousy, I didn't think about how you'd feel.” She said unhappily, “I didn't think you really loved him. It was too late when I figured out I not only hurt you but myself. I feel so bad. I know now that I was so wrong.”

“Why are you telling me all this now?”

“I'm really sorry. I want to make it up to you, make things right between us. I hate how things are between us. It hurts. I want my big sister back. I'm hoping that someday you might find it in your heart to forgive me,” Leah ended miserably.

Jenna frowned. “You're sorry? Well, it's too late. What's done can't be undone. You can't expect to make nice and I'm supposed to forgive and forget. I can't do that. I don't want to. You destroyed two relationships.”

Leah shocked Jenna when she said, “It doesn't have to be over between you and Scott. Go and talk to him. Give him a chance,” she begged. “I owe it to him to try and fix things if I can. He will probably never speak to me again. But he's a decent guy and deserved better than he got.”

“Leah is right. Scott deserves a chance.” Lincoln squeezed Jenna's shoulder before he got up and stretched. “Think about it, Jenna.” He walked over to Leah and kissed her cheek. “Good night, ladies.”

After Lincoln left, Leah said softly, “I don't expect you to believe me, but I really would like to make it up to you.” Jenna didn't respond but stared into the grate. Leah sighed heavily before she said, “Good night.” Then she quietly left the room.

Deep in thought, Jenna absently turned off the lights before she went into her office and closed the door. She flicked on the lamp, then plopped down in the chair behind the desk. She drummed her fingers on the desktop. Had she been misjudging him? Had she overreacted in the heat of the moment?

She slowly opened the middle drawer and flipped over the framed photograph that had been lying facedown. With a trembling finger, she traced Scott's firm jawline, then sighed unhappily.

Jenna closed her eyes, imagining Scott's response if she showed up at his door. He'd glared at her when he'd spotted her in the restaurant. He was furious.

She'd seen it in his eyes when their gazes had briefly locked. Consumed by her own hurt, she'd quickly looked away. She certainly hadn't thought that a few hours later she might be wondering if she was wrong about what she'd seen that Saturday morning. Or that she might have to go to him for clarification.

“This is crazy!” she mumbled in misery. She'd been the one wronged, not the other way around. But what if she'd been mistaken? What if he hadn't been making love to her twin sister? What if he hadn't desired Leah?

Since Lincoln had forced her to listen to Leah's explanation, she realized she should at least hear Scott's version of what had transpired that morning. It was the only way of clearing away the doubt. She would have to go to him. There were no other options. And what if she'd been wrong? Would she be woman enough to apologize?

Until now, she hadn't been able to imagine anything worse than seeing her twin in her bed with her love. If she'd been wrong about what she'd seen, she had no way of making it up to him, of making it right. He was already so angry with her. Would he even hear her out?

“Why does everything have to be so darn complicated? Aren't there any easy solutions out there?” Jenna whispered as she covered her face with her hands. She'd be lucky if he didn't slam the door in her face.

Suddenly furious, she wanted to scream. Or throw something. She had done nothing wrong. She hadn't orchestrated this situation. Why did she have to always be the one trying to do the right thing? It wasn't fair.

At first he had called several times and sent text messages, trying to explain. Then there had been nothing from him. Hurt beyond measure, Jenna had been unable to bear hearing excuses for what she'd seen. Naturally, she'd tried to protect herself from further hurt and disappointment.

Once her family left in the morning, she would have nothing pressing to occupy her thoughts. The university wouldn't be back in session until well into the new year. There was nothing to stop her from going to see him. There was nothing but fear to stop her from finding out the truth.

She held out little hope of straightening out their difficulties or of their finding their way back to each other ever again. Her heart was so heavy because she knew they'd never really repaired the damage caused by their first breakup. They'd lost something vital. They'd lost faith in each other a long time ago.

Twenty-eight

S
cott was working out in his recently completed home gym when the doorbell sounded. He scowled, focusing on his anger and resentment. It was Jenna. She'd called to request a meeting.

Last night's unexpected sighting across the crowded restaurant had firmly crushed the sliver of hope that had lingered despite his best efforts. Hope that she would think better of him. When their eyes had locked for that poignant moment, he'd known beyond doubt that she still believed he'd betrayed their love. Everything she knew and thought of him as a man had been boiled down to that single defining incident. And it hurt like hell.

What he couldn't figure out was why she had bothered to come. What could she possibly have to say?

Dressed in navy sweats, Scott's legendary smile was absent when he opened the door. The frosty late December day matched his cold, dark eyes as he looked down at his lost love. She'd broken his heart—not once but twice. He had no one but himself to blame for giving her yet another opportunity. Never again, he vowed, no matter how good she looked.

“Come in,” he said, with no preamble.

He led the way into the den, gesturing toward the sitting area, while he remained standing. He waited until she removed her coat and draped it over the back of a sofa before she sat down. She was dressed in a lavender sweater set, black jeans, and high-heeled boots. She crossed her long, shapely legs.

“Well?” he asked, his entire body tight with tension. He refused to let his gaze linger on her beautiful features or her enticing curves. He wanted this over and her gone.

“I apologize for intruding on your time. But I have a few questions that only you can answer,” Jenna said candidly.

“Why now? You weren't interested in hearing anything I had to say before. What changed?” With teeth clenched, a muscle jumped in his cheek. Although he saw her look of reproach, he chose to ignore it. He wasn't going to make this easy for her.

“I've had time to calm down and think. I've also talked it over with my brother. Lincoln attempted to offer the male point of view.”

“Thank him. I mean, for pointing out there are two sides,” Scott retorted, his voice laced with sarcasm.

“You can't blame me for being upset, Scott. You were in my bed with my twin.”

“Oh, I blame you. Just as much as you blame me,” he snapped impatiently. “I know how bad it looked. But because you said you loved me, I thought that meant you cared enough to listen to what I had to say.”

“I'm here now, aren't I?”

“Only because your brother suggested it, and not out of any consideration for me.”

“Perhaps I was wrong in not giving you an opportunity to explain.”

“Perhaps?”

“Okay! I apologize for that. But I was devastated. I still can't get that image out of my head.”

She hadn't been alone. He'd shared her devastation and shock as he'd recalled the look of sheer horror and disbelief on her lovely face. If she had only listened—then or even later that night or the following day—then maybe they would have been able to get to the truth.

“Would you please just tell me what happened?”

“Not until you tell me why it suddenly matters to you. How did Leah explain her actions? I'm assuming you gave her that much consideration?”

Jenna jumped to her feet, hands balled at her sides. Reluctantly, she said, “I listened to Leah last night after Lincoln convinced me to hear her out. As you know, I put her out. I only let her come back the day Lincoln and his family arrived. He wants to help. He doesn't want us to remain estranged.”

Scott said nothing, his only acknowledgement that he heard her a slight nod of his head. He was deeply wounded by her lack of faith in him. It had left a bitter taste in his mouth.

As the silence stretched on, Jenna finally said, “Leah admitted she was jealous of me and what I had, especially you. She saw my leaving the house that morning as an opportunity to show you that you picked the wrong twin. She claimed she didn't think, just acted.”

His frown deepened as he crossed his arms over his chest, but he made no comment.

Jenna rushed ahead, saying, “She said you were asleep when she climbed in bed with you. That she pressed against you, kissed your neck. Then you kissed her. Is that true? Is that what happened?”

Scott was shaking with fury. Jenna had been willing to listen to her unscrupulous sister, and now had the nerve to want his confirmation. Her willingness to listen had nothing to do with what the two of them felt for each other.

The realization cut into his very core, highlighting as nothing else could their differences. She claimed to love him, yet she didn't trust him or believe in his decency as a human being. Her hurtful comment that she should never have taken him back flashed through his mind, fueling his brooding anger and hardening his heart.

“Yes, it's true. But I told you that much. Naturally, I thought I was holding you, kissing you. My eyes weren't opened. It wasn't until I tasted her stale, wine-laced breath and smelled her skin that I knew I was in bed with the wrong woman. I would have pushed her away then, but that's when I heard your scream.”

He fumed. “You saw my erection as a betrayal, rather than what it was—a man's natural response first thing in the morning. You didn't want to listen then or when I tried to call you and text you later. You ignored all of that. It was pointless to go to you and try to get you to listen.”

Exasperated, he needed a few moments to collect his thoughts. “Frankly, I don't get what you hope to gain by coming here today. We both know you trust me about as far as you can throw me. Your lack of faith in me ended it for me. I deserve a hell of a lot better than what I got from you.”

When he saw her lush, dark-pink-tinted mouth tighten and her hazel eyes fill with tears, he looked away. “You were right, Jenna. You never should have taken me back. It only raised both our hopes that we could make it work the second time around.” He shook his head wearily. “I was so damn hopeful when I saw you in the cafe. All I knew was I wanted you . . . more than ever. Like a lovesick fool, I was willing to go to any length to win back your love.” His laugh was harsh, packed with bitterness. “What a waste of valuable time, energy, and effort.”

“You can't mean that.”

“I do,” he said without hesitation. “You were reluctant from the first, not even wanting us to be friends. I was so busy trying to convince you we had a future that I couldn't see what was right in front of my face. It couldn't work no matter how hard I tried. What I don't get was why I didn't learn from the past. It would have saved us so much heartache. Hell, it wasn't like I didn't know how you felt, that you didn't trust me. You came right out and told me.”

Scott laughed bitterly. “When I entered the draft, you felt as if I broke my promise to finish college and marry you, but I saw it as a once-in-a-lifetime chance to make a dream come true. I invited you along for the ride. I never set out to hurt you, but that's what happened.”

He stopped as he stared down at his athletic shoes, as if they'd held the answers. He took a breath. He didn't look at her when he said, “Who knows which one of us was right or wrong about that. It doesn't matter anymore. What's important was that your trust and faith in me were never the same after that. Because of it, you stopped believing I was a man of my word.”

She surprised him when she said, “I wanted to believe. I wanted you. I wanted us to work this time, so badly. And I was trying to forget the past as we moved toward the future. I was so close to making a commitment to you, but then I saw . . .” She broke off.

Scott finished for her, “When you saw me in bed with Leah, all the old doubts and fears came right back. And for a good reason. You don't love me, Jenna. Without trust there can be no lasting love. Sure, we said we loved each other, but evidently not enough to make it through the tough times.”

He admitted, “I saw this thing with Leah coming, but I wasn't sharp enough to put it all together. I knew she was after me and that she didn't respect our boundaries. She was giving off signals left and right. I should have warned you, but I knew you'd think I was overreacting. When it came to your sister, you saw her the way you wanted her to be, not the way she really was. So I kept my mouth shut. I could see that she resented you, and it bothered me. But it never occurred to me that she could have gone as far as she did. That error was costly.”

“You should have told me,” Jenna insisted.

He nodded. “I realize that now. I was furious when she pretended to be you, but you just went along with it. You were so happy to have her back, you couldn't get past it. She could do no wrong in your eyes. I had a bad feeling that night, knew I should have gone home, but I didn't.”

“Scott, I knew she flirted with you. I didn't like it, but I said and did nothing to stop it. We've both made mistakes. I readily admit that.”

“It was much more than that. I realize now that I need a different woman. A woman who believes in me and trusts me to never deliberately hurt or betray her. I want that kind of trust.” He said vehemently, “Your sister didn't break us up, you did. I was convinced that you were the woman I needed and deserved. I know now that I made a huge mistake. I'm sorry about that, just like I'm sorry about a lot of things.”

Scott's eyes burned from unshed tears, and his heart was heavy with grief for what could not be. Just because he loved and believed in her didn't mean she loved him back with the same intensity. It kept coming back to that one point. She'd been right all along. They were good at hurting each other. They didn't belong together.

“Good-bye, Jenna. Let yourself out.”

He walked out of the room and didn't look at her. He couldn't. It hurt too damn much.

“T
here's just no way we're going to let you stay home moping on New Year's Eve,” Sherri Ann said over the telephone. “So get up, comb your hair, and put something pretty on. Come on over to my place. We're having a girlfriends' night in. Don't say no. Trenna and Maureen are coming. We're going to eat, drink lots of champagne, talk trash about men. Doesn't that sound like a good time?”

Jenna sighed unhappily. She'd been doing just that, moping at home. She hadn't stepped out of her door since the day she'd gone to talk to Scott. She'd thought she'd been prepared for all possibilities when she'd arrived at his place.

She'd gone over everything so many times, her conversations with her siblings before going to see Scott. She'd tried to recall exactly what she'd said to him. Her expectations hadn't been lofty. She'd gone seeking answers, and he'd given them to her. The result had been devastating.

She'd misjudged what she'd seen. His culpability began and ended with him being in bed with her twin. He hadn't invited Leah to join him. He'd been asleep until she'd climbed in and tried to seduce him into making love to her.

It had taken her too long to understand what had really happened that morning. She believed Scott when he said he would have pushed Leah away the instant he'd recognized he'd been holding the wrong twin. The truth had been as clear as his disillusionment and disappointment in her when he'd looked directly into her eyes and answered her questions.

Unfortunately for Jenna, the truth had come too late to repair their relationship. The damage had been done when she'd refused to listen to his explanation. That failure had convinced Scott she didn't love and trust him, not enough to build a future together.

What they'd discovered so long ago on U of D's campus was finally over. That small glimmer of hope buried in her heart had been ultimately dimmed. There had been no loud argument, no heated exchange. It had ended with Scott walking out of her life.

Jenna had been too stunned to do anything but stare after him. The realization had finally hit her in slow, painful degrees. She had wanted to curl into a ball of utter misery and howl her anguish. Pride had saved her from making a complete fool of herself and had stopped her from going after him to plead for his forgiveness. Pride had been the only thing that had gotten her out of his house and into her car without falling apart.

Scott had made his decision. She had no choice but to respect it. She didn't recall the drive home. Once she'd gotten inside her home, she'd given in to the emotional turmoil. She'd done nothing but cry, pouring out her grief. The worst part was that everything he'd said had been painfully true.

She'd placed the blame for their original breakup squarely on his shoulders. She'd believed that by following his dream, he had deliberately set out to hurt her. She hadn't realized the truth, not until he'd pointed it out. His actions hadn't been calculated. Yet they had seemed that way to her because of the hurt they had caused her when he'd broken his promise to her. Scott was correct. She'd treated him as if he'd intended to harm her, while she'd ignored his proposal that they marry and share this new chapter in his life.

At an early age she had learned there weren't a lot of things she could count on in life. That was why promises had always been important to her. She made a point to keep hers and expected no less from those she loved.