Can't Go Home (Oasis Waterfall) (30 page)

Shaking the image from my head, “Earth shattering? Mind-blowing? Toe curling?” I boast teasingly, trying to erase haunting visions of Kathryn and Theodore from my mind. Running my hand along her bare stomach, I say, “Use all the words you need to describe me Pebbles.”

Kathryn’s right though. I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences, and sex with her is above any I’ve experienced before, by far, especially just now. The connection was magnetic. I don’t know if it was that the deception and guilt were finally gone or that we’ve hit a new level of intimacy and emotion, but either way, it was phenomenal.

“I’m not even kidding. I feel like I should give you some kind of an award … standing ovation … I don’t know,” Kathryn marvels. Smiling, her faces lights up, “I know! Maybe I should write a song, a poem, or something,” Kathryn says, giggling.

“How about a limerick?” I joke, entwining my legs in hers.

“Ha Ha. Very funny, John Irving,” she says, smacking me on the arm.

My phone rings, surprising me, since I haven’t used it or needed it in over a year. We glance at each other, shocked by the disturbance. When I make no move to answer it, Kathryn says, “You have to get it. It could be news about Piper.”

Hearing Kathryn refer to Piper, I spring to my feet, grabbing my phone off the hotel dresser. Relieved when I see Lafferty’s name on the screen, I answer the phone. His words flood with me relief and an overwhelming sense of love for my little sister. Beaming, I tell him that we’re on our way, as I punch the air in triumph.

“Piper’s awake; she’s asking for me,” I announce, tearing up.

Kathryn jumps off the bed right into my arms. “Oh thank God. Oh my God, that’s so wonderful,” she squeals, squeezing me and kissing me all over my face. It’s almost as if every last thing she does confirms even more how much I love her.

“Before we go to the hospital, I wanna say something.” I walk Kathryn over to the bed and sit down with her on my lap. “Pebbles, I never could’ve faced any of this without you. I couldn’t have come back here … faced them … or anything,” I admit, tracing her jaw with my thumb. “You give me strength and courage I didn’t even know I possessed. I just want to thank you … thank you for being here … for being … everything.”

Smiling, Kathryn’s eyes glisten, and she kisses me lightly. With her lips on mine, she whispers into my mouth, “Everything.”

I wanted to tell her how hard I’d fallen for her, but I didn’t want to look into her eyes, hold her close, say, “I love you,” and then jet to the hospital to see my sister. I’ve never told a woman that I loved her before. Well, I told Waverly, but I never meant it. I never even thought I meant it. It’s just what she wanted to hear, so I pussied up and said it, never once feeling anything but slight tolerance for her.

Fuck, most of the time with Waverly, I just wanted to gag her—and not in a sexual way. Waverly is the epitome of high maintenance and frustration. I spent the majority of our relationship praying for earplugs or that a meteor would shoot out of the sky, hit me directly in the head, and put me out of my goddamn misery.

Since I’d never experienced true love, true passion (until now), I think that’s why it’d been so easy to give up women for the past year. Sure I had urges, desires, but nothing overpowered me, made me long for something—until now. Being with Kathryn makes me feel like I’m connected to my lifeline. I know she feels it too; nobody has ever looked at me like she does. It’s almost as if I can do no wrong, and let’s be clear, I’m not sure I’ve done anything right lately—except find her. Holy fuck, talk about pussying up! My vagina’s gonna start bleeding if I keep this shit up.

Bottom line, I’m in love with Kathryn. My brother’s a dick. My parents are assholes. My sister is the best my family has to offer. And me, I’m a total pansy. Alright, now that we’re all up to speed, and my head is clear; I’m ready to see Piper.

“And you made fun of me for talking to myself,” Kathryn kids, in the elevator. “Anything in that head of yours that you’d care to share, Mr. Deep-thinker?”

“Don’t you worry about what’s in my head,” I say, holding her hand, tugging her toward me. “You just worry about what’s in my pants.”

“Classy. Real classy. I’m swooning here … but seriously, don’t start shutting me out, again,” she warns. “I don’t like it.”

“Trust me, I won’t.” I promise her. “I was just going over the last 24 hours in my head.”

Kathryn wraps her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest. “They’ve been a pretty crazy 24 hours,” she says. When the elevator dings, Kathryn kisses my cheek, grabs my hand, and we step out onto the hospital floor. We walk silently, hand-in-hand, down the hallway to the waiting area. Kathryn squeezes my hand, a token of encouragement and support as I head into the room alone.

My entire family turns to look at me when I enter the room. Both of my parents scowl at my arrival; Tristan glares irately at me. Although I’m nearly suffocating from family drama and obvious detestation, I’ve got a shit-eating grin sprawled across my face. Piper is sitting up in her bed, fully awake, and sipping an apple juice.

“Hey kiddo,” I say, kissing her forehead and then cradling her in my arms. “You gave us … all … quite a scare,” I whisper in her ear. Tears fall down my face as I think about what could’ve happened if my “always-successful” sister were successful this time around.

“Mom, Dad,” Pipers calls. My parents bolt over to the bed, all ears to whatever Piper wants. “Can I talk to Dre alone for a minute?” My mother’s eyes squint, glaring at me. My father huffs and walks out the door with my mother close behind him. Tristan leaves staring at me the entire time.

After they leave, Piper’s loses it, uncontrollable sobs escaping her. “Pipe, what is it? I’m here, Baby; I’m here.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry, Adre-annie,” Piper says through sobs. “Please, please, please forgive me. I didn’t mean for them to find out. It was an accident.”

“Who? Find out what?” I can hardly understand anything she’s saying.

“Mom and Dad, Ade, I didn’t mean it. I swear. I was being so selfish, I guess,” Piper cries.

“Honey, slow down … relax … I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I explain, stroking her hair, trying to console her. Seeing my sister like this guts me.

Not being able to protect the people we love the most is fucking bullshit. I want to save her, help her, protect her, and just fucking make damn sure she never hurts like this again. But I can’t. And that’s the problem with loving someone so much. Their pain so easily becomes your pain. Their suffering is yours.

“Charleston. They know. Mom and Dad know you live there … and it’s all my fault,” she confesses, crying harder. “I’m so sorry. You trusted me Ade and … and … I blew it.”

“Whoa … hold on … Piper, it’s okay. No … no … stop that,” I soothe, shaking my head, wiping her tears away. “So they know … who cares? All that matters is that you’re here … you’re with us. Piper, none of that shit matters. You matter,” I say, holding her tightly in my arms. “You matter.”

“But, I promised you … and I couldn’t keep that promise,” Piper says, trying to catch her breath. “Adrian, I even remembered to write ‘Dre’ in every letter I sent. I was being so careful. I didn’t mean to let you down,” she wails between breaths.

Realizing her pain and finally understanding her words, my heart crumbles, and my gut wrenches. “Piper, you didn’t … Oh God Piper! You didn’t do … do … this … because of … of … me? Did you?” I ask, feeling like I’m going to be sick.

Her face contorts; her body quakes. “Ade, they won’t let me go.” Piper’s crying so hard now that I’m worried for her. This can’t be good for her. She’s still recovering, still weak, and still so vulnerable.

Holding her, I just say, “It’s okay, Baby. It’s okay,” rocking her back and forth, careful of the bandages on her wrists.

“Don’t you get it? It’s not okay. I’m stuck here … with them. I can’t do it. I can’t, Ade. I just can’t,” she cries into my shoulder.

“Piper, it’s alright. You’re going to college next year. You’ll get away—just like I did.”

“They won’t let me!” she explains. “I was gonna surprise you. I was so excited.” Her voice quivers; her body shivers as she tries to calm herself down. “I applied to College of Charleston, Ade. I got in. Early admissions.” Piper can’t fight the smile or gleam in her eye. “I could start classes in June.”

“Piper! That’s fucking incredible. That’s … that’s … great news,” I exclaim, feeling excited for the future for the first time in a long time.

“But … see … it’s not! That’s what I’m trying to say,” Piper groans, leaning her head back on the pillows.

“They said I can’t go. They won’t pay for school if I’m going anywhere near you. At first, they couldn’t understand why I wanted to go to Charleston in the first place … and then … then, I guess they just figured it out.”

My parents are fucking nutcases. To think that they can hold their daughter back from where she wants to go to college is absurd, especially since it’s only because they want her away from me.

“Piper, first of all, not going to the college of your choice is no reason to … to …” I don’t even know how to say the words.

“Adrian, please,
please
, can we not talk about that now? Not yet.
Please
.” Piper pleads, her eyes weary and scared.

Relenting, I nod, rubbing my hand down her leg, squeezing her foot. “Absolutely. Of course,” I say, respecting her wishes, “but Pipe, we’re gonna talk about it.”

Piper nods her head, averting my eyes. She wipes her cheeks and brushes her hair out of her face. “Ade, what am I gonna do about Mom and Dad? I can’t be in that house with them any more. I just can’t!”

“Don’t worry about them, Hon. You just worry about getting better, stronger; I’ll take care of them,” I promise, having no clue how we’re going to rectify all of this.

“Would you … would you …
want
me to live there?” she asks, nervously, “like … near you … or
with
you?”

“I’m sure we can add on to the beach tent,” I kid, grinning at her.

“Adrian! I’m serious. Would you?”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way, kid,” I say, realizing I mean every word of it. Having Piper with me would be like having part of my family back—the part I actually want.

When the nurses came in to change Piper’s dressings and remove her old bandages, I took the materials from them and handled her care myself. My breath caught and sobs escaped when I saw the vertical scars along her wrists. Looking at her and the agony on her face, I knew at that moment that there was no fucking way I was going to make her go back to my parents’ house, enduring their scrutiny and ridicule for one more minute. I finally understood. My sister’s right; she can’t go home.

A psychiatrist came in to meet with Piper, so I had to step out. She wasn’t ready for me to hear all that she’d bottled up and hidden away. Walking out into the hallway, I didn’t see Kathryn anywhere. Feeling guilty for leaving her alone so long, I started to search for her. I didn’t have to search long; I turned the corner and heard the unmistakable chide of my father.

“Listen here Missy,” he said, “I don’t know what game you’re playing or what you know, but I want you to walk away … walk away and forget you ever met my son.”

“My name’s Kathryn—not Missy,” she corrects firmly. “And I’ll tell you the same thing I told him the day I met him, ‘I don’t play games.’ I’m not walking away. A woman doesn’t walk away from a man like Dre.”

“For Christ’s sake, his name is Adrian,” my father bellows. “Don’t you understand? You’re outta your league here. People like us don’t fraternize with riffraff like you, Honey,” he patronizes. I hear Kathryn’s gasp, and all I want to do is rip my father’s fucking head off.

“That’s right, Dad. We sure don’t. We just pay them the fuck off, so they can go hide somewhere far away from us high class civilized people?” I seethe, ready to take him down with every eye in the hospital on us.

“Aren’t we just the upper crust? Look at us everyone … we’re the fucking O’Donnells and we’re just above it all.”

“Now son—”

“Son? Oh that’s just goddamn priceless. Now that you’re fucking terrified of what I’ll do … or say, I’m suddenly your son again. Fuck that,” I say, wrapping my arm around Kathryn’s waist, guiding her to the elevator. “Let’s go, Babe.”