Can't Let Go (5 page)

A
fter a long dinner filled with laughter and stories, Lissa Francine left the Downey residence to catch a flight to Milan. Aiden thought Landon looked relieved to see her go. Mike and Kathy bowed off to bed, and Angel begged off, tucking her very tired and cranky nephew into his bed as well.

Landon and Evan had ventured to the den to break into their father’s scotch. Aiden was about to join them when Harmony tugged on his hand. “Can I talk to you?” Again, he couldn’t escape just how rough and foreign her touch was. Maybe because Sadie’s felt so right.

Sadie. How the hell was he supposed to tell her any of this? When Aiden had resigned to himself, and Shane, that Harmony would be around more if his mother’s cancer came back, Aiden had been preparing himself for the unfortunate, and, he thought, unlikely possibility.

Now that his mom had received the worst news of all of their lives, Aiden wanted to eat his words with a fork. He didn’t want Harmony here. He wanted Sadie here, as selfish as it was. Selfish, because he knew his mother would take the news of the divorce hard. And his family wouldn’t react well to a stranger being among them while dealing with a family tragedy. The last thing everyone needed was to try and warm up to Aiden’s new girlfriend while making funeral arrangements.

But Aiden wanted her there all the same.

Heavy dread settled on his shoulders. Harmony’s rattling bracelets brought him back to the present. She’d dragged him to the kitchen, put her henna-tattooed fingers on his chin, and turned his head to face her. Aiden pulled away from her touch and rammed his hands into his pockets.

She frowned, lowering her voice. “Hey, don’t be mean. I’m trying to do you a favor, man.”

You mean the way you did me a favor by shagging my best friend?
he wanted to blurt, but only because he was upset about his mom. He wasn’t mad at Harmony. Not anymore. If she ran off and had sex with a thousand people, he couldn’t care less. She wasn’t his problem any longer.

Ah, the hidden beauty of divorce.

“Listen”—Harmony twisted a long, red dreadlock around her finger—“I’m gonna go.”

Aiden regarded her, his face flat. How could he ever have loved this woman? What sort of weird path was he on during their two-year marriage that drew him to her ambivalence and self-serving attitude?

“Well, you tried,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. She didn’t pick up on an ounce of it. She didn’t understand him any more than he got her.

“I’ll be back in the morning.” She adjusted the hoop in her nose. “I just”—she shrugged—“need a break. This is a drag.”

Aiden’s blood pressure simmered. He felt his face go red, maybe purple, he wasn’t sure. “No shit, Harmony,” he said, his voice lifting. “Cancer kinda sucks.”

That
sarcasm she picked up on.

“Don’t hate, man. I’ll be back in the morning.” Was that supposed to make him feel better? “I told you I’d show up and do the dance.”

Aiden ground his teeth. “Don’t bother.”

“Hey—”

He resisted the very real urge to grab her arm and physically drag her out of the house. Instead, he turned and stalked to the front door and held it open for her. She loped, purposefully slow, to the door, lifting her purse as she went.

She turned before she left and said. “I’m really sorry, Aiden.” After the brief flash of sympathy, she turned and dug her cell phone out of her purse. Aiden wanted to slam the door on her, relieve some of the pressure from the anger brewing in his blood. But his nephew and his entire family were here. And she didn’t deserve his efforts. He shut the door softly and flicked the lock.

In the den, Landon was pouring a glass of scotch. When he saw Aiden’s expression, he cocked an eyebrow and poured a second. “Looks like you need a double.”

Evan was leaning on the fireplace, flicking a lighter repeatedly. He put it on the mantle and narrowed his eyes at Aiden. “Dude.”

“Not now, Ev.” Aiden accepted the glass from Landon, who gave him a knowing smirk.

“I’m glad she’s gone,” Landon said.

“Good riddance,” Evan muttered in agreement.

Aiden drank from his glass, refusing to confirm his brothers’ suspicions.

Landon poured a third glass and handed it to Evan before topping Aiden’s off. “You know you have to talk Mom into getting treatment, right?”

He liked to do that. Give a command disguised as a question.

“Yeah,” Evan piped up. “She’ll listen to you after we go back home.”

Aiden studied them both. “When are you guys leaving?”

Landon’s mouth flattened. “I’m going to fly out at five in the morning. I have a day full of meetings.”

“I’m staying the weekend. Norm’s running the shop,” Evan said of his tattoo parlor.

Aiden chuffed, draining his scotch in one big, burning mouthful. He addressed Landon. “You’re just going to return to work?” he rasped, the liquor shredding his already dry throat.

“Aren’t you?” Landon studied Aiden. A little too closely. “You know you haven’t mentioned the hotel you used to talk about nonstop.”

“Yeah,” Evan said, dragging out the word. “The casino-hotel thingy on the river you and Danny are doing. Isn’t that supposed to be opening this summer?”

Aiden refilled his glass despite everything in the room having blurry edges. “Fell through,” he grumbled. Along with his marriage, his friendship, his—

“What’s going on, Aiden?” Landon’s voice dropped to a soft, less-demanding tone.

That was probably why Aiden didn’t bark at his older brother’s intrusion. “You can’t tell Mom. Or Dad.”

Evan came closer. “What’s going on?”

“Or Angel.”

“Spit it out.” This from Landon, who was now frowning at him.

“Harmony and I are divorced.”

Evan looked disgusted. “And you didn’t tell us?”

“Mom was in remission,” Aiden forced himself to whisper. He felt like screaming.

Landon stared at Aiden, soaking in the new information. Processing. With that big ol’ businessy brain of his.

“She slept with Danny.” Aiden expected that admission to hurt. But he didn’t feel any less of a man admitting Harmony had strayed. That was on her.

“Christ,” Landon said. His hand landed on Aiden’s shoulder, a firm show of support. “I hope you killed him and dumped the body in the cement foundation for the hotel.”

Landon’s unexpected words hit Aiden in the center of swirling grief, set-in-stone confusion, and utter relief at unshouldering the secret that had been eating him alive. He actually
laughed
.

Evan allowed himself a smile. “And you invited her
here
?”

Aiden shook his head. “Stupid.”

Landon’s hand moved away from Aiden’s shoulder. “No. You did the right thing. Mom would have been crushed.” They stood in silence, the topic once again on their mother.

Evan polished off his drink. “Aiden, you have to get her back into treatment.”

The brief respite from sharing the truth about Harmony vanished, replaced with pressure. Mounted on top of more pressure. All he wanted to do was leave this house, drive to Sadie’s, and spill his guts. Tell her about his mom, ask for her advice, then bury his head in her hair for as long as she’d let him. Sadie was strong. She could handle this.

How had he convinced himself differently?

“Once they’ve calmed down, they’ll see that chemo is the right thing,” Landon stated.

Aiden found himself offended on his parents’ behalf. “They’ve known a week, you guys. They’ve made up their minds.”

Landon shook his head. “She’ll listen to you. Bring it up, tell her the benefits. Even six months is better than three.”

Bring it up? Tell her the benefits? Why was this Aiden’s responsibility? Why couldn’t his parents fight their own battle so he could fight his? Why wasn’t he in Sadie’s arms baring his soul instead of downing the nastiest drink ever fermented in his parents’ burgundy-and-forest green den? He groused at the border—hunting dogs in the woods—unable to put his thoughts into words.

“We won’t tell them about you and Harmony,” Landon said, still crafting his plan of attack. “When you talk to Mom and Dad, be sure and call me. Tell me their plans, and yours. I’ll help in any way I can.”

Evan poured another glass of scotch for himself and chuckled, stuck on the former topic of Aiden’s divorce. “Dude, congrats on ditching Harmony. For real.”

Aiden opened his mouth to tell Evan he was a jackass…if for no other reason than both his brothers seemed to think the conversation about their mom was over, but his phone buzzed, alerting him to a text message.

It was from Sadie. A photo of an actor from the motorcycle drama
Sons of Anarchy
hugging her against him appeared on his screen. But Aiden’s focus was a hundred percent on her—the woman he missed, the woman he needed—more than the air he breathed.

He’d forgotten she wasn’t home. He couldn’t go to her tonight, much as he wanted to, so he’d have to wait until Saturday.

Then he’d tell her everything.

Sadie loaded her bags into the back of her car and tipped the valet, pulling away from the hotel-slash-convention center and heading home. She’d managed to send Aiden only
one
text message while she was away. A feat, considering how badly she missed him. She glanced at the clock on her dash. She’d be home in plenty of time to stop by the grocery and come up with a decent meal for Aiden by tonight. She wasn’t the best cook in the whole world, but sort of felt like she owed him after a week of dodging and circumventing.

How could she have mistrusted him?

During the convention, the lonely nights spent on the downy duvet in her hotel room, Sadie gave herself a pep talk. Aiden was different from any man she’d ever met. And part of her, the part not between her ears busily crafting horrific outcomes, knew that Aiden was different. He wouldn’t go back to his cheating ex-wife. Not when he had Sadie.

She smiled to herself. She wanted him to have her. To stop denying their time spent together was more than dating. New territory for her for sure, but what choice did she have? Dating someone other than Aiden was not an option. He’d come to mean far too much to her. Seeing someone in his place would make her feel as if she were cheating on him.

She called to tell him he’d be dining at Chez Sadie this evening, and apologize for her absence this week. Tonight would be about dinner, wine, and kissing on her couch. And maybe more. There was a thought that kicked her pulse into high gear.

Aiden’s deep, resonating “hello” buoyed her heart. She sped down the highway, grinning like an idiot, and not caring how silly she looked.

“Hello, beautiful,” she said, using his words against him. He didn’t laugh. Or if he did, she didn’t hear it. Oh, well. It was a dorky joke anyway.

“Hey.” His voice was muffled. A female voice echoed in the background. “Yeah, Mom.”

Sadie’s heart swelled. She’d seen her. She’d heard her. Soon, she’d meet her. And she wanted that, she realized. Wanted to meet all of Aiden’s big, beautiful family. “That was your mom?”

“Yeah. She’s making lunch. My siblings are in town.”

Longing clenched her heart as she pictured meeting Aiden’s Chicagoan ad exec brother, his brother the tattoo artist, and his sister the graphic designer. She wondered if they were each as warm and honest as Aiden. And if they’d like her.

“I called to tell you I’m making you dinner tonight,” Sadie told him. “But don’t worry, I have a backup pizza if I screw it up.”

Again, he didn’t laugh. He seemed distracted. Sadie pressed the phone against her ear and heard background voices, his mother again. She was giving instruction, in the kitchen, from the sound of the clattering of pots and pans. “Harmony! Can you help?”

Sadie blanched.
Harmony?

“Yeah, I’m not sure I can make it tonight, Sadie,” Aiden muttered into the phone.

This wasn’t happening. Not after she’d had a moment of stark clarity. Aiden wanted her, not Harmony. There’s no way he’d folded his ex back into his life so seamlessly within
days
of telling Sadie he missed her. Her brow beaded with sweat. This was one of those situations she worried needlessly about. One of those things she conned herself into only to later realize she’d been blowing things out of proportion…

“There’s…something I have to talk to you about.” Aiden lowered his voice and she heard shuffling, like he was hiding their conversation. Her stomach flipped. So it was true. “Now isn’t the time, though,” he said.

She used her free hand to pinch herself in the thigh. Pain shot through her leg. God. This was real.

“I’ll give you a call Monday night,” he said.

Before she could argue…or drive her car off the nearest overpass, he hung up. Sadie held the phone in the palm of her hand for a second, her thoughts swirling like angry black smoke around her. She tossed her phone to the floorboard of her car and turned up the radio.

Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think.

But her brain had already concocted one scenario after another. No matter how she tried to convince herself this was all a big misunderstanding, there were two irrefutable facts she’d heard with her own ears.

Harmony and Aiden were together at his parents’ house. And he wasn’t coming to see her tonight.

Sadie couldn’t see a silver lining to save her life.

P
erry hovered in Sadie’s cubicle, hands folded into a pleading gesture. “I’d owe you. Big.”

“Perry, did it occur to you I don’t want to work late for you tomorrow? Especially if it helps you save an account?” She smiled wryly.

“I did consider that.” He dropped his hands. “That’s why I’m offering you five percent of my bonus check.”

Intriguing. Sadie leaned back in her chair, rolling a pencil between her fingers. “Fifteen.”

“Ten.”

“Twelve.”

Perry narrowed his eyes at her. “Fine. Twelve. But only because the appointment I’m going to will secure my salesman of the year award.”

Bastard.
He got that stupid award every year. She hated herself for it, but no matter how stupid Sadie tried to convince herself the award was, she wanted to win it. Just once. After Perry left her cubicle, she opened her planner to block out the overtime tomorrow and her eyes landed on an appointment she’d forgotten all about.

Drinks with Crickitt.

Crap.
She dialed her best friend’s number to cancel. Or reschedule for another night.

“Tell me to stop worrying incessantly,” Crickitt answered.

“Stop worrying incessantly. Is this about your hot boss?” Sadie asked, knowing her best friend’s ongoing issues with one very tall, very dark, very handsome billionaire.

Crickitt’s voice was barely a whisper. “I’m not answering that question.”

But Sadie could relate. Who among all of womankind
wasn’t
worrying incessantly? And about men, no less. While Crickitt fretted over Shane, Sadie fretted over Aiden’s call tonight. Ridiculous. All of it. She and Crickitt should declare themselves forever single and go on being happy about it.

“Don’t waste your time,” Sadie growled, suddenly pissed off. “All men are bastards.”

Sadie pictured Aiden’s bright eyes, devastating dimple, and hair falling into his eyes. Gorgeous. Funny. Sexy.

Still a bastard.

“Did something happen between you and Aiden?” Crickitt asked out of nowhere. Unless Sadie had announced her last thought, but she was pretty sure she hadn’t.

“I called to tell you I can’t do drinks tomorrow,” Sadie told her, hopefully avoiding the topic of Aiden for good. Crickitt asked if everything was okay and Sadie told her the truth—or part of it, anyway—that she had to work late.

But that answer didn’t satisfy Crickitt’s suspicions. “And you and Aiden…?”

Hearing that question, being given the opportunity to make her own future, Sadie decided on a little preemptive strike. Test out what she was ninety-nine percent positive was going to go down when—and if—Aiden called her tonight. She wanted to know if what she feared most happened, if it would crush her as completely as she’d imagined.

She pulled in a breath and answered, “Are no more,” with so much finality, her chest constricted. Yep. That hurt. “It had to end sooner or later.” She hadn’t inhaled yet, and her deflated lungs ached, burned.

Thankfully, Crickitt was interrupted and blurted that she’d talk to Sadie later. Sadie dropped the phone and considered putting her head between her knees. Or in an oven.

Armor up, girl.

Forcing a breath in and another out, Sadie shut her eyes and concentrated on not hyperventilating. Maybe she could talk Aiden out of it. Maybe she could remind him how good they were together, how much fun they’d had—how much more they could have—how they went together like a black enamel oil tank on a vintage 1937 Knucklehead.

Sadie dropped her head in her hands. Pathetic. Weak. She was supposed to be walling herself up, caging her heart in chain mail. Not figuring out a way to get Aiden not to leave her.

You could tell him how you feel.

She could.

She lifted her head, renewed by the tiny spark of hope. She could confess everything. How she pictured her future with him. How she wanted to see him every day. How much she…cared about him.

Tell him you love him.

“I do love him,” she whispered in her cubicle. She put her fingers to her lips and turned to make sure no one heard her. The only sound was rustling paper coming from the far back corner.

She would tell him, she decided. The best defense is a good offense.

And he deserved to know what he was walking away from…and maybe, just maybe, then he would stay.

Aiden hadn’t expected to be on a flight to Oregon come Sunday morning, but apparently his parents had made more plans than they’d divulged to the rest of the family. After spending most of the day flying across the damn country, and touring and spending the night at the facility his mother wanted to call home, Aiden was convinced.

It was the right place for her.

The Holistic Care Center was known for alternative treatments and medicines. They offered on-site apartments for long-term stay, and his father wanted to move her there for as long as she needed to get well.

Their meeting with a head care director was optimistic. He didn’t make empty promises, but he didn’t squash his mother’s hopes, either. Whether there were really healing powers in the surrounding springs and mountains, Aiden couldn’t be sure, but seeing his mother’s eyes filled with life and hope again was good enough for him.

At the airport, Aiden left his mother to read at the small café. The flight delay was horrendous. Six hours. He looked at the time on his cell phone as he strode to an empty seating area. Just after five. He’d promised Sadie he’d call her today. He thought he’d call to say he was coming over, but that wasn’t going to happen. After what he had to tell her, she’d probably never want to see him again.

He missed Sadie so bad, it hurt. When she’d called Saturday, it killed him to break their date. But with his family packed in the house, and his mother telling him she had something to discuss with him after everyone left…well…Aiden couldn’t leave.

That was the night she’d told him about Oregon, about how his father couldn’t make the trip to see the care center because of work. She wanted Aiden to go and he hadn’t hesitated to say yes. So he spent the day packing and helping his mother pack.

Had he escaped to see Sadie, he knew he wouldn’t be good company. What nerves Harmony hadn’t frayed, Evan had, making smarmy remarks in her presence that Aiden had to curb before the rest of his family found out about the divorce. And Angel had dropped a bomb on Aiden—asking him to keep it to himself, of course—that she was in a serious relationship with one of her coworkers back in Tennessee. She’d eluded that there’d be invitations to a wedding coming soon.

After digesting all of it—the diagnosis, the family drama, the future nuptials rushed for his mom’s sake…Aiden realized he’d put off Sadie as long as he could. Now he was at the airport, with plenty of privacy and enough time on his hands to solve world peace.

He was out of excuses.

He dialed Sadie’s number.

“The Electric Slide” echoed from the depths of Sadie’s purse. She dropped her keys and bag on the couch and riffled through it until she located the ringing electronic, her heart hammering. And not in a good way.

You have to answer it.

“Hi.” The fear quaking in her gut made her voice sound thin.

“Hi.” Aiden was silent for a second. “I’m, um…I’m in Oregon.”

Okay. Wow. That wasn’t…she had no idea what to do with that. “Oregon? Like…the state of Oregon?”

“Yeah. I can’t get back to Ohio by tonight,” he said. “I wanted to tell you in person but…”

“This is about Harmony.” Sadie paced, realizing she was blurting out words she shouldn’t be saying. “You’re getting back together with her, aren’t you? I knew it.”

“Sadie…”

“I knew it the day you called to say you saw her. I mean, I didn’t
know
but I suspected—”

“Sadie.” His tone was so firm Sadie shut her mouth. “Mom’s cancer is back. They gave her three months.” His voice was tight, like he was trying to keep from crying. Which was what Sadie felt like doing right now.

Sadie sank into her living room chair. “I’m so sorry.”

“My family came into town and she told us. Mom expected Harmony to be there. It would have been weird if she wasn’t since…”

He didn’t seem to be able to finish his sentence. “Since your mom believes you’re still married,” Sadie said.

“Yeah.”

He explained the holistic facility, mentioned something about herbal treatments, acupuncture, and meditation classes. “Mom’s fighting it on her terms this time around.” He took a steadying breath and blew it out.

Sadie’s own breaths were shallow. Something else was coming. Something worse. How was that possible?

Aiden lowered his voice. “Sadie, I’m going with her.”

She recognized that sound. The sound of her entire world splintering and crashing down around her. The last time this happened she’d turned her wedding invitations into confetti. “Why?” she whispered, knowing she shouldn’t ask. She didn’t care. She needed to know why the man she loved was moving across the country.

“Dad can’t stay here because of work. I’m the only one of my siblings not working right now who can afford to take off for three, six, or eight months.” He added quietly, “However long it takes.”

Eight? Eight was a lot of months, she thought, vaguely aware of the selfish bend of her thoughts.

“Odd how things work out,” he said, suddenly introspective. “Maybe things happen for a reason, you know? Maybe Harmony cheated on me so I’d leave my business. So I’d be free to do this for Mom.”

Somewhere deep in the recesses of her bleeding heart, Sadie knew what Aiden was doing for his mother was noble. But what about
her
? What about this was “meant to be” for Sadie? Why, when she’d just taken the enormous step of opening herself up, was the universe ripping her to shreds?

“I never meant to hurt you.” Aiden spoke with such finality, Sadie pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped herself into a ball with her free arm.

Careless of how needy she was about to sound, Sadie spoke her next thought aloud. “Please don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, Sadie.” The strength in his voice only hurt her more. “I have to concentrate on what Mom needs. This…us…it’s too much.”

He meant Sadie was too much. He didn’t say that. He didn’t have to. She knew the truth about herself, how she’d always been a little too hard to handle. She thought Aiden was different. She’d thought wrong.

Her shoulders buckled as silent, traitorous tears slipped from her eyes. She sniffed and Aiden must have heard her.

“Sadie.” The tenderness in his hushed tone reminded her of the night she stayed at his house.

The night he held her in his arms. The way he’d cherished her. The way he
loved
her. And now he was letting her go, because she was inconvenient right now in his life. She was the piece that didn’t quite fit. The piece that needed to be discarded.

“If things had worked out differently…,” he was saying.

But Sadie couldn’t listen. Couldn’t listen to him dismantle their relationship, reducing every amazing moment to some universal plan, the fate of the stars, or
bad timing
.

She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered the speaker with her thumb, muffling his words. A tear splashed on the display and she mopped it with one fingertip, sliding down to hit End on the touch screen.

Eyes filling with tears, she felt every emotion at once. The pain of losing Aiden. The guilt of crying over her own losses while his mother was about to begin another fight for her life.

And anger. So much anger. She didn’t even know where to direct it. Anger at the world for intruding on her and Aiden’s safe, oh-so-fragile bubble of happiness. Anger at herself for losing her heart to a man who’d discarded her instead of fighting to keep her.

“The Electric Slide” ringtone played again and the song took Sadie back to the nightclub where she met the sexy Adonis who’d asked her to dance. They’d been an anomaly from the start. The way they’d confessed their deep, dark secrets to each other that very night. The way her hand fit into his in an undeniably right way. The way she’d slept next to him after he allowed her to gracefully redress.

More tears came. She didn’t stop them.

Sadie turned off her phone and pressed her closed fist to her lips. Her stomach tossed. She’d lost him. Her reward for letting her guard down. For believing she might be entitled to a happily ever after. For setting herself up for the biggest fall since her failed attempt at walking down the aisle.

Would she ever learn?

She tucked her chin and held her knees to her chest, compressing herself as tightly as she could. For the first time in a very long time, Sadie allowed herself to feel every broken shard of her splintered heart. She mourned the loss of her newfound hope, the loss of the future she’d imagined with Aiden at her side, and the elusive happiness she could never quite capture.

But mostly, she cried over losing Aiden. The one man who’d seen something in her no one else ever had…who’d seen all her flaws and faults. Who called her on it and rose to the challenge.

At least at first.

Sadie dropped her forehead and the tears dripped from her arms to her skirt, a seemingly endless stream. Even in her grief, Sadie made herself a pact. She’d give herself twenty-four hours to feel every ounce of retched, heinous emotion tearing her apart inside. After that, she would cut it off. Wall it up. Protect herself with a vengeance. She’d survive. She’d recover. She’d come back better than ever.

A sob racked her body, belying the strength of her inner speech.

Twenty-four hours.

Then everything would be back to normal.

As good as new.

She was sure of it.