Captivated (4 page)

“
I
make choices now.” It was important he understand that. She was no one’s test subject anymore.

He took her hand gently. “Of course. Are you hungry? Julian—he lives here with me—is making breakfast. He’s a great cook. You’re underweight. The doctor was worried.”

First she needed to clean up a little. “Bathroom?”

He blushed and she found herself charmed. And then wondering how long it had been since she’d been charmed by anything or anyone. He stood, holding an arm out and allowed her to get out of bed on her own steam. Still, she took his arm gratefully.

Because she needed it on shaky legs and because she needed to be touching someone. Needed to be touched. When he touched her, the confusion quieted and she felt a little less like tearing her skin off.

He took it slow. “You’re welcome to keep the room you have or move to another. We have several empty ones right now. There’s a bathing suite right here and one attached to our room too.”

Our? He paused at the door and she made herself go in and close the door behind her and go do her business like a real person.

He spoke to her through the door, which helped. “There’s a clean toothbrush there. Clothes that will probably fit you better too. Give me a moment and I’ll go get them.”

She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in a very, very long time. Alone again she could hear the rushing of her blood and the beat of her heart. Panic began to rise as she forced herself to wash her face and brush her teeth. A nearby brush enabled her to take care of her hair, braiding it back away from her face.

“My name is Hannah Black. My parents are Shelby and Bertram Black. My name day is midsummer with the grain high above my head.” She said it over and over until the ritual of it calmed and soothed. She jumped when he tapped on the door again.

She opened it, and he looked into her face and smiled as he handed over a bundle of clothes. “I like your hair like that. Here. These will fit you better. You and Piper should be roughly the same size. I’ll wait right here for you to change.”

Everything was so … much. Too bright. Too loud though there was no one else in the room. Her muscles trembled but not so much from fatigue as fear.

“Need to … I need to sit down.”

“I’m sorry. Of course. I didn’t even think of that.”

He moved closer and bent, she knew, to pick her up. Though she’d have liked that very much, she needed to do it on her own. Or as much as she could manage anyway.

“Can walk.” It was hard to remember to say things aloud.

“Yes, you can.” He put an arm around her waist and she leaned into him as they made their way across to her room. Her room with windows. And a mirror and dresser. That’s when the other one—Julian, she remembered from something Vincenz had mentioned earlier—came out and saw them.

He moved to them confidently, fitting against her other side. “Are you well?” Something about that calm confidence settled the jittery things inside her, pushed the panic back.

“She’s just a little shaky.” Vincenz looked at Julian and Hannah knew who the other person in the “our” comment was. These two had something deep and electric.

“Sit here.” Julian turned them neatly and sat next to her. “I’m Julian.” He took her hand, her hand that had been so injured yesterday, and kissed it in a gentlemanly fashion. “What do you need from us right now?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? She swallowed and searched for all her words. She put her hands in her hair, letting it down so it brushed against her cheeks again. But she didn’t rock and that was a victory. “I can get dressed.”

He looked at her carefully and then over to Vincenz. “It’s not shameful to ask for help. If you need it, we’ll give it to you.”

She jutted her chin out. “I can dress.”

He grinned and his face transformed. She smiled in response, even without planning to. “I bet you can, Hannah. Vin and I will be right here. We’ll turn our backs, but we’ll be right here in case you need anything.”

But if he liked men, it didn’t matter if he looked at her. She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or disappointed.

It took her a while and she had to stop several times to catch her breath, but she managed to get changed and felt much better.

“Ready.”

They turned as a unit and both of them studied her carefully.

“Let’s break our fast.” Julian simply scooped her up and carried her out. She didn’t immediately snuggle into his body like she had Vincenz, but he made her feel safe, regardless. Safe here in this house.

Her stomach growled when they got into the large kitchen.

“Good! I like it when my guests are hungry.” He put her down and Vincenz pulled a chair back for her.

“Take it easy, she hasn’t been eating regularly,” Vincenz warned as Julian began to make her a plate.

“Good call.” He turned and put a plate of bread, fruits, cheese, nuts and a slice of …

She leaned close and breathed in the scent. “Spice cake?”

“I’ve got it on good authority that any time of day is the best time for cake. Where are you from, Hannah?”

Julian put a heaping plate of fried meat and eggs in front of Vincenz and then himself.

She sipped the juice and when it stayed without revolt, she moved to nibble at a piece of the toasted bread. “Sanctu.”

“Me too.” Julian smiled. “Though I’d wager we aren’t from the same parts.”

There was pain in his face and she wondered over the whys. Vincenz put a hand over his, just a brief touch.

She ate and felt better with each bite. It would be slow going, she knew, to get her health back, but she would. No one would strip her of that. She’d be whole again. She snorted a laugh and both men looked at her askance. Whole physically, not mentally. She wasn’t sure that would ever happen.

“Share that joke?” Vincenz filled her glass.

“Silly thought,” she reassured.

She liked that they left her alone without physically leaving her. There was so much to process, just being able to sit and try to unpack it all in her head was nearly too much.

What would happen to her now?

Could she go back to Sanctu?

Would she work again?

Her parents, yes, she needed to contact her parents.

“My family.”

Vincenz looked at her. “Would you like me to get a message to them?”

She nodded. “My parents are Shelby and Bertram Black.” She said it clearly.

“On Sanctu?”

“Seah.” The name of the city.

“I’ll get it done.” He slid a palm over her head and she breathed it in like air. He stood and moved to the comm center nearby and began to work. For her. The first seeds of trust had been planted when he’d broken her free from the labs. And he’d been working to help her since. She could hold on and let him help.

Everything made noise, she realized as they began to bustle around her. She wanted to go back to her room, but didn’t want to be alone. She pulled her shirt around herself tighter.

“Hannah?” Julian paused and sat at the table with her again, brushing her hair back with his fingers.

She swallowed hard. “I-I …”

There was some noise and talking out in the entry. Vincenz looked up from his comm station and stayed them both.

“I’ll deal with it.”

He left the room and she wasn’t sure of anything all the sudden. She began to tremble and despaired. Would it always be this way?

“Hey, it’s all right.” Julian had been wearing a long-sleeved shirt over a T-shirt of sorts, and he took it off, placing it over her shoulders. She pulled it tight around her body and then he put an arm around her, holding her to his side. His warmth enveloped her, his scent as well. Soothed better than the blanket or the shirt.

“Vin and I won’t let anything happen to you.”

The roar of chaos in her head ebbed at his touch and she wanted so badly to rub against him like a cat.

Vincenz came in. Alone. “There’s a doctor here. In the other room.”

Julian stroked a hand up and down her arm.

“He’d like to give you an exam. It’s totally up to you. This doctor is one who’s treated me before. Three times actually. He’s gentle and he knows you’ve been through a lot. But your blood tests showed some problems he’d like to help you correct. We know you’ve been through a lot. They want to be sure you’re all right.”

She swallowed hard and pulled Julian’s shirt around her even tighter. Her heart beat so hard it boomed through her ears.

“Would it be better if we stayed with you? At least just outside your room?” Julian asked her quietly.

Vincenz kept his tone calm as Julian brushed his lips over her temple. “Your iron is very low. Your white blood count is off. He wants to get you back on track. You were in a bad situation for a significant amount of time. He wants to help you.”

She grew up around doctors and scientists. Was both herself. But they’d done something to her. Instilled a fear that went very deep. She had to clamp her lips closed to keep from showing her teeth like an animal.

They’d need to talk to her. The Federated Governance people. She knew this. Understood it. Wished it weren’t necessary but knew it was. She had to find her courage again.

“No drugs?” She was surprised she could get the words out without screaming.

Vincenz moved to her to kneel at her knees. “No, baby. I promise.”

“Surviving this and making yourself even stronger is the best revenge.” Julian brushed his lips against her temple and she took a deep breath.

And nodded.

Vincenz wondered why he felt pride at seeing her nod and then as Julian helped her up. She leaned into him as if she wanted to crawl into his body and then took a deep breath, standing taller.

Being touched helped her, he’d noticed. It made sense. For generations it had been accepted that humans needed to be touched to thrive. She hadn’t been for a very long time.

He smiled and went to her, taking up her other side. “Consider us your bodyguards.”

He’d explained to the doctor that in no way shape or form were there to be any drugs used unless fully disclosed and discussed with Hannah. The doctor had told Vincenz that he’d worked with trauma patients quite extensively, which made him feel better.

And Andrei had commed earlier that day asking about Hannah. If she knew anything they could benefit from, they had to debrief her. Had to not only be sure her health was improving, but also hear her story.

He wouldn’t let them take her to some lab that, as far as Hannah would feel, was the same as the one she’d been held captive in. She was barely holding herself together as it was. But they were at war. He knew this. She might have intelligence they needed and so he’d have to help her get it to them in the most effective, but least intrusive way.

The way the doctor waited until they’d gotten her seated on her bed before he spoke only made Vincenz feel better.

She was like a scared animal and it broke his heart to see it. And what he’d learned about her parents would only make it worse, which is why he decided to hold off telling her for a while.

“Hannah, I’m Hal Pesch. I understand you’re a doctor too?”

She swallowed around the wad of fear in her throat and nodded.

“I’ve seen your records, you should know that up front. One of my friends went to the same academy you did. Several years before you arrived. A respected medical and research facility.”

Her father had gone there as well. It had been the proudest day of her life when she’d learned she’d been accepted there for her medical training.

“I need to touch you. I’ll try to explain it all as I go so you understand, but you’ll know what I’m doing anyway.” He smiled at her and it wasn’t full of lies like the doctors at the lab.

He poked and prodded. Took notes. Each new thing he did, he explained carefully, though as he’d pointed out, she already knew. It helped that he treated her like a colleague instead of a test subject.

And yet the scent of the antibacterial gel he wore on his hands reminded her of the labs. The clicking and beeping of the diagnostic tool he used made gooseflesh rise. Her heart rate was elevated, a fact that astonished no one.

Dr. Pesch put the diagnostic away and turned back to her. “I’d like to speak with you,” the doctor said to Hannah quietly, “about what you might have endured. It will help me with a general diagnostic. And I’d like to see your skin. You’ve got some blood levels I’m worried about. Do you have any wounds that didn’t close well?” He paused, waiting for her to process. But she couldn’t. “They can wait outside with the door closed. I can get a female doctor in if you’d rather. It’s difficult to know how to treat you unless we get a full exam and hear what you have to say.”

She knew her eyes nearly bugged from her head as she scrambled
backward, white noise a roar in her ears as spots pricked her vision. They started out this way. Nice. Friendly.
Just let us examine you for the project.

The memories swirled around, sucking her under. Pulling her apart.

Julian thundered something at the doctor and it was the only thing that enabled her to pull herself back from the pit of memories. She didn’t want anyone hurt.

“No!” She held a hand out, still breathing hard. Still choking back bile. “Don’t hurt him.”

Vincenz was already there, pulling Julian away, speaking to him quietly and calmly.

She shook her head and slumped to the bed, curling into a ball. “Sorry.”

The doctor snorted a laugh. “It’s all right. He wanted to protect you. We can do this another day. My purpose is not to make things worse for you.”

She took a deep breath. “I should go.” Avoiding looking toward the doorway, she tried to be brave. They saved her. She would not bring harm to them. “To hospital.”

“You’ll do no such thing.” Vincenz was at her side in moments.

She didn’t want to fall apart and yet, it was happening. Pieces of her fell through her fingers like sand. The darkness lurked in her head. She dipped her head and rocked slightly as she huffed the air, trying to calm down.

She knew she was about to pass out, knew the signs and yet she couldn’t seem to stop.

Julian watched her fall away, lose her grip, and he moved the doctor aside and lay on the bed, pulling her to him. “On the other side, Vin. She needs touch.”