Captive Pride (28 page)

“Dump it?” The others were amazed.

“That's right. The Sons are willing to do whatever it takes to prevent the tea from being landed and sold. Emotions are running wild over the issue and I'm sure popular support would be with us.”

“But what about the authorities? Aren't you concerned about what might happen? Certainly if you take such actions, there could be repercussions,” Noah pointed out.

“We are ready to fight, if it must come to that,” Ben answered stiffly.

Noah's feelings were divided. He worried that Matt might somehow get involved in the fighting, and yet the news that the colonials were ready to take up arms for their cause gave him hope for the success of any future arms deals he might arrange. It was an emotional dilemma that left him troubled.

“What plans have been made?” Matt asked with great interest.

“From what I understand, they've petitioned the governor to send the ships back without unloading their cargo. If they leave, there will be no problem, but if Hutchinson insists that they stay and unload…well, there are some ideas as to how to go about it, but nothing definite yet.”

“I want to be involved,” Matt told him firmly. “You'll keep me informed?”

“Of course,” Ben promised. “You know how much your support is needed. We need everyone's help.” He looked to Noah, wondering at his loyalties. “Noah? Are you interested in attending any of the meetings?”

Matt glanced at Noah then, wishing that there were some way he could convince him to become involved. With the two ships they owned, they had the capability to do much good for the cause, but Noah had shown absolutely no sign of wavering in his pursuit of his original goal…to make a profit.

“I think not, Ben,” Noah declined, refusing to elaborate, but knowing that it would bode ill for him if any kind of open connection was made between himself and the rebels. All his dealings with them until this time had been accomplished with the utmost secrecy with only the innermost circle of the rebel group knowing of his part in the arms sale, and he wanted to keep it that way. The fewer people who knew about his business, the less likely he was to get into any kind of trouble with the Crown, and trouble was the one thing he wanted to avoid.

“That's a pity. The opinion of an accomplished gentleman like yourself would carry a lot of weight,” Ben encouraged.

“That may be, but my brother seems to be the only one in the family with a mind for rebellion,” he drawled, his tone giving a double meaning to his words that only he and Matt understood.

“Well, perhaps with time I can change your mind.” Matt picked up on his response immediately.

Noah shrugged off any hope that Matt had that he would be converted. “Perhaps, but I doubt it. I have my own course set, and I do not see any reason to alter my plans.”

Frustrated, Matt let the topic drop, for he knew his brother well enough to realize that it would do no good to push it. Noah had already made far more concessions than Matt had ever imagined he would. He would allow himself to be satisfied with the way things were, at least for now.

The conversation strayed away from the troubles of the times then and on to other things. It was some time later when Noah found himself on his way back to the inn alone, Matt having elected to stay with Faith a little longer.

As the carriage rumbled over the uneven streets of Boston, Noah thought of the glowing love that existed in the Hammond house. There was a bond of unity there that no person or circumstance could shatter. Faith and Ruth had experienced the worst of times and yet were still close and happy.

Noah supposed it was the fact of their obviously contented happiness that gave him so much pause. Always in his life, his own happiness had been related to, not his family, but the unending quest for good times. His father had seemed to be completely wrapped up in the business and Matthew had been away at school, so he had primarily been alone and left at loose ends with well-lined pockets. He had enjoyed without thought the best that society had to offer…women, food, horses. He had assumed that that was what his life was supposed to be. Now, after having seen the Hammonds' and Matthew's utter contentment with their lifestyle, he was growing more confused.

Was happiness what he had believed it to be all along…unending funds and friends who wanted only the best things in life? Or was he seeing a new side of life previously hidden from him by that veneer of great wealth? Was happiness having money and spending it, or was happiness the inner peace that comes from knowing that you're loved and accepted no matter what terrible things destiny may throw your way?

Noah scowled into the darkness. Being the man of firm resolve that he was, he did not like to question himself once he'd set himself upon a course of action, but the doubts that were arising within him refused to be dismissed. He had been wrong in his original estimation of Faith's reasons for wanting Matthew, and it bothered him to consider that he might be wrong now.

A sudden, rough, jolting of the carriage that sent him almost tumbling from the seat reminded him, much to his disconcertion, of his encounter with CC, and his mood only grew more black. He had tried not to think of her since that fateful night, but she was always there in the back of his mind, stirring a mixture of emotions within him that defied understanding.

CC had caused him nothing but aggravation from the moment of their first meeting, first with her opinionated views on life, and then again when he'd discovered her involvement in political affairs that were directly related to his plans. He cursed himself silently for having given in to the impulse to sample her charms, but damn, she had been so tempting and had seemed, at the time, to know what she was about.

Still, if he had not allowed himself to take her there in the summerhouse, she would never have become such a fire in his blood. Noah realized to his dismay that he was unable to put the remembrance of her sleek supple body from him. Never before had any woman had such a hold on his thoughts. Something had happened between them that night that had left him confused and angered. He was haunted by CC…her loveliness…her scent…the brightness of her smile….

He frowned at that last thought, for it was seldom that she had ever smiled in his company. Their every encounter had seemed to be a confrontation, and Noah was still stunned to think that they had made love so spontaneously in the coach that night. True, it had ended with angry words, but the memory of her, willing for once, in his arms had the power to stir him even now.

Noah shifted uncomfortably in his seat and suddenly wished himself away from the blasted colonies and back in England. Even as he made that wish, he realized how very lonely a life it was going to be once he did return.

 

CC stared at Anna in disbelief. “John's downstairs?”

“Yes, ma'am, and he asked to see you.”

She shook her head slightly in amazement, for she could not fathom what John could possibly have to say to her. It seemed their discussion during the meeting had said it all, and she was determined to have nothing more to do with him. His unexpected and unwanted visit, however, was forcing her to have to tell him the truth of her feelings.

Sighing slightly, she finally answered in reply to Anna's summons, “Tell John that I'll be down shortly.”

“Yes, Miss CC.” Anna headed from the bedroom.

Alone again, CC girded herself for the upcoming confrontation. She knew the depth of John's feelings for her. Though she felt sympathy for him, she knew she could no longer tolerate his behavior. Checking in the mirror to be certain that she looked presentable, she took a deep breath and started from the room, anxious to get the entire scene over with.

John was standing at the window staring out at the night. He had been angry with CC after the way she had acted the night of the meeting and so had stayed away from her as long as he could, but today the need to see her had been so strong that he had thrown caution to the wind. Nerves on edge, he now waited to see her for the first time since she'd fled his company, and he wasn't quite sure what to expect.

“Good evening, John.” CC came into the room and stood with formal intent just inside the parlor door, refusing to let him think that things were all right between them.

“CC…” John turned quickly to face her, his gaze searching her face for some sign of her mood.

“To what do I owe the honor of your visit?” she asked coolly, remaining where she was.

John's heart sank at the standoffishness of her position and her tone. “I felt the need to see you…. I wanted to explain about the other night….”

“I really don't think there's any explanation needed, John. We've been through this before and I thought you understood my feelings in the matter.”

“I…” John wasn't sure what to say next. He had known that CC didn't love him, but her behavior at their ball had given him hope that all that was changing. “I had thought that perhaps you had changed in your feelings for me”

CC was surprised and answered firmly, “I told you how I felt about you, John. Ours was a friendship.”

“But at the ball…you were with me most of the night…. We were together, as I'd always hoped we'd be….”

“You were my escort, nothing more,” she supplied, squashing all of his fragile hopes.

“I see,” he said in a low voice as his gaze riveted on her, “and you took advantage of my friendship to disguise your tryst with the Englishman, is that it?”

Though she had not planned for what had happened with Noah the night of the ball, John's words aptly described the situation she'd found herself in. CC felt a stain of color pinken her cheeks.

John swore violently under his breath. “When did you first meet him, CC? Here with your father? And the night of the meeting, when Kincade showed up to present his arms deal…you didn't sneak out because you were afraid you'd be recognized, did you? You left to see him, alone, outside…didn't you?” he charged furiously.

“You're wrong, John,” she finally defended herself. He had guessed the bare facts, but he didn't know the truth behind them.

He snorted in derision. “So you say, but everything I've seen tells me that I'm right.”

“I see no need why I should have to explain myself to you. As I told you before, you have no claim on me. No man does.”

“I bet you wouldn't say that to your dear Lord Noah Kincade, would you?”

“You have pushed our friendship beyond its bounds, John. I see no reason to continue this discussion. Please leave,” she told him curtly.

John's manner immediately changed as he realized that she was ready to cut him completely. “CC…” he pleaded, striding toward her, his arms outstretched in supplication. “CC, don't you understand?”

“John…” She tried to warn him away, but he was too emotionally overwrought to listen.

“CC, darling, I love you. You've known that forever, it seems.” He took both of her hands in his even though she resisted his effort at first. “I came here to apologize for my behavior the other night, not to argue with you.” When he saw no lessening of her determination in her expression, he went on, “Don't you understand what I'm feeling? Don't you understand what it did to me to discover your involvement with Kincade? I love you. I want to make you my wife, and yet you spurn me at every turn.”

“John, I've told you before that I didn't love you. Why do you continue to believe that I'll change in my feelings for you? I like you as a friend, but obviously that's not enough for you. For both of our sakes, I'm ending our association now. After tonight I think it would be best if we don't see each other again.”

CC's words pierced his heart in the most painful of ways. Unable to stop himself from one last, desperate effort to win her love, he swept her into his arms and kissed her.

CC stood perfectly still in his madly passionate embrace. She knew there was no point in struggling against him and that soon he would realize she wasn't responding and release her.

Her prediction came true as John thrust CC from him in disgust. “So that's the end of it….” His eyes bored into her, the agony of her final rejection mingling there with his anger at his own weakness for her.

“It has to be, John. There's no other way. I'm sorry.”

In that moment in a flash of revelation CC saw her own situation mirrored in John's emotions. He loved her just as she loved Noah…hopelessly, without a chance for any kind of future together.

“Good-bye, CC. I hope someday you find your true happiness.” With that he left the room, the closing of the front door giving testimony to his complete departure from her life.

CC lifted a trembling hand to her lips as she drew an unsteady breath. It was over. John was gone. The relief she felt was immense, but the sympathy she felt for him ran deep. How terrible it was to care for someone who could never return your feelings….

Noah had made it plain to her from the beginning that he had only been “taking what she was offering.” Instead of fighting him the other night in the carriage and insisting that his opinion of her was wrong, she had fallen into his arms without protest like a fool. She shook her head in despair as she realized that, like John, there could be no happy ending for her either. Lord Noah Kincade had used her, and she had allowed him to do it. He had felt no emotion for her but lust. When the spring came he would return to England, and she would never see him again.

The pain that that last thought brought was devastating and she sank down on the sofa, lost in a haze of loneliness that was so powerful it frightened her. She recognized now, as the agony of the truth of her feelings engulfed her, that she loved Noah. She hadn't wanted to. She had fought it with all her might, but sometimes the heart just refused to follow the dictates of the mind.

“Miss CC?” Anna's voice interrupted her thoughts.