Captured Again (10 page)

She unconsciously rubbed her hand over her heart, lost in her thoughts.

“What’s wrong? Lose your keys or something?” a voice interrupted abruptly, cutting off Gabby’s woolgathering. She squeaked and gave a little jump, turning to see Tom standing close to her—too close—smiling, his eyes moving over her, giving her an uncomfortable feeling. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, still smiling a little.

“Yeah, something...” Gabby answered distractedly. “I lost something...”

She walked to the truck, glancing back to see a smug look on Tom’s face. She wasn’t sure what that was about, but she didn’t owe him any further explanation; he didn’t even know her from before. Her life was now defined as
before
and
after
, and Tom came
after
the accident. She wouldn’t waste her time and energy explaining to someone who wasn’t there
before
.

She just wanted to get home and go to bed. Her memories—or the disappointment of after—had worn her down and sucked away her energy and good spirits. She wanted to escape into the comforting arms of sleep.

She slid into the driver’s seat, dropping her bag on the passenger-side floor. “Come on, Ruby. Let’s go home,” Gabby said as she turned the key. “You know the way, old girl, don’t cha?”

As Gabby turned toward home, she reached down to turn on the radio. It was still set to Jake’s favorite country station. She hadn’t listened to the radio even once since before and was surprised when she thought back on that. She wondered how she’d handled the silence in the truck up until now. She didn’t remember even thinking about it; she actually didn’t even remember the short rides to work and back or the numerous back-and-forths to the doctor. Her mind must’ve been on autopilot until now.

She glanced around the truck, seeing everything as it was now—and before the accident. The gun rack hanging in the window, empty except for one of Jake’s old hats hanging from one of the hooks. She briefly looked up at the stack of paperwork still bulging from above the sun visor. She remembered reminding Jake to bring it in so she could pay whatever bills were there... or file it away so he could use the visor to block the sun, instead of him constantly forgetting the papers were there and flipping the visor down, only to have them all fall in his lap time and again. Gabby looked down to the wide dash, expecting to see the tattered picture of herself from when she was just seventeen—a picture she hated, but Jake wouldn’t give up or put away, despite her complaints—that he’d always kept there, stuck in the crack all the way to the right where it wouldn’t block the speedometer—

The tires squealed as she jerked the wheel to swerve off the road, quickly applying the brakes, her heart pumping madly. Confused and muddled, she wasn’t sure what to do with the gear shifter.
What gear is it supposed to go in?
She couldn’t think in her panic, so she stomped on the emergency brake while grabbing for the door handle and nearly fell out of the truck in her hurry to get out.

She stumbled backward out into the road but jerked forward from the screech of brakes and a honking horn, flinging herself against the side of Ruby and looking back to see the cars make a wide berth, avoiding crashing into the open driver’s door. She was too close. She ran behind Ruby, where she stood panting, out of breath, with her hands on her knees, staring at the gaping hole left by the open door.

“Y
es, Olivia, I know it sounds crazy. But how often do you see a dragonfly in your car? A red—
dead
—dragonfly. In. Your. Car?” Gabby beat her right fist into her left open palm in rhythm with the last three words, emphasizing her frustration, and then resumed pacing the floor in Olivia’s tiny kitchen.

After Gabby had calmed down, she realized what an idiot she’d looked like standing behind the truck in the road, especially during rush hour. She’d climbed back into Ruby and used two of the envelopes above Jake’s visor—one to scrape the dead dragonfly with and one to scrape it into. Gabby had driven straight to Olivia’s, instead of home, to show her both of the dragonflies she had found.

“Gabby, I see dragonflies all the time. Not red, but I do see dragonflies.” Olivia argued.

“In your
car
? Really, Olivia?” Gabby sarcastically answered. “And what about this one?” she said while snatching up her purse and digging into the side pocket. She pulled out the tiny dragonfly she’d found in her flowers and stomped over to Olivia, holding it out as though it were evidence—proving something sinister was afoot.

“Where’d you get that?” asked Olivia.

“I found it in my flowers. Flowers that I had taken a lot of time looking very closely through while at the store, making sure I got the best bunch. Flowers I paid
ten
dollars for, Olivia. Have you ever seen anything so fancy in a ten-dollar bunch of flowers?”

Olivia gave up trying to get Gabby to sit and slouched down on her couch by herself with a sigh, turning the tiny bauble over in her hands. “Gabby, it’s beautiful. I guess you got lucky. What are you getting at? What’s the big deal?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think straight. But I do know finding two dragonflies in one day is
not
normal. It means
something
, Olivia!” Gabby answered, her voice straining trying to hold back her anger at her own confusion and her eyes burning from trying to hold back the tears.
Two dragonflies in one day! Why isn’t Olivia seeing how odd that is?
Gabby thought.
This is making me look insane.

“If you want, I’ll keep this one,” Olivia answered, smiling smugly. She loved dragonflies; they all did.

“No!” Gabby snapped and snatched the dragonfly back from Olivia. “You know what? Forget it. I’ll deal with it myself. Thanks, Olivia.”

Gabby grabbed her purse, stuffing the dragonfly back into it, feeling a shiver work down her spine from touching it again. Pulling out her keys, she looked at Olivia again and huffed. She turned toward the door.

“Gabby, tomorrow is your next appointment with Dr. White. If you’re bothered by the coincidence of two dragonflies in one day, why don’t you talk to him about it? I just don’t know what to tell you,” Olivia said, tilting her head and looking up at Gabby. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say.”

“Okay. Yeah, sure,” Gabby answered testily. Talking to Dr. White about dragonflies was the last thing she wanted to do. She didn’t want to talk to him at all. “I’m going home.”

“Be careful,” Olivia mumbled while standing up and giving Gabby a quick hug.

CHAPTER 13

“I’m
home,” Gabby said into the phone as soon as Olivia answered. “Just letting you know. I’m gonna take a bath and go to bed early.”

“Oh, after you left I thought about us going to a movie. Want to go?”

“No. I really don’t feel up to it. Ask Emma to go,” Gabby answered while wandering through the house, looking at Jake’s things scattered here and there.

She picked up his favorite ball cap, twirling it on her finger before bringing it to her nose to smell it. It still had a whisper of Jake’s clean scent to it. Her mind wandered as she thought about how long smells would stay attached to things.
Maybe I should put some smaller stuff into freezer bags... capture the scent?
she thought.

“Emma can’t go tonight. She’s doing something with Rickey. Come on, I hear there’s a new Sandra Bullock movie playing. Everybody’s been talking about how good it is.” Olivia pleaded, “Please... I don’t want to go alone.”

“No. I’m not feeling up to it, Olivia. Let’s do it another night,” Gabby answered, knowing she had no intention of going another night either. She just wanted to be able to come home from work and be left alone right now.

“Gabby, you need to get out of the house. See more real people, other than the people you work with,” Olivia said quietly.

“So do you.”

“Ouch. I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m not ever getting married,” Olivia answered. “So what’s the use in dating? Besides, I’ve done the marriage thing. It didn’t work out for me. I’m too old now to start all over.”

“Yeah, right. You’re a real old maid at twenty-six. You could be remarried by now, Olivia. You can’t let the memories of your first marriage haunt you forever. He’s out of your life now—so live it. Practice what you preach. You don’t need to be constantly hanging out with your sisters. And I feel like I’m specifically being babysat.”

“That’s a stupid thing to say. We went to movies all the time, even before the accident, Gabby.” Olivia paused, leaving an uncomfortable silence on the line. “I’m going to forget you said that. This isn’t about me right now. So then, what
are
you doing?” Olivia said, changing the subject.

Gabby knew this was her way of just keeping her talking, trying to prevent her from just going to bed. It seemed nobody understood how much sleep she needed. It was also her typical redirect, avoiding any conversation that revolved around Olivia having a man in her life. She was overly cautious after her epic fail with Billy, worried that another man would hurt her. And even if she wouldn’t admit it, Gabby thought Olivia still harbored some of the blame.
Maybe a victim never gets over feeling it might have partly been their fault.
It hurt Gabby that Olivia wouldn’t even try to find another man. She tried to act like she was happy with her new career and that she didn’t have room in her life, but Gabby knew it was a charade. Everybody needs somebody.

“Nothing. Just cleaning up a bit,” Gabby lied as she stood looking at Jake’s open closet, running her free hand along the shirts hanging neatly from the rack. She leaned in and sucked in a huge breath of Jake.

“Gabby, I heard that. Are you
smelling
Jake’s stuff again?”

“NO!” Gabby lied again.

“Okay—sorry—it sounded like you were taking a big whiff of something. Maybe it’s the phone. I’m not trying to irritate you. I’m just trying to figure out how you’re really doing. What if I bring a movie and we hang out there? I’ll sleep in the spare tonight,” Olivia offered.

“No. Thanks anyway, Olivia. I’m really just not feeling up to it.”

“Okay, but don’t forget tomorrow is your appointment, and then tomorrow night at Mom’s. If you don’t show, we’re bringing the food and coming to you. You know we can’t miss dinner night,” Olivia reminded her. “Unless you’d rather start having it at your house. I’m okay with that, but I can’t speak for anyone else. This is our first dinner since the accident. It might be kind of... different.”

Gabby refused to talk about the dinner, instead focusing on the appointment. “These appointments are stupid, Olivia. I don’t see why the doctor won’t release me. So I got a bump on the head... It’s better now. I’m fine.”

Olivia’s silence on the other end gave Gabby her answer; there was no getting out of anything.

“I’ll be at the appointment—and the dinner,” Gabby answered, knowing that’s what Olivia was waiting to hear. “At Mom’s. I’ll drive myself. But I don’t want to hear any talk about Jake. Agreed?”

“Well, I agree. But again, I speak for myself. I can’t control anyone else. You know that,” Olivia answered. “So I’ll meet you at noon for your appointment at Dr. White’s and then I’ll see you later at Mom’s?”

“If I must,” Gabby answered sullenly, sounding ungrateful. But she wasn’t ungrateful; she was annoyed. She definitely didn’t see any point in continuing to see Dr. White, and she really didn’t want to go to Mom’s house either. At least with Olivia she didn’t have to pretend. But she did feel bad always making Olivia out to be the bad guy, especially since she had no control over it. “Love you. Bye,” Gabby said, hoping to end the call on a good note.

“Love you, too. Bye.”

CHAPTER 14

“Gabby,
are you listening?”

Gabby stared at the window of the psychologist’s office, catching the barest glimpse of her reflection and trying to hang on to it before the reflecting lights inside snatched it away again. If she stared hard enough, her image would transform into Olivia staring sternly back at her. It didn’t take much; they still looked exactly alike, except Olivia’s face was better at hiding the pain within, always had been. Gabby had been shocked to find out Olivia was suffering so much at the hands of Billy—life-threatening suffering—after they had gotten back together and supposedly worked things out, and kept her secret in silence as long as she had, before she was able to finally escape his reach for good.

“Gabby?”

Gabby startled back into the here and now. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if you can remember what happened before the accident.”

“Yes. I’ve told you... I remember exactly what happened up until the accident.”

“Okay. Well, humor me. What is the last thing that happened before the accident?”

Gabby sighed and rubbed her hand across her cheeks. She answered the question with a roll of her eyes; she so didn’t want to be here again, answering the same questions. This was a waste of her time.

“Let me be more specific, then. Do you remember thinking you saw René and having a major panic attack?” Doctor White asked.