Captured Love (20 page)

I told myself I wasn’t looking for her, but I didn’t see Jessica anywhere.

I made my way across the yard and stopped beside Jason and Ethan.

“Don’t burn all of it,” I teased.

Jason tsked. “I’m the grill master.” 341/504

Ethan chuckled. “He wants to be one, but so far, our barbecue has been over-cooked.” He offered me a beer, but I shook my head and grabbed a Coke from the cooler behind him. “Sorry, man. I keep forgetting you don’t drink much anymore.”

“I don’t drink
much
,” I repeated his words. “Sometimes, one sip here and there is nothing. But today I think I’ll stick to this.” Jason looked at something over my shoulder. “I think that’s a good idea.” I followed his line of sight and the air fled my lungs. Jessica walked into the backyard. She looked amazing. Her flowing golden hair shone with the rays of the setting sun, and her summer dress hugged her in all the right places. The skirt was a little flowy though, and it did wonders for her legs every time she took a step.

She was holding a big bowl of

something, and I instinctively moved to help 342/504

her. But Ethan cleared his throat and I snapped from the trance.

Smiling, Jessica set the bowl on one of the tables set up around the pool. She greeted the others then turned to us. Her eyes met mine and her smile died.

“Hi,” she said, her tone a little low.

Jason nodded at her and Ethan said,

“Hey there.”

“Hi,” I answered, feeling like I was nineteen again.

She rushed back inside the house and appeared in the window with the girls.

“Earth to Ryan,” Ethan called.

I whipped my head back at him.

“What?”

“I would ask what bug bit you if I didn’t know,” he said.

Jason watched me with a frown.

“What is it?” I asked.

Jason turned a few hamburgers before setting his eyes on me again. “I love you like 343/504

a brother, you know that. But I swear, if you break her heart again, I’ll punch like I should have the first time.”

“Break her heart? What are you talking about? I don’t intent to get that close to her again.”

“Right.” Ethan nodded. “Because having her at your garage while you work on the Harley is, what? Acting like friends?” Shit. Of course they knew about it, even though I hadn’t said a word to anyone. Even Officer Mike hadn’t found out about it, since Jessica always left before he came by to check on me.

It wasn’t Mike’s business if I got close to her, but I knew what he meant. My parents meant the same thing when they asked me to stay away from her. Because of my feelings for her, I had lost my mind and had blown my future. They were afraid I would do it again. Even though Mike would love to see 344/504

my parole extended, I didn’t think he actually wanted me to go back to jail.

“I’m just saying, man,” Jason continued. “Don’t play with her, please.”

“I’m not playing with her. I’m not doing anything with her. Relax.” I finished my Coke, wishing it were a double dose of Jack.

“You outta talk to Caryn too,” Jason said.

I frowned. “And why would I talk to her?” Jason and Ethan exchanged another look. God damn it, they were making me crazy. “Just spit it out.”

“Because she scratched Jess this morning,” Jason told me.

“She what?” My voice rose and the other guests turned their heads to us. I lowered my voice and asked, “What happened?” The guys told me about the girls going to the grocery store and bumping into Caryn.

How Caryn accused Jessica of stealing me from her, and when Jessica tried to leave, 345/504

Caryn grabbed her hard enough to leave a mark.

Stupid bitch. If I could, I would get a restraining order against her. And maybe one for Jessica against her too.

Luke finally showed up carrying a rect-angular white box.

“Aunt Corrine sent it,” he said, dropping the box on the table. He opened it and inhaled. A three-layer caramel coffee cake.

My third favorite from Corrine.

Rachel came out of the house and plugged in a stereo, starting the party.

I stayed by the grill with Jason, Luke, and Ethan most of the time, but I couldn’t help glancing to the side occasionally. All right. I couldn’t help glancing at Jessica every few seconds. She looked beautiful. She was beautiful. But those scratches on her arm. Anger rushed through me every time I saw them. Three nasty red lines on her smooth skin.

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An hour later, the guys had already downed half of the beers, and I had drank four Cokes. I searched for a fifth in the cooler, until Rachel told me the guys didn’t put many in it, but there was more in the fridge in the kitchen.

I went inside and took a deep breath.

All right, I had underestimated being at a party with Jessica. In addition, the guys were drinking and talking about the next bike race, and I simply felt lost.

I grabbed a Coke from the fridge, opened it, leaned on the counter, and took long swallows.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in here,” Jessica said, entering the kitchen through the back door.

I raised the soda can. “I came in for a Coke.”

She nodded, walking to the nearest counter. “Rachel asked me to get more napkins and plastic cups from somewhere in the 347/504

cabinets.” She opened the doors and three seconds later closed them. “It would have been helpful if she had told me exactly where.”

“I’ll help you.” I set my Coke down and turned to the cabinets behind me.

“Thanks,” she said, opening another set of doors.

On my second try, I found one of the items. “Here are the cups.” I turned to her at the same time she turned to me. My elbow bumped her arm, right on the scratches. She flinched and hissed. Anger assaulted me again. “I’m sorry.”

A big knot set between her brows, and her hand hovered over the scratches without touching them. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay.” I took her hand in mine and pulled it away from the wound.

The middle line had a few drops of blood.

After a deep breath, I cupped her elbow and 348/504

guided her to the sink. “I can’t believe Caryn did this.”

“I don’t think it was intentional.

Though she was out to get me.” I grabbed a paper towel, wet the corner, and dabbed the scratch. Jessica flinched.

“Sorry.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll talk to Caryn about this. She can’t go around threatening you, hurting you.” She pressed her lips in a thin line, and I could see in her eyes that she was bottling something inside. I cleaned the last of the blood and threw the paper towel in the trash can.

“What is it?”

“What?”

“I can see a question in your eyes. Ask.”

“It’s just … Is there something between Caryn and you?”

“No.”

“She acts like there is.”

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“She has been acting like that since before you and me.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“She mentioned being there for you …

when you were in jail. And she also said she visits you at your community service.” I nodded. “Yes, she visited me and sometimes she comes to the community service, but I didn’t ask her to, and I certainly don’t encourage her. Actually, I told her a few times I would rather she stopped. Honestly, I don’t know why she bothers. I told her a million times that I’ll never be with her.

Still, she keeps trying to win me over.” I was aware of how conceited I sounded, but it was the truth. For some reason, I wanted Jessica to know it. “The only thing I feel for her is pity. Pity for the woman she became. And a little disgusted when she throws herself at me, and I have to be rude so she’ll leave me alone.”

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She stared at me with misty eyes. “I’m sorry … for what happened and for not being here for you.”

I took her hand in mine. “Jess, stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t know. Even if you knew, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me that way.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m glad you’re okay now.”

I wouldn’t say I was okay, but I was getting there. “Me too.”

The corner of her lips tugged up in a sad smile, and an urge to wrap my arms around her, pull her to me, and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe hit me. She was close, too close. Her gorgeous legs two inches from mine. All I had to do was tug her hand and catch her when she bumped into me. Fuck, I wanted it. I wanted her. Bad.

The desire took hold of me. I raised my free hand and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting my fingertips linger 351/504

on her cheek. She took a sharp inhale and her eyes flickered to my mouth.

Fuck, that was all the incentive I needed. I leaned in.

And her cell phone rang.

Startled, Jessica stepped back and looked at her phone. Her brows furrowed, and she pressed the end button. Maybe it was her boyfriend, and she didn’t want to answer it in front of me.

Shit, she had a boyfriend. Why did I keep forgetting that?

Jessica picked up the cups from the counter. “I should take this to the girls.” Without another look at me, she rushed out to the backyard.

Fuck, what had I been thinking? I almost kissed her. I wanted to kiss her. She had a boyfriend. If he hadn’t called, I would have probably kissed her. What was wrong with me? Even if she was spending some time with me, she was unavailable and I 352/504

would respect that. I would
try
to respect that.

Obviously, my feelings for her were still too strong, but I couldn’t go down that road again. It hurt too much. And, one way or another, I would end up hurting her. Because that was all I did. I messed up and hurt everyone who cared about me.

Grunting, I turned to the fridge, and instead of getting another Coke, I found a beer.

Chapter Nineteen

Jessica

Mama spent Sunday at the hospital. She called me two or three times to tell me Papa was awake. I had to give her some credit for trying.

The guilt in me only increased. In four weeks, I would be gone and I wasn’t making any progress with Papa. I wasn’t even trying.

At least I was making some progress.

Not with Papa, but with someone I had cared about deeply. Spending time with Ryan wasn’t exactly how I had imagined my stay here, but I was glad he was opening up to me. If only I could take his guilt and throw it to the wind, to be scattered in the air and never again found.

Ryan almost ruined the closure we were building by trying to kiss me yesterday. After that, he acted strange and stayed in a corner 354/504

with the guys. He didn’t even utter another word to me all night. I hoped nothing had changed. I needed to know nothing had changed.

Late afternoon, Luke and Ethan came over to the house and quickly convinced Jason to go for a ride.

“Wait,” I said as they were leaving through the front door. “Any of you have a spare bike? A working spare bike?”

“I do,” Luke said. “Why?”

“Do you mind if I take it out for a ride?” Luke glanced at Jason, who shrugged.

“If you think you can handle it.”

“I may not have ridden in a few years, but I think I can handle it.”

“Come on, then.” Luke beckoned me to follow him. “I’ll take you to my house and give you the keys.”

Luke had a second-hand dirt bike. It looked old and dirty.

“This is it?” I asked.

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“It’s what I have. Take it or leave it?”

“I’ll take it.”

He handed me the keys. “Want me to take you for a spin to make sure you still know how to ride it?”

I chuckled. “I’ll be fine.”

He raised an eyebrow. “All right. Just …

if you break it, you pay for it.” I saluted him like a soldier. “Yes, sir.” Laughing, he mounted his other, newer bike and left with my brother and Ethan.

“Okay,” I whispered to myself. “Let’s do this.”

I hopped on the bike and turned the key. The engine sputtered and came to life. I wondered if it would take me as far as the corner. Just one way to find out.

I accelerated and the bike jerked to life.

The weight of the bike surprised me—I wasn’t used to it anymore—and it tilted left, almost taking me down with it. After three 356/504

more tries, I got the hang of it and finally rode out to the street.

Sanity wasn’t my best friend right now.

I drove to Ryan’s building. His car was outside, but the garage was closed. Gathering courage, I parked the bike and climbed the flight of stairs to his apartment. Cursing myself for being this stupid, I knocked on the door.

A full minute went by, so I knocked again, a little harder.

Another minute went by. That was it. I wasn’t knocking again.

I turned to leave when the door opened.

“Jess?” Ryan said.

I whirled back to him and my breath caught.

Ryan stood under the doorframe, wearing only a dark red towel around his waist.

His wet hair framed the sharp angles of his gorgeous face. Droplets of water glistened on 357/504

his golden skin, rolling down his naked, taut chest, and abdomen.

Oh. My. God. The man had gotten a lot more ripped than I first thought.

I forced my eyes to his and I was sure he caught me checking him out. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

“I was in the shower, sorry,” he said.

“Oh,” was all I said. So lame.

“Come in.” He opened the door wide and stepped back. “I’ll … I’ll get dressed. Be right back.”

He walked across the living room and disappeared behind another door.

I stepped inside and looked around.

The rooms were close together and had no walls separating them. Sofa, TV stand, TV

and video games to one side, kitchen with a high counter and a small table with two chairs on another, and in the back, a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a clothes rack, and the 358/504

door Ryan had gone through, which I was assuming was the bathroom.

I stood between the living room and the kitchen, waiting while he got dressed and desperately trying not to imagine as that towel fell on the floor and …

Snap out of it, Jessica.

I couldn’t … I wouldn’t fall into
this
again.

After a couple of minutes, Ryan exited the bathroom, and I wouldn’t confess this out loud, but I was kind of disappointed he wasn’t bare chested anymore. However, the fitted green T-shirt and jeans looked good on him.