[Cardello Ruth] For Love or Legacy(Bookos.org) (15 page)

Stephan sat back in his chair. ―Every day.‖

Kyle asked, ―Then why did you stop?‖

―I had some important things that I needed to do.‖

―More important than global warming?‖ Kyle asked.

―I thought so at the time.‖ His expression held a hint of regret that Nicole was sure Stephan did not mean to reveal.

―Is that why you don‘t come visit us? Because it makes you sad to remember?‖

Out of the mouths of babes.

Mark said, ―Kyle, that‘s enough.‖

His wife countered, ―Let him ask his questions, Mark. He‘s not being rude.‖

Kyle said, ―At least I‘m asking because I really want to know and not because of some stupid blog.‖

Kara whined, ―Mom, do you hear him?‖

Kayla said, ―Kyle, you know your sister is sensitive about…‖

Stephan cut in, ―To answer your question, Kyle… that was exactly why I didn‘t visit, but I was wrong. I should have come earlier and then you two wouldn‘t underestimate the value of using strategic litigation to implement environmental laws. It should have been the cornerstone of your debate.‖

Mark said, ―God, it‘s good to have you around again. You know, we have upcoming

projects if you want to be involved in them.‖

Shaking his head, Stephan said, ―I don‘t have time to camp on location and collect data.

There is a lot going on right now.‖

Organizing some of the used plates into piles, Kayla added, ―We don‘t do most of the legwork anymore, either. We produce the films and use them to help us lobby for change. You always had a good sense of how to frame the message. In fact, some of your old films are still being used to push through change at the state level. Imagine the impact you could make now.‖

―She‘s right,‖ Mark interjected. ―Your commitment to environmental protection, partnered with your skyrocketing success in the computer business, makes you a voice that would be listened to around the globe.‖

―I can‘t really see…‖ Stephan said.

Mark cut him off and said, ―Just think about it.‖

Why did I agree to this?
Stephan asked himself as he and Nicole entered the guest room that Kayla had prepared for them. It was beautifully decorated in neutral colors, accented by artwork he guessed the children had drawn and Mark'd had professionally framed. A warm and welcoming room, perfect for any other night but tonight.

He and Nicole stood side by side at the foot of the queen-sized bed, neither moving nor speaking at first.

Nicole‘s voice held a trace of nervous humor. ―This didn‘t seem as awkward when I agreed to it earlier.‖

Oh, it gets worse.
―The door doesn‘t lock. I checked it when I put the luggage in here,‖

Stephan added blandly.

―I think I can actually hear the kids voices in the other room,‖ Nicole said, looking at the wall just a few feet from the bed.

―Not exactly a mood setter, is it?‖

―No,‖ Nicole agreed with a small smile. ―Are you disappointed?‖

Hell, yes
. Stephan almost shared his initial reaction, but then he saw Nicole‘s expression.

She looked vulnerable and hopeful. He reached out and took her hand in his. ―Of course I am, but I can survive one night.‖

―Aren‘t we here for two?‖ Nicole asked, surprised.

―Only if we want to be,‖ he growled suggestively. Her gray eyes darkened with desire. He pulled her closer and ran one hand lightly up her spine, tickling her through the thin material of her blouse. If she kept looking at him like that he was going to throw politeness to the wind and drag her off to a hotel tonight.

He pulled her flush against him. She arched her beautiful neck back to look up at him and he couldn‘t resist. He brought his mouth down on hers. Just a fleeting taste at first but as her lips responded to his, he deepened the kiss.

Nicole‘s arms slid up his back, clutching him. His tongue seduced her mouth, teasing her to open up more fully to him. She met him, welcomed him, and her soft moan of pleasure almost drove him over the edge.

It would be so easy to forget where they were. He broke off the kiss and the sound of their mutually ragged breathing temporarily blocked out all other sounds. He said, ―If we‘re staying here tonight, this is not a good idea.‖

―You‘re right,‖ Nicole agreed, resting her forehead on his chest.

He stroked her upper arms lightly, enjoying the feel of her soft skin. ―Going to a hotel now isn‘t possible either. They wouldn‘t understand. Well, Mark and Kayla would, but the kids wouldn‘t.‖

―We don‘t want to offend the kids,‖ Nicole agreed breathlessly. She was not making this easy.

She glanced up at him from beneath her long lashes, gray eyes burning with desire and he couldn‘t resist. He met her eager mouth again. All of the reasons why this was a bad idea flew out of his head. He picked her up, carried her to the bed and rolled with her onto the thick comforter. Her new-found love of simple dresses made access easy, but it wasn‘t enough. He resented each inch her dress still covered, desperately needing to see all of her, to taste what had been forbidden for so long.

Her devilishly delightful hands unbuttoned his shirt and explored, driving him wild. She slid one just beneath his belt on his lower back. His hands stilled when he realized her intended path.

She slid her hand over his hip and he sucked in a breath, unable to think or move, just wait.

―Mom! Kyle commented on my blog again!‖ Kara‘s voice echoed down the hallway and

was followed by the sound of her stomping to her parents‘ bedroom.

Nicole laughed softly against his chest and removed her hand. Stephan rolled onto his back and pulled her with him. She was half across him, her hair tumbling down around her face and across his bare chest. She‘d never looked more beautiful to him. ―You think this is funny?‖ he growled into her ear.

She smiled down at him and nodded, her eyes brimming with laughter. ―I keep expecting Kara to whip the door open.‖

―We‘d end up in her blog.‖ He ran his hand absently through her curtain of black hair.

His body wasn‘t as quick to downshift as his mind was. It pulsed and punished him.
You’re
not going to die,
he chided himself. Although, he did vaguely remember this feeling from high school, and had been pretty certain back then that the condition could be fatal. This level of frustration was foreign to his adult life.

As if reading his thoughts, Nicole moved to pull away. Stephan held her to him. ―Stay, there. I can control myself.‖

Cocking her head to one side, Nicole gave him the most adorable, sexy smile and said, ―It‘s not you I‘m worried about.‖

He groaned.

She wants to kill me. She must.

They lay there. Neither moving. Neither speaking.

Quietly wanting.

Nicole asked softly, ―Stephan?‖

―Yes?‖

―I know tonight wasn‘t what we had planned, but I‘m glad we‘re here. Your friends are very nice people.‖

Stephan‘s heart pounded in his chest. His own feelings about the weekend were so tangled up right now that he didn‘t know what he felt about the trip. He didn‘t want to be happy that she liked his friends, but he was. Was it too much to hope that his friends would reveal her for a brazen fraud instead of taking him aside to tell him how wonderful she was? Why did she have to be so damn perfect for him? ―Yes, they are,‖ he answered absently.

―And their children are incredible – so intelligent.‖

So, Nicole wants to talk. Ok, let’s talk.

―Mark and Kayla believe that knowledge is power, and evidently they‘ve passed that belief on to the next generation.‖ Spending time with the Allen family was bittersweet for Stephan.

They were living the life he‘d once imagined he‘d have.

A healthy marriage. Shared dreams. Amazing kids. They had it all.

And what do I have?

I have this weekend.

Nothing short of Armageddon was going to stop Stephan from whisking Nicole away to the nearest hotel as soon as the boat race concluded tomorrow. He was finally going to have her.

Although his blood pounded at the mental image, the feeling of triumph was tainted.

She was his for the weekend. Maybe even for the next few weeks.

Then what?

California was making him crazy.
Then what? Then it ends.
That‘s what the plan had always been. Imagining any other scenario was unrealistic and dangerous.

Nicole tapped a finger softly on his chest as if she were aware that he‘d wandered away in his thoughts. She said, ―Kara asked me if I work with a charity.‖

―Sounds like Kara. What did you say?‖

Nicole pushed a lock of hair out of her face. ―I said I don‘t. I never have. How bad of a person am I that I never even thought about it until tonight?‖

Why did everything she say only make him hate himself more? ―Don‘t be so hard on

yourself, Nicole. You weren‘t exactly raised by the most generous man.‖

―But I‘m almost thirty, Stephan. How long am I going to blame my father for who I am?

When does it become
my
fault?‖

―Nicole…‖

Nicole shook her head in disagreement to words he had not even yet voiced. ―I‘m serious.

Looking at myself through Kara‘s eyes was enlightening, to put it nicely. I‘ve spent too much time feeling sorry for myself, thinking only of myself.‖

The burning sensation in his gut was worse than unfulfilled passion. He didn‘t want to label it. Some things were better denied even to yourself. ―You fought for the top executives at your father‘s company.‖

―Because I didn‘t want to lose them. It was still all about me.‖ He was about to say something, but she rolled off of him and onto her side, tucking one folded arm under her head.

―What would you say if I said I want to auction off my father‘s house with everything in it and donate the proceeds to an abuse shelter?‖

He rolled over onto his side, propping his head up on one elbow. ―I‘d ask you what the hell happened in that house.‖

Nicole closed her eyes.

Stephan ran a gentle finger across her cheek. ―Tell me.‖

When she opened her eyes, Stephan‘s entire body tensed with anticipation and fury.

Someone had wounded this woman deeply. He‘d never seen that expression in her eyes, and realized it was because she‘d never let him past her defenses before. This was the Nicole she hid from the world. He was torn between wanting to gather her to him and comfort her, and bolting for the door before it was too late. Instead, he held his breath and waited.

She looked him right in the eye and said, "My father was a violent man. His mood could change as a result of one misspoken word. When we were very little, he only hit my mother.

Dominic and I would run to the back of the house when we heard him raise his voice because we knew what was coming. As we got older, Dominic refused to hide, and my father started to take his anger out on him as well.‖ Nicole looked past Stephan and at the wall behind him as if she were revisiting that time in her mind. ―I was thirteen when my mother disappeared. The police were at our house every day for a while. They said she had deserted my family, but Dominic imagined something worse. He couldn‘t let it go. He demanded that my father tell him what had happened to her. Papa tried to intimidate him, but he couldn‘t scare Dominic anymore so he gave him a choice: stop looking for her or lose everything. Dominic left that night. He said he wouldn‘t come back until he found our mother.‖

For the first time, Stephan felt a twinge of admiration for the man he‘d hated for so long.

Dominic had stood up to a cruel father, a man whom many feared, and had walked away from his own legacy to search for his mother. He didn‘t want to find anything to like about Dominic.

But, the grudging respect was there, nevertheless.

―What happened after Dominic left?‖ Stephan had to ask. His heart twisted painfully in his chest.
Please tell me it got better.
What can I do with so much anger at a man who is
unfortunately, untouchably dead?

―Our family lawyer, Thomas, came to the house and threatened my father. They had been friends since grade school, and Thomas was the only one who ever stood up to Papa. That night they started off yelling at each other and then it got very quiet. I snuck into the hallway to listen.

Thomas said there was no place on Earth my father could hide if he laid a hand on me, and that he knew enough about my father‘s business dealings that he could ruin him if he heard that my father went after Dominic. My father claimed that he hadn‘t killed my mother, and Thomas said it didn‘t matter. He said there would be no warning, just retribution if my father stepped out of line.‖

―But he left you there?‖ Stephan was having trouble processing the details through his fury.

―Yes,‖ she whispered.

―You must have been so scared,‖ he said, his voice thick with emotion. He pulled her to his chest, breathing harshly into her hair. She neither refused his embrace nor returned it, too lost in her memories to do either.

―I was at first, but my father never even raised his voice at me after that. Something inside him died that year. There were no more bad times, but there were no good times either. I even tried to get him angry at me once. I thought, at least if he hit me he would have to look at me while he did it. But he just walked away like he couldn‘t see me. I just wanted him to see me.‖

Stephan tucked her head beneath his chin, feeling her silent tears through the light material of his shirt. "I wish ...‖ He groaned and buried his face in her hair. If he had known, he would have been kinder to her when she‘d come to his office to ask for help. He wouldn‘t have been so quick to believe the worst of her seven years ago. "I didn‘t know, Nicole. If I had known…‖

Nicole leaned back and placed a comforting hand on his jaw. Her cheeks were wet with memories and her eyes stormed with emotion. "It wouldn't have done any good. I wouldn't have left my father. I hated him so much, but I loved him, too. When word came that my mother had died, Dominic became obsessed with tearing down everything our father had built. His constant attack on our father made me protective of Papa. Crazy, huh? I hated my father, but I thought he needed me. Dominic should have been my hero for standing up to him, but I did whatever I could to protect my father. Why would I do that?‖