Cardinal's Rule (28 page)

She kissed him. “Moving forward, remember?”

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Have you?”

Guilt surged within her as she remembered what they’d done to Cris. “I need to. I can’t do that to him again, and I’m beginning to wish we hadn’t.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not a true sadist at heart like you are.”

He held her close. “You have a beautiful soul, sweetheart. Thank you for standing beside me

through this.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m a bitch when it comes to nursing.”

“I’ll be an equally crappy patient, never fear.”

Chapter Fifteen

None of them spoke much Wednesday morning. Tilly had planned to get up even earlier than

necessary to make coffee before her workout, but Cris beat her to it. When she walked through on her way to work out, he nodded to her. She nodded back.

Subdued, Landry stepped into the shower with her later and pulled her into his arms. When he hardened against her, she kissed him and leaned against the wall as he quickly sheathed himself inside her. No words were necessary. He couldn’t hide his closely guarded worry from her, and she relaxed and turned her body over to him as he switched to French and whispered a command in her ear for her to come for him.

It surprised her when her body responded, a gentle climax that nearly brought tears to her eyes as he finished with her.

Live her life like this? As they both stood there recovering, she thought it would be a damn good life, married to this man. If he could beat the cancer, possibly a very long damn good life.

He encouraged her to go eat breakfast even though he wasn’t allowed to. When she tried to

refuse, he yelled for Cris to prepare her a bagel and sent her out the bedroom door with a playful swat on her rear end.

Later at the hospital, Landry held her hand on the walk from Tilly’s car to the building. Cris grabbed their things from the car and quickly followed.

Tilly felt Landry’s fear humming through him as stress, tension from the way he held her hand to the way he walked. She squeezed his hand and when he looked down at her she winked, prompting a smile.

Good. He needed to smile today.

“You promised you’d fight for me,” she reminded him.

He nodded.”I will.”

They went through registration, Cris silently standing by unless Landry asked him a medical

question about his history he couldn’t remember. Cris seemed to have it all memorized. They received 

a few odd looks from the staff, including the nurse who came in to prep Landry once he was in a pre-op bed. The nurse suggested Cris could wait outside. Landry told her no, he couldn’t, that his wife and partner would stay with him as long as they could.

When Tilly snuck a glance at Cris, she noted he’d perked up a little at that comment.

The thaw has started. Thank God.

Before the orderlies came to take him back, Landry called Cris over and asked him to bend

down to where he lay on the gurney. Landry whispered something to him, then kissed him.

Cris nodded, perhaps a little too hard, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he whispered, “I love you, too, Lan.”

Tilly’s turn. He kissed her. “Keep him in line while I’m asleep, okay?”

“Just a short nap. Then we’ll get you back.”

“Can I tell you I love you?”

She smiled. “Only if I can tell you.”

“Okay then.” He stroked her cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, buster.” He kissed her once more before they took him.

Cris stood by the door, almost looking like a lost puppy.

She didn’t anticipate the flood of pity and compassion she felt for him. No matter what, Landry loved him, and he loved Landry. Only an idiot would miss that. Even after their few short days together, she saw why Cris loved him. Master or not, sadist or not, Landry wasn’t difficult to love. You took him as you got him, and he didn’t play bullshit games.

Well, normally. And the games he did play usually had fairly concrete rules of engagement you could understand as long as you understood the man and the Master.

Cris didn’t want to meet her gaze at first. He stood there holding their things, his eyes focused on the floor. She reached up, touched his chin, and tipped his head so he looked at her. If she didn’t say it now, especially when he seemed so vulnerable, her nerve would escape her. If she couldn’t say it now, she probably never would.

For the sake of her sanity, and her guilty conscience, she needed to say it.

“I forgive you,” she whispered. “And I’m sorry for what we did to you.”

He sobbed and threw his arms around her. “I’m so sorry, Tilly,” he said over and over again.

She put her arms around him and held him as he cried, finally navigating them over to the chairs so she 

could sit with him.

When he finally composed himself, she took his hand and squeezed. “He’ll be okay. He’ll make it. We’ll get him through this.”

“Yeah.”

She squeezed his hand again. “Please don’t trip all over yourself trying to suck up to me, okay?

Yes, I’m still angry and hurt. That won’t magically disappear. I need time to work through that. Don’t be surprised if I throw it in your face, either. From this point on, I want us focused on him. Whatever happens between you and me during that time, we’ll keep him our priority and deal with the rest as it comes.”

He hugged her again. “Okay. Thank you, Tilly. Thank you for doing this for him.”

They moved out to the waiting room. She let him drape his arm around her shoulders and

enjoyed leaning into his solid body.

She’d missed this. Feeling wrapped in safety when with him.

Well, she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him anymore, but the physical safety was still there.

If she couldn’t be with Landry, she’d settle for letting Cris comfort her.

For now.

She tried to lighten the mood and gently poked him in the side. “Don’t think you can step back into a Dom role with me, either. You try that, I’ll smack you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I promise I won’t. I’m just happy you’re talking to me.”

They both jumped to their feet when the nurse called for Tilly nearly two hours later. She tried to take only Tilly back to the recovery room, but Tilly, glad for her years as a Domme, rolled right over her and grabbed Cris’ hand to drag him with her. “Sorry, we’re a package deal.”

Landry didn’t open his eyes when she leaned over him and kissed him. She brushed the hair

from his forehead. “Hey, handsome. Welcome back.”

Cris took hold of his other hand. Landry squeezed, but still didn’t open his eyes. “I hate feeling like this,” he groggily muttered.

Cris leaned in and kissed him. “We’ll take you home, get you settled in, and you can spend the evening watching her beat the crap out of me,” he joked.

Landry mustered a weak smile and cracked open an eye. He looked at Cris, then turned his head to see her. “You two okay?”

She nodded. “While you were napping we hashed out the peace accord and declared your sick

bed a DMZ.”

He closed his eyes again as he nodded. “That’s good. Just make sure you gag him when you

beat him. I don’t want his screams to keep me awake.”

* * * *

Landry still felt pretty out of it when the doctor came in to talk with them. “I think this was caught fairly early,” the surgeon said, “but we need to aggressively treat it considering your history.”

Landry remained quiet. Tilly let Cris take the lead role in the discussion. Thank God he was there. Even though she was familiar with the terminology, she had no clue about Landry’s treatment history. As she listened to Cris talk she spotted a ghost of her Master in his manner.

When the doctor tried to bring her into the conversation as Landry’s wife, she shook her head.

“He’s doing just fine,” she said. “Keep going. If I have any questions, I’ll ask.”

She glanced at Landry and noticed he’d opened his eyes again. A faint smile painted his face.

Then he winked at her.

They helped him get dressed after they finished speaking with the doctor. Cris helped him into a waiting wheelchair then hurried out to get her car and bring it to the front door.

Landry apparently didn’t care the nurse waiting with them could hear every word. He reached

up and patted Tilly’s hand, which rested on his shoulder. “So I did hear you right that you and slave worked things out between you? Or was that wishful thinking on my part, combined with the effects of the anesthesia?”

She struggled not to laugh at the nurse’s shocked expression. Tilly leaned in and kissed the top of his head. “I think you’re still a little zonked out, but yeah,
Cris
and I have worked out our differences.”

“Good.” He squeezed her hand again.

A thought hit her and she knelt beside him to whisper in his ear. “Even though you said it

wasn’t, this was all about getting me and Cris back together, wasn’t it?”

“No. I told you it wasn’t.” He kissed her. “But if I don’t make it,” he whispered, “I know you’ll keep him going for me, won’t you?”

It slammed home, finally. Landry didn’t think Cris could survive it alone if Landry died.

“You’re
not
dying, dammit.”

He stroked her cheek. “Promise me if I do that you won’t let him kill himself. That you’ll take care of him for me. You’ll keep him going for me.”

She couldn’t feel mad at him. Not when he looked like shit and there wasn’t a hint of Masterly demeanor in him at the moment. “You’re not dying, you stubborn man.”

“Please, promise me.”

She sighed. “I won’t abandon him like he did me, if that’s your worry.”

“Thank you, love.”

* * * *

She sat in the backseat with Landry while Cris drove. Landry’s face looked years older than the day before. He lay with his head in her lap. At one point she realized he’d fallen asleep.

When she looked forward, she caught Cris’ gaze in the rearview mirror. Part of her hated she still felt that little spark his gaze could light in her.

They got Landry settled in bed in her bedroom. After he fell asleep again, she changed clothes and walked out to the kitchen where Cris was already preparing something.

She felt drained, exhausted. She sat at the table. “Do you mind if I just sit here?”

He turned to her, a playful smile on his face. “Why would I mind? It’s your house. This is my job.”

He’d already put his leather collar and wrist cuffs back on and stood there wearing no clothes other than his jeans. “I know what he said, but let’s get serious. I don’t expect you to be my slave, Cris.”

“You and I lived twenty-four/seven. Why do you think I would have a problem doing it now?”

“This isn’t the same.”

“It is, in a way.”

“Does it bother you that he broke his promise to you?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He married me. He fucked me. He brought someone else into your relationship.”

He leaned against the counter and pondered his response for a long moment. “I don’t see it that way.”

“Because it’s me?”

He slowly nodded. “Yeah. I think so. If it’d been someone else, anyone else, I would have been pissed even though I think I deserve it.”

“He loves you.”

“I know he does. If he didn’t, he would have kicked me to the curb.” He turned back to the

counter.

“We have to work together to take care of him.”

“I totally agree.”

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell him I told you?”

His shoulders tightened. She recognized that gesture. He finally turned back to her. “I can’t make you that promise,” he said. “I’m sorry. I can’t hold anything back from him ever again. I won’t get a third chance with him.”

Fuck.
“Fine. If I hadn’t agreed to this, he was going to release you without telling you about his cancer.”

Cris looked shocked. “What?”

“Yeah. Because since he found out about me, part of him worries that the only reason you came back to him is because he was a pity fuck, in his words. He didn’t want you to feel obligated to stay. If I wouldn’t be here to help, he didn’t want you going through it alone. I think he also worries that you wouldn’t want to go on if he died and left you alone.”

He closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. “That’s
not
why I went back to him. Jesus. I really fucked shit up, didn’t I?”

“Ya think?”

He looked at her. “I know he tried to kill himself, Til. He’s a damn good driver. The Highway Patrol said it looked like he deliberately aimed for the tree. He never hit the brakes. There were no skid marks. Clear night, no traffic, he was stone cold sober, and he’s damn lucky the car had OnStar. They called it in. Saved his life.”

Time for her to feel shocked. “He doesn’t think you know that. I made him tell me about the

accident. He made me swear not to tell you.”

He laughed, long and hard. “Jesus, we Doms are a bunch of assholes sometimes, aren’t we?”

“Again, ya think?”

His eyes traveled her face. “I knew he wouldn’t fight the cancer,” he softly admitted. “Not after that. He didn’t have anyone. It’s not that I loved him more than you, or that I felt sorry for him. I…” He picked at his fingers. “Put yourself in my place, Til. Yeah, I handled it absolutely the wrong way. I admit that. But even though I was your Master, I was still, in my heart, his slave. I always have been.

Even though I loved you, I never stopped loving him. I prayed Ross would take care of you until you grew strong enough to take care of yourself. But I knew you could, eventually, take care of yourself just as surely as I knew he wouldn’t. I couldn’t let him die. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I turned my back on him when I knew he would willingly die otherwise. I made the best choice I thought I could, even though I know it was a horrible situation for you. I’m sorry.”

She felt a wave of anger and grief try to overtop her mental walls. She fought it back. “I wore Ross’ collar for six months. The only thing he required me to do was live, to lean on them. I was allowed to remove the collar for good once I could promise him and Loren that I wouldn’t hurt myself and that I could make it on my own. He never topped me. No one else has ever topped me.”