Careful What You Wish For (28 page)

‘I’m not sure if we can, dear,’ Mr Craze said warily.

‘We must,’ Mrs Craze said. ‘Don’t you think, Ruthie?’

Ruth nodded. ‘Yeah,’ she said gruffly.

Somewhat subdued now, the family moved down the hallway into the warmth of the kitchen, and Ruth slipped upstairs to check on Howard.

‘Hurry up, Howard,’ she shouted through the bathroom door. ‘Everyone’s home and there’s fish and chips!’

* * *

By the time the family was seated at the table, the glasses filled with drink, the packages unwrapped, Howard had appeared in the doorway.

‘Come in, Howard!’ Mr Craze pulled out a seat between himself and Paul and handed him a glass of soft drink. ‘It’s a free-for-all here, so I suggest you don’t hold back!’

‘Welcome, Howard!’ Mrs Craze smiled. ‘Please eat. There’s loads here.’

‘Thanks,’ Howard muttered, looking at the fish and chips hungrily but not moving. Mrs Craze grabbed the tongs and served him a generous amount.

‘You see how you go with that,’ she said kindly, handing him the bottle of tomato sauce. Howard bent his head and began to wolf down the food. Mrs Craze was right. There was easily enough to feed six hungry people on a cold night.

Too busy eating, no one spoke for some time. Ruth finished first and looked around the table from one person to the next, noticing how content and happy everyone seemed as they ate.

When the fish and chips were finished Mrs Craze screwed up the paper and threw it in the bin.

‘No dishes tonight, Ruthie!’ she beamed.

Ruth thought of the perfect version of her mother – the one with the dead eyes – and shuddered involuntarily.
Imagine if she’d stayed there!

Mrs Craze was at the fridge. ‘Now, who’s for ice-cream?’

‘Yes please!’ Everyone wanted ice-cream.

‘So, what sort of day did you have, Ruthie?’ her father asked casually. ‘How is Lou’s grandfather?’

There was a lull in the noise and bustle around the table. Everyone stopped talking to hear. Ruth had almost forgotten her lie of that morning and certainly hadn’t decided what she was going to say. She swallowed a mouthful of ice-cream and looked at Howard. He was studying the spoon in his hand. She looked at both her parents and sighed.

‘I lied about that,’ she said. ‘He isn’t sick at all.’

‘What?’ Marcus stared at her.

‘Close your mouth while you’re eating, Marcus,’ Ruth snapped, then turned to her parents. ‘I didn’t go to any hospital with Lou.’

‘Huh, I told you they hated each other!’ Marcus said. ‘So that makes Ruth a … liar!’

‘Be quiet, Marcus,’ Mr Craze said sternly. ‘What do you mean, Ruth?’

‘I lied,’ she said again. ‘I went to look for Rodney.’

‘For
who
?’

‘For Rodney … the rat.’

‘You went
where
?’ Mrs Craze was open-mouthed.

‘To the creek,’ Ruth said, feeling her face getting hotter. She looked at Marcus. ‘To where we last saw him.’

‘But that was … months ago! And such a long way!’

Ruth said nothing but she wasn’t hungry anymore. She gave the rest of her ice-cream to Paul, who was delighted.

‘Thanks, Ruthie.’

‘How did you get there?’

‘Bus and train.’

‘Well.’ Mrs Craze frowned and put down her spoon.

‘Well.’ Mr Craze nodded thoughtfully, as though trying to process the information. ‘That is pretty … surprising, Ruth, I have to say.’ He looked blankly at his wife. ‘So did you
find
him?’ he said at last.

‘Yes.’

‘Well, I suppose that’s something, but …’ Mr Craze seemed baffled more than anything.

‘But you shouldn’t have lied about it, Ruth,’ Mrs Craze said. ‘That really wasn’t good of you. You could have … I mean, what if we … What if something had happened?’

‘I know … I’m sorry.’

‘It was my idea,’ Howard cut in. They all turned to look at him.

‘Well, it was Ruth’s decision, Howard,’ Mrs Craze said kindly, ‘so I don’t think you are responsible.’ Everyone was quiet as she stood up, collected the glasses and dumped them in the sink. ‘Did you go too, Howard?’

‘Yes.’ Howard nodded. ‘It was the best day of my life.’

‘Oh.’ Mrs Craze smiled helplessly, moved because he was so obviously sincere. Instead of sitting down again, she stood behind Ruth and drew her hair back from her face the way she used to when Ruth was a little girl. ‘What will we do with you, Ruthie?’ she said softly.

Ruth shrugged, closed her eyes and sighed.

‘Put her in a dark room,’ Marcus said quickly, ‘with only bread and water!’

‘Make her lie on a bed of nails!’ Paul shouted.

In the end they were all laughing.

* * *

‘Can Howard stay?’ Paul wanted to know an hour later. ‘
Please
, Mum.’

They’d been playing a board game until Mrs Craze announced it was time for bed. ‘I
need
him here in the morning so we can finish the game.’

‘Would you like to stay, Howard?’ Mrs Craze asked. ‘Or would you like us to drive you home?’

‘I’d like to stay,’ he said shyly, ‘if it’s okay.’

‘Of course it is, but … I take it your father knows where you are?’

There was a moment’s awkward silence. Howard shook his head. ‘Not really.’

Howard didn’t want to ring home and in the end Mr Craze offered to do it. The phone call didn’t last long and Mr Craze had a slightly stunned expression on his face when he held out the phone to Howard.

‘Your dad would like a word,’ he said quietly.

They all waited to see what the verdict would be. They could hear a loud voice on the other end but nothing much of what was actually being said. Howard just stood there passively, saying
yes
and
no
a few times and then a quick mumbled
goodbye
. He put the phone down and turned to Ruth’s parents.

‘It’s okay,’ he said, his face blank, ‘I can stay.’

Without a word, Mrs Craze made him up a bed on the big couch in the family room.

25

B
ack in her room, Ruth took Rodney out of her bag and put him up on his old shelf. Once in bed herself, she looked at him and smiled.

‘It’s good to have you back,’ she whispered. But there was no answer. Not even a flicker of an eyelid.

There was a small knock at her door and her mother’s head appeared.

‘Night, Ruthie,’ she said.

‘Night, Mum. And thanks for … everything.’

‘
Everything
?’ Her mother grinned.

‘Well, for being kind to Howard and …’ Ruth sighed, ‘the rest of it.’

‘That’s okay.’ Mrs Craze was about to disappear when Ruth thought of something that had been in the back of her mind all day.

‘Mum, can you remember the lady who gave Mary Ellen the rat?’

‘Oh yes.’ Mrs Craze came back into the room. ‘It was Mrs Bee next door.’

‘But what was her real name?’

Her mother frowned and thought for a moment. Then her eyes brightened.

‘Bridie,’ she said. ‘She was a lovely lady. Very close to Mary Ellen. Why did you want to know, love?’

Ruth could hardly speak, her head was in such a whirl. ‘Can I tell you another time, Mum?’ she managed. ‘I’m so tired now.’

Mrs Craze walked over to the bed and gave Ruth a quick, hard hug.

‘Good night, my one and only wicked girl.’

Ruth laughed.

‘Good night, my one and only crazy mother.’

* * *

Around midnight, Ruth woke up with a start, her heart hammering. Something didn’t feel right. She’d forgotten to pull down her blind and moonlight had flooded the room.
Had something happened? Had she been dreaming?
Her first impulse was to check on Rodney. Yes, there he was. She could see him sitting up there on the top shelf in exactly the same position. She didn’t even have to switch on the light because of the moon. So why did she feel so churned up and … uneasy? She pushed back the blankets and put both feet on the cold floor.

Mary Ellen’s voice came back to Ruth so strongly it was almost as if she had spoken in her ear.
And when he stops being useful …

She knew what she had to do.

She slipped on her jeans, shirt and jumper, picked up Rodney from the shelf and put him back in her bag. Carrying her coat and shoes in one hand and the bag in the other she tiptoed out into the family room.

Howard was lying flat on his back, arms by his sides and dead to the world.

‘Hey,’ she whispered, touching his shoulder. ‘Wake up.’

He opened his eyes, blinked a couple of times and looked at her quietly. He was so
unsurprised
that Ruth laughed under her breath. It was almost like he’d been waiting for her.

‘Get dressed,’ she said. ‘We’ve got to do something.’

* * *

The walked through the quiet back streets down to the river that Ruth and Mary Ellen used to walk along on their way home from the city. Scooting down the embankment, they found the right path and from there it was only a short distance to the bridge over the train tracks. Ruth knew Howard must be tired. She was pretty tired herself. But he never complained, nor even asked what they were doing.

At last they arrived. They stood in the middle of the footbridge and looked down onto the tracks. Ruth thought of the last time she’d come to this spot with her aunt. She could see her in her red coat and black boots, her hair tucked under a felt hat and her face so pale. She’d had her first operation and was having chemotherapy. Ruth hadn’t had any idea how serious it was then, but Mary Ellen must have known.

‘Will you come here sometimes?’ Mary Ellen had taken her arm. ‘When you’re big?’

‘Of course.’

‘And think of me?’

‘Yes.’ Ruth had looked at her aunt. It wasn’t like her to get all mushy.

‘I’ll be here whenever you come back,’ her aunt had persisted.

‘But what if you’re doing something else?’

‘I’ll be here in spirit.’

‘Okay.’

Mary Ellen had kissed the top of her head. And it was at that point that they’d heard the faint rumble on the tracks. They grinned and closed their eyes. Louder and louder it roared towards them and then it thundered past and was gone.

They’d looked at each other expectantly.

‘You first,’ Ruth said quickly.

Mary Ellen laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Wings,’ Mary Ellen said matter-of-factly. ‘Wings that I can fit onto my feet.’

‘Wings for your
feet
?’ Ruth loved the idea immediately. She could imagine them sprouting out the back of her aunt’s dainty feet, just above the heel. ‘Would you be able to fly with them?’

‘Oh, definitely,’ Mary Ellen laughed, ‘and still have my hands free. I could carry things up into the clouds. I could piggyback you, for example.’

‘Cool!’

‘Come on, kiddo, or we’ll be late for your tea.’

They had turned around then and started on the walk home.

* * *

Howard watched as Ruth undid her bag and pulled out the battered rat and held him up to face the moon.

‘Goodbye, Rodney,’ she told the rat sternly.

‘What are you doing?’ Howard was alarmed. ‘We just found him!’

‘And he’s yours now.’

‘What?’

‘Yours.’

Ruth thrust Rodney into Howard’s hands.

‘But …’

‘Until he stops being useful and then … you pass him on. Is that clear?’

Howard smiled. It was a beautiful smile, unlike any that Ruth had seen him give before.

‘You for real, Craze?’

‘Yes.’

Howard unzipped his jacket and tucked the rat in next to him, then turned to start walking back the way they’d come.

‘I’ll just be a minute,’ Ruth said.

‘Okay.’ Howard set off.

Ruth closed her eyes and let the relief roll through her. It wasn’t as if she had all her friends back or that her aunt was alive again. It wasn’t as though she had a perfect house or family, or that she was famous or more special than her brothers. But somehow, she did feel lucky again. It was a mystery.

It didn’t take her long to catch up with Howard.

‘Okay?’ he asked.

‘I think so,’ Ruth replied.