Carousel (16 page)

Jaci's shoulders sagged in defeat, and relief. Actually, she thought it would be better all around if he continued to think that. Hearing Selkirk outside the door, she decided it would be a good time to escape.

"I believe Selkirk needs to visit with you. I'll leave you to your manly things." She scooted past him and headed for the door.

"Jaci?"

She stopped and turned.

"Try to stick to less fanciful topics with Amanda. She has far too much imagination as it is."

She smiled, for although he had made a statement, his tone of voice implied he was seeking her permission.

"Of course." She would give in this time, for it seemed the easier path to take.

* * *

Not more than a week went by before Jaci and Nicholas were at it again, this time over Amanda's studies. Even though the child was only five, Jaci wanted to teach her math and science as well as reading.

They were arguing in the study, and Nicholas remained standing in front of his desk. Jaci had noticed, as a gentleman, he always rose when she came into the room and would remain standing until she sat. Today, to spite him, she refused to sit down and instead paced back and forth. The more she tried to make him understand the importance of her position, the more stubborn he became.

"I see no reason to clutter her brain with nonsense," he countered her latest argument, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You know arithmetic, and the science of husbandry. Does that over tax your brain cells?"

"I'm a man. It's different."

"Of all the egotistical, chauvinistic--" she sputtered to a stop when Nicholas began to laugh. "What is so funny?"

"Do you know how absolutely adorable you are when you're angry?" He grinned in response to her startled expression. A lock of hair fell over his forehead, and her stomach tied itself in knots.

She threw up her hands in despair. "I can't reason with you." He took a step towards her and she fled.

Her confrontations with Nicholas were getting more heated by the day. Every time she had a conversation with him, his silver eyes seemed to cut to her very soul, exposing her secrets and disarming her defenses with his charm. Everyone said he was supposed to marry Miss Edwardson, but he didn't appear to be of the same intent. Why else would he make such idiotic comments? Every time he said something sweet, like calling her adorable, she fell deeper under his spell.

Not getting involved should have been easy, for she had been raised in a world of feminine freedom. She had no use for a chauvinistic male with an ego the size of Texas and no understanding of independent women. Then why did her heart flutter every time he said her name? Why did she ache for those times their paths crossed? How come her dreams and all waking thoughts were invaded by his presence, and why didn't he kiss her again?

"Oh, Mandy, how I wish you were here to guide me," Jaci sighed dejectedly as she wandered back to her room. Her sister, the romantic, had been the one to know the ins and outs of the dating world. Such things had always been furthest from Jaci's mind.

"Why are you always talking to someone named Mandy?" Amanda had followed her into the room, and regardless of Jaci's wish for solitude, the youngster hopped onto the bed, pink skirts bunched up around her, making her look like one of the roses in the garden.

Abandoning any sense of decorum, Jaci fell face first onto the bed beside her, crossing her arms under her head as she turned and gazed at the pixie.

"Mandy is my sister."

"A sister? How old is she; where is she; can she come and play with me?" She bounced on the bed as she jabbered questions faster than Jaci could absorb.

Jaci quickly turned her head to hide the unbidden tears that sprang forth. Amanda's inquisitiveness reminded her of Mandy at that age. Her throat constricted.

"Well?" Amanda didn't seem likely to give up, and waited impatiently for Jaci to answer. To stall for time, she pulled the child into the curve of her body, nestling her cap of springy curls under her chin so the child wouldn't see the tears which still blurred her vision.

"Mandy is a few years younger than I am, so she's much too old to play. Besides, she lives very, very far away." She struggled to keep her voice steady. "Her real name is the same as yours. When we were both very small, I called her 'my Mandy' because I thought she belonged just to me."

Amanda squirmed and wiggled before coming to rest once again against Jaci. "I wish they would call me Mandy, instead of A-manda." She stressed the 'A' as though it were an entire name of its own.

Jaci smiled.

"You can call me Mandy, if you like. I mean, since you don't have your sister here to get us mixed up and all."

"But your uncle wouldn't like it, would he?" It seemed Nicholas was forever on her mind.

"Well, no. He probably would not." She stopped, and Jaci wondered what her mischievous little mind was cooking up now. "But you could call me that when we're alone." She tilted her head back to look up at Jaci with eyes that held wisdom beyond her five years. "Maybe then you wouldn't be lonely for the real Mandy."

Jaci was glad the child snuggled down against the soft mattress and didn't see the stream of tears that washed down her face. Silently she sent a wish across the years.
"Oh, Mandy. If I had to leave you, at least someone saw fit to drop me into a loving household."
She hugged Amanda closer and cried herself to sleep, hoping Mandy managed to survive without her.

Hours later, when Amanda didn't come to the library to bid him good-night, Nicholas went in search of her. He asked all the servants and looked in all the rooms. At length he stood in front of Jaci's door. Should he disturb her to inquire about his niece?

She had left in a huff after their latest discussion, and he wondered if she was still angry with him. Her wild ideas and fanciful stories were beyond believing, and her unconventional ways set his teeth grinding. Yet, he admired the way she stood up to him. He usually intimidated the most stalwart man at the Philadelphia Exchange, but Jaci wouldn't back down if she thought she was right.

Added to her stubbornness was her beauty, which was heightened when her green eyes flashed and her cheeks flushed. For some reason, she didn't appear to like it when he openly admired her beauty. Of course, because it bothered her, he quite frequently deliberately baited her.

His second knock was not answered, and his brow furrowed in concern. How odd that both of them appeared to be missing at the same time. Using his concern as an excuse, he opened the door and glanced into the room, illuminated only by the moonlight streaming in through the tall windows.

He clearly saw a shape on the bed, and when he moved closer, discovered his niece curled up in Jaci's arms. For a moment, he contented himself to gaze down at the two of them. In sleep, Jaci looked soft and delicate, much like the lady he knew her to be. Gone were the spark-filled eyes and the proud defiance in her voice. He smiled as he thought to savor the peace, knowing full well it would last only as long as she got her own way.

He had promised himself he'd wait until after the holidays to make his intentions known. It would not be fair to pursue Jaci until Lycinda had been set free from any contract, intentional or not. Yet, each time they spoke, each day as her scent lingered in the upper hall when he came down for breakfast, he found it harder and harder to keep his resolution.

He wanted to kiss her and he ached to hold her in an embrace all night long, but only after they had exhausted themselves making love. December couldn't fly by fast enough. He didn't know how long his aching body could resist the temptation her mere presence caused.

He shifted his gaze to Amanda, happy and secure, embraced in loving arms. Whatever piccadillos Jaci may claim, she appeared to be good for Amanda.

A sigh of frustration escaped as he gently tugged off two pairs of slippers and covered the sleeping beauties with a quilt. As he quietly shut the door, he thought back to the first days that Jaci resided at Wildwood. At that time, he would have allowed her to stay if only for Amanda's sake, for the child needed the gentler influence of a woman.

Now he had very specific purposes of his own for keeping her bound to Wildwood. Regardless of how he had initially fought it, he had fallen in love with her. He wondered how many rounds he and the unconventional Miss Eastman would have to go before they both gave in to the mysterious forces that drew them together.

Chapter Nine

Jaci walked downstairs after leaving Amanda with Molly for the afternoon. As much as she had come to love the child, the hours when the maid watched her were precious.

"Is our little hellion down for a nap?" Nicholas spoke as he walked out of the study.

Startled, she stopped on the bottom step. Though Nicholas worked at Wildwood, he stayed busy outside or in the arena, and she rarely saw him during the day. Lately, though, she had found herself trying to catch a glimpse of him out the window as he trained horses or spoke to a groom. Even with snow on the ground, the horses were trained outside whenever the wind-chill was bearable.

"Hello. Are you there?" he teased as he smiled.

Her heart melted a little more than it had the last time he smiled at her, which meant it was a puddle somewhere. Each day it became harder to remember she didn't belong here. And every day found her falling a little more for the silver-eyed horse breeder.

"I'm sorry; my thoughts were elsewhere." She returned his smile, hoping he would stay and visit with her. Regardless of their arguments about everything from education to women's rights, she liked discussing things with him. Then she realized he was buttoning his coat. "Are you going somewhere?"

"I'm off for a ride, actually, to scare up some wild birds for Delta. Would you care to join me? The weather's tolerable, for December."

Because Amanda loved her pony, Flower, and always wanted to ride, Jaci had forced herself to ride more after her initial disaster. She had finally begun to like the activity, although she didn't have much style. Now she hesitated.

"You mean ride outside, away from the barn and arena?" She blushed when Nicholas laughed outright.

"Yes, I am allowed off the grounds, and you are allowed out without your chaperone."

"Without my...oh, you mean Amanda."

Nicholas nodded. "Do you trust me to see you back in one piece?"

The question sounded innocuous enough, but she heard the caress behind it. She glanced up. Eyes the color of hazy smoke, yet with a flicker of fire, met her gaze. Her stomach turned, her heart thumped, and she swore a little groan escaped.

If he noticed, he was too much the gentleman to comment. Besides, maybe she was reading too much into his comment. The only way to find out, she reasoned with herself, was to take him up on his offer.

"I'd be delighted to ride with you, but I do need warmer clothes."

He slapped his hand with his gloves, his smile widening. "Wonderful. I shall see to the horses while you change. I'll collect you at the front steps."

* * *

Their ride took them to the northern edge of his property where trees and shrubs created a dense forest and windbreak. The snow cover wasn't deep and the horses had no trouble moving along the trail which ran parallel to the thicker part of the woods.

Jaci had bundled up with extra wool stockings and her fur-lined cloak, and now was glad she had. Even though the sun reflected brightly off the snow, the air was cold.

"We'll leave the horses here and walk," Nicholas said as he dismounted and moved around to help her.

As she dismounted, her foot slipped and she came crashing down at him, knocking them both against his horse. The horse stood steady and Nicholas grabbed her around the waist to balance them both.

"Oops, I still have something to learn." She clutched the lapels of his coat. His arms circled her and she felt suddenly very warm and secure, despite the cold December day.

"Perhaps there was ice on the sole of your boot," he whispered.

When she glanced up, his gaze told her he didn't care how she had ended up in his arms. Standing among acres of frozen white lace covering the trees, the horses blocking the wind, Jaci felt she belonged to another world. That thought brought a smile to her lips as he bent his head to kiss her.

His breath was warm, quickly heating her chilly lips as he slanted his mouth across hers. She felt his hands tighten at her waist as he pulled her closer.

"Oh... my..." she sighed when he released her from his kiss. His eyes were intense, burning into her own, branding her heart with his desire.

His breathing was ragged and it took long seconds before he spoke. "Damn. I--"

Jaci stopped his words with a mittened hand. "I don't want to hear you apologize yet again for kissing me. If you regret it, why do you continue to do it every time we're alone?"

He didn't release her, even as he denied her charges. "I don't kiss you every time," he hesitated, "just, almost every time. And it's not entirely my fault. I can't seem to help myself when I'm around you."

In all honesty, she couldn't blame him for she was equally at fault. She dreamed about him at night: dark, exotic dreams full of marvelous sex and happily-ever-after. Now, she leaned up on tip-toes for him to kiss her again.

Without hesitation, he granted her unspoken request, his kiss hard and hot, vibrant and deliciously wicked. His lips cajoled hers to open and their tongues dueled for possession. Yet, as he pulled her against him, she felt he held something back.

What would it take for him to completely lose control? Even as she secretly wished for that moment, she wondered if she would lose her soul to him if he should take her beyond the first steps of passion. For once, it seemed the right thing to do.

"Nicholas...." She breathed his name in the frosty air, clinging to him as he kissed a path down her chin to her neck. She leaned back as he fumbled for the buttons of her cloak, aching with anticipation. He jerked at her jacket, gloved hands unable to work the fasteners.