Carpe Diem (26 page)

“So a few months after Jack died, I started doing something that I know is not good for me,” I start.

“Shit! You’re doing drugs. I knew you had to be on something,” Casey shouts.

“No, it’s not drugs,” I confirm.

“Then what?”

“I have been going to the hospital.” I cringe as I say the words.

“I don’t get it?” Abby says.

Casey’s eyes go from confusion to shock once she realizes what I’m telling them.

“You’re not?” she begged.

“I know, it’s not good.”

“I don’t get it,” Abby calls out.

“She is visiting the fifth floor,” Casey tells her.

“What is on the fifth floor?” Abby asks in frustration.

Casey and I sit back and stare at her. Waiting for her to put two and two together because neither of us wants to actually say the words.

It takes her longer than I thought before the light bulb finally comes on.

“Nooooooo. Piper! What are you thinking?”

I
t’s April,
the month I will never be able to enjoy again. The month that Jack was taken from me. I can already feel the change in my attitude. Bryna’s even walking on eggshells when she talks to me. Everyone is better than last year so I suppose I am thankful for that. And I suppose that over time everyone will be able treat this month like any other.

Abby has been stopping by more and more even though I have explained to her repeatedly that I am fine, although I shouldn’t complain. I love that they all care so much and know this month is hard to live through.

To be honest, I would have expected this month to be much worse than it is starting out to be. I would have expected myself to want to crawl into a hole and never come out similar to last year.

However, this last year has been amazing, it has had its moments, as all years do. Waking up each day has gotten easier and easier. The days have been filled with more than feeling sorry for myself or grief for Jack. Each day is filled with hope. Hope that soon I will be on my way to crossing off another item on my list. Hope that I will seize each day
even
if that means whatever is happening was not on my list. Hope that once my list is done, I will not stop there, I will keep adding to it.

The last few weeks have been weird so my hope has dwindled some. Flynn is dating some chick that he still hasn’t told me about. I have given him plenty of opportunities to let the cat out of the bag, nothing. I get nothing. A brush off or he completely ignores the question. I am running out of polite ways to bring it up, next will be a blurted, accusing type question.

My only distraction to that is that Casey and Abby have been on me like stink on a skunk to make sure I stop my now-not-so secret visits to the hospital.

I thought I would regret telling them about my visits to the fifth floor. I am so glad I don’t. They have been a huge help. I haven’t been back since. Yes, it has only been a few weeks and I have gone weeks without going before. This time, it feels different. I don’t yet feel that pull tugging at me.

The weather change has been a long time coming and could be another reason why my urges have been curbed. I love spring. Everything is coming to life, the fresh smell of the rain coming through the open windows. Last year I barely acknowledged the robins picking at the worms in my yard. Today I have been standing at the kitchen window for what seems like forever watching the life return.

The birds are chirping and excited to be back, the grass is starting to turn green, the trees are budding and will soon be covered in leaves once again. I could have sat here for the rest of the day with my thoughts had my phone not buzzed.

FLYNN: What are you doing tonight?

ME: No plans… I take it I have some now?

FLYNN: Dinner at my place?

ME: Sure, what time?

FLYNN: How does seven sound?

ME: Sounds good… Carpe Diem?

FLYNN: You got it!

Flynn, still carrying out Jack’s plan after all these months. Not that I thought he would give up or lose interest, I thought maybe he would get it started and pass it off to Casey or Abby once things got underway. I love that he has taken such care in making sure each adventure is cared for and planned out as Jack would have wanted. Even after all these months, I still find it hard to think of all the years Jack put into planning this. All those years of him planning and saving and bragging to Flynn, then he is taken before he can see the look on my face when his plan is revealed.

Deep down I always knew that Flynn was a good friend to Jack. They have been through so much together. I love Flynn for being such a great friend to Jack and now to me.

My thoughts have run away with me again and before I know it it’s time to get ready for dinner. I shower and pick out a nice spring dress to wear. I am not normally a dress person, however, the spring air is begging for a dress tonight.

An hour later, I am walking out the door. The warm air caresses my skin and I can’t help but smile. I have no idea what tonight will bring, but I can’t wait.

Flynn is pretty vague about what tonight is supposed to be, despite all my attempts to get it out of him. So far, we enjoyed a wonderful lasagna dinner. Flynn joked that it was about all he could make without burning the hell out of it. We have had great conversations about everything under the sun. The only think I haven’t been able to get him to talk about is Keriann. I may have to blurt it out or allow my head to explode. Why won’t he tell me about her? What is with all the secrecy?

Flynn put on some soft music and we move outside to the front porch to continue our conversation. The air has cooled. I look up at the night sky, not a star to be seen, the moisture in the air is building giving out an unmistakable scent.

“Smells like rain,” I say.

“I love that smell,” Flynn replies.

“So do I. It is always so refreshing.”

His eyes are glued to mine, a smile on his face that is pure happiness. I haven’t seen him like this since… actually come to think of it, I’m not sure I have ever seen him look this content.

Flynn gets up suddenly and goes back into the house. He isn’t gone very long, the light that was radiating through the window is gone and is replaced by a flickering glow. When Flynn returns, he has several small candles, a bottle of wine and two glasses in his arms. I help him juggle them and watch as he lights each candle and sets them around us.

“I hope you don’t mind, I enjoy a glass of wine and some candles when I get ready to enjoy a spring storm,” Flynn tells me.

I have to fight back the laughter. I can’t tell if he is for real or messing with me.

“Really?” I ask.

“I do. Not all the time, but when I sit out here to enjoy them I do,” he tells me.

“So is that when you turn in your man card and make a trip to Hobby Lobby to buy potpourri?” I joke.

“Haha laugh it up, chuckles…”

“I’m sorry, you caught me off guard. I guess I’ve never seen this side of you before.”

“It’s not one I advertise.”

“You should. You would have the ladies crawling all over you.”

As soon as the words come out of my mouth, my heart starts to beat faster and my stomach starts to turn. Just the thought of ladies, crawling all over him makes me sick. Why? Why would I care? Maybe this is because I know he is keeping his current lady a secret. He has to know Abby would have mentioned it.

Flynn never responded to my little joke, he is watching his glass as he swirls the wine. Maybe he and Keriann are more serious than I knew.

“Okay, I have to ask. I’ve been trying to keep my nose out of it, but I’m a woman, I can’t, it’s against my nature… Why haven’t you mentioned that you are dating someone?” I calmly ask.

His eye shot up to mine. Surprise? Confusion? I’m not sure about the look in his eyes.

“I’m not dating anyone,” he says.

“Really, because Abby said you were dating someone named Keriann,” I tell him.

“Keriann is an acquaintance that was helping me out with something,” he explains.

“Oh, Abby seemed to be under the impression that you had been dating for a little while.”

“No, she misunderstood.”

I feel a weight lift from my chest. Relief that he wasn’t hiding anything or anyone from me? Yes, that is what I’m going with.

The rain starts to fall interrupting the awkward silence that is hanging in the air. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The wine, the glow of the candles, and now the smell of the rain is intoxicating.

When I open my eyes, I see Flynn once again looking at his wine glass, this time he is caressing the edge with his thumb. He looks nervous.

“So are you going to finally tell me what tonight is all about?” I ask softly.

He gives a small smile before setting his glass down on the table between us. He stands and moves in front of me. Slowly he reaches for my glass and sets it on the table. Then reaching for my hand, he helps me to my feet. I do not say a word as I follow his lead.

To my surprise he walks me to the steps leading down from the porch and has me wait there while he walks back inside the house, I hear the music that was once soft now projecting out to the front yard. The song is “Chandelier” by Sia, a song I love. When Flynn returns, he grabs my hand once more and guides me down the stairs to the front lawn.

“What are we doing?” I laugh as the rain kisses my skin.

“We are going to dance in the rain,” he tells me with a large smile on his face.

“Come on, no way,” I say with surprise.

Flynn claps his hands loudly and the trees and bushes come to light with white lights.

“Oh, you’re good,” I inform him.

“I know.” He gloats proudly.

“No really, this would have any woman melting in your arms,” I tell him.

He continues to smile as he grabs my hand, places his arm around my waist, and begins moving us to the rhythm of the song.

He leads me like a pro, and the world fades away. It’s as if Flynn and I are the only ones who exist. Our eyes are locked, neither of us seems to want to look away. A strange feeling is rushing over me, one I have felt before. One I should not be feeling. Distraction. I need a distraction.

“I didn’t know you could dance like this.”

“Neither did I.”

“Flynn, you are forty-one, how could you not know you could dance like this?”

“Because my dance teacher, Keriann, has been teaching me for the last six weeks. But, in the end, I wasn’t sure I could pull it off,” he explains.

As he finishes he pushes me out, keeping a firm grip on my hand. He pulls me back guiding me into a spin. Our bodies move in one fluid motion. That is until the big finish. Flynn attempts to end the song with a dip. However, his foot slips and we end up in a puddle of water, laughing wildly.

Flynn helps me up when I hear a new song start to play. It has a familiar beat, but I can’t place it. I know I like it, I know I have heard it a million times before. Still lying on the ground, I start to move to the intoxicating beat. I am still lost as to the name of the song, until the first line.

I jump to my feet and start stomping my feet as “Are you Going To Be My Girl” by Jet plays. Flynn soon joins in with my crazy dancing. We slip and slide, splashing the water that has formed in the divots of the yard.