Carpe Diem (27 page)

O
ur crazy dance marathon continues for a few more songs. Things slow back down when the song everyone knows from one of the most iconic movie scenes ever.

My thoughts go to the white, single-shoulder dress, white satin shoes, and a line full of firefighters waiting for their turn to dance with an angel. Of course, I am thinking about the movie
Always
. The movie where Richard Dreyfuss plays the ghost of Holly Hunter’s lost love.

Flynn moves closer to me, he brings his body next to mine and begins to guide our movements. Soon I find my head resting on his shoulder. I have given complete control over to him. The warmth of his body next to mine is exhilarating. I can feel his heart beating rapidly in sync with mine.

The details are unclear as to how. All I know is that the next thing I know, our lips are locked. His lips are so soft. His touch is gentle. Flynn scoops me up into his arms and carries me into the house. The screen door slams behind us as he continues on to his bedroom.

Flynn places me softly onto the bed. He removes his wet shirt and leans down to me. We quickly pick up where we left off outside. I wrap my legs around him. His hand lands on my calf and moves up my thigh. He is kissing my neck and I can feel my excitement growing. Then the weight of what I want to happen hits me when I feel Flynn slip his hand further up my dress.

“Stop!” I call out.

“I’m sorry… Did I hurt you?”

“No, you are perfect, I just… I can’t,” I tell him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks softly.

“No, it’s not you, I…” I trail off.

“You don’t have to explain.”

Flynn gets up from the bed and moves toward his closet. A moment later, he comes back to me and lays a shirt and some sweatpants at the end of the bed.

“Here, you’re going to want to get out of those wet clothes,” he says, offering a smile.

“Flynn… I’m so sorry, I…”

“No, you never need to be sorry with me. I completely understand,” he tells me as he sits on the edge of the bed. “If you had done something today that you were not comfortable with then I would never have forgiven myself,” he continues.

“Thank you… but I…”

“No buts, Piper. I would never in a million years want this if you didn’t.”

“I think I was overcome by the evening. It was so special and perfect.”

“Piper, you don’t need to explain. I will go to the other room to change and I will meet you on the porch, take your time.”

Flynn kisses my forehead, grabs a second set of clothing, and closes his bedroom door as he leaves.

I take my time changing, partly because I need a few moments to myself to gather my thoughts and partly because I am embarrassed as all hell that I almost made a huge mistake.

Tonight has been perfect—dinner, the wine, and dancing. Flynn obviously put a lot of effort into tonight. The dance lessons and the white lights covering his large tree and bushes.

I smile as the memories of the evening come flooding back. The moment I realized that Flynn was not holding back on a girl he was supposedly seeing. Leave it to Abby to get the details wrong.

My heart starts to race again when I think of the kiss we shared not long ago in the rain. The passion in that kiss was magical. I haven’t felt that magic in almost two years. My face is warm with a blush as I think about what could have been this evening.

“Stop it!” I yell to myself.

I open the door to the bedroom and make my way to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. The last thing I need is for Flynn to see me like that. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one night.

After fixing myself up I start to head outside to meet Flynn, I walk by my purse. A thought comes to me. I look toward the front window; Flynn is sitting with his back to the window, sipping on his glass of wine.

Perfect. I reach into my purse and retrieve the red shard. I stand staring at it in my hand for a moment before I make my way back to Flynn’s room.

I walk over to his nightstand and place it next to his alarm clock. I think this is the right spot for this one. As I turn to leave, I notice the writing on a piece of paper next to the lamp. I see Jack’s handwriting that says, “Flynn.” A letter from Jack to Flynn?

I don’t know what made me pick it up. It is a complete invasion of privacy that I would have thought unforgivable. To read someone’s last words to someone, that is not you. Unfortunately for my voice of reason, I have not been thinking clearly all night. I open the worn paper and read.

Flynn,

I guess this is it, the big good-bye. I don’t have much to say to you that I haven’t already said in life, so I will just say this.

You have been my friend for as long as I can remember, but you have been more like a brother to me. Your friendship and support over the years has meant the world to me. I could not have asked for or found a better man to call my friend.

If I can ask you one last favor. Look after our girl. Be there for her, comfort her, clean the gutters for her. Also, watch over Bryna and if I die before she is married make sure she doesn’t end up with some jackass, and should that day come, if she asks you, know that you have my blessing to give her away.

I wouldn’t trust them in the care of anyone other than you. Be well my friend and take care.

Jack

P.S. Also, if I die younger than I would like and you are still single, I want to tell you that if you should find your happiness, know that you have my wholehearted blessing. I would not trust anyone else with her heart.

Jack’s words wash over me and I feel the tears starting to fight their way out.

“What are you doing?”

His words startle me. And I drop the letter on the floor. The look on Flynn’s face of anger, hurt and shock all rolled into one.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” I confess.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” he says, walking toward me.

Regret immediately rushed over my body. I knew it was wrong. If I had asked him if I could read it, he might have said yes, but now I have betrayed his privacy and I will never know if he would have shared this with me.

I lean down and pick up the letter, fold it, and hand it to Flynn.

“This was meant for me.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I was leaving you a gift, and then I saw it laying there. I don’t know what came over me.”

Flynn doesn’t say anything as he places the letter in the drawer of his nightstand and then leaves the room.

I follow Flynn, apologizing repeatedly. He accepts my apology halfheartedly and begins tossing dishes into the sink.

“Maybe I should go,” I offer.

“I think that would be a good idea.”

T
hat brings us to today… Today is the second anniversary of Jack’s death. We all made plans to meet for dinner and then visit Jack.

I have not spoken to Flynn since that night. I have tried to call, text him, but he doesn’t answer or respond. I confessed to Abby and Casey everything that happened that night and what I had done. They both agree he just needs some time to cool off, he could never cut Bryna and me out of his life. One could say he is being stubborn about this. I, however, can’t blame him, I would have felt the same way. Since I am the one at fault, I need to be willing to give him the time he needs to forgive my actions.

Although there was nothing in the letter that I felt was overly personal, I can understand that it was still a huge invasion of privacy. All I can do is hope that today he will break his silent treatment.

These last nine months since I was given this most unexpected gift have been amazing and I would hate for my one mistake to put a dark cloud over everything Flynn has done for me in Jack’s honor.

Sitting here applying my makeup in an effort to get ready for dinner, it doesn’t feel real that Jack has been gone two years already.

I can’t stop thinking about the last nine months. The gift Jack has been so thoughtful in creating and so well planned that even though he was meant to be here with me on this grand adventure, and though he couldn’t be, I still felt him here with me helping me. This grand plan that was meant to be a surprise anniversary gift has turned into the best possible way he could have said good-bye to me.

After getting dressed, I have just one last thing to do before dinner. It may not have been on the agenda for today, but, I think it is what I need to do. It feels right and I think it is time. After all, how can I ask others to forgive me when I hold on to so much anger? Looking at the clock, I verify I have plenty of time before I have to meet everyone at the restaurant.

Fifteen minutes later, I am walking through the halls of the fifth floor, the coma ward of the hospital. I have walked these halls more times than I care to admit, but I know in my heart this will be the last time. It’s bittersweet really, I used to come here to channel help my anger and help my grief. It was a comfort and a curse at the same time.

The curse was walking down this hall to Helen’s room, knowing that the woman responsible for taking Jack from me was right in front of me, having her close enough to touch, but knowing that no matter what, me being this close will never mean anything to her, because she was in a coma. That knowledge was a hell of my own making.

I thought I needed some justice, an apology, some whatever you want to call it to be happy again. There were days I would wish she would wake up so I could make her feel the pain she caused me, other times I found comfort in the thought that the limbo she was in, being neither dead nor alive was hell for her, but those were not my thoughts today.

Today I feel peace. I feel like things will happen in this world and no one can predict or prevent the things fate has planned for us. Today I say my good-bye to Helen, and to all that anger. Today I forgive her.

As I approach her room Nancy Jacobs the day nurse grabs at my attention, she is on the phone, but the look in her eyes with her frantic motions causes me to stop at the nurses’ desk. She takes a breath and holds out her hand and motions for me to wait until she is off the phone.

“Okay, yes thank you, yes, I have to go. Thank you…” Nancy says while hanging up the phone.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“Honey, I’m so glad I caught you, you can’t go in there,” she says, trying to hide her panic.

“Why, what happened, did she die?” I ask, not knowing how the answer would make me feel if the answer was yes.

“No, she didn’t die. I
really
can’t talk about it with you, since you are not family…” she says, trailing off at the end.

She has never said that to me before. She has always found a way to let me know what the status of her condition is.

“Nancy, I understand that. However, today was to be my final visit, I had hoped to say my peace and be gone. I know you have bent the rules for me to visit her the last two years, but can you make one more exception? I promise I will be quick, no one will know I was here,” I plead.

“Mrs. Reynolds, I seriously can’t. And all I can tell you is that she did not
die.
”

She whispers the word die and gives me a strange look as if I am supposed to pick up on this new code. I look at her in confusion, still not understanding the meaning, and then BAM, it hits me like a ton of bricks.