Carpe Diem (31 page)

“Piper no, I was the jackass here.”

“But I shouldn’t have…”

“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I still have you. Who gives a shit about all that other crap?”

“You had every right to be mad, I should not have read the letter. It was your letter.”

“It wasn’t you reading the letter that got to me.”

“But—”

“I was going to wait until it was the right time, but when is the time right to tell your best friend’s widow that I am in love with her.”

The words hang in the air, as he waits for my reaction.

“Piper, I was scared that you reading the letter would give my feelings for you away.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know that I can never and will never replace Jack. He was my best friend, and I know this seems wrong, but I’m in love with you. I have been in love with you for years if I am being honest, and Jack knew that. That is why in his letter he mentioned that I would have his blessing.”

It all makes sense now—he was scared I would find out he has loved me all this time.

“I have wanted to tell you for months now, but I could never bring myself to say the words. It felt so wrong. Even with his letter, it was as if I was cheating on my friend, but seeing you here and almost losing you, I can’t hold it any longer. I need you to know how much I have loved you,” Flynn confesses.

“I… I… I don’t know what to say,” I say, stuttering.

“Then don’t say anything, but I want you to know that if you do not feel the same way, this will be the first and the last time I tell you. I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” Flynn continues.

“No, I mean I don’t know what to say because I do feel the same way. I didn’t know what to do with these feelings, that is why I stopped us that night. I also felt like I was betraying Jack,” I offer as my own confession.

Flynn does not say a word. A single tear runs down his cheek. I reach over to wipe it away and with that, he brings his lips to mine. A kiss so pure and so passionate that any pain I was feeling melts away.

As he pulls away, my eyes open. I get a faint scent of coffee. Jack? I feel like he is here and I don’t know why, but I get a sense that this is okay. That Jack would be okay with this, is almost a feeling of being at peace. I look into Flynn’s eyes and take a deep breath. I know that Jack will never leave my heart. He will always be a part of me.

I think back to that day at the cemetery with Bryna. I told her that if I found someone worthy enough of sharing my heart, I would consider it. Today I realized I found someone who is worthy of sharing it.

T
hree months have
flown by since my release from the hospital. Today marks the one-year anniversary of my Carpe Diem adventure. So much has happened in the last year it is hard to keep track of. In what seems like yesterday, I was given the gift Jack could not by the people in my life that loved Jack as much as I did. They followed me along my adventures and created memories that will last a lifetime. But of all the scary things I did this year the scariest was finding out I could have left my little girl here on earth without me. Instead, I found myself, with a new liver. A new liver from the last person on earth I would have expected.

Someone I once hated with every fiber in my body and with such passion, it could have consumed me until the day I died. However, thanks to Jack, Carpe Diem, and the loved ones in my life, I was able to let that hate go. I was able to find myself and my happiness again.

Because of that, I was able to walk in to face Helen and forgive her, even if she could not forgive herself. She needed a way to forgive herself in order to move on to do the one thing I requested of her. Her giving me the liver allowed her that first step. After Helen healed from the surgery, I got a letter from them wishing me the best and letting me know they decided to move out of state to look for a fresh start. I admit I was relieved to get the letter. The thought of running into either of them scared me. I wasn’t sure how I should act should that day ever come. I do wish her and Kyle a long and happy life and hope that they are able to move past the last few years.

We found out a week after my transplant that the spot on my liver was early stage liver cancer. It was classified as stage one, but they caught it early with the transplant. Today I am considered cancer free.

It is hard to think that if Jack had not died, if Helen had not been in a coma, I would not have been on the road that night for the truck to have hit me. I may not have found out about the cancer until it was too late. Was this some cosmic plan? Did Jack die so that I could live? I will ask myself these questions for many years to come even though the answers will never come…

As I sit here looking at my list, thinking about Jack, I cannot help but be thankful for the adventures I have had so far and I am hopeful that I will continue to add and cross off things on my list. The last year has opened me back up in ways I never would have thought possible.

Get a tattoo

Work at a haunted house

Create a secret family recipe

Fun with Girlfriends

Fall asleep under the stars

Learn to Ski

Try Golfing

Complete 25 acts of kindness

Make a difference in someone’s life

Take a picture in the same spot in each season

Have a whipped cream fight

Eat dinner and go to a movie by myself

Learn how to shoot a gun

Learn to dance

Slow dance in the rain

Sky dive

Take a cooking class

Fall in love

Marry my best friend

Go on a no limit-shopping spree

Ride in a helicopter

Have a silly day

Write something in wet cement

Have a full moon party

Go skinny-dipping

Do a polar plunge

Go somewhere tropical

Win a contest

Volunteer my time

Watch the sun go down and the stars come out

Learn to knit

Go camping

Have my palm read

Create a board game

Go apple picking

Plant a garden

Take a Canoe Trip

Take a walk with my mom

Go fishing with my dad

Eat a six-course meal

Go out on a date

Sing Karaoke at a bar

Do something stupid

Forgive

Find Happiness again

Today I will be crossing off two items. Flynn and Bryna are on their way over to pick me up for our appointment. It has been almost four months since I have been able to cross anything off and I have to make up for lost time.

My recovery has been smooth sailing. My doctor said I should be able to live normally and that she doesn’t see anything wrong with my next choice.

“We’re here let’s get this show on the road!” I hear Bryna announce as she comes through the front door.

“I just have to grab one thing,” I call back to her.

I walk to the hutch and grab the plastic bag. There is only one more piece of red mug remaining and it seems fitting that this is the final adventure where I will be leaving a piece of Jack.

“Okay, I’m ready.”

Bryna and I walk out to the car where Flynn is waiting for us. I get into the front seat, lean over, and give Flynn a small kiss on the cheek.

“Gross, go get a room will you,” Bryna jokes.

“Hey, watch it young lady,” I joke back.

Bryna actually couldn’t be happier to see Flynn and me together. She likes to joke that it was either him or Channing Tatum and since Channing Tatum is already married and unlikely that I would be able to land him because I am
too old
for him, that Flynn will just have to do.

Whenever the opportunity arrives, she enjoys teasing us about when the wedding date will be. We always laugh and remind her that even though we have known each other a long time, we are not looking to jump into wedding attire just yet. We plan to take it slow. We want to get to know each other in that way. There is no need to rush into anything crazy.

When we pull into the parking lot, we all get a little excited and nervous all at the same time. After all, this
is
a permanent mark on our body. On the count of three, we all jump from the car and make our way to the entrance.

We walk into the small shop filled with wall random art, idea books, and what looks to be piercing jewelry. Rachel, the receptionist, greets us and tells us that Tina will be with is in a moment.

Tina is a kick ass tattoo artist I have been talking to about what kind of tattoo we want. Something simple, but meaningful. She was able to come up with something perfect for me… An outlined coffee cup and the words Carpe Diem curves around as if it was steam.

Bryna designed her own…

Flynn opted to for a very simplistic design…

I had to smirk when I found out why. Flynn is scared to death of needles. I am not sure if I was more shocked that I learned something new or that Flynn is a big huge baby when it comes to tiny pieces of metal with a sharp edge.

As we wait for Tina, I wander around looking at the pick and stick tattoo books. Why someone would willingly choose some of the options is beyond me. The unicorn with a cloud of “fart” coming from its butt or the scary clown face eating a banana. Who in the hell comes up with these ideas.