Carpe Diem (13 page)

“You know, I think I’m good with the guns. Maybe some other time you can bring me back and we can shoot the rifles. I am actually getting hungry.”

“Okay, just one last thing before we leave.”

Flynn pulls a camera out of one of the cases and hands me the 9mm and one of my targets. He has me pose in front of one of the lanes and snaps a picture.

While Flynn packs up his guns and talks to the attendant, I take the opportunity to take care of something myself.

I exit the large building and look around. Not a ton of options here, I think to myself. It is mainly grass and parking lot out front. I walk around the side of the building where I saw the outdoor range in the back.

Pulling out the glass from my back pocket, I scan the area for its perfect home. I need a spot that no one will find it accidentally and throw it away. With not many options available close by, I finally decide to walk the long distance to the end of the outdoor range where there is a large hill and a long tree line that wraps around the outdoor shooting lanes.

The air is a little chilly as the weather is starting to change. I love this time of year, the crisp air smell, the look of the trees as they start to turn their fall colors. It does not take me long to get to the tree line and find the perfect spot. An odd-looking tree that looks like it was split in half and rather than die, each side grew strong and tall. I find a spot in the middle of the trunk and dig a small hole. I place the red glass in the hole and cover it.

As I pack the dirt down, I feel Flynn behind me. Watching me, wanting nothing more than to talk, but respecting my need for silence.

As I stand up, I brush off the dirt and grass from the knees of my jeans. Flynn walks closer and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks softly.

“I think so. I… Um…” I fumble as I attempt to explain my madness.

“You don’t have to say anything, I get it.”

“It is weird though, right?”

“Everyone grieves in their own way. Nothing about what you are doing is strange.”

I offer a smile and before walking with Flynn back to the car, I kiss my hand, kneel down, and lay it on the ground over the buried piece.

“I love you.”

T
he hostess shows
us to our seat, lets us know the specials and that our waitress will be right with us, and then leaves us.

“So shall I get the steak or the lobster, or better yet, the steak
and
the lobster?” I joke.

“Laugh it up, chuckles.”

“Oh poor baby, is someone a cranky loser today?”

“Not a bit. Order whatever you like, but I wouldn’t brag too loud, you didn’t win by much and remember payback is a dish best served cold.”

“That’s revenge. Payback is a bitch,” I correct him.

“Whatever, you know what I mean,” he says, then buries his face into the menu.

The waitress soon comes to greet us and takes our order. I decided to go with the prime rib, no lobster, and Flynn orders the crab legs. The Maple is one of the nicer restaurants in the area. They are well known for their crab legs, but I had a huge craving for a good steak.

Jack was the master griller in our house and for some reason, I have not been able to make a decent steak since he has been gone.

Flynn and I haven’t stopped talking since we got here. Even when the food arrives, we stop only long enough for our waitress to place our plates in front of us and thank her. Once our conversation turns to memories of Jack, we take turns telling each other our favorite memories. Our laughter at some of our trip down memory lane landed us a stern warning to please keep it down. Jack never let life bring him down. Even during some of the most difficult times, he would always find a way to make someone laugh.

“Oh yeah, Jack
really
knew how to make a fool of himself,” I say, as Flynn finishes one of his stories.

“He sure did,” Flynn responds.

“Flynn can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you stay?” I ask.

“What do you mean?”

“When I found out I was pregnant, why did you stay here instead of going off to college?”

Flynn puts his fork down and leans back in his chair.

“That is kind of a hard question to answer. I think it was because I had seen my life in a certain way and going away to college wasn’t what I saw for myself. The only reason I was going to go was because Jack was going. I thought it would be fun. When his plans changed, I had no reason to go.”

“So has your vision of life worked out?”

“For the most part. I knew I wanted to stay in town, I never saw myself living anywhere else.”

“So why didn’t you ever get married?”

“Hmm, well I guess I would have to say never found the right girl.”

“The
right
girl? Flynn, you have dated some awesome women. How could none of them have been right for you?”

“I’m not sure what to tell ya. None of them ever measured up to what I was looking for. I guess maybe I’m simply meant to be a bachelor for life.” He laughs.

It always amazed me that Flynn never got married. When Bryna was younger, he was so good with her. He would lie on the floor and play Barbie’s with her. As she got a little older, he allowed her to dress him up for the tea party. I used to think that one day he was going to make a great dad.

I’m not sure what made me ask my next question, the wine, the thought that he is not married or rarely dating anyone, or the fact that he stayed in town with Jack. Oh Jack. The common theme, looking back on everything, was Jack. Was he in love with Jack?

“Flynn, are you gay?”

“What makes you think I’m gay?” he says, exploding into laughter.

I feel my face turn a bright red with embarrassment. What was I thinking? I should have known better then to think he was gay. I couldn’t help myself. He
was
showing some signals so it wasn’t a totally unwarranted question.

“Let me see, there is the fact that you’re not married, you don’t date much, you were always attached to Jack’s hip… I guess I thought maybe there was a chance…” I stop myself before I finish that sentence.

“What, a chance that I was in love with Jack?” he asks very seriously.

“I guess I thought there was a chance yes.”

“No, Piper, I am not gay and I was not in love with Jack. If I were, I would have told him and you.”

“I just thought… well we all have our secrets.”

“I may have many secrets, Piper, but being gay is not one of them.”

I look deep into his eyes. Many secrets? I give him a squinty-eye look and add in a smile as if to let him know I am interested in hearing about his
many
secrets. Flynn smiles back and shakes his head.

“Oh no, this is not the time or place for me to be airing out any skeletons.” He laughs.

“Come on. If you don’t tell me, I will have to assume I was right and that you are gay.” I laugh.

“Piper, you
really
don’t want to know my secrets. Jack knew them and that was bad enough.”

The mood gets a little awkward after that. When the waitress finally brings the bill, I am relieved. Flynn seems a little put off by my line of questioning. I never took him for someone easily offended or maybe I hit a nerve. He may not be gay, but there is definitely something bothering him.

Jack knew and never told me so it can’t be that bad. I decide not to press the subject. If he wants to tell me what was on his mind, he will, in his own time.

When Flynn drops me off at my house, I offer him a nightcap, but he declines.

“I’m truthfully sorry if I offended you or pressed you too hard on anything tonight,” I offer as an attempt to restore the mood,

“Piper, you didn’t offend me. You could never offend me.”

“Are you sure? You’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I had a lot of fun tonight. I’m ready to get home, unbutton my pants, and relax, I think I ate way too much,” he says with a smile.

“Okay, as long as we are okay,” I respond.

“Yes, everything is fine. I will talk to you tomorrow.”

I exit the car and Flynn waits for me to get in the house and turn the lights on before he waves then drives away. Still feeling weird about how things were left, I decide to give Abby a call to see what she thinks.

“You asked him what?” Abby yells into the phone.

“I know, but that would certainly answer a lot of questions if he was,” I point out.

“Yes that would indeed answer a ton of questions, but I don’t see him being gay. Like at all.”

“Me either, but you never know. My thought was that if he was and never knew how to tell us that if I brought it up that it might be easier for him to come out. But then he said Jack knew his secrets.”

“I don’t think he is mad, and of course, Jack knew his secrets. I know all yours and I don’t tell anyone, especially Dave.”

“So you think he is fine? It ended so weirdly,” I ask as I remember those words,
you don’t know all my secrets.

“I do. I mean he is a guy, he probably needed to get home to take a shit after eating all that food.”

I laugh at Abby’s explanation and decide that on some level she is probably right. Flynn and I have known each other for years. If he was going to get mad at me because of a question, then he should hate me for some of the things in our past.

Like the time he asked me to cut his hair and I forgot to put a guard on the clippers and accidently shaved his head. Or the time that he asked me if I wanted to clean his house for some extra cash. Things were going great until I decided to do his laundry and accidently shrunk his favorite shirt. Oops.

After thinking about all the things he should have been pissed off at me for and wasn’t, I have to agree with Abby.

After hanging up, I pull down the velvet box and prepare to cross off yet another item. I scan my list, looking for my latest adventure and cross it off.

Learn how to shoot a gun

H
olidays, they say,
are the hardest after the death of a loved one. If it were not for everyone offering to come to my house for Thanksgiving, I think I would have had a mental breakdown this year. Last year was hard not having Jack around, but it still felt so surreal. Those that say the first year is the hardest must have found some magic pill that takes the pain away, I feel like this year is even harder.