Carpe Diem (14 page)

Bryna took the week off work and is spending her whole holiday break with me. I am so excited to have her home and look forward to spending some time together.

Flynn called a few days ago and let me know that for my November Carpe Diem item we will all be taking a cooking class on Wednesday.

I had to laugh because I’m not the horrible cook I used to be. The only reason I added that to my list was because at the time I couldn’t even boil water. Jack and Bryna endured many years of burnt and sometimes unrecognizable food before I finally got the hang of things.

Bryna is still asleep in her room. I didn’t want to wake her just yet. She has been working so hard at school and we have been staying up late talking. Flynn won’t be here for a few hours so she will still have time to get ready.

I follow my morning routine of drinking my coffee and doing some cleaning. I’ve even started my morning walks again, but I will not walk today. Today I will make a visit that I know I should not. I haven’t been there in over a month, so I’m not sure why I feel the need to do it today. Maybe it is because tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It should be a day that I am thankful for what I have so why I feel the need to do this to myself. It just makes me mad and fills me with grief.

Although I tried to talk myself out of it, I once again find myself sitting in the hospital parking lot. I haven’t yet gotten out of the car. Maybe just sitting here will satisfy my uncontrollable need.

“I will not go in, I will not go in, I will not go in,” I tell myself.

A half hour later, I fail in my attempt to talk myself out of it and find myself shutting off my car and opening the door. I grab my purse and yet again find myself waiting for the all too familiar elevator. When the door opens, I see Nancy, the day nurse, behind the door.

“Oh, Piper. Not today,” she blurts out.

“No? Why not?” I asked, confused.

“There are way too many people up there. Someone might recognize you,” she tells me.

“Oh,” I say as I hang my head.

“I’m sorry. Any other day you know I would help you, but I just can’t today.”

“I understand, I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Honey, I’m sorry.”

I smile and turn to walk back to my car.

“I hope you have a happy holiday,” Nancy calls to me.

I turn slightly and wave as I wish her a happy holiday in return.

Getting back into my car, I am slightly relieved that Nancy caught me when she did. Had I gone in there and someone recognized me, I would have had no excuse for my behavior. Then there is the part of me that is sad that I was not caught. Maybe if I had, I would be able to stop my visits, if nothing else out of pure shame.

When I return home, I find Bryna just waking up and pouring the last of the coffee into a mug. I wish her a good morning as I take off my coat. I had hoped she would still be sleeping when I got home.

“Where did you go?” she asks.

“Oh, just wanted to clear my head so I went for a drive,” I lie.

After a brief conversation about how she slept, I excuse myself and run up to take a hot shower and start getting ready.

I start the shower and begin to undress. As I look at myself in the mirror, I can’t stop thinking about Jack. How he would have had me committed if he knew what I was doing.

I am finally able to brush off my disappointment in myself and make myself what I know will be an empty promise to never go there again.

“Mom, Flynn will be here soon,” Bryna yells up to me an hour later.

“I know. Honey. I will be down in a minute,” I yell back as I finish putting my makeup on.

I know Bryna is excited. This will be the first time she has been on one of my Carpe Diem days since the first dinner.

Before I know it, Flynn is knocking at the door and Bryna is flying to answer it.

“Flynn!” she yells and gives him a big hug.

“Bryna!” he yells, equaling her enthusiasm.

I sit back and laugh as they kid around with each other.

“So you ready to learn how to cook? You must be getting sick of mac & cheese and ramen noodles by now,” Flynn asks.

“Hey I can cook, just last night I made Mom and I dinner.”

“So was it mac & cheese or ramen?”

“It was spaghetti, for your information.” She laughs.

“Oh yeah, ’cause you need a degree from the school of culinary arts to make that,” he jokes.

Bryna punches him in the arm and lets out a pretend to be insulted gasp. Gee, I wonder where she gets that from?

“You ladies ready?” Flynn asks, rubbing his arm.

“Yep, I just have to grab one more thing,” I say.

Once again, I walk over to the hutch and grab a piece of the cup. I had not told Bryna about what I am doing with the shards yet. I thought I would let her in on my little quirk in person.

“What’s that?” she asks.

“Remember how I told you Dad’s mug broke?”

“Yes.”

“Well it’s a long story, but I have been leaving a piece of the mug at each of the things I have been doing.”

“Huh?” she says, giving me a confused look.

“I will tell you all about it on the way.” I laugh.

We pile into Flynn’s car and I begin to explain how when the mug broke a piece must have flown into my purse and how it poked me when I reached for my wallet when we went skydiving. I continued telling her how it had made me feel better knowing even a piece of her dad had been with me that day.

Then I told her that while waiting for my video, I saw a tree and how I knelt down and buried it and that it gave me a little bit of peace so I decided to leave a piece of him where ever my adventure took me. By the end of the story, we were both in tears.

“That is possibly the most perfect thing you could have ever thought to do with Dad’s mug.”

“So you don’t think it’s weird or anything?” I ask, wiping the tears away.

“Mom. No. Dad would have liked that,” she answers.

Flynn had been quiet through my story and only offered a smile and a comforting hand when I needed it to help me get the words out.

We pull into the parking lot just as Bryna and I finish wiping our tears. Flynn offers to drive around the block a few times if we need more time, which makes us both laugh. He finds a parking spot close to the door and before you know it, we are walking into Savory Cooking and Catering.

We are greeted by a man wearing a chef coat and hat. He is all smiles from ear to ear.

“Ah, Flynn, these must be the lovely ladies you told me so much about,” he says, reaching over to give us a kiss on each cheek.

“These are none other,” Flynn says with a smile, looking back at me.

“Oh, honey. You didn’t tell me they were so gorgeous.”

“What can I say, I guess I never noticed,” Flynn jokes.

“Sugar, no falser words have ever been spoken in my presence. You know, these dolls are breathtaking.” Chef laughs waving his hand “Well anyway, sweetie, I am Chef Basil. You can call me Chef.

“Basil? Is that your real name?” I ask.

“Oh no honey, but Chef Burns just doesn’t have a nice ring to it if you know what I mean.”

“I agree. I am Piper and this is my daughter, Bryna,” I say.

“The pleasure is all mine. Now let’s get you in here and start cooking,” Chef says as he waves us in.

Chef Basil sets us up at our own cooking station since we are the only ones here. I assume Jack wanted to have the class all to ourselves again. You know, in case I started a fire or something.

“Okay, so I have to tell you, when Mr. Flynn here told me the theme for today’s menu I was a little shocked. I mean I have never been asked for anything like this before. But I think I have come up with some fun recipes for you all to cook up today,” Chef tells us as he uncovers the center island holding our ingredients.

“SPAM? We are cooking with Spam,” I shout with laughter.

“Yes, ma’am, you are. Mr. Flynn here told me this was all your Mr. Jack’s idea and who am I to change the wishes of your dearly departed,” Chef playfully sasses back.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just he didn’t really like Spam, so it kind of surprised me that’s all,” I say, still laughing.

What on earth was Jack thinking? Granted I love Spam, he was the one that thought meat from a can was just weird and refused to eat it. I have gotten so used to not buying it that I actually had forgotten how much I liked it.

Before we begin prepping our work areas, Flynn walks over and hands me another letter. But before I open it, Flynn tells me that Jack hadn’t finished his letter so Flynn wrote me this letter.

I look at him in shock. Was the last letter the last I would receive. My eyes start to gloss over, but before the tears fully have a chance to take over Flynn puts his hand on my shoulder.

“Oh no, I have a few more, but this one he hadn’t really written. I suppose he wasn’t as sure what he wanted to say about Spam,” Flynn tells me, adding a smile.

“Yeah, I mean what is there to really say about Spam.” I laugh, taking a deep breath and open the letter.

Piper & Bryna,

Spam, Spam, I love Spam… Said no one, ever. However, today we come here with open minds and empty bellies for the possibility of finding a new love of Spam. May the Pepto be with us, we are going to need it.

Flynn

P.S. Jack was hoping to use today’s menu as inspiration for your Thanksgiving dinner, but if I could make one small request, can you please still make us a turkey. And I don’t mean turkey-flavored Spam.

I have to laugh when I finish reading Flynn’s letter and hand it over to Bryna to read. She starts laughing and gives Flynn a hug.

“Oh my gosh, that is the sweetest thing I have ever seen,” Chef blurts. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your little moment there,” he adds as we all look over to him.

“You’re fine. Should we get started?”

“Oh, honey. You took the words right out of my mouth.”

Chef begins by passing around the recipe cards we will be using, and then instructs us to retrieve our ingredients from the center island.

We do as we are instructed and are soon creating what he calls our Spamtastic masterpieces. First we open our sealed cans of Spam and cut it into two-inch-by-two-inch cubes. Next we take our bacon and cut it in half and begin wrapping the cubes with the bacon then stick a toothpick in to hold the bacon in place. Next we set our ovens to 325 degrees and place our pan of bacon-covered Spam into the oven as it preheats. Chef tells us to make sure the oven is not preheated before you put the pan in or the bacon will cook too fast and burn before the Spam is fully heated.

Next we follow our instructions to make a puff pastry and he mentions that if we are in a hurry we can use the store bought, thawed puff pastry sheets you can get at the grocery store.

After mixing the apples, cranberries, and other ingredients needed for the turnover filling, we add in the Spam and begin putting our turnovers together.

By this time, the bacon is cooked so we remove them from the oven and bump the heat up to 350 for the Spam apple turnovers to cook. Chef offers us a break and a chance to try our bacon-covered Spam.

“Mom, are we really going to eat this?” Bryna whispers.

“I think it would be rude not to.” I laugh.

“It looks funny, and what was with that jelly stuff that was all over it when I took it out of the pan?”

Flynn and I are laughing uncontrollably at this point. The look on her face as she looks and sniffs at the bacon-Spam appetizer she has picked up is priceless.

When she finally takes a tiny bite, I am surprised when she doesn’t immediately spit it out. After a second of chewing, she pops the rest into her mouth.

“Dang, this is pretty good,” she blurts.

“Oh, honey. You didn’t think ole Chef would steer you wrong did you?” Chef responds as he squeezes in to take a few pieces for himself.

The rest of the class was full of fun and laughter. We created six Spam-inspired items. Some I wouldn’t mind making again at home. The others, well, let’s just say I will have to find a way to apologize to my taste buds later.