Carra: My Autobiography (25 page)

A day after our return to England I received a phone call from Michael Owen informing me a press conference had been called at Anfield to announce Stevie was staying. I switched on Sky as bemused as everyone else by the U-turn. The opportunity to discuss the situation with his family and friends had brought sanity to the proceedings. Whatever was said, it seemed a weight had been lifted from Stevie's mind on his return to Liverpool.

It felt like we'd made a new signing.

'U av made the right decision,' I texted the skipper.

Regardless of how our season went, I knew he had. The supporters would never have forgiven Stevie for leaving Liverpool then. Whether this was a permanent or temporary calming of the waters would become increasingly apparent as the season progressed. With Gerrard committed for at least one more year, the fans felt a catastrophe had been averted.

Rafa took a more pragmatic view and was prepared to accept whatever circumstances were thrust upon him. While many at Anfield were in a state of panic at the prospect of losing our best player, Benitez showed himself to be a manager who'd take everything in his stride. 'Whether Gerrard stays or goes, we'll move on,' was his message. His reaction to Stevie staying was no different to that when he thought he was going.

Once the crisis was resolved, there was no respite. The storm clouds were arriving from another direction once preseason training got underway. My relief at Steven's decision to stay was undermined when Michael told me he was leaving.

This revelation arrived during our summer tour to America, where we played a couple of games in New York. There may already have been doubts in Michael's mind over how highly Benitez rated him, as the different styles of the new manager and Houllier were instantly apparent. In what turned out to be his last match for the club, Michael played the first half of a 5–0 win against Celtic, scoring a goal and creating another. As he was getting changed having been subbed, any hope of a word of congratulation was short-lived. He was tapped on the shoulder and told, 'You have to learn how to turn more quickly when you have the ball with your back to goal.'

I glanced at Michael, saw the look of astonishment on his face, and started laughing. First Stevie ran around too much, now Michael wasn't turning sharply enough. I'd not heard a manager speak to Michael like that for years. This was a player who was used to compliments, but it was going to take more than a decent half in a friendly to impress the new manager.

'This is what it's going to be like from now on,' I told Michael. 'This fella isn't going to be telling anyone how great he thinks we are.'

There was no suggestion Michael was going anywhere at that stage, but within forty-eight hours of his first brush with the new boss he was wrestling with the same dilemma Stevie had faced. I was sharing a room with Michael when he received the call that led to his departure from Liverpool.

'Real Madrid want me,' he told me. 'I fancy it.'

Benitez maintains the deal had been planned before he arrived, but that isn't true. It was a bombshell when the call came. I could see that in Michael's reaction to the news.

My advice to Michael was not to go. I saw Ronaldo and Raúl as the star players and no prospect of Michael breaking that up, no matter how good he was. At the Bernabeu, the coach doesn't pick the team, the club's politicians do.

'It was the same when I broke into the Liverpool side,' Mo argued. 'I had to get past Robbie Fowler and Stan Collymore.'

The difference, I maintained, was we didn't have a club president insisting Robbie and Collymore start every game.

Michael couldn't be persuaded. His self-belief is greater than any player I've known. He was sure he'd force himself into the side. On the basis of his goals ratio in Spain, he was right. He did earn a run in the team. Unfortunately for him, I was right too. The overall number of games he actually started proved form wasn't the criterion for selection.

I was disappointed Michael left because he was my best mate. To see someone I'd risen through the ranks with move on saddened me on a personal as much as professional level. It was a sign of how far we were drifting. There was once a time when our star players were untouchable. No one would bother trying to sign them because they'd have no chance of luring them away. As our run without title or Champions League success continued, so our reputation was being eroded. Our two best players could have left within weeks of each other. It had nothing to do with the new manager, it was more a consequence of years of moderate success catching up with us. It was a depressing, disturbing time.

Our fans were less forgiving of Michael's decision than I. They thought he'd confirmed lingering suspicions on The Kop he wasn't really 'one of them'. I saw Michael's situation as different to Stevie's. Stevie would have years to decide his future. I knew Chelsea and the European giants wouldn't give up on signing him. In comparison, this wasn't just Michael's first opportunity to join Real Madrid, it was probably his last.

Many ignore the context in which he made up his mind. We were facing more years of transition as Benitez implemented new ideas and he wasn't sure how highly thought of he was by the boss. From the moment he made his debut at seventeen, Michael made no secret of a long-term ambition to play abroad. He'd endured a lot of niggling injuries, his final year under Houllier had been a struggle, and Euro 2004 wasn't great by his standards. Wayne Rooney had burst on to the scene and become the England striker most linked with big-money moves. Michael feared the window of opportunity to seek a fresh challenge was closing. Given his contract situation at Anfield, it was now or never. He only had a year left at Liverpool, so he had to sign on for another four years and effectively stay for life, or break his ties.

I knew he was unsure about the direction of the club and was keeping his options open amid interest from others during Houllier's last season. It was understandable given our limited title chances, but fans will never accept that a Liverpool player may want to leave for professional reasons. They cling on to the far-fetched notion that their favourite players wouldn't even think of playing anywhere else. They became wary of Michael's and Stevie's refusal to say outright they'd stay, even though both were right to be careful not to make promises they may not have been able to keep.

The timing didn't help either: Michael signed for Madrid the day before our opening Premier League match with Tottenham.

'If Real Madrid came in for me, it would even turn my head,' I told the press on the eve of the match, trying to defend my mate's decision. I was helping a friend. I've never had any ambition to play abroad. I love home too much.

As a mate I wished Mo well, but the circumstances left us struggling in attack for the rest of the season. The £8 million fee, which reflected the limited time left on Michael's deal, was nowhere near what it should have been for a player of his class. We were also given Antonio Nunez in part exchange. He suffered a knee ligament injury on his first day's training and wasn't up to scratch even when he was fit. Rafa had reacted to Michael's decision the same way as to the captain's – no fuss, just a matter-of-fact response to changing circumstances – but from his and Liverpool's perspective, this was a lousy piece of business.

While Michael was criticized in some quarters for taking a decision that was right for him, another friend was earning even less sympathy for suffering from the ruthlessness of football.

Danny Murphy had been one of our most effective players during the final years of Houllier's reign, but on the day we returned from America he was pulled to one side by Benitez and told he could leave. Charlton made a £2.5 million bid which was instantly accepted. Danny was devastated, and the speed with which the transfer went through shocked me. I thought it was a mistake to allow Danny to go, and the way our League season progressed proved it.

These deals, within twenty-four hours of each other, exposed the hypocrisy of some of the criticism Michael received. When a player has the power to decide his own future and opts to leave, he's accused of disloyalty, but all of us are vulnerable at any given time to the possibility of a manager calling you in and revealing you're up for sale. Outside the dressing room there was precious little compassion around for Danny when he was shown the door, even though he was Liverpool through and through. Michael benefited from his circumstances, Danny suffered because of his. That's the business we're in.

Those early deals weakened the squad rather than strengthened it, although some of the recruits were beyond Benitez's control. Liverpool made a strange decision to press ahead with Cisse's move from Auxerre. He was a Houllier signing and Benitez didn't want him. It was too late to scrap it, and there was a belief Cisse would be so good, any manager would be happy to have him. The reports I'd heard described Cisse as a cross between Emile Heskey and Michael Owen. He was supposed to be a strong, physical target man who scored goals. He was neither one nor the other. Djibril was exactly the same as Milan Baros: inconsistent, likely to impress in one game but disappoint in the next.

Even had Michael stayed, the choice of striking options would have been limited. Michael wouldn't have formed a partnership with Cisse. It was evident even before Mo left that we were in trouble in terms of the balance of our squad. Rafa would have loved to bring Heskey back because he'd been left without a target man – a problem he'd have to wait twelve months to remedy. The fans had been happy to see Emile go at the end of the previous season, but now we were crying out for a replacement.

Of Benitez's early signings, only Xabi Alonso immediately impressed me. He was a worldclass midfielder whose passing added guile alongside Gerrard, which we'd been lacking. Elsewhere, Garcia sometimes couldn't cope with the demands of English football. His contribution would sum up Benitez's first season: fantastic in Europe, but infuriatingly inconsistent in the League.

Luis and I had a love-hate relationship on the park, just like he had with the fans. I'd always be shouting at him for losing the ball with one of his backheels or flicks, but then he'd volley one in from thirty yards (as he did against Juventus) and it was like all the indiscretions of the previous eight months could be forgiven. When I think of him now, I remember a player who contributed as much as any to winning my Champions League medal.

Josemi, Benitez's first signing, worried me. After swiftly deciding to persist with me as a centrehalf, Rafa bought the rightback instead.

'He's like Carra,' Benitez told Stevie when Josemi arrived.

I took a look at him in training.

'Fuck me, how bad does Benitez think I am?' I asked.

Josemi made a decent start and some of our fans were saying they thought he looked the part.

'Give it time,' I told them.

Josemi was one of several signings from La Liga who struggled. When thirty-four-year-old Mauricio Pellegrino arrived on a free transfer from Valencia, an Argentinian defensive legend had joined the club. Sadly, the Pellegrino who was an outstanding member of Benitez's all-conquering Valencia side was coming to the end of his career. There was no doubting his knowledge of the game, however, and his experience was seen as a useful asset. Off the pitch he was a great character, which is why Benitez has now given him a job on his coaching staff for the 2008–09 season.

The greatest disappointment was Fernando Morientes, who arrived from Real Madrid with a superb reputation but showed only glimpses of his natural talent. The speed and physical nature of English football didn't suit him. He possessed the technical skill, but he was a yard off the pace.

In Benitez's defence, he wasted no time waiting for these players to bed in. Once he saw how they were struggling, he'd offload them. At the end of the first season, Nunez, Pellegrino and Josemi were all on their way out, and Morientes' days were numbered too. I liked that about Benitez. When he made a mistake, he wasn't scared to rectify it. Too often under Houllier we'd persevere with players far beyond their point of no return.

As when Houllier arrived, we spent the initial weeks weighing the manager up. There's no one more interested in sussing someone new out than me. I'd already looked into his background, reading an unofficial Rafa biography that had been speedily released, and once the season began I picked up more about Benitez from his mannerisms, his team-talks and his approach to training. You establish pretty quickly what makes a manager tick, and it's always fascinated me to note the differences in style of the most renowned coaches.

Just as Houllier's approach had been a breath of fresh air after Evans left, having Benitez on board triggered another wave of excitement. It's not that Rafa was better than Gérard, as fans and journalists lazily wanted to suggest during his honeymoon period, it's just that he was different. Like anything in life, when you've been used to a predictable routine, to hearing the same speeches for five years, a fresh perspective adds a spark. You go into training with a spring in your step. As someone who's been in one team my whole career, I suppose a change of management is the closest I've got to understanding how it feels to join a new club.