Cassandra Austin (11 page)

“Did you ask for one?”

He shook his head. “They were kind of big for Peggy. She was a little overwhelmed.”

Jane bent toward Peggy’s ear. “Were they big puppies?”

“Big,” she whispered back.

Jane stood, taking the child’s hand as she did so. “Adam, any time you want to leave her with me, you know I’d love to have her.” She shouldn’t have said it aloud. Not to Adam. It made her way too vulnerable.

“I know, Jane,” he said softly.

Jane heard her front door open and George’s voice. “Would you tell the others dinner’s ready?” she asked, turning away. “Peggy can help me get the last of it on.”

In the kitchen, Jane looked around for something Peggy could carry. All that was left was a bowl of turnips, not a good choice for little hands. She considered letting Peggy carry the serving spoon, but she might be tempted to lick it. Peggy settled instead
on an extra napkin. “Can you carry this to the table, sweetheart?”

Jane brought the turnips to the table as the others were taking their places. Peggy dropped the napkin and made a beeline for the curtains.

Adam intercepted her. “How about eating with the rest of us?”

Peggy didn’t seem to mind being carried to the table, but she didn’t want to sit in her own chair. Adam settled for letting her sit on his lap. The Cartland sisters looked askance at the arrangement, while Bickford and young Ferris simply seemed uncomfortable.

George, on the other hand, seemed delighted. “How did our doctor fare today with a little tagalong?” he asked as the platters were started around the table.

Adam’s laugh sounded a little self-conscious.

“We got along. Peggy liked riding the horse. Didn’t you, Peggy?”

Peggy hid her face in Adam’s jacket. Adam smoothed a lock of baby-fine hair behind the child’s ear. “I imagine she’s pretty tired.”

Jane felt a stab of jealousy. She wanted to be the one Peggy turned to for comfort. She wanted to hold her and rock her to sleep. And that wasn’t all of it. She knew what Adam’s fingers would feel like against her cheek, and she wanted that, too.

She was so caught up in her own mix of emotions she almost missed what George was saying. When
he mentioned Peggy, he had her full attention. “The husband said he’d bring his wife into town to meet her on Saturday.”

Saturday! That was only three days away. Jane had thought she’d given up any idea of changing the board members’ minds. She’d thought she had adjusted to the notion of never having Peggy as her own. In that moment she realized she had not. As long as Peggy was at Adam’s there was a chance. After Saturday her chance would be gone.

Jane couldn’t eat. She couldn’t even pretend to eat. She tried not to watch Peggy fall asleep on Adam’s lap. She didn’t want to think about either of them at all. But what else was there to think about?

She looked around at the people who shared her table. The Cartlands flirted with Ferris and Adam and the unresponsive Mr. Bickford. They talked about a dress shop they would never open. Bickford spent his summers writing a novel he would never finish. And she dreamed of a family she’d never have.

How long before Ferris settled into his job and quit thinking of anything higher? What had George’s dreams been before he settled for bachelorhood and a small-town bank?

And Adam? Was he still dreaming of Doreena? They were a pretty sad lot, the bunch of them, she decided. A shy, whispering orphan fit right in.

* * *

Adam wanted to put Peggy down to sleep in the parlor, and stay and help Jane with the dishes. He needed to talk to her, whether she wanted to listen or not. But Peggy cried when he stood up, though she tried not to make a sound. She clung to him, whispering something in her silent sobs. She seemed to be in the midst of some bad dream. He took her home and held her until she was sleeping soundly again.

Jane had offered to send some dinner home in case Peggy woke up hungry in the night. He had assured her that Peggy had eaten all afternoon. Now he wished he had told Jane to bring it over in an hour. Maybe he could have trapped her in his front room and made her listen.

He touched Peggy’s cheek to reassure himself that she was all right. He was afraid the nightmares might return, and even if they didn’t, he didn’t like the idea of her wandering around his house in the dark. He decided to sleep beside her on the bed, or at least to try. He didn’t expect to get Jane off his mind.

Early the next morning, he was awakened by a pounding on his door. He threw on his shirt, tucking it into his pants as he ran down the stairs. He opened his door to find a haggard looking man on his doorstep. In the gray morning light, Adam could see horror in the man’s eyes.

“My boy,” the man said in a choked voice. “You gotta hurry. My boy shot him.”

Adam decided not to try to make sense of what the man was saying at the moment. “Go to the livery and tell Knapp to saddle a horse for me,” he said. “I’ll be right out.”

Adam closed the door as the man hurried toward his waiting horse. What to do about Peggy? He could wake Jane, but he hated to; she had looked exhausted at dinner last night.

He had checked his bag to be sure he had everything he needed, and was dressed to leave and still hadn’t made up his mind. He gathered Peggy into his arms and carried her down the stairs.

Outside, the man was waiting with the horses. He didn’t seem surprised to see a little girl, or perhaps he was too dazed to fully comprehend it. Adam passed Peggy to the man while he mounted. She stirred when he took her back into his arms, then clung to him. He decided it was probably better that he was taking her. Jane didn’t need to worry about a distraught child while she tried to fix breakfast.

On the way, the man tried again to explain what had happened. As Adam understood it, Mr. Norse and his son had gone out before dawn to see what was disturbing their chickens. They had lost several during the past few days and suspected a raccoon. They were determined to kill the thief this morning.

He had thought his younger son was safe in the house. It hadn’t occurred to him or his older son that the boy would want in on the excitement. It had been dark. The older boy had seen something move.

Adam’s first treatment of a gunshot wound in the Wild West was going to be on a seven-year-old boy.

A boy of a dozen years or so met them as they rode into the yard. He held the horses without a word. His pale face and haunted eyes told Adam he was the one who had shot his brother.

Norse dismounted and took Peggy as he had before. This time the little girl slept through the transfer. “Ma’ll make a bed for her,” the man said. “Little Nick’s in our bed and the boys are in the loft. Can’t have her fallin’ from there.”

The man and his wife had enough to worry about without being bothered with Peggy. Adam wished he had left her with Jane. It was too late for that now, though, and he followed the man into his house.

Mrs. Norse came from behind a curtain. Upon seeing Peggy, she gathered blankets and made a bed for her in a corner near the door. From the muted conversation between husband and wife, Adam guessed they had heard all about the strange little orphan girl.

Leaving her in their care, Adam pushed aside the curtain and turned up the lamp. The boy lay still on the bed, his breathing slow and even. Adam carefully removed the bloody bandages that covered his right side. Bleeding had slowed enough that Adam could at once determine several individual injuries. Nick had taken the very edge of a shotgun blast. His brother, fortunately, had nearly missed him.

When the parents joined him he asked for warm water and lots of clean cloth. He would have to remove the shot. He took the necessary implements from his bag as he waited for the couple to return. With the curtain drawn, he could see Peggy sleeping in the next room. He prayed that both children would sleep through the surgery.

With the parents nearby to keep little Nick still, Adam began probing for pieces of shot. He glanced up once to see Peggy sitting on the pallet, watching them. He hoped she didn’t become frightened. At that moment, he couldn’t think of any good reason for not having left her with Jane.

She was still sitting quietly the next time he looked, and he worried less about her. Nick and his parents seemed to be holding up admirably well. Adam hadn’t seen the older boy since he had taken the horses, and determined to speak to him before he left.

He was nearly finished when he glanced up to find the blankets empty. Peggy had wandered off, probably looking for food or for a place to hide. He shouldn’t have been surprised; he had been working for what would have seemed like a terribly long time to the child. Surely she would be safe, and they could find her later. He tried to concentrate on finding the last pieces of shot, but a part of him still worried about Peggy.

He stitched up the torn flesh and instructed the
mother on dressing the wounds. “Let me fix you some breakfast,” she said once he was finished.

“I’d appreciate that,” he answered. Maybe the smell of food would bring Peggy out of hiding.

He stepped out the front door and, finding the older boy sitting on the step, sat down beside him. “Your brother’s going to be fine,” he said.

“I shot him. I’m never picking up a gun again.”

Adam nodded. “That’s probably not too bad an idea. You’re a lousy shot, anyway.”

The boy’s laugh sounded almost like a sob.

“Did you see a little girl come out here? She seems to have wandered off.”

“Yeah,” the boy said. “She was following one of the kittens.”

“I better go try to find her.”

The boy, who gave his name as Rick, helped him search the barn and the other outbuildings. They had exhausted all the obvious places when his mother called them in for breakfast. Rick seemed to be more worried than Adam when they returned to the house.

“Followed a kitten, did she?” asked the father when they told him of the missing girl. “Then it should be easy to find her.”

Adam and Rick exchanged a glance. “I guess it’s your turn, then, Pa,” Rick said.

The man laughed and went back into the house.

“Bet he’s already found her in there,” Rick mumbled.

They started to follow him in, only to watch him
leave again carrying a bowl of milk. On the front porch the man called, “Kitty-kitty-kitty.”

Half a dozen kittens came from all directions, and hot on the trail of a yellow-and-white one came one little girl. “Peggy’s! Peggy’s!” she called.

It was the first time Adam had heard her speak aloud.

When the kitten stopped at the bowl of milk, Peggy scooped it up and held it. “Not too tight, sweetheart,” Adam said, coming to the kitten’s rescue. “Hold little kittens very gently.”

Peggy’s hold loosened slightly, and she cuddled the kitten, rocking a little on her tiny bare feet.

“Let the kitten eat its breakfast,” he said, taking the animal out of her arms. “You’re hungry, too, aren’t you?”

Peggy let the kitten go and let Adam lead her away, but she watched the kittens over her shoulder all the way into the house. Once at the table, she took a slice of bread in one hand and a piece of bacon in the other and slipped back off the chair.

“Please, stay here,” Adam said, lifting her up again.

Peggy sat obediently for about a minute, then slipped off the chair once more, using the other side this time so she was out of Adam’s easy reach.

“We don’t take offense at her manners,” Mrs. Norse said. “Let her watch the cats while she eats.”

Adam kept an eye on the portion of the porch he could see through the open doorway, afraid Peggy
would follow the kitten again. After a couple of minutes of standing, she sat down. As long as Adam could see a bit of her dress and apron, he knew she was still there.

“Will she want some more?” Mrs. Norse asked.

“I think she’d be back if she was hungry,” he said, picturing Peggy putting bacon in her pocket.

She sent Rick out with another slice of bread, anyway. He returned without it, and Adam decided that was at least better than bacon.

Adam checked on Nick while his brother saddled his horse. When Adam stepped out onto the porch, he found Peggy sitting just where she had been, with the white-and-yellow kitten curled up in her lap. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Whatcha got there, Peggy?” he asked, crouching down beside her. “Can you say kitty?”

“Nonny,” she said. “Peggy’s Nonny.”

“Sweetheart, I’m afraid that’s Nick’s Nonny, I mean kitty.”

Mr. Norse had followed him out. “Nick likes the black one, don’t he, Ma?”

Rick, waiting with the horse, was the one who spoke in agreement.

“I’d be obliged if we could take the kitten,” Adam said. “This is the first she’s spoken out loud and hasn’t wanted to hide someplace.”

“Well, I swear,” the man muttered. “Reckon you oughtta take a couple?”

“No, thanks,” Adam said, coming to his feet. “I think this one will be just perfect.”

A
dam and Peggy got back into town about midday. As they walked from the livery to the house, Peggy carried her kitten and whispered to it. Adam thought he ought to carry her, since he had been in too big a hurry that morning to put on her shoes. He watched the little girl walk across the uneven ground as if she were more used to going without shoes than wearing them.

When they came to the boardinghouse, Peggy turned up the walk. “Peggy,” Adam said, waiting at the street.

She ignored him completely. With the kitten in one hand she tried to turn the doorknob. She switched hands and tried again. Adam walked up the steps behind her.

Peggy’s little fist pounded on the door. “Ann Jane,” she called.

Jane threw open the door. “Did I hear you
calling
me?” Her eyes met Adam’s. “Did you hear that?”

“There’s more,” he said.

“Peggy.” Jane knelt down in front of the little girl. “What have you got?”

“Nonny.” She held the kitten out proudly.

“Nonny’s beautiful,” Jane said, stroking the yellow-and-white fur. “We missed you at breakfast.”

She was talking to Peggy, but Adam decided to answer, anyway. “We were called out to a patient.”

“Was it serious?” She kept one hand on Peggy’s shoulder as she stood.

“Serious enough.”

“You should have left Peggy with me.”

“I know. But we wouldn’t have gotten the kitten if she hadn’t come along.” She returned his smile; a good sign, he hoped.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

Adam shook his head. “I think I’ll see if Peggy will take a nap. We’ll be back for dinner.”

He hesitated just a moment, trying to think of a reason to stay a few more minutes. Peggy yawned noisily, as she had several times on their ride back into town. “We better go,” he said.

Jane nodded. She bent to give Peggy a kiss and the kitten one last stroke. She whispered something in Peggy’s ear that made the little girl nod.

Adam took Peggy’s free hand and led her away.

Jane watched them go. She was sure it had been Peggy’s idea to show her the kitten. She felt flattered.

She wasn’t sure how she would feel if she thought
Adam had suggested it. Her feelings for Adam were completely confused. She didn’t trust him, should never have trusted him, but she was afraid she still loved him.

Jane thought Adam looked a little haggard when he arrived for dinner. She wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or not. If he had enough difficulties, he might be willing to let her have Peggy. On the other hand, he might be even less inclined to believe that she could handle the child.

Peggy had avoided the parlor and its occupants and headed straight for the dining room. Adam had been right behind her.

“Did you have a good nap?” Jane asked the little girl.

Adam answered for her. “The kitten slept. I had patients all afternoon, and I guess they kept Peggy awake. Can we talk after dinner?”

Jane hoped her trepidation didn’t show when she agreed. She turned her attention to Peggy. “Let’s go find something for Nonny’s dinner. He can wait in the kitchen while we eat.”

Peggy followed Jane into the kitchen. So did Adam. Jane tried to ignore the latter. She poured some cream into a saucer and set it on the floor. Peggy put the kitten down and sat beside it. The kitten purred as it lapped up its dinner. Peggy looked up at Jane and smiled.

“Let’s go get our dinner,” Jane said, reaching a hand toward the girl.

Peggy shook her head.

“Come on, Peggy,” Adam said. “You didn’t have much at noon. You’ve got to be starving.”

Peggy shook her head again.

“But Aunt Jane’s dining room smells so good,” he coaxed. “Let’s go see what she made.”

Peggy bit a finger, as if torn, then pointed to the kitten. “Nonny, too.”

“Nonny can wait right here.” Adam lifted Peggy to her feet.

When he took her hand, she pulled away. “No.”

Adam looked taken aback. Jane couldn’t suppress a smile. “At least she’s talking.”

He scowled at her, and she bit her lip. Crouching down beside the little girl, she said softly, “Nonny will wait for you, Peggy. As soon as you’ve both eaten, you’ll be together again. Look how hungry he is. Aren’t you hungry, too?”

Peggy’s brow furrowed. “Peggy’s Nonny,” she declared.

“I know. I’m not taking him. I’m just feeding him. Kittens can’t come to the table. The Cartlands would faint.” She turned Peggy’s face toward hers and smiled. “That would scare your little kitty, wouldn’t it? He better hide in here.”

Instead of the smile she had hoped to get, Peggy’s face crumpled completely. “Nonny say hide,” she cried, as tears spilled from her eyes.

Jane drew the girl into her arms. She looked up at Adam for help but he shrugged. “Your kitten wants you to hide with him?” she asked. That would make some sense. Peggy didn’t like eating with the others, anyway.

“Nonny say be kayet.”

“What, sweetheart? Your kitten wants us to be quiet?”

Peggy cried softly against her shoulder.

Adam had knelt down beside them. He ran a comforting hand over Peggy’s back. “I think she’s too tired to understand that we’re not taking her kitten.”

“Maybe we should let her wait in here,” Jane suggested.

Adam sighed. “That would be easiest, but is it a good idea in the long run?”

Jane shook her head. “I don’t know. You’re the guardian.”

His eyes locked with hers and narrowed slightly. She wondered what he was thinking. That she would take the decision off his hands if he would change his vote? Of course she would.

Finally he spoke. “Peggy, do you want to wait in here?”

Peggy drew away from Jane. “Nonny gone,” she said mournfully.

“Nonny’s right here, sweetheart.”

“Nonny gone,” she repeated. She sat down on the floor and snatched the kitten away from the cream. Nonny seemed only momentarily startled by
this sudden change in fortune. He settled into her lap, licking delicately at his face and paws.

Jane and Adam rose to their feet. “Let’s go eat,” Adam said. “She’ll be all right in here.”.

George asked after the orphan; everyone else accepted her absence as a return to normalcy. Jane couldn’t stop thinking about her, though. Halfway through the meal she went in to check on her and found her sleeping on the floor. The kitten, having finished the cream, was curled up beside her.

She reported this to Adam while the others at the table were deep in a conversation of their own. He nodded, but didn’t seem pleased. She could guess what he was thinking. The child’s sleeping patterns weren’t fitting well with his life. Part of her hoped Peggy kept him up all night.

When the others left, Adam began stacking dishes. Jane decided to let him. It would be nice to have a little help again. She started toward the kitchen with two of the platters, but Adam stopped her.

“Let’s talk before we wake Peggy.”

“All right,” she said, turning back. He pulled a chair away from the table and took the platters out of her hands, indicating a chair. She sat as he swung another chair around to face her.

“There are a couple of things I need you to understand,” he began.

She heard her grandmother’s voice in her head and determined not to believe him. But she had to
listen. In spite of everything, she wanted him to say he loved her, and she wanted to believe him.

But evidently that wasn’t what he had wanted to tell her.

“I’d like for you to have Peggy,” he began.

Jane found herself holding her breath. Was this it? Had he finally changed his mind?

“But I’m afraid to give her to you.”

Her breath left her all at once. “Afraid? What are you talking about?”

“Jane, I’ve seen how hard you work.” He tried to take her hand but she pulled it away. “You let everyone take advantage of you.”

“Including you.”

He flinched at that, and she counted it a small victory. While he seemed to scan the room, searching for words, she kept her eyes locked on his face. She couldn’t afford not to.

“What I’m trying to say is that I worry for your health. You’re not sleeping.”

He reached out to touch her face, but she drew back. She didn’t want him noticing anything about her that was less. than perfect. She especially resented him pointing out the very things she noticed every time she looked in the mirror.

“You’re already beyond your limits,” he continued. “A little girl, especially this little girl, would be too much for you.”

Jane had to fight for calm. He made her feel defensive, more vulnerable than ever. She wished
Peggy would wake up and interrupt, put an end to the whole conversation. “Who are you,” she said finally, “to decide that for me?”

“I’m a doctor,” he said easily, “and I’m on the placing board. I have to think of what’s best for Peggy.

“But, Jane,” he added, moving closer, “I’m thinking of you, too. I can’t watch you work yourself into an early grave because you’re trying to prove something to your grandmother.”

She felt tears sting her eyes and tried to blink them away. “You know I don’t own this house. You know I have to have the boarders and the guests at dinner or I’ll lose it. Are you asking me to choose between Peggy and my home?”

“I’m not asking you to do anything. I just want you to understand why I voted the way I did and why I can’t change it.”

She struggled to hide the full extent of the pain she was feeling. He knew way too much already. Like a flash of light, realization dawned. “You still want the house.” He shook his head to deny it, but she pressed on. “You think if you have this house, you can win Doreena back.”

He started to speak, but she wouldn’t listen. “That’s blackmail, Adam,” she declared, coming to her feet.

“Blackmail? Jane, I don’t want to take your home. I certainly don’t want Doreena.”

She had started toward the kitchen with some idea
of waking Peggy and sending both of them out of her house when he caught her arm and spun her around to face him. “Jane, I love you.”

She silenced the part of her that wanted to believe him, and managed to speak softly, though she wanted to scream. “You’d say anything, wouldn’t you?”

He was startled enough to drop her arm. She turned and walked with as much dignity as possible toward the front hall. This last lie had cut too deep and tears were already running down her cheeks.

“You’re hiding,” he said. “You’re hiding just like Peggy does.”

He’d followed her! She hadn’t anticipated that. She hurried to her room and slammed the door, certain he wouldn’t breach it, though why she trusted him at all she didn’t know.

“Damn it, Jane, you’re twisting everything I say.”

He was right outside her door. She stuck her fingers in her ears so she wouldn’t have to listen to him, but gave it up to cover her mouth instead. She didn’t want him to hear her crying.

“Jane, please, listen to me.”

Her head flew up at the sound of his voice, no longer muffled by the door.

“Oh, Jane.”

He moved to sit beside her on the bed, and wrapped her in his arms. She wanted to resist but found it impossible. His gentle hands cradled her
head against his strong shoulder. “All I seem to do is make girls cry,” he murmured.

Jane sniffed, trying to control her tears. She didn’t like her broken heart being compared to Peggy’s tantrum, but she couldn’t think of any scathing retort.

“How can I prove I love you?” he whispered.

She could guess what he considered proof. The last thing she wanted him to know was that she longed for that “proof” every night.

“Keep Peggy tomorrow,” he said suddenly.

She drew away. “What?”

“Keep her tomorrow. See how you get along.”

Jane waited. What was the price? When he added nothing more she said, “Let her sleep here tonight”

He shook his head, and she added quickly, “She’s already asleep. I have an extra bed right off the kitchen. Besides,” she noted, surprised that she could find a smile, “you look like you could use a good night’s sleep.”

“I can’t sleep for thinking of you.” He brushed a tear off her cheek.

She sprang to her feet, stepping out of reach. “Come help me tuck her in.”

When the two of them were fussing over the sleeping child, Jane decided that had been one of her dumbest suggestions. It reminded her too much of Peggy’s first night at Adam’s.
Her
night at Adam’s.

Peggy slept through the process. The kitten didn’t,
however. It explored the kitchen and the adjoining room, climbed the blankets to the bed and jumped to the floor again.

Jane watched the kitten and found herself smiling. “Do you want to take Nonny?”

“And risk Peggy waking up to find her kitten gone? I wouldn’t do that to you, honey.” The endearment came so easily from his lips she wondered if he even noticed. He was, after all, teasing.

“Let’s get to those dishes,” he added.

She should send him away, tell him she could wash the dishes much more quietly alone. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

When the dishes were nearly finished, an intermittent clattering caught their attention. The kitten had found something behind the cupboard that he batted this way and that. Adam went to investigate and retrieved a collar button.

“How did that get there?” Jane asked.

“I’m a master at losing them,” he said, dropping it into his pocket. The kitten watched the prize disappear, then scampered off after some invisible foe.

Jane tried to remember when Adam had actually removed his collar and got a sudden flash of finding him in her dining room the morning after Grams had died. For days afterward there had been things out of place that the Cartlands claimed no knowledge of. Adam had cleaned up after their breakfast.

That didn’t really surprise her now, though it would have then. But it did make it clear that he
had done it with no expectation of reward. She would never have known if not for the collar button.

Adam stayed until the last dish was put away, and still seemed reluctant to go. Jane couldn’t think of a good excuse to ask him to stay, and wondered why she wanted to. He evidently couldn’t think of anything, either, and said good-night.