Cassidy Lane (29 page)

“Welcome to Rio
Media, Ms. Lane. It’s nice to see you again.” The receptionist greeted Cassidy with a warm smile.

“Hi, Tina, and
please call me Cassidy. Otherwise I’ll feel like you’re talking to my mother.”

Tina picked up
her phone. “Sorry, force of habit. Nigel’s in his office, if you want to go on back. I’ll tell him you’re here. Can I bring you anything? Coffee? Water?”

“I’m fine, but
thank you.” Cassidy made her way through the busy corridors until she reached Nigel’s back corner office. The door was ajar, so she lightly rapped her knuckles against the wood and poked her head inside. “Anybody home? I know I’m early.”

Nigel looked up
from his computer and motioned for her to enter. “Hi there, Cassidy. I was just about to watch your video. Have a seat.” He gestured to a chair across from his desk.

She removed her
coat and sat down. “Oh my gosh, the video shoot! I forgot all about that. How did it turn out?”

“See for yourself.”
He turned his monitor toward her, and together they watched as the screen flickered to life.

INSIDE RIO MEDIA:
BEHIND THE SCENES WITH BESTSELLING AUTHOR CASSIDY LANE

Cassidy let out
a small gasp when she saw herself appear on the screen.

Professionally groomed for
the cameras and swathed in flattering light, she looked vibrant, graceful, poised, self-assured.

And happy.

Everything she hadn’t
felt in weeks.

For the next
five minutes she watched herself discuss the journey she was on with Rio Media and how much she was enjoying life as a full-time author. She joked around with the interviewer, admitted her delight at receiving fan e-mails, shared a few blunders she’d made when she was just getting started, and wondered aloud what her next novel would be.

As she enviously
watched the person she’d been just two months ago, Cassidy wondered what had happened to her.

I want to
be her again.

“Thanks for coming
in. I know it’s a pain making the trek when it’s this cold outside,” Nigel said after the video was over.

“I don’t mind.
I feel like I became a bit of a shut-in working on the manuscript toward the end, so it’s nice to get out of my apartment.” She kept her hands interlaced on her lap, determined not to chew on her fingernails in front of him. Not only was it unprofessional, but she had a manicure in a couple of hours and couldn’t bear to face Darlene if she let her nerves slip her up after having been so good all week. She tried to shift the focus of her anxiety to Nigel’s countenance, doing her best to read him before he got to the point of the meeting: her new book. What did he think of the way she’d ended it? Not knowing had been eating at her since the moment she’d e-mailed him the manuscript.

He spread his
hands on his desk and studied them for a moment, as though deciding what to say next. Or how to say it. His hesitation only exacerbated her angst, and now she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the words he was preparing to utter. Had she blown it by trying something different? Had her effort to demonstrate growth in fact revealed her limitations? Tiny stabs of insecurity began to claw away at her self-confidence. She was tempted to pull out her phone to read some fan e-mails when Nigel made eye contact and spoke.

“Cassidy, I’ve got
to say, the hard work you’ve been putting in really shows. You did a fantastic job on the manuscript.”

She put a
hand on her heart. “I did?

“Yes. You surprised
me, actually, and that doesn’t happen very often.”

“I surprised you?
You mean…you didn’t think I’d do a good job?”

He chuckled and
shook his head. “I’m sorry, that came out the wrong way. Of course I knew you’d write a great book. What I didn’t expect was the ending, but I love the direction you chose, and I understand why you felt the need to do it. I don’t think a traditional happy ending would have worked for Emma and Jeremy. It would have seemed…forced.”

Cassidy felt herself
leaning forward in her chair. “That’s exactly what I was feeling as I was writing it. I think that’s a big reason why I was struggling for so long with how to finish it.”

“Because your books
usually have happy endings?”

She nodded. “When
I started this one, I completely expected Emma to wind up with Jeremy at the end, but as the book unfolded, it just didn’t seem right, and I knew I had to listen to what the story was telling me, what
Emma
was telling me. I’m not sure how my readers will react to a different type of ending from me, though. Do you think it will be a problem?” She began to nibble on her fingernail, then yanked her hand away when she realized what she was doing.
Stop it.

Nigel shook his
head. “If a book tells a good story with interesting, believable characters, readers respond accordingly. And that’s what you’ve done with this book, even though it’s different from what you’ve done in the past. Plus I think the shift in tone will help position you as a more versatile writer. While happily ever after is what a lot of readers want, not everyone buys into the idea.”

Cassidy sighed. “The
thing is…” Her voice trailed off.

“The thing is
what?”

“The thing is
…
I
still buy into it, which is another reason why I had so much trouble writing the end. Even though I knew it wasn’t right for them to be together, I still wanted them to walk off into the sunset.” She glanced at her hands and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. This conversation was hitting dangerously close to home.

He tapped his
pen on the desk. “I’m really proud of you, Cassidy. You listened to what your gut was telling you, even though it wasn’t necessarily what you wanted to hear. That takes talent and maturity, and as a result you wrote a terrific book that is going to sell very well. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.”

She smiled. “I’m
so relieved.”

“Enjoy the feeling.
You worked hard for it.”

“It’s funny to
be discussing how the characters—and the story itself—talk to me, because I had a similar conversation a few weeks ago with…” Her voice faded as the tiny seed of an idea began to take shape in a far corner of her brain. She quickly opened her purse and pulled out her pad of sticky notes. “Sorry, Nigel, I just thought of something and I want to write it down before I forget it.”

He made a
sweeping gesture with his palm. “By all means. I don’t want to interfere with the creative process.”

“It’s nice to
see you again. Are you going anywhere for the holidays?” Darlene asked.

Cassidy smiled as
she took a seat. “Leaving tomorrow, actually. Off to California for a couple of weeks.”

“That sounds lovely.”

“What about you?”

Darlene shook her
head. “We’ll be here. My husband doesn’t like to travel.”

“Do you live
nearby?”

“Not too far.”
She reached for Cassidy’s hands, which ended the small talk. “Now let’s have a look at those nails.”

As Darlene studied
her hands, Cassidy glanced at the hefty diamond set in a gold band on Darlene’s left ring finger and tried to imagine what her husband was like. She bet he wasn’t too tall but was brawny and barrel-chested, most likely sporting a mustache; tough but like a teddy bear inside. Maybe his name was Mack. Hank? Or Carl? Carl seemed like a good name for the manager of a tire factory.

Before she could
ask, Darlene spoke. “They’re looking better, but I suspect you’ve been cheating.”

“I’m trying to
be good, I swear I am. It’s just such a habit, especially when I get anxious.”

Darlene gave her
fingers a squeeze. “Think you can make it through the holidays for me without a nibble?”

“I can try,
but it might be hard. Holidays are always a little stressful.”

“Stressful? What does
a pretty young woman like you have to be stressed about?”

“The mistletoe, for
one. I
hate
the mistletoe.”

Darlene raised an
eyebrow. “Too many suitors, have you? Not sure which one to pick?”

Cassidy couldn’t help
but laugh. “If you only knew.”

“I see what
I see, and let’s leave it at that. Now you hush and relax, OK, love?”

“OK.” Cassidy closed
her eyes. She wondered what Darlene could see that she couldn’t. Maybe the mistletoe would be her friend this year? Would Brandon have a change of heart? She tried to remember the last time she’d had a real kiss during the holidays. Dean had never come to California with her when they were dating, preferring instead to visit his own family in Chicago. Looking back, part of her had always known their relationship wasn’t going anywhere, and she wished she hadn’t held on for as long as she had.

She wondered where
Dean was now. She hadn’t heard from him in months. Was he even in New York anymore? The last time she’d spoken to him, he’d been thinking about moving to London, but then again, he’d always been thinking about moving to London to advance his career.

Maybe he was
gone now.

Cassidy half smiled
to herself as she realized she didn’t know—and didn’t care. That was one sure benefit of a new romance. Even if it didn’t work out, at least it got you over the last one.

The circles of
life, the circles of love.

“Darlene, I need
to speak to you. Please come to my office when you’re through here, will you?”

The hushed yet
harsh sound of a woman’s voice yanked Cassidy out of her musings. She opened her eyes and saw Annabelle Polanski standing next to the manicure table, in a huff as usual. Darlene, visibly flustered by the interruption, nodded politely. “Yes, Annabelle. I’ll be there as soon as I finish with Ms. Lane.”

“Thank you. Please
pardon the interruption, Ms. Lane. I hope you enjoy your treatment.” Annabelle smiled politely and nodded at Cassidy, then turned on her stiletto heel and disappeared down the hallway.

“She still scares
me,” Cassidy whispered.

Darlene stole a
quick peek to make sure Annabelle was out of earshot, then turned her attention back to Cassidy’s nails. She curled up her lips ever so slightly and whispered back: “It’s OK, love, she scares me too.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

CASSIDY SETTLED INTO
her seat and looked out the window at the darkening sky above. It was still clear, but a big storm was supposed to hit the entire East Coast tonight, and the last place she wanted to be during a snowstorm was on the tarmac. But that was out of her control, so she pulled down the window cover and tried not to think about the weather.

Instead she focused
on the trip ahead of her. Assuming they got off the ground, in a few hours she’d be back in Palo Alto.

At her parents’
place, less than a mile from Brandon’s house.

Before Nigel had
pushed up her deadline, she’d expected to spend a good chunk of her time at home in a mad rush to finish her book. Now, instead of being chained to her laptop those two weeks, she’d be able to relax, celebrate the early completion of her sixth novel, and treat the trip like an actual vacation, with plenty of time to soak in the spirit of the holidays.

She had friends
to visit.

Parties to hop.

Dinners to attend.

There would be
laughter and good cheer all the way around.

She closed her
eyes and leaned against the headrest.

This was supposed
to be the happiest time of the year, and all she wanted to do was cry.

The sound of
a woman’s voice startled her. “Excuse me, ma’am, you need to shut down your phone now. The captain’s preparing for takeoff.”

Cassidy opened her
eyes and nodded at the flight attendant. “Will do. Sorry.” She picked up her phone and checked the screen one last time before turning it off.

No new messages.

“Well, hello there.
You’re looking very pretty tonight.” Cassidy’s sister-in-law approached her as she entered the private dining area at the Westin.

Cassidy opened her
mouth to respond, but before she could utter a word, Jessica pointed to her dress and continued. “It’s probably just because I’m used to seeing you in jeans, if not sweats, but I do love that outfit. It’s good to see you wearing nice clothes now and again.”

Cassidy wasn’t surprised
or offended. For Jessica this was practically fawning. “Thanks, I like it too.” She’d decided to wear the hunter-green dress she’d bought specifically for that fateful date with Brandon that had never happened. She’d hoped doing so would make her feel strong, but unfortunately it was having the reverse effect, and all she could think about was how she’d invited Brandon to be her date tonight.

Jessica gave her
a polite yet slightly cool smile, just as she always did. “How are you?”

Cassidy tried to
force Brandon to the back of her mind, to focus on the positive things going on in her life. “I’m doing well, actually. I just finished a new book.”

“I heard. Your
brother and I were talking about that on the drive here. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. I have
a lot of editing ahead of me, of course, but the heavy lifting’s behind me.”

Jessica sipped her
champagne. “What’s this one about?”

“It’s the story
of a bright yet naïve young advertising executive whose life isn’t quite turning out the way she expected. I think I’m going to call it
Miss Perception
.”

“Ooh, I like
that double entendre. Sounds mysterious. So no street-name title this time?”

“The book is
pretty different from the kind of stuff I normally write, so I thought it might be a good idea to take the title in a new direction as well. I hope it all works.”

“Different how?”

“It doesn’t exactly
end with a walk into the sunset.”

“Is that a
bad thing?”

Cassidy played with
her earring. “I’m not sure yet, but it’s a bit of a gamble to change course; my regular readers won’t be expecting it.” She wondered if it would pay off, despite what Nigel had said. She didn’t want to disappoint her fan base. “It’s also a little depressing to write a book without a happy ending, to be honest. I didn’t realize that until it was sort of too late.”

Jessica shrugged and
glanced over her shoulder. “Well, even if it’s a huge flop, you should be proud of yourself for trying something new.”

“If what’s a
huge flop?” The sound of her brother’s voice made Cassidy turn her head. Before she could reply, he lifted her a couple of inches off the ground in a bear hug, then set her down.

“Hey, Tyler, happy
holidays. We were just talking about my new book.”

“I hope there’s
a dashing character named Tyler in this one. It’s about time you gave me my just deserts.”

She gave him
an I’m-sorry shrug. “Unfortunately, I just couldn’t fit it in. But if you want dessert, I hear the pumpkin pie is quite tasty here.”

He held up
his palms. “Where is the love?”

“Maybe the next
book?”

“That’s what you
say every book. Call me a super sleuth, but I’m beginning to detect a pattern here. When did you come in?”

“Yesterday.”

“Nice. You still
coming over to open presents with us on Christmas morning? You’re totally invited, so long as you bring me a fat box of doughnuts.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.
And yes, I’ll bring your doughnuts.”

Jessica looked annoyed.
“You’d better watch it or you’ll end up
looking
like a doughnut.”

Tyler put his
arm around her. “My lovely wife, eating enormous quantities of crappy food on holidays is practically a requirement. The rest of the year you know I’m a lean, mean exercise machine.”

Cassidy poked him
in his flat stomach. “I think you look great.” Gaunt Jessica, on the other hand, looked like she needed to eat a sandwich. Or ten. Plus a few bags of marshmallows. God forbid she balloon to a size two.

“Auntie Cassie! Auntie
Cassie!” Caroline and Courtney came running over and wrapped their tiny arms around Cassidy’s legs.

“Girls, watch your
manners now,” Jessica said.

Cassidy leaned down
and hugged them. “Hi, munchkins. You both look so pretty tonight. Can I see your holiday dresses?”

The girls took
a step back and held out their arms, then each did a little twirl.

Cassidy laughed. “Let
me guess: you’ve been practicing that.”

Both girls nodded
and curtsied. “Mommy taught us.”

Cassidy clapped. “She
did a great job, well done.” She looked at her brother and Jessica. “I was thinking we could all go ice skating next week. What do you think? Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Jessica didn’t look
too excited at the suggestion, but Tyler did. “I think it sounds great,” he said.

“Ice skating! Ice
skating!” After giving their aunt another hug, the girls darted off in the direction of Cassidy’s dad, who scooped them both into his arms for the original Lane bear hug. Tyler followed along after them, and as Cassidy watched her nieces squeal with delight in their grandfather’s arms, she again wondered what it would be like to have her own children. When she was in New York she was focused on her career, but at times like this she couldn’t help but imagine what her life would be like had she taken a different path.

Somewhere along the
way, would she have become a mother?

Or a stepmother?

Jessica’s hand on
her arm snapped her back to the present.

“So what happened?”
Jessica asked.

Cassidy blinked. “I’m
sorry, what did you say?”

Jessica lowered her
voice. “We heard you were bringing a date, and then suddenly you weren’t anymore. What happened?”

Cassidy winced. “Ugh.”

“Ugh? That’s the
story?”

“You really want
to know?”

“Of course I
do. I was so curious to meet the man you’d finally deemed worthy of an invitation. You’re so picky, I figured he must be Superman or something.”

Cassidy stifled a
laugh. “You think I’m
picky
?” Was that really how Jessica saw her? Talk about a misperception.

“Are you saying
you’re not? It’s a good thing, though. Women like you should be picky; it’s not like you’re looking for a meal ticket or anything. So tell me about the guy.”

Cassidy cleared her
throat, then gave a quick, elevator version of the Brandon saga, doing her best to recount the most salient moments along the way—while also minimizing the most painful ones.

When she was
done, Jessica took a sip of her drink and looked over her shoulder again. “Sounds like the timing was just off. I wouldn’t take it personally.”

“That’s what I’m
trying to tell myself. It still just…hurts.”

Jessica shrugged. “You’ll
forget about him faster than you think.”

“I will?”

“Sure. It’s not
like it was a real relationship or anything. You’ll bounce back.”

Cassidy caught her
breath. The words stung—hard—but she tried not to show it. “I guess so,” she mumbled, suddenly feeling foolish.

And sad.

Jessica looked across
the room and held up a finger. “Hang on a second, will you? Caroline’s got something stuck to the back of her dress. I’ll be right back.” She walked over to her daughters and her husband, who were chatting with Cassidy’s parents and Jessica’s mother and father, who were even more formal than Jessica. As Cassidy watched them all together, she tried to see things from Jessica’s perspective. She’d been with Cassidy’s brother for twelve years, married to him for ten, had two children with him, a home with him, a life with him.

That
was a
real relationship.

Jessica had made
a measure of effort, however minor, to express concern for Cassidy’s situation with Brandon. But from her point of reference, a two-month text affair wasn’t even a blip on the radar of reality. And rightly so, given her own life experience. Cassidy knew her sister-in-law, despite her inherent iciness, hadn’t meant her comments to sound harsh.

But they did.

Cassidy forced an
outward smile, but inside she was hurting, no matter how much she didn’t want to be. The fact was that her life experience had taken her, for better or for worse, in a different direction from Jessica’s. Her contribution to the world was in the form of novels, not children, and she should be proud of that.

She
was
proud
of that.

She’d decided what
she wanted out of life and made it happen, all on her own.

All on her
own.

She took another
look at the festive gathering across the room, then balled her hands into fists and stared at the floor, willing herself to keep it together.

Don’t cry.

Don’t cry.

There was no
doubt that she loved her career, but she still longed for a different type of love.

She looked up
and took a deep breath, then did her best to smile as she began walking toward her family on the other side of the room.

Maybe it was
nothing to the rest of the world, but it was real to me.