Casting Down Imaginations (12 page)

I was a bit annoyed that Mama knew more about Terrance’s
personal life than I did. He hadn’t shared any of this information with me.
That must be the real reason why he called me to begin with. Because DU offered
him a scholarship and he thought he might as well get some from me while he was
here. And she was so stupid, ushering him right into my bedroom.

“Well, he needs to find someplace else to stay because he
can’t stay with me.”

“Ain’t nobody trying to say you have to sleep with him, silly
girl. Just be hospitable. Help him to decide to take that scholarship.”

“I don’t care about any basketball scholarship,” I said.

“You should,” she informed. “I don’t see why you aren’t
jumping through hoops right now. Come on, girl. This is what we both have been
praying for.”

What the…?

“Praying for?”

“Yes. You and Terrance need to be together. You had a child
together. It’s only right for you to be married.”

“Oh, Mama!”

I wished she wouldn’t always take things there. I was only
eighteen and wasn’t trying to get married. Just because I had sex with him
doesn’t mean I have to get married. That was a long time ago and I have my
whole life to get married. Right now I need to focus on school. The fact that
she’s still holding on to that high school crap shows how silly she really is.

“Look baby, go up there and be sweet to him. He’s sincerely
thinking about you, and he has the potential to be a famous basketball star. If
you get with him, when he rises to the top, you won’t have to worry about
anything. You and your future children will be taken care of.”

Now I was starting to understand. “So this is about money?”

She huffed. “No, silly. I’m just looking out for you. You
should at least give it a chance. You might find out that he’s really the one
for you.”

“I gotta go,” I said and hung up without giving her a chance
to say goodbye. There was no sense in trying to talk to her. It wouldn’t change
a thing. Right now she didn’t deserve the standard daughter-to-mother protocol,
anyway. Yes, Terrance was talented, and yes, he had a bright future ahead of
him. But had she forgotten that this was the same person who slapped me down
when I told him I was pregnant with his child? She was wrong for going behind
my back with all of this and I was choosing to stay mad at her for it.

As I made my way back upstairs, all I could think about was
what I would say to Terrance if he was still there. Would I fight him? Would I
kick him? Would I do what I really wanted to do and cover him with kisses?

To my surprise, when I got to my room Terrance’s overnight
bag was still in the hallway. The door was closed, so I had to use my cardkey
to get inside. I found him sitting down on the couch with a look of regret on
his face. Even sad he was fine. I hated to admit it, but it felt good that he
was pursuing me again.

“Terrance…” I started.

“No, wait a minute,” he stopped me. “Let me.”

I sat beside him on the couch. When our eyes met I remembered
what it was like to be intimate with him. My knees became weak.

“I’m sorry for just popping in on you unannounced like this,”
he apologized. “I mean, when your mom told me to do it, I thought it would be a
nice surprise. But now I see I was wrong and that I should have talked to you
about it first. I’m sorry.”

He looked sincere enough.

“I forgive you,” I said.

He smiled, once again showing those pretty white teeth. They
drew attention to his full lips, which were properly moisturized.

“But I gotta be honest with you,” he continued. “You’re not
the only reason why I’m here.”

I pretended to be surprised, remembering fully what Mama had
just told me on the phone.

“I’m not?”

“No,” he confessed. “Daytown is trying to recruit me to play
basketball here next year. They heard I was looking for a school and paid for
the trip, but my main reason for coming was you.”

I nodded, pretending to just now understand.

“Oh, I see,” I said. “And why is that?”

He slid closer to me. “Can I be real with you?”

“Yeah.”

“I still love you, Karen. And I wanna make this work. I might
not ever get back into the NBA, but if I have you, none of that will matter.”

He was trying to run game. I was almost falling for it.

“You mean you would sacrifice your whole basketball career to
be with me?”

He nodded.

“What if I don’t want you?”

He kissed me on the lips. “We both know you do,” he
whispered, and kissed me again.

Oh my... I was quivering inside. He felt good next to me.
It’d been a long time since I’d been kissed.

“No, Terrance,” I said and stood to my feet, only halfway
fleeing from temptation.

“You gon’ stop me just like that?”

I didn’t answer. I was angry at myself for not being able to
stay mad at him.

“That’s cold,” he chuckled. “Real cold.”

“Yeah, well, it is what it is.”

He walked over and wrapped his arms around me. “Where you
learn to be so cold like that?”

I looked him in the eye. “From you.”

He stopped smiling, becoming somber. “What am I gon’ to have
to do to get you back?”

At that moment I didn’t know. I was losing the good sense I’d
prided myself in having. What was going on here? No guy had ever kissed me or
even hugged me in over two years, and I’d let both happen in less than five
minutes. He was making me crazy. Yesterday I thought I was starting to like him
again, but that was over the phone when I thought he was miles and miles away.
Now that he was here in front of me, holding me, looking and smelling this good
and touching me…

“Stop,” I whispered, and unlaced his fingers from behind my
back.

He pulled me back, but I shoved him away. He knew not to do
it again.

“What?” he asked. He didn’t understand.

I smacked my lips, irritated. “Terrance, you don’t get it,” I
tried to explain. “Things are different. I’m not the same person anymore. You
can’t just come here and expect things to be cool. I mean, that may have been
cool when I was in high school, but I don’t get down like that any more.”

He was insulted. “You think I came here for sex?”

I didn’t say anything, which only insulted him more.

“Girl, I could get that anywhere. I get it thrown at me all
the time. I don’t care about that. I came here to spend time with a woman who I
thought somewhere deep down inside still cared about me, because I still care
about her. I came here because I thought that maybe, just maybe, if she would
like, we could get to know each other all over again, on her terms.”

It sounded good. It sounded real good. But I wasn’t so easily
convinced.

I looked him in the eye. “Tell me something, Terrance. When
you were getting ready to come here, did you not think that you’d get some from
me?”

His eyes drifted slightly to the right, then quickly returned
their focus to me. It was too late. I saw it.

Before he had the chance to feed me a lie, I walked to the
door and held it open for him. Both his visit and our conversation were over.

He slumped over to the door and stood in front of me.

“Look, I’m sorry alright,” he apologized. “I’m gon’ be here
for a whole week, Karen. Please tell me we can at least kick it while I’m here.
You know I’ve been dying to see you.”

I wanted to say no. I wanted to curse him out and tell him
not to ever come into my life again. He wasn’t even man enough to let me know
that he was coming. He just came to get his scholarship and he thought he was
going to get some from me in the process. I didn’t get down like that anymore,
and it was time he realized it. This whole thing was my fault anyway, because I
never should have started talking to him again.

“I’ll think about it,” I said against my better judgment.

“Cool.” Terrance walked past the door and stooped to pick up
his duffle bag. “So I guess I’ll be seeing you then,” he said.

“I guess so,” I said, not believing what I was agreeing to.

“Until then, love,” he said, and walked away.

thirteen

Anaya

With my eyes still closed, I slid my hand across the cool
satin sheets beneath me in search of my lover. I couldn’t wait to feel the
stubble on his chin, the smoothness of his lips, and the firmness of his chest.

But he wasn’t there.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head. The Texas afternoon sun
shone through the thin curtains of the windows and lit up the big room,
revealing all of Reese’s designer bedroom furniture… and my heap of clothes of
the floor. I tried to sit up, but the pain from last night resurfaced. I laid
back down, smiling to myself as the pain faded and memories of my previous
engagement came back to me.

I lost my virginity last night.

Although I struggled to build up enough nerve in the
beginning, I finally showed him just how much I loved him. I dreamed that we’d
wake up together and spend the rest of the day in bed doing nothing. I’d
planned on waking up next to him and giving him a good morning hug and kiss,
and afterward just cuddling and talking, but he was already up. He was probably
in the kitchen making me breakfast.

I always thought losing my virginity was going to be some
wonderful experience, where my future lover would give me a warm bubble bath in
a big bathroom full of lit candles with soft music playing in the background.
Then he would give me a nice massage and rub me down with scented oils and tell
me how much he loved me. Then he’d dress me in a long white night gown and
carry me to the bed where he’d cover me with kisses and slowly make love to me
all night long. Those were my dreams, but last night my experience with Reese
wasn’t anything like that. He sexed the mess out of me, that was no doubt, but
I wished he would have gone a little slower.

Once he got me in his bedroom and undressed, he went straight
to work. I cried and begged him to slow down, but he kept right on going until
he was satisfied, which took way longer than I thought it would. I couldn’t be
mad at him, though. He was probably used to loose women and didn’t know how to
take his time and make love slowly. And if I was going to be with him I was going
to have to learn how to keep up. He probably just didn’t know what to expect
with a first-timer like me. But I knew that he loved me, and that was all that
mattered.

WHACK!

I jumped when the bedroom door swung open. Reese, being careless,
let it smack against the wall. I was sure the doorknob was going to leave a
mark on the wall, but he didn’t seem to be concerned at all about his new
place. He was cradling a bowl of cereal in one hand and had a spoon in the
other.

“You finally up?” he asked between smacks of his sugar coated
breakfast. “You been sleeping all day.”

I frowned at the thin trail of milk running down his chin and
onto his white tank top.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s almost three. Come on, I got stuff I gotta do today.”

I looked past the childish stickiness on his face and propped
my head against my arm. “I’m hungry, baby. Aren’t you gonna make me breakfast?”
I asked sweetly.

Reese held the cereal bowl up to his mouth and took a long
slurp of the remaining milk, then burped loudly and wiped his mouth with the
back of his hand.

“We gotta go,” he said. “Hurry up and get dressed.”

I didn’t like the way this was going. What happened to the
breakfast he was supposed to be in the kitchen making for me?

“Well, can I at least take a shower first?”

He shook his head, growing impatient. “Girl, I don’t have
time. I got a session that starts in thirty minutes and I gotta take you home.
Now come on, let’s go.”

I watched in disbelief as he walked out of the room. In pain
and suddenly feeling cheap, I slowly crawled out of the bed and picked my
clothes up from the floor.

What happened to the love?