Catch My Breath (11 page)

“I don’t want to go back,” Elliot said quietly. Not that he meant it. Really. Everything was still so amazing, but it was nice to have time alone just to act like a normal guy again with Danny.

“Me neither. But we get to go to the studio tomorrow. Keller wants to start rehearsing that one kissing song. I forget what it’s called, but I remember it being cool.”

Elliot couldn’t help but grin at that. “Then we’d better get going if we’re going to catch the bus,” he murmured.

“’Kay.” Danny stood and held out his hand, as though Elliot couldn’t get up from the picnic table alone. He still took Danny’s hand and grinned like a damn moron the whole time they gathered up their trash and then walked down the pier and back to their bus stop, elbows and hands brushing together as usual.

“H
I
,
HONEY
!”
Katie chirped into the phone.

Danny felt sick. He’d decided that night after spending an awesome day with Elliot at the pier that he had to end it with Katie before things got uncomfortable. They’d been together for years, since seventh grade, and she was all Danny had ever known. But it wasn’t fair to Katie to keep going with her when Elliot existed. Nobody deserved to be second best, and Danny still loved Katie as a friend. He wanted her to find someone who felt about her the way he felt about Elliot—like the world had barely turned before they’d met. Even if he and Elliot never went any further than the way they were, it still wouldn’t be right to string her along.

“Hey, Katie-kat.”

Danny wasn’t sure he could do it. Sure, it had to be done, but the actual act? Just the thought of it was painful. He wished someone else could just tell her for him. But that would be douchey as hell. Even breaking up over the phone was a douche move, considering how long they’d been together, but he couldn’t wait another month and a half until the show was over. He just couldn’t.

“How’ve you been? Looks like you guys are really busy.”

They were. But not busy enough that he couldn’t have contacted her way more than he did. “Listen, I’ve gotta talk to you about something,” Danny said.

“What is it?” Katie’s voice was wary all of a sudden. Or maybe resigned. A though she knew what was coming.

“I feel like such an asshole,” he muttered.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

Danny sighed. “It’s just, with the band and the show, and we’re going to be on the road for weeks at a time once this is over. It’s just not fair to you.”

“Danny….”

“I’m really sorry, hon. I just think that’s the way it has to be.”

“I understand. I really do. But if you’re going to break up with me, at least have the balls to tell me the truth about why.”

“What do you mean?” Danny choked on the words.

“I mean, I doubt Tate’s breaking up with his girlfriend, and he’ll be gone just as much as you. It’s not because you’re busy, is it?”

Danny’s heart raced. She knew. In a way he couldn’t imagine how she’d have
not
figured it out. He’d always been tactile with his friends, jokey and goofy, but he’d never held hands with any of them, or wrapped his arms around them on the couch, reveling in the way they felt so perfect cuddled against his body. Katie had to have noticed, even if she’d only seen the least incriminating bits of it. Sure, the cameras hadn’t caught the hand-holding or most of the cuddles, but Danny’s face. He knew how he looked at Elliot. He caught himself doing it all the time. Katie knew him. She wasn’t stupid.

“So are you going to tell me or are you going to make me ask point-blank?”

“Elliot,” Danny nearly whispered. He’d not said it out loud yet. Not even to himself. And it was one thing to know in your head and your heart that you had feelings for a guy, for your closest friend, but it was another to actually tell someone.

“That’s what I figured,” Katie answered.

“I’m really sorry. I just—we aren’t like together or anything. I’d have never cheated on you. He doesn’t even know how I feel about him.”

“I’m not accusing you of anything, Danny. It just hurts.”

Can this please be over?
“God, Katie. I never wanted to hurt you.” He didn’t want to hurt anyone. Nobody ever went into a relationship looking forward to the end. But they weren’t the people they’d been when they were twelve. He wasn’t the person he’d been in June.

“Of course you didn’t. But you fell for him. I know you, D. It’s obvious. I’ve been waiting for this call for a while, to tell the truth.”

Danny wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. Katie knew him better than pretty much anyone in the world. Part of him hated to lose that completely. “Can we be friends? I know it’s the most trite thing in the world, but I really mean it. I don’t deserve to ask, but maybe a little while from now?”

Katie was quiet for long, painful moments. Danny wondered if he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. “Okay. Later. I’m not going to be there for a while, but don’t lose my number, yeah?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“And if you and Elliot end up getting together, be good to each other. He seems like a nice guy.”

“Kate—”

“I gotta go, Danny. Love you.”

Danny pretended not to hear the tears in her voice. “Love you too, hon.”

I
T
WAS
done.

Danny sat and stared at the wall for a while, not sure what he was supposed to be doing. He’d never broken up with anyone before and while he’d expected the relief he hadn’t expected to be so sad. It was as if a huge part of his life was over. Six years, his childhood. It was gone with one phone call.

He knew the childhood part was over anyway. When the show ended he and the guys would have real responsibilities, meetings, sales, people actually depending on them to perform and do well. Taking some classes at the university and trying not to party too much was nothing like the life he’d signed himself up for. But he didn’t regret it. Not a moment. He had the guys, and an exciting future… and Elliot. If nothing else, everything was worth it for that reason alone. He’d never bonded with anyone so quickly. Still felt weird to think about what had just happened.

I’m on my own. I’m single.
Danny had never known what that felt like. Not since he was too young to really care. He was single. Single.

The door to their room flew open and Elliot bounded in, grinning. He stopped when he saw Danny’s face.

“What’s wrong, D?” he asked.

Danny couldn’t take Elliot’s huge brown eyes looking all concerned. Or maybe it was stress, or the fact he didn’t know what to do with all the stuff Elliot made him feel—whatever it was, he started crying.

“Oh no, what’s the matter?” Elliot shut and locked the door to their room and came to where Danny was slouched on his bed. Without hesitating a second, Elliot sat down and wrapped Danny up in a hug. He sat there and held him for a long time until Danny got his breathing under control. “Danny?” he asked quietly.

“Sorry for freaking out, man. Katie and I just broke up.” It wasn’t just that. It was everything. But that was the easiest excuse, one that he actually knew how to explain.

Elliot cringed visibly and pulled Danny closer. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered into Danny’s hair. Danny wrapped his arms around Elliot’s waist and held on tight. He’d have to let go eventually, but at least for the moment he couldn’t stand to. Danny thought he might have felt the brush of lips against his forehead, but he couldn’t be sure. Didn’t matter anyway. All he wanted to do was feel Elliot’s arms, breathe in his scent, and not worry about everything he wished he wasn’t feeling.

Eventually, Elliot went down to dinner after trying to get Danny to come and even offering to stay back himself. Danny shooed him out the door with a sad smile and said he needed a little more time on his own. He’d be fine by the morning. He must’ve fallen asleep because he woke up in the dark and found a sandwich, some chips, and a soda on his night stand with a note.

The guys and I went to a movie. Figured you wanted to sleep it off. See you when we get back!

—El

Danny didn’t want to be in the room alone anymore where all he could do was think. He got up and went to the bathroom, tried to wash the residue of the night from his face, brushed his teeth, combed his hair. At least by the end of his efforts he looked a bit more like himself and less like a bruised puppy. He wandered downstairs to find Chris hanging out with Tyler from OCD.

“Hey, where is everyone?” he asked sleepily.

“Your boys went to the movies, a bunch of others went down the beach, and neither of us felt like it. You okay, man?” Chris asked.

“What did Elliot tell you guys?”

Chris looked at Tyler before he answered. “Just that you and Katie broke up. He didn’t tell everyone. Just me.”

“No problem. I never planned for it to be a big secret.”

“Sorry, bro. That sucks.” Tyler reached out and patted him on the shoulder. Danny didn’t know Tyler all that well, but he seemed like a pretty cool guy.

“It’s okay. It—” Danny realized that any one of the wall cameras could very well still be on. “We were just together a long time. It’ll be weird to get used to being single.”

Tyler and Chris both nodded quietly. Danny didn’t blame them. He wouldn’t have known what to say either.

A
N
HOUR
or so later, Tyler went up to bed. Danny wasn’t tired, he just felt weird. Chris shot him a look. “You want to talk about it?” he asked.

“I guess, but—” Danny gestured to the corner camera with his chin.

“C’mon. It’s a nice night. Let’s go chill outside.” Chris stood and let Danny out to the far corner of the pool. There weren’t any stationary cameras outside, so unless the film crew was there, they were safe. They sat at the edge of the pool and dangled their feet in.

“This helps. I was feeling like crap sitting up in my room. I should’ve come down earlier.”

Chris nudged Danny with his shoulder. “I know this sounds shitty, but I promise it’ll get better. You’ll miss her for a few days, but pretty soon you won’t anymore. It’ll fade until you don’t notice that you stopped thinking about her at all.”

Danny closed his eyes for a second. “It’s not that. I mean, the breakup sucked, but….”

“What is it?”

“It’s the reason that I broke up with her. I didn’t want to say anything in front of the cameras or Tyler. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t say anything at all, but….”

“But you have feelings for Elliot?” Chris asked quietly. “And you think he might have feelings for you too?”

Danny put his face in his hands. Hearing it out loud twice in one night was hard. But he couldn’t lie. Not when it was clearly so obvious. “Yeah. I do. I tried not to, but it’s like I can’t stop. I want to stop, at least I did, but now I’m not so sure. Every time I look at him I just want to kiss him.” He laughed bitterly. “I’m sure you wanna hear all about me wanting a guy.”

“Do you think I’m a douche?” Chris rolled his eyes. “Love is love, right?”

Danny nearly choked at the word
love
. He wasn’t even close to ready for that. “Still. We’re both your friends, and we’re in the band together. I can’t tell him I like him as more than a friend. It would be an awful idea.”

“You can’t help who you fall for, man. You guys might decide not to do anything about it ever, but you were right to let Katie go. It was the best thing you could do for her.”

“I know. I still feel like an asshole. I never thought I’d be the guy who would break up with someone because I wanted someone else.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole.” Chris grinned. “Pretty sure Elliot doesn’t think so either.”

“Thanks for listening, man,” Danny said. He bumped his fist against Chris’s.

“Anytime. And I’m guessing you’re not going to tell very many people about this, so if you need to talk again I’m here.”

“Yeah.” Danny smiled. “Pretty sure you’re going to be it. Thanks.”

“Again. Anytime.”

Chapter 7

E
VERYONE
in the house gathered in the living room, crushed onto couches, chairs, any available surface. There was a camera crew and, Elliot gulped, Liselle Marten. He remembered watching her show after school every day back in middle school, where she’d count down all the day’s most popular videos and host famous pop stars. She didn’t do that anymore but
still
. She was an actual famous person. He couldn’t believe he was in a room with her. And she was going to be asking
him
questions just like she’d asked Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake. Elliot’s stomach clenched. He scooted closer to Danny on the couch. Maybe Danny’s proximity would help.

“You okay, El?” Danny asked.

“Nervous,” he replied.

“Listen,” Danny whispered. “This is just like our video diaries, right? But they’ll ask us questions. We don’t have to make shit up to be funny. It’s on them.”