Caught Up In You (6 page)

 
“Cool.” He starts walking toward the door and swings it open.
“I can show myself out.”

And just like that he’s gone. That quick.
Almost as if he was never here at all and I’m sad, I’m really sad. Even though
I know I will have to see him again soon for the article, it’s still not
enough. That’s the problem with not being able to have someone in the way that
you want to, it’s never enough.

Still as I’m sitting there alone I can’t
help but think about how that’s the first time I’ve genuinely laughed since I
got home. But it’s not surprising, after all everything I feel for Nathan is
genuine.

Chapter
Seven

I was beginning to think I was honestly
screwed when it came to catching up with my work in school. It seemed like no
matter how hard I tried, or how much of a dent I made in everything, there was
another pile of papers waiting for me just around the corner. I had been
working on all my homework since Nathan left and after three hours my eyes felt
heavy and I could feel a headache starting to form. Still, I had so much left I
wanted to accomplice before I went to bed.

I reach over and grab my phone off the
nightstand. 9:03. Ugh, still so much to do. Coffee was needed. I swing my feet
over the side of my bed and start to head toward the kitchen. As I do my phone
goes off in my hand. Eric, Yikes. I had kind of been avoiding his texts and
calls since I had thrown him out of the room on accident earlier today. And by
on accident, I mean, you know, on purpose.

I wasn’t trying to ignore his text
message’s, I just had no idea what to say to him. I didn’t want to lie to him,
but on the other hand I knew exactly what his reaction would be if I told him
the truth, if I told him the guy I was having over after school was Nathan. I
wasn’t even supposed to be thinking about Nathan, let alone having him over for
social hour without any type of supervision. If only there was a way I could
address the situation without having to tell him the exact whole truth.

I’m trying to think of how I can do this
when I round the corner toward the kitchen and practically collide with my
aunt. She jumps back at the last minute saving the cup of coffee and piece of
apple pie in her hand from colliding all over the front of my shirt.

“Whoa.” She tightens the grab on her mug
and a smile immediately creeps over her face. “It was so quite in your room, I
figured you had fell asleep.”

I grown and make my away around her
perfectly shaped body toward the island in the center of the kitchen. “No,
that’s just the sound of intense concentration.” I grab a clean mug and drain
the rest of the coffee that’s left in the still hot coffee pot. “Trying to
catch up on all my back work might be the death of me.”

My Aunt Jenna sets her pie and coffee
down gently on the table before pulling out a chair and sitting down. “Going
slow, huh?”

I dump about eight spoonfuls too much of
sugar into my coffee and take a long swig out of the steaming liquid. “Slow is
an understatement.”

My aunt nods and cuts a tiny piece of her
pie off, popping it into her mouth. “I know the feeling, so many meetings
today, and I have to be up at 430 to start it all over again.”

I’m practically on top of her now, and I
pull out the chair next to her and allow myself to plop down. I can’t help but
notice how loud and ungraceful it is compared to when she sat down. The thought
urges me to sit up a little and straighten my back out. I allow the hotness of
my mug to travel through my hands and warm my whole body. “At least we’re
feeling it, huh?”

Another apple gets popped into her mouth.
“Feeling it?”

I nod. “I’d rather feel tired and
overwhelmed than feel nothing at all.”

She gets a strange look across her face then,
almost sad. I realize a little late that I’ve said too much. I want to say it’s
the lack of sleep, but the truth is that I’m becoming more and more comfortable
with my aunt lately, a little to comfortable one might say. But I can’t help
it, it’s not like I’m trying to let it happen, she’s just so nice.

But I know being open with anyone right
now, especially her, is dangerous. Still, more and more I find little pieces of
myself slipping out. Little pieces of the parts of me I’m trying to hide. The
part that’s still hurt and sad, the part that’s still dark and tortured, that’s
still healing from what happened to me while I was away in the wellness center.
The part of me that’s still trying to grieve for my mom and every other part of
the scars running through me that I’ve gotten so good at hiding from the rest
of the world.

Still, with my Aunt Jenna, sometimes it’s
hard to find a filter. It’s a surreal feeling because the only other person I’ve
ever been like with was my mom. For a second I feel like she’s gong to push it,
like she’s going to ask me why I would say that, but that’s not in my aunt’s
character. My aunt doesn’t push. “Well, just know I’m proud of you.”

Then she squeezes my hand and stands up from
the table heading toward her bedroom. I stare at the half eaten piece of apple
pie that she left sitting on the table and let her words settle into my bones
and I can’t help but notice the tug the feeling has on my heart.

***

I feel like a zombie as I walk through
the halls the next morning at school. I had stayed up until about two the night
before working on all my back work. Maybe it was the fact that my aunt had told
me she was proud of me or the fact that I downed a oversized cup of coffee, but
either way when I had gotten back to my room last night I was more motivated
and focused then ever. I had gone through way more than I thought I would in
one night.

Now though, as I walk toward my homeroom
with my Starbucks in hand I was beginning to regret my choice of staying up so
damn late. This was my second cup of coffee and so far it was dong little to numb
the feeling of exhaustion that was consuming my body. Not to mention my lack of
sleep was definitely starting to affect my appearance.

I look down at my black yoga pants and oversized
Nike sweatshirt. My hair is up in a high ponytail and my makeup consists of
nothing but a little bronzer and chapstick. Okay, so it’s a little boyish, but
I could hardly get out of bed this morning. I wasn’t in the right state of mind
to pick out a perfect outfit and match my whole outfit to my appearance. Plus,
I wanted to be comfortable. I didn’t have the energy to concentrate on walking
in heels today. That was for sure.

Besides, it’s not like I had anyone to
look good for these days, the only boy I wanted didn’t want me. Although, one
might say the smart thing to do would be to look my absolute best at every
moment in hopes that he would see how amazing I look and fall all over the
place trying to win me back. Hmm.

Suddenly I have this image of me walking
into one of Nathan’s basketball games completely done up. I have my hair long
and flowing and a smoky eyed look going on that I could never pull off in real
life. I would wear something tight that showed off all my curves, or I should
say the curves I used to have. (I’m still trying to put weight on since I left
the wellness center but this is my dream so in it I have the body I’ve always
dreamed of.)

Of course, I would have some huge
earrings on with a sparkle just in the middle, maybe even a pink one. And
Nathan would be running down the court right before he’s about to make the game
winning shot. He would stop as soon as he saw me though, and the whole world would
freeze around us like we were the only people that the other could see. The
only person at that moment we cared about.

Then he’s running to me, swinging me and
kissing me right then and there in front of everyone. Sigh. The whole thing
just sounds so wonderful, exactly how my fairytale would end.

“Victoria!”

Suddenly, I realize I’m not standing in
the middle of the gym wearing a Gucci dress and getting swept off my feet by
the man of my drams to live happily ever after. Instead, I’m in the middle of
the hallway at school running on no sleep and practically wearing pajamas.

The man of my dreams is still here. But
he doesn’t look quite as happy to see me as in my daydream. In fact, he looks
kind of annoyed. Yikes.

“Hey.” It comes out as more of a squeak
than a reply. “I didn’t see you there, ha-ha.” I reach up to run my hand
through my hair self consciously before I remember that it’s up. Shit.

Nathan has on a pair of black pants with
a white button up shirt and a pair of dress shoes. His hair is freshly gelled
with not a lock out of place. He’s even wearing a tie. It must be a game day. I
immediately feel about two feet tall next to him.

Nathan looks at me like I’ve completely
lost it. “But I was standing right here the whole time.”

“What whole time?”

Nathan waves his hands around as if to
prove his point. “This whole time! Calling your name for like twenty seconds
while you stared off in space like some kind of freak!”

Oh good, mean Nathan is back.

I take a slow sip out of my coffee and
remind myself to not freak out on him. “Sorry, I kind of have a lot on my mind
these days.”

For a second I think I see a flash of
sympathy come over his eyes but just like that it’s gone. “Yeah, well, give me
your new number.” He pulls his phone out of his bag in a flash. “I’ll text you
the address.”

“The address?”

Nathan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, the address
of the pickup game tonight, Angelina said you were planning on coming to watch
how I work for the article.”

“Angelina? Where is she?”

Nathan lets out an annoyed sigh. “Are you
even taking this serious? Because it seems like your minds everywhere but
here.”

I surprise myself by reaching out and
putting my hand on his shoulder. “Nathan. I will be there. I have this
completely under control. But right now I need you to tell me if you know where
Angelina is. It’s very important that I speak with her.”

He hesitates for a second before finally
answering. “She was just at her locker but-“

I’m already taking off before he has a
chance to finish his sentence. “I’ll see you tonight!”

“But the address!” he calls after me.

“I still remember your number. I’ll text
you soon!”

Now normally I wouldn’t be so quick to
leave Nathans side, but this is different. I’m desperate to talk to Angelina.

Please let her still be at her locker.
Please let her still be there. I’m saying the words over and over in my head as
if somehow the universe will hear me and answer my calls for once.

And they do, because suddenly as I round
the corner, there she is. Standing at her locker, as if she was waiting for me,
like she knew I was coming. Her crazy curly hair is pulled up in a high
ponytail and she’s wearing
a
oversized sweatshirt with
yoga pants too. But somehow, on her, it looks amazing. Angelina can pull off
anything. She has the kind of grace I could only dream of.

She’s putting the last of her books in
her locker when she spots me. And right away I know she knows. Somehow she
knows I know the truth about what happened between her and Dustin. Her face is filled
with shame and sadness, and I can tell how bad she feels even though she’s not
saying a word.

She shuts her locker gently and I
continue to walk toward her, slowing my pace down. I finally reach her and
neither of us have anything to say for what feels like forever. I don’t know
what she wants me to hear from me but I know I want her to speak first. I need
her to speak first. I need some type of explanation as selfish as that may
sound.

She bites her lip nervously. “So, how bad
do you hate me?”

Hate her? I could never hate her. She was
the only real friend I had ever known. I was more hurt than I was mad.
“Angelina, why did you lie to me? That’s not cool.”

She reaches over and takes my hand gently
pulling me after her until we’re both sitting down on the floor, our backs
pressed up against the random lockers nearby. “I know, and I know it was stupid.
I’ve never lied to you, like ever. It’s one of the things I like the most about
our friendship.”

“Me too! Or at least it’s one of the
things I did like about it.” I look down at the ground sadly and start moving
the tip of my toe back and forth across the floor in front of me.

Angelina throws her hands up in
frustration. At first I think it’s at me but after looking at her face I
realize she’s only frustrated with herself. “After you left I just kind of fell
apart, you know? I mean
,
I know I had Dustin but no
one knows me like you. No one. You were that one person I literally told
everything to, and suddenly you were just gone. Imagine waking up one day and
just having your best friend be gone without so much as a word. It was like a
blink and boom you were gone. I guess I just kind of freaked out and I wasn’t
reasonable. Dustin was always trying to tell me you just needed time and I had
to get over it, he was always on me about it. I know he was just trying to help
but I couldn’t deal with it. I just wanted to be alone. So, I broke up with
him. I just did it. I didn’t even think much of it.”

Her words sting and I almost don’t want
to look her in the eye while I process them but I know that’s what she deserves,
so I force myself to. I had known somewhere in my heart the past few days that
something like this was most likely coming, but it was still painful for me. It
was the first time I had actually heard how much my absence had affected my
best friend. It sucked hearing just how low she had been during my time in the wellness
center. The truth was I didn’t want to have to think about that. I didn’t want
to think about Angelina sad everyday wondering if she was going to hear from me
or not. Or worse that I had just left her without even thinking she deserved an
explanation. I knew it was out of my control and not my fault what had happened,
but it was still a really painful thing to think about. Knowing my best friend
was hurt makes me feel hurt, especially when she was hurt because of me. It
made my body ache and my anxiety start up.