Caught Up In You (3 page)

She tosses my file back onto the table as
if it’s useless to her and leans back crossing one of her perfect legs over the
other. “So, Victoria, why are you here?”

I pause for a second trying to search her
eyes for the answer she wants to hear, but it’s useless, they look blank, empty
even.

“Well, I thought it would be a good idea
to continue my therapy after I left the center. You know, to keep moving
forward with my progress.”

“Your progress with what exactly?”

It’s a hard question to answer, only because
I don’t know what to say. I haven’t assessed her enough to figure out what she
wants to hear from me yet. I don’t know if it’s a bad idea for me to bring up
Nathan first, but he’s the real reason why this all started in the first place.
The whole reason why anyone thought I was crazy enough to be sent away, the
whole reason I learned to go along with whatever I had to in order to get out
of there. It’s still hard for me when anyone asks me a question to not come
right out and say what’s tugging at my heart, to not say what’s been tugging at
my heart ever since that night I was dragged from a bed and sent away, sent
away to recover from what people did everyday all over the world, for falling
for someone.

“Well,” I pause for a second as if what
I’ve overcome is too much to sum up in a simple sentence. “I guess the biggest
thing would be coming to terms with my mother’s death.”

The silence that follows drags on long enough
to make me feel like it’s never going to end. I’m not sure if she’s waiting for
more or just trying to make it seem like she’s waiting for more. Have I
mentioned how much I hate going to therapy? Any therapy.

“So, I want you to think about that question,
really think about it, then the next time we meet, I want you to tell me if
your answer has changed.”

What does she mean if my answer has
changed? Why would it change? I retrace the answer in my head, but it seemed
right. It was what Eric had advised me on. I could practically hear his voice
in my head giving me a ‘well done’ and a nice pat on the back.

But all I say aloud is, “okay.”

A smile spreads across her mouth.
“Wonderful, okay then, see you next week.”

Just like that she’s standing up, her back
to me within a few seconds.

Um, what? That’s it? No, no way. That
can’t possible be it. I had just gotten there. It had literally been ten
minutes, maybe not even ten minutes.

I sit there unsure of what to do for a
second, but she’s already back on her phone, tapping away on the keyboard. I
stand up slowly, almost waiting for her to snap her head up and call me out. To
laugh at me and be like ‘ha, you fell for it.’ Only as I take steps further and
further across her office and toward the door, nothing happens. Not a word out
of her mouth. In fact, she seems to have forgotten that I was even there
altogether. I sneak one more look at her as I open the door but all I see is
the look of amusement on her face as she looks at something on the screen of
her phone.

 
I sigh and close the door tightly behind me.

***

“What do you mean she said that was all
for this week?”

“She just said that’s all,” I shrug.

My Aunt Jenna and I are in the car on the
way home from my therapy appointment. Needless to say she’s just as confused
about my first session as I am.

“But why? What exactly did you say? Was
she mad at you or something?”

I reach into my bag and start feeling
around for my phone in an attempt to buy a little time. I just need a second to
process what just happened myself. I mean
,
I’m not
really sure what the hell happened back there. It was clearly some type of test
or trick I hadn’t figured out yet, but I couldn’t exactly sit here and tell my
aunt that. My hand brushes against what feels like a bottle of foundation and I
immediately feel a cold liquid dripping down my hand.

Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but
I see it as the perfect opportunity to buy me some more beats. I make a big
show of being grossed out and taking my hand out thrashing it back and forth.

“Ugh!” I exclaim moving my arm closer to
my aunt’s face as if to show her just how gross it is. When in reality it’s,
you know, not that gross at all.

My aunt doesn’t seem to mind she just
pushes me away, laughing. She nods toward the center counsel where she keeps a
stash of extra napkins and tissues.

I’m relived I got her to take her
thoughts off my therapy session and smile, at least for the time being. The
truth is, I’ve never really talked with someone about what goes on inside my
therapy sessions. Except for Eric, and even with him it was only to make a plan
on what I could do better next time. I still wasn’t exactly sure about how much
my aunt actually knew, and most of what I talked about in therapy (true or not)
was pretty embarrassing. Not to mention I’m pretty sure those sessions are
supposed to be confidential.

I mean, I know the therapists can totally
get in trouble for repeating anything you say in sessions without your
permission. So, I'm sure I could get in tons of trouble too. Actually, that
makes no sense. How can I get in trouble for telling my own secrets? I wonder
if my aunt will fall for it f I tell her this in an effort to change the
subject. Like, ‘Oh, wish I could answer that but its against the law! Don’t want
me going to jail do you!’ Something tells me my Aunt Jenna would never fall for
that, she’s actually really smart now that I think about it, hmm.

The sad thing is that it is kind of true,
I did have to sign that stupid gag order when I left the wellness center. It
pretty much told me if I told anyone about what went on there or where I had
been that I would have to go straight back, I was pretty sure that carried over
into my treatment that continued after I left, but I wasn’t exactly sure.

I’m so wrapped up in my own thoughts that
it takes me a minute to realize that my aunt is staring at me blankly. Shit,
what did she say now?

I shove my hand back in my purse and
finally grab my phone out from the bottom. I hit the center button and the
screen pops to life showing me about five new texts, all from Angelina. I don’t
read every single word but I get the basis of what she’s talking about.

Nathan, it’s all about Nathan. She hopes
I’m not stressing too much over it, and she really thinks this is going to be a
good experience for me, blah blah. Just seeing his name is enough to make me
feel a little light headed. Had I actually forgotten for more than a few
minutes the situation I had allowed myself to get in with him? I mean how can I
write a tell all piece on my step-brother who I’m secretly rotting away for on
the inside, while on the outside I act like he doesn’t matter to me at all?

I can still feel my aunt’s eyes on me,
and I’m instantly glad that people don’t have the ability to read minds. At
least my thoughts are still mine, even if nothing else is.

“It’s not uncommon, the first session is
really just a formality, a introduction.” I try to sound certain, but it’s
bullshit. How am I supposed to know what that was back there? My new therapist
is clearly crazy.

I see the concerned and doubtful
expression that creeps over my
aunts
face, but she
doesn’t say anything more. I’m relived she’s chosen to drop it, at least for
now.

 
I hope she’s not worrying about my therapy. That’s the last
thing she should be worrying about, I’m worrying about it enough for the both
of us.

“How about we do room service tonight?”
my aunt says, taking the turn into the hotel parking lot and heading toward the
valet drop off by the front door.

I don’t wait for the doorman to open my
door when we come to a stop. I swing open the door myself instead, placing one
foot on the concrete. “Sounds good, I have tons of homework anyway.”

 
“Still playing catch up, huh?”

I laugh as I get out and shut the car
door behind me. “I think I will be for a while.”

My aunt walks around the car now toward
the main door and I can tell she’s already in work mode, her eyes glued on
what’s going on behind the glass windows surrounding the front of the hotel.

She’s walking inside at full speed when
she calls over her shoulder to go on up without her, she just has to check on a
few things inside. I stand outside for a moment just watching her from a
distance. Her expression so serious when she talks to people, so determined to
make things go smoothly. I can tell she really loves her work, I can tell how
happy it makes her. It reminds me of my writing, of the relief I get from it,
the hope I get from it, the strength.

My eyes stay on her for a few moments
longer than I allow them to drift, taking in the scenery of the hotel. I trace
every inch in view wanting to stay out here as long as possible, recollecting
my thoughts. I’m just about to force myself to go inside and start the
mountains of homework I have waiting for me, but the breath I didn’t know I was
holding in gets caught in my throat.

I close my eyes really hard. My mind must
be playing tricks on me.

I snap my eyes open. He’s still there.

Eric.

Right there, on one of the couches in my
aunt’s hotel, is Eric.

And he’s looking right at me.

Chapter
Four

He looks better than I remember. I can
tell right away being out of treatment suits him. His hair is shorter and
styled to perfection. He’s clean- shaven, and tan. Gosh, how was he so tan?
What had he gone on a cruise before he made his way here? He’s wearing dark
jeans and a white sweater with the Ralph Lauren symbol stitched in the top
corner. Jeez, he looks like he just stepped out off the runway of a New York
fission show.

I have a split second where I’m reminded
of what I’m wearing and what a mess I must look like compared to him, but it’s
gone just as fast as it came. I’m just way to happy to see him, an immediate
sense of relief comes over me. Suddenly, why he’s here or how he’s here is irrelevant
because the thing is that he is here. All that matters is getting to him, and
fast.
 

The space between the ground and my feet
seems to not exist, like I’m gliding on ice effortlessly as I close the
distance of the sidewalk and lobby that was between us. Then I’m hugging him.

And the warmth of his body reminds me
that this is real, I’m not dreaming, I’m holding one of the few friends I have
in my arms. He smells like candy-canes and peanut butter cookies. I can’t help
but inhale the sweet scents as I cling to his sweater.

He laughs, and my spirit feels lifted.
It’s the same laugh I heard everyday surrounded by nothing but empty white
walls. It’s so familiar and wonderful that I never want him to stop. He pulls
away now, and I force myself to let him.

“Did you really just sniff me?”

I allow myself to get a few paces of
distance between us. “You smell different,” I say, smiling sheepishly.

He laughs again, louder this time, and I
know he’s the same Eric. The same person who had never left my side when I felt
like everyone else had. He may smell different, and he might have looked a
little more put together on the outside, but he was still the same on the
inside. That was all that mattered to me.

“Well, Victoria, I must say I never
noticed how much you were concerned with my smells.”

I know I should say something witty or
funny, something to start off our usual sense of bickering that we had become
so used to, but I cant. All I can do is stare at him. I want to close my eyes
one more time just to make sure that this is really happening, but im scared if
I do when I open them again he wont be here anymore.

“How are you here?” I finally find the
words that have burning in my mind since the moment I laid eyes on him.

He smirks and I realize the cocky look
that comes across his face makes more sense when he looks as good as he does
right now. In the wellness center I could never figure it out. But out here, in
the real world, Eric definitely had a reason to be full of
himself
.

“Easy,” he says glancing over his
shoulder. He grabs my hand pulling me after him toward the comfy chairs and sofas
that are in the lobby of my aunt’s hotel. “I just created a little bit of a distraction
so that the head nurses office would be empty and no one would be able to watch
me if I just happen to look in someone’s personal file. You know, the one where
they write the address that the patients are being released to and all that
jazz.”

“Oh my god! You didn’t!” I practically
trip over the rug as I try to keep up with his fast track pace.

He plops down on one of the sofas pulling
me down just as hard after him. “I did,” he says, reaching into his pocket and
pulling out a shinny phone. He thrusts it into my hands. “Put your number in.”

I obey. “What kind of distraction? And
how did you get out of there? And did you just say ‘all that jazz?’” The
questions spin out of my mouth with little effort.

He grabs his phone out of my hands and
starts tapping away on his keyboard, frowning at something on the screen. Then
suddenly he’s standing up and looking around nervously. And it could be that
I’m just being paranoid, but I swear he looks paranoid.

Oh god, did he, like, escape from the wellness
center or something? And now he’s on the run from the law. At any moment the
police could barge in and take him away! They might think I was an accomplice!
That I helped him plan the whole thing! Of course I didn’t, I didn’t even know
he was coming here. Although, I’m not exactly the most trust worthy person in
some peoples eyes right now, so it’s not likely anyone would just take my word
for it.

And my aunt, how could I do that to my
aunt after all she had done for me? I mean
,
if it
weren’t for her I would probably still be in the wellness center. Wouldn’t this
look just awful for her business? Or maybe it wouldn’t affect her business at
all since no one really knew much about me yet. Still, just the worry of it was
enough to start giving me anxiety all over again.

Suddenly, I’m on my feet right next to
him. “Come with me, there’s a back door I can sneak you out of, this way!” I
start to walk, trying to pull him after me like he did to me moments earlier.
But it’s no use, he’s much stronger than me, and even with all my effort his
body stays planted in its original position.

“What are you doing?” He’s looking at me
with an amused expression on his face. I’m not sure what he thinks is funny at
this point. You would think he would be a little more serious about going off
to jail.

“Getting you out of here before the
police come for you,” I say. I express the words slowly as if to make him
understand the seriousness of the situation.

He laughs loudly and a few people who are
sitting by the fire reading while they sip on hot coffee shoot us a dirty look.
“Better be careful, Victoria, or pretty soon people are going to start thinking
you’re crazy again.”

I roll my eyes. “Ha, you’re so funny.
Where are you going now?” He’s starting to walk away from me.

He swings around to look at me one last
time. “That was an important text, I have to go. I’ll answer all your questions,
don’t worry, just not tonight.”

“But how? When?”

“I’ll find you,” he calls. There’s a few
people in between us now and I can only make out the back of his head.

“How?” I yell out desperately.

“Easy.” Somehow I can hear his voice loud
and clear. “I’m staying in the hotel.”

He’s staying in the hotel? What, how can
that be? How could he even know that my aunt owned this hotel? I’m so confused,
this isn’t fair, this isn’t right. How could he just come here out of nowhere
then take off again like nothing had happened? I had been trying to reach him
for what felt like forever, I had so much to tell him, I had so many questions.
And there he was finally right in front of me, so close that I could actually
reach out and touch him, then just as fast he was gone. Vanished into thin air,
almost as if I had imagined the whole thing.

I glance up one more time into the crowd
hoping to catch another glimpse of him, but it’s no use, he’s gone. Suddenly, I
feel really sad. Not sad like the way I do when I think about Nathan. Not empty
sad, it’s more of a confused sad. I had convinced myself I needed to talk to
Eric so bad because I was so nervous about things with this new therapist. I
needed him to talk to me, be there,
tell
me what to
do, tell me how to handle the situation with her. But seeing him now, I
realized it was something more.

Eric and I were connected now. I loved
Angelina, she was my best friend, but no matter how hard I tried I would never
be able to really make her understand what I had been threw in those three
months away. I could go into every detail in the world, but she hadn’t seen it,
she hadn’t been there to feel those emotions with me. Eric was a friend who had
been there with me during a really horrible and emotional time in my life, a
time I could never get back.

The truth was that maybe a part of me,
that scared little girl who was dragged out of her bed in the middle of the
night screaming, was still hanging on to him, was still dependent on him. On
his comfort, and that scared me. No, it terrified me.

I grab my phone out of my pocket. I
needed to talk to someone. Maybe Angelina would come over for dinner or
something. I notice a new text on my home screen. It’s from a number I don’t
recognize and for a second I think it might be Nathan. My heart starts to race.
How would he get my number?

Then I remember how I literally just gave
my number to Eric and I let the moment of disappointment that passes slip
through me. After all, if I couldn’t have Nathan texting me, Eric was a damn
good second.

“Oh
yeah…and don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.”

It’s not much, just a simple text from a
friend. Yet somehow it’s enough to give me the first glance at hope I’ve seen
since I’ve been home. And right now, in this moment, that’s enough for me.

***

I haven’t heard from Eric since I saw him
in the lobby of the hotel last night. I mean I got that one text, but after
that, nothing. It’s just kind of strange, telling someone everything is going
to be okay and then just not even checking in on them or anything. I mean, how
does he know I’m not worrying? He told me not to worry, but how would he know
if I am? Since he’s not even talking to me.

“So, your boyfriend from rehab just
showed up on your doorstep out of no where? Sounds kind of sketchy to me,”
Angelina says. She pulls her coat closer around her body as we walk across the
sidewalk and toward the entrance of the school. It’s the next morning, and I
just told Angelina about the whole Eric situation.

“Shush!” I hiss. I look around to make
sure no one heard her. It’s something that seems to be happening much to
frequently for my liking lately.

“What?” she asks, like it’s no big deal.
“No one’s even paying attention to us.”

“Whatever.” I swing the front door of the
school open and start to make my way down the hall toward the stairs I need to
take to get to my locker. “He’s not my boyfriend, and it wasn’t rehab.”

“So let me get this straight, he somehow
got out of rehab-“

“It wasn’t rehab!”

She waves me off and keeps talking. “He
somehow gets out of rehab right after you, stalks out your address, and shows
up here to save the day, or whatever. Sounds like he’s in love with you to me!”

“It’s not like that, he’s my friend.” I
sigh.

Angelina nods. “Yeah, he sounds like it.”

I know she’s kidding around, and on any
other day, or any other discussion, I would be right there with her playing
along, but this was different. Eric was different. It actually made me feel
uncomfortable to hear her joke about him like that. I wanted to make her
understand what he meant to me, make her understand what it felt like in there.
How some nights it felt like he was the only person who really didn’t think
that I was crazy, even when I would be having such a bad day that I was
starting to believe it myself.

There was no way to make her understand
and even if by some miracle I could make her get it, now definitely wasn’t the
time or place for that conversation.

Luckily I don’t have to come up with a
response because as soon as we round the corner of the hall, we see Dustin in
the distance. I feel Angelina’s mood instantly change.

I had been dying to know what really
happened between them, or at least more details about their break up. The whole
thing just made no sense to me, he had just been telling me how into her he was
literally days before I went to the wellness center. How could two people who
seemed so into one another just suddenly not be? I know it happens everyday,
but still, I got the vibe that there was way more to the story.

Especially because every time I brought
it up to Angelina she would totally dodge the topic and act like it wasn’t a big
deal. Which was totally unlike her. She was probably the person least likely to
keep hush about anything out of everyone in my life.

“Well, I have to finish some homework
before my first class, so I better go. We’ll talk about this at lunch, okay?”

I want to press it. I want to tell her to
stop this right now and tell me what the hell went down between them. Ask her
why she starts acting so weird whenever Dustin’s name comes up. But like so
many other things it just doesn’t seem like the time. Instead, I let her go off
down the hall in the other direction.

As I do I can’t help but notice something
different in her, it’s nothing that the average person would notice. On the
outside she’s just as put together as ever. Her curly hair is half down, half
pulled back in a clip with tendrils falling to each side in just the right
places. She has smoky eyes, red lips, and looks tanner than ever.

And don’t even get me started on her
outfit. She’s wearing a tight black sweater dress with dark grey knee high
boots. The whole thing shows off her body in just the right places and makes
her look flawless.

It’s not the outside that concerns me. It’s
the inside.

As she walks away from me I cant help but
notice a type of defeat that goes with her. It’s something that only someone
who knows her extremely well would pick up on, something deeper than the surface.
It’s enough to rub me the wrong way though, enough to make me feel like she’s
not dealing with this Dustin thing quite as well as she’s made it out to me.