Chance of the Heart (20 page)

“Could I not what?”

She wrapped a delicate hand around his bicep and smiling phonily said, “Please don’t embarrass me here. I don’t want to think about you two… Being. It’s just uncomfortable.”

“How do you think he feels?” he hissed under his breath. Anyone looking probably thought they were flirting but he was anything but pleased. “You could have declined.”

“They’re already asking why—”

“They nothing. David knows.”

She looked at him startled. “Why would you?”

“Because he’s my best friend. You keeping it from yours is your choice. I’m trying to give you time but look at it from my
boyfriend’s
point of view.”

“Chance, this is hurting me too.”

He looked at her. “If we told people we broke up, at least this shit wouldn’t happen. It’s worse for
you
and the man I love that you have to be around me
you
and the man I love.”

Again he’d startled her. Hell, he’d surprised himself saying the words out loud to someone else so easily. But why tiptoe around it with her right now? They were wearing themselves as well as people they cared about thin with this horse shit.

She let go of his arm and scooted away from him an inch or so. He looked up to see Bradley approaching, storm cloud expression not faring well for their evening.

When Bradley sat down next to him, his demeanor was definitely not as warm as it had been, but he offered him some of the popcorn he’d just bought. Chance brushed his knuckled discreetly over Bradley’s before reaching into the bag for a few pieces. Bradley’s shoulders lost a little of their rigidity but it wasn’t enough to make Chance feel better.

He had to do something. This had gone on for over a month now. He didn’t think he could wait anymore. It was clear Bradley couldn’t. Not that he was quite ready for coming out yet, but he knew he’d need to do that to keep this: the best thing he’d ever had. Even if he wasn’t ready for that step yet, he definitely needed to make it clear sooner rather than later that he and Caitlin were done. They needed to have a serious talk.

Bradley was already in a shit mood when he went into work the following Monday. He’d thanked Chance for their date and meant it sincerely. The entire day up until Caitlin had shown up had been perfect. He could tell Chance was as disappointed as he was that it’d gotten blown to hell. The appearance of his friends served as a reminder of his farce of a relationship with his ex and the fact he was still closeted.

They’d driven Caitlin home in the most silent and uncomfortable few minutes Bradley could remember in recent history and the mood had been sufficiently ruined. He’d opted to just head home and finish up some work, rather than hang out with Chance. Chance had been disappointed, as had Bradley, and they’d shared a hell of a kiss before he’d left, but he needed a moment.

They’d spoken again since then and it’d been fine, but Bradley was still feeling strange. He didn’t like this insecurity. He’d not ever been the type to freak out over a man, to worry endlessly. It wasn’t part of his dating M.O. When he’d spoken to Emma she’d told him that was because he actually cared for Chance, but he knew it also was because he had not cared for a man so closeted in many years. And even those feelings hadn’t been this deep. It was completely fucking with his equilibrium. And on top of having to figure out what to do about Chance, he had only two weeks to figure out what to do about the job offers he had. One in Abernathy, two in Dallas and of course Chance’s offer to stay around as his business manager for the restaurant while Chance worked up the nerve to shit or get off the pot.

His attention was pulled from his brooding when his intercom buzzed. His mood hadn’t been helped by yet another e-mail from his father complaining about anything and everything Bradley was doing with the finances. Apparently the CPA behind his name counted for nothing because his father definitely thought he was better at managing his own church’s money than Bradley was. He questioned everything and still never face-to-face.

He pressed the button to respond to his secretary’s buzz. “Yes Rhonda?”

“The Reverend is here to…”

Then the door slammed open and his father stormed in. “What are you thinkin’ boy?” His father’s Texas accent was thick, the well-practiced snooty one he used publicly fell away along  with his patience with whatever he was angry about.

“What exactly are you talking about?” He was pretty sure his dad wasn’t talking about something work related. Surely he hadn’t found out about Bradley and Chance.

“I mean this call the network’s public relations office got about you. Some magazine doing a piece on you comin’ out, the church accepting my
openly homosexual son
, when we’ve done no such thing.”

Bradley was reeling. “What? I declined.”

“So you knew about this and didn’t tell me?” His father was leaning over Bradley’s desk, getting in his face. Emma was so dead.

Bradley stood, facing down his father like he never had before. “Excuse me. I’ve been home five months and I’ve seen you one-on-one
maybe
a handful of times and it’s always to bitch at me.”

“You’ll watch your mouth in the house—“

“Of the Lord. God, could you be more cliché? Are you kidding? I thought if I declined it would go away. But either way,
you
are the one who made our family a public spectacle,
I’ve
never hidden.”

His father’s face went from red and angry to smug. “That’s why the whole congregation has been told?”

“Oh, please. It’s not like I was going to be here long enough for it to count.”

“Of course not. You can barely face me like a man, why should you face the congregation as such?”

Bradley cringed inwardly. The old man had him there. He could hear Emma’s words clearly in his head. She was right. He’d come back and instead of living out loud like he had every day of the last six years, he’d been a coward. And he had no idea why. Maybe he had wanted his father’s approval. Maybe he had done it to keep Chance when he
knew
the man was never going to come out.

“You want me to face you like a man? Fine.” He came around the desk and looked his father in the eye. He hadn’t realized since his father had always seemed so larger than life to him, that they were the same height now. He even out-bulked the old man by a good twenty pounds. He wasn’t the nineteen-year old who’d accepted his fate as the coldly ousted pink sheep of the family any more.

“Screw you, Reverend.” His father’s face reddened, outraged, but Bradley continued before his father could start. “Your flock follows you to the end of the earth but your own kids couldn’t get away from you fast enough. You think I didn’t stand up to you? Why did I need to? All I had to do was be happy. It made you crazy that I was living my big gay life.”

His father harrumphed. “Yes, Bradley. You seem so very happy, running around from relationship to relationship, being promiscuous. Being one of
those people
. Then you have to crawl back here with your tail between your legs.”

Bradley reeled back. He didn’t realize his father was so privy to his private life. Well if that’s how the old man felt. “The only time I’ve ever been unhappy was being here, being the son of The Reverend Heart. But you’re not happy yourself, not since mama left your sorry ass and you didn’t have the balls to divorce her and tell your congregation  the truth. You’re miserable and I won’t sit around being poisoned by it any more, waiting for you to drop some morsel of caring my way when I’m sitting just a mile away on your own property.

“I quit. No more. I quit with you and the church. I’m sure you’ll find a replacement quick enough. Good luck keeping ‘em.” He went around his desk, closed out his e-mail, shut down the computer and collected the few measly personal things he’d brought to the office over the last five months.

“Running away again, I see.”

Bradley leveled the old man with his gaze. “No. Just taking back my life. I don’t even know why I agreed to this ridiculous arrangement. I’ll be off the ranch by the end of the week.” And with that, he was headed out of his office. He didn’t pay attention to Rhonda, didn’t want to see the look on her face.

When he made it to his Jeep and tossed his things in, he finally breathed. His phone buzzed after a minute. His sister.
Not now.

He couldn’t believe he’d done that. But he felt good. Yes it’d been childish, but the little boy in him had been dying to snap off on his dad forever, however he never had. He’d never talked back to the Reverend once in his life. He’d been a model teenager until he’d come out. But what good had it done him? He’d graduated Suma Cum Laude and his father hadn’t shown up because he was gay. He showed up to help his dad at this Godforsaken compound of a church and he’d gotten nothing but grief.

No. It was the right decision. He had saved enough to get started no matter where he took a job. He’d have to call his sister soon to see if he could stay with her if he hadn’t figured out what to do by the end of the week.

He really needed to talk to Chance. He felt like even if they were up in the air, there’d be no closure one way or the other if he didn’t at least see where they stood. He looked at the time and realized it was still a good two hours before Chance got off work so he had time to try to cool down before he went into that conversation.

He was on edge and leaving his job and home was impulsive enough without slinging crap in Chance’s direction. Especially as unsteady as he was feeling.

Chance looked down at his phone, which had started vibrating while he was out in the back pasture working on an ATV that’d broken down. He’d almost forgotten he’d missed a call until it started ringing again.

He wiped his hands on a terrycloth rag, trying to get as much oil as possible off before he dug out his phone. Before he could answer the call coming in from Heather—probably about a catering job they had this coming weekend, and disappointed to see it wasn’t Bradley— his mother’s voice called through the walkie-talkie.

“Yes’m?” he replied.

“Come on to the house for dinner. Caitlin and her folks are here.”

He blinked, looking up to David who was sitting on the tailgate of his pickup wiping down parts they’d removed from the ATV.

“Say what now?”

“Caitlin’s folks told us the good news!”

He blinked again, and David the bastard, laughed and shook his head in amusement. “What you reckon they’re talkin’ about?”

“I don’t suppose I rightly know.” The good news? “I told her we needed to talk but I didn’t imagine she’d be bringing her folks with her to do it.”

David smiled, looking pleased. “You’re finally gonna stop all the secret shit?”

“Well, as far as our relationship. I’m done lying about it. Time we fessed up about splittin’ up.”

“Still not gonna tell about the…” He made an uncomfortable expression while twirling his hands in Chance’s direction.

“Not yet. I’m not gonna sit on it too long, but not just yet.”

David considered him closely while Chance packed up the tools they’d brought out. “So you’re really gonna go for it? A hundred percent?”

Chance felt his cheeks heat. “I think I’ve already gone for it. It’s just… a matter of telling. And Bradley isn’t gonna wait around forever. I-I… I can’t lose him.”

David was unusually somber as he shook his head.

Chance grunted and continued putting away tools. “Sorry. I won’t talk about it.”

“Hey man, it ain’t that. It’s just… I ain’t used to you talking about nothing, so this sharing business is crazy. Especially with you talking about another dude.”

Chance didn’t respond. He could respect that. Hell, it was still weird for him. But it’s like with acceptance of this part of himself had come ridiculous clarity and Bradley added even more, so he knew what steps he had to take. His daddy had taught him to be a man, and a man owned up to shit, didn’t hide everything. Never meant it would be easy. He was shaking in his boots at the thought. He wasn’t going to drop it on ‘em tonight. Hell, his daddy might have another stroke. But the time was coming and Bradley’s stay here had a ticking clock.

Chance dropped the toolbox in the bed of his truck, David closing the tailgate and looked up at the approaching darkness in the sky.