Chance of the Heart (18 page)

“Want me to make something for dinner?”
Way to change the subject
. Because that neither answered Chance’s question, nor did it seem like what Bradley had wanted to say.

Chance narrowed his eyes for a moment but let it go with a “No, I brought some of the leftovers from my presentation.”

“Presentation?” Bradley asked.

Chance nodded but didn’t answer, walking out and taking off the boots and hat before going into Bradley’s room to put on the jeans he’d shucked when he’d come in earlier. His whole body still felt limp, hole burning from the use. Hot damn, the way he’d lost control of his body and Bradley had just started lifting him up and down on his cock like a doll… he’d never thought it’d be so hot to be used like that but it’d been fucking intense. The way Bradley threw his hips into it and nailed his gland to make the orgasm more intense as he used Chance’s body to slake his own need.

Chance’s cock gave a weak attempt at rising to the occasion again but his growling stomach won the battle of the needs. Bradley followed into the kitchen where Chance started pulling food containers out of bags. “I took your advice on investors. Nothing big, just a couple of people for small percentages so it wasn’t all my risk. But I kept majority with seventy percent.”

Bradley stood, blinking. “You did all this yourself?”

Chance nodded, but he could feel the heat when the tips of his ears turned pink as he turned his attention to plating food. “I didn’t want to get my hopes up, or yours, so I got Heather to help me set up something at the church with them.”

Bradley walked over and wrapped Chance up in a fierce hug. Chance melted, enjoying that warmth that he associated just with Bradley. “And you nailed it of course. I’m so proud of you. I wish you’d called me. I would have been there.”

Chance chuckled, pleased but embarrassed at the praise. “No. I needed to do it on my own. It’s the first time I’ve ever just gone after something for myself.”

“The first time, huh?” Bradley challenged, with a lecherous flick of his gaze up and down Chance’s body. Chance felt that look in his balls.

“Yeah, yeah. But accidentally falling on your dick doesn’t count, Heart.” Chance winked to show he was teasing before pointing a spoon toward a chair with a, “Sit.”

“I wholly disagree.”

“You would,” Chance said with a snort. “Anyway, sorry. The food’s gonna be cold. I’d warmed it up but when I saw you all shirtless and thinking hard… I thought I’d found a better way than ribs and chorizo mac ‘n’ cheese to thank you.”

“I’ll say. That was a damn nice thank you. Though you really did it on your own.”

Chance smiled when he sat with his own plate, across the table from Bradley. He wrapped an ankle around Bradley’s. “You’ve done more for me the last five months than you know. Don’t ever doubt it.” And he meant that. It was still overwhelming the way it felt as if he’d put on a pair of eyeglasses for the first time and could make out finer details than he’d ever been capable of before. But he was so happy he could see there’s no way he’d go back to the way it’d been before, fumbling in the fog.

Bradley’s face softened and he reached a hand across to place over Chance’s where it rested on the table. “You’re alright yourself,” he said with a wink.

They ate in silence for a moment, Chance thinking over all he’d accomplished in the last few months. It was crazy at times, but he was so pleased to have started taking the reins on his life. Starting with having great sex and a semi-relationship with this man who’d turned his world upside down and left Chance to put the pieces together, which was the best thing anyone had ever done for him.

After a while, they started to talk about things of no major consequence. There was a local horse show Chance invited Bradley to, then Bradley discussed some of his woes with the church treasurer. Of course Chance just laughed at that, earning a put upon sigh from Bradley.

After they’d done the dishes and settled on the couch to watch television and let their food settle, Chance had something he’d been trying to bring up. He spoke solemnly. “Bradley, I wanted to discuss something with you.”

“Oh?” Bradley’s eyes were twinkling in that mischievous way he had, the same look he’d had when they first met. He reached around and cupped Chance’s ass.

Chance huffed a laugh. “I’m serious.” He sat back and looked Bradley in the eye so he’d know he was trying to have an actual conversation. Even if he’d rather follow through with the groping. “I know you’re thinking you’ll go back to Abernathy or something when you’re done with helping at the church. But…”

Bradley stilled, expression unreadable. “But…”

“Would you want to be my manager?”
Don’t ramble.
But after seeing the flash of surprise in Bradley’s eyes he did just that. “I need someone who knows business. And it would only be just to start, so I wouldn’t hold it against you if you decided you didn’t like the work. You know my financial situation so the pay wouldn’t be awesome but I’d be able to pay you well.”

Bradley held up a hand. “I swear. You could sit for a week without saying two words but wind you up in one direction or the other and you’re going off half-cocked,” Bradley said. His face was still unreadable though some amused affection was shining through.

Chance wanted to argue that but Bradley was right. He’d done it with everyone over the last few weeks—Caitlin, David, and again with Bradley.

“I won’t apologize. I’ve been sitting around not saying anything for so long. I guess I just feel like I’m finally able to speak and act rather than just sit back and observe. I’m coming out of my skin. But in a good way.” At Bradley’s analytical gaze, he couldn’t help fidgeting. “Is that bad?”

Again, Bradley seemed to not answer the question posed him, but went with, “It’s a lot to gamble on. A new business.”

“Bradley, you have a few months to give me an answer. We won’t even be ready to officially open any time soon. And I know it’s a lot while we’re still…”

“While you’re still in the closet and pretending to be with Caitlin.”

Chance sat up straighter, trying to keep his face from betraying how much the words spoken in that dry tone had hurt. “That’s not for much longer. We’re just waiting to hear about her resume.” He knew it had been bothering Bradley. He’d even made sure to keep any face time with Caitlin to a minimum. It’s not like Chance wanted to hang out with Caitlin any more than she did him right now. Which did suck, because they’d been friends a long time. But he especially didn’t want it hurting Bradley. And it clearly did.

“But you’ll still be in the closet.”

Chance blanched.

“Look, Chance, I’ve done this before. I’ve been with the guy who said and said that he’d come out. But it was lip service. I got screwed. I can’t just up and take this job. I
want
to. But you’ve got so much to think on. And I can’t lie and say it doesn’t drive me crazy you’re pretending to still be with Caitlin.”

Chance opened his mouth but Bradley pressed a kiss to his lips to silence him. “Time. That’s what we need. We’re new at this yet, okay.”

He got that, he did. They weren’t fifteen. If they ever wanted a real, adult relationship, shit had to be taken care of. And too many things in both of their lives were uncertain right now.

“Bradley that’s what I’m asking for.” He struggled to keep the frustration out of his tone. Damn. The night had been going so well. “I’m not asking for a commitment. Just more time. Just a few months. You don’t even have to sign a contract with me.”

“Have you even told your parents about the restaurant?”

Chance sheepishly averted his eyes.

“See. That’s my point. You’re making decisions but you still don’t know what you’re doing about your family’s expectations. I’m not trying to pressure you, that’s actually the opposite of  what’s going on. It’s just I don’t want us to mess with this thing we’ve got going on until we both have our heads on straight. For now this one day at a time thing is working so well for us.”

Icy tendrils of fear crept in Chance’s heart and made the muscle ache, constricted. He didn’t like how Bradley seemed like he was waiting for Chance to fail. No, Chance didn’t have everything figured out, but he sure as hell needed to find some way to convince this man he most definitely had lost his heart to, that he was serious. He didn’t want to keep either of them in the dark, hidden in a closet. But this was new and if he could just have the time between now and Caitlin figuring out her job situation, he’d try to figure out how to prove himself.

He sure as hell hoped so, anyway.

Bradley sighed, which brought Chance back from his thoughts.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re excited,” Bradley said, tone sincerely apologetic.

“No, don’t sweat it. It was just an idea.”
Good boy. You could be an actor the way you just covered up that disappointment.
And he had almost even fooled himself with the winning smile he was able to conjure up.

Bradley pulled Chance back to lean against him and pressed a kiss to his temple. Chance did what he did best when he was with Bradley and let it go. For now.

A blistering hot July afternoon settled over Hope Springs. Bradley was just happy not to be out in it. Chance had asked him over to the loft after they’d finished painting at the restaurant for a few hours. As soon as they’d arrived back at the loft and Chance’s crammed his hand down Bradley’s pants, Chance’d gotten a call from his daddy and had to run to the main house. Of course.
An hour and a half later, Bradley had showered and was lounging in a pair of sweatpants. He was well into his second beer, and had started twiddling his thumbs. He’d tried texting Chance to see what the deal was, but when the phone went off on the kitchen counter, he realized that plan was out.
Chance had mentioned having plans for them before he’d pressed a quick kiss to Bradley’s lips and running out so Bradley didn’t think it’d be wise to start on a third beer. It was only four in the afternoon, after all. He finished off the last two sips of his IPA and tossed the bottle in the trash.

He wandered over to glance out the picture windows, checking to see any signs of life in the barn or at the main house. Nothing. Just the sun blazing down on everything, making the distant fields dance in his vision, wobbling like a mirage.

Walking in a circle, he took in the room, glancing at things on shelves. Photos from the days of horse shows past, trophies, and random books covered shelves. He smiled to himself when he noticed a photo of himself with the Becket brothers, all holding up belt buckles they’d won at a Junior AQHA competition.

He was standing in front of his old horse, Rosie. He felt the familiar pang of sadness staring at the chestnut mare, the old guilt choking him up. He hadn’t meant to leave the old girl behind when he’d decided to declare his freedom, break ties with his dad and the church. But if wishes were fishes…

A buzzing in his pocket brought him back from his memories. He pulled his phone out, smiling to see Emma’s name pop up. They hadn’t had much time to speak, but she knew the gist of his situation.

“Hey, Ems,” he answered.

“Bee-Rad! It’s been too long.”

He chuckled. “Yes it has. What’s up?”

“Just had a minute. Thought I’d give you a call. You busy?”

“Ah,” he looked out the windows again and still the yard between the barns, garage, and the big house were empty. “Nope. I’ve got a minute.”

“Oh? Not hanging out with your closet case?”

“Ems.” He sighed. She wasn’t a fan of him seeing another closet case.

“What? I’m just saying. Things have sucked with your old man long enough that if this gets messy—”

“Can we
not
have this conversation again?” He knew she was right. But he still had some faith. He didn’t know why he was hung up on Chance, but he’d agreed to take it one day at a time, and so long as he was in Hope Springs it’s not like he had a better offer.

Yeah, that’s exactly why you’re hanging around.

“Okay, okay,” she said. “So I’m actually calling for a favor for Michael.”

“Really?” He was confused. Her semi-boyfriend-slash-fuck buddy Michael was a writer for an alt weekly in Austin. It had a modest circulation, faring decently for a paper magazine in the digital age.

“Now don’t get annoyed.”

“Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good.” He started wandering aimlessly around the loft again. He ended up going up the stairs into Chance’s bedroom. He figured it couldn’t be that big a deal. Chance had stayed in Bradley’s own bed more than a couple times in the last few weeks.

Okay, so he was being nosy and left to his own devices he wasn’t good at not giving in to his curiosity.

“Michael noticed that people were commenting on your involvement in Blessed Union again.”

“I’d hardly call it involvement. I do the books. I’m the Bob Cratchett to my dad’s Holy Roller version of Ebenezer Scrooge.”

She snorted a laugh. She started rambling about human interest pieces and working up to asking for whatever she was going to ask, though he wasn’t stupid enough to have missed what Michael probably wanted. He sat on Chance’s neatly made king size bed. The half wall left a good view through the picture windows, and you could still see down into the kitchen. The bookshelves taking up the two full walls were also packed with books.

He lay down and sniffed, loving how strongly the pillows smelled of Chance.

“Have you heard a word I’ve said?”

Shit, he’d zoned out hard. “Oh, sorry. I was—”
being creepy
“—thinking about something.” She made a sound that was neither pleased nor believing. “So Michael needs what exactly?”

“He wants to talk to you about going home, being the child of one of the nation’s more prominent televangelists, being accepted into the fold as an openly gay man.”

“What?” He choked on the word. “Why on earth…”

“I know it’s not really at all like that and I tried to explain it to him… but I said I’d ask anyway.”

“Well, there’s no way. I’m sorry Ems. But it’s awkward enough between me and the old guy. I’m out but not to the congregation, so anything like that would be big news to his followers. He’d kill me.”

She scoffed. “Since when have you cared about what he thinks? If you’d had this opportunity six years ago you’d have jumped at it.”

“There’s more at stake now than there was then.” He dropped his phone on the pillow as she groaned loudly into his ear.
Why’d you go and shoot your damn fool mouth off like that?

“You’re
so
falling for the closet case.” He stayed silent because he couldn’t exactly deny it. “Jesus, Bradley. After all that crap in college? You’re really gonna go through this? I knew going back there was a bad idea.”

She had ranted for a week when he’d made his decision. “It’s not as bad as all that, Emma. It’s been nice seeing my sister again. And besides, it’s only for a few more weeks.”

“Right,” she drawled. “So you’re not there hoping for your dad’s unneeded approval and crossing your fingers that the closet case is going to stop pretending he and the girlfriend are still together.”

He snorted and said lamely, “I know better. My dad’ll never give his approval.”

She was silent for a long moment. “Okay, so it’s a no go. I’ll tell Mike.”

“You’re annoyed.”

“Nope, just worried.”

“I’m a grown up, Emma. I know how to handle myself.”

“You are when you’re not in that town. That place has already made you lose your mind. Next thing I know
you’ll
be calling to tell me about a fake girlfriend.”

“Not hardly.” They sat quietly for a while.

“You know I’m just worried because I love you, right Bradley?”

“I do. “ Another moment of silence and they decided to end the call. Bradley’s head had a foggy, heavy feeling. He sometimes felt stress like it was a palpable thing, weighing his eyes and shoulders down.

He hated it. He rolled over on Chance’s bed, wishing he had the man there to just touch. He knew Emma was right. This would all come to an end sooner rather than later. And he hated how out of character he was acting.

He was Bradley Fucking Heart. He was admired at work, a sought after top, and he’d had his shit together for years. Yes, right before he’d come back to Hope Springs, he had a run of bad luck with his boyfriend and getting laid off. But in the years before that he’d been on top of the world. Even now he was well off enough financially, thanks to his hefty savings of his salary from the church. He had a job offer in Dallas, one he had failed to mention to Chance. Hell, technically he had a job offer right here, even if it wasn’t all that lucrative. He should feel on top of his game. But he was a little off balance.

Damn Chance. That was the only place he still felt off. He never stuck it out like this, never chased or waited around. Of course, that may be why none of the other guys had lasted longer than a few months. But Chance wasn’t just any other guy.

Chance was the earth they’d grown up on, humble and quiet. Chance was goodness and peace of mind. It’s like there was this euphoria to making love to the man, being in his presence, or just talking to him that put things into perspective. But Emma was right about one thing.

Even if Chance was everything Bradley hoped for, the man was going to drag him down if they kept going like they were now. He’d just have to make sure Chance knew he was someone that could be relied on. He knew you couldn’t make someone come out, but he could certainly help Chance see what was worth doing it for.

He closed his eyes and breathed in Chance’s scent again, letting it lull his stressed mind into the momentary reprieve of sleep.

Chance bound back into the main house and went into his daddy’s den. His parents were watching
Wheel of Fortune
, holding hands and laughing together at something corny the host said. He smiled at the comforting image of his parents’ happiness. But more and more, he grew jealous of their domestic bliss, wanted it for himself. He knew it deep in his bones Bradley was getting restless and with the man leaving in mere weeks unless Chance could give him a reason to stay, he knew he had to make a move.

Speaking of Bradley, he’d realized way too late he’d forgotten his phone. After two hours, he hoped Bradley hadn’t gone home. Time to get a move on.

“Mama, Daddy,” he announced his presence. They both turned his way with a smile.

“Y’all get everything sorted out?” his daddy asked.

“Yessir.” His daddy had called earlier to say David was hearing a cow’s bleating somewhere in the far pasture. Seeing as they didn’t have cattle, that was reason to go see what the problems was. “All that racket was one of the cows from Triple J getting caught up in the barbed wire. She tried to get on through to our side and made it worse.”

His daddy grumbled, “I told ‘em that barbed wire was a bad idea.”

“Well it’s taken care of now,” his mama said, patting her husband’s shoulder. “Right?”

“Yes’m. We’re all done. I’m gonna head back to the loft, unless y’all need anything else.”