Change For Me (Werewolf Romance) (The Alpha's Kiss) (19 page)

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“T
his has gone too far,” Damon growled. “As soon as I find him, he’s dead. I don’t care
what
Poko says.”

I tried to shush my enraged and semi-estranged boyfriend before the on-duty police officer heard him threaten to kill someone. “You can’t,” I whispered. “You know you can’t just up and kill him.”

He walked slowly down the gashes that marked where Devin had undoubtedly drove his claws into the side of Caitlyn’s moving car and dragged it to a halt. Just the idea of strength like that sent a chill through me.

“Are you scared of him?” I asked. “I mean, he’s... well, he did
this
.”

“No. I’ll never be afraid of a monster like him. Better to put him down once and for all than risk a clan war.”

His voice was taut, strained, and full of anger I’d never really heard before.

“So the actual answer is that yes, you are scared of him,” I said. “Why won’t you admit it? I get it, you’re big and strong and calm all the time, but Damon, if you expect me to stick by you, you’re gonna have to open up about something at some point. Otherwise, what exactly do we have?”

He shook his head, obviously distracted. “I can smell him,” he said.

“Listen to me.” I grabbed his thick, leather belt and held him still. Damon clicked a couple of photos to keep up the charade, at least until he figured on where Devin went. “I don’t want to lose you again. But I can’t be with someone who won’t share anything.”

“Are we really doing this right now?” he said. “Can’t it wait?”

“Yes, no,” I said. “In order of the questions you asked. All you have to do is tell me what is scaring you.”

“Lily.” he sighed. “Even if you want to be rid of me, you can’t. I hate it. You’re just stuck with me because some old prophecy says we’re soulmates. Doesn’t that bother you? At least a little?”

“I dunno, does it bother
you
? Also, aren’t you just turning what I’m upset about around? That all sounds pretty familiar.” I shrugged.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, all I know is that Poko tells me all this stuff and I’m just supposed to believe it. How do I know any of it is even true?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Is there anything in particular that makes you doubt your condition? How about the time you blacked out, and ended up in a cave half dead? Or what about the time you blacked out, and then woke up in a field, having missed your own graduation and showed up at my house with a flayed knee that magically healed?”

“Okay, okay,” he said, dropping his hands to his sides.

“Picture,” I whispered. He snapped one.

“If my opinion in all this matters, even a little bit, I,” I clapped my mouth shut, upset at what I was about to reveal. “No, you know what? I’ll start. How do I know this,” I gestured to the car, “isn’t going to happen to me? How do I know you’re not going to go absolutely nuts one day? Why don’t I let that bother me?”

“You don’t, I guess,” Damon said softly. “You just have to take it on faith. You know I’d never do anything like that, like this, on purpose.”

“Right. Faith. That’s something Cat doesn’t have. She doesn’t even know what Devin is. She probably thinks she’s going insane.”

We stood there, right beside one another, for a long minute.

I wanted to reach out for him and feel his hands, hear him tell me everything was all right. But if it was honesty I wanted, and it really was, then I couldn’t expect him to lie, either. No matter how badly I needed to hear one.

“Gonna have to ask you to head on out,” the man said. “Gotta take over the scene. I’m Detective Williams, and I’m in charge of the investigation. I understand you’re press?”

“Yes sir,” we both said at once and exchanged a glance.

“Thank you,” I said. “We’re just getting finished up.”

I gave Damon a look as we briefly parted. “Where?” I asked.

At the detective’s insistence we moved away from the wreck, and stood on the side of a roadside ditch.

There was a storm behind his eyes. Finally he shrugged. “We’ve gotta find Devin, and we have to make sure it happens sooner than later. No telling what he’ll do if he’s alone with Caitlyn for long. You said this just happened?”

“Yeah.” I slid my arm around his waist. “I’m sorry for getting so irritated back there. I’m just worried about everything.”

He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “I’m sorry too, for being so quiet. How long ago?”

“About ten minutes before I texted you,” I said.

I went to brush the hair back out of my face, but Damon intercepted my motion and he did it for me. He stared into my eyes before kissing me so hard I almost doubled over right in the middle of the street.

“What was that?” I said with a surprised laugh.

He stared straight into my eyes, suddenly serious. “I don’t want to regret not doing it. I can’t imagine losing you, Lily. I just can’t.”

“That’s quite a change from your story last time I saw you,” I said with a voice full of doubt. “What’s got you so cranked up?”

“Don’t be like that,” Damon replied. “Just... I got a feeling.”

I watched him for a second, bemused.

“Hey,” I said, “hey, nothing’s going to happen to me. I’ve got you, right?”

Damon grunted a laugh. “Yeah, hope it works out. Let’s meet back at your place and try to figure out what’s going on.”

“Wait a second,” I said. “There’s too much left hanging for us to just go on like nothing happened.”

It wasn’t the time, it really wasn’t and I knew that but I just couldn’t help myself.

“I need to know where you stand, Damon.”

He let out a heavy sigh that told me what he thought of my timing. “I don’t know, Lily, I just... I can’t let you get hurt. But then at the same time, I thought about what you said the other day, and you’re right. I can’t just tell you what to do and expect you to listen.”

“No matter how right you might be?” I asked with a quirked eyebrow.

He nodded. “Yeah, or how right I might think I am.”

That, I didn’t expect. I waited for a second, and he continued.

“I know I say a lot of things, and I know that about half the time it all comes out wrong, but I can’t,” he chewed his lip, obviously having trouble making the words go from brain to mouth. “No, I mean, I won’t stand here and watch you get hurt. I know I’m not going to be able to get you to do what I want you to do, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him hurt you because I’m too much of a denial-ridden coward to admit how much you...”

When it became clear he wasn’t going to continue, I said, “How much I what?” My hand found its way to his arm.

His eyes burned straight through me when he searched my face.

“How much you mean to me.”

Even as I squeezed his muscled forearm, the only thought running through my perplexed brain was that he let it all out too quick. Too much, too quick. I stared at him for a second trying to figure out if something happened. Maybe he’d gotten into another fight or something and had his head rattled.

“What...” I paused, considering my words. “What made you say all that? Last time I left you, I thought you were done as done could be.”

His eyes went back and forth. Damon was keeping a secret.

“No secrets,” I said. “That’s what got us here in the first place.”

“Yeah, I know.” He leaned against the side of the Bronco, and a patch of dirt stuck to his tight-fitting t-shirt. “I talked to Poko, and he explained some things about the Skarachee alpha’s fate and—”

That was not what I wanted to hear.

“It had to be that, huh? Remember how all this bullshit got rolling down this hill? Remember how it was because you wouldn’t tell me if you wanted me for
me
or because you were supposed to?”

“Wait, Lily,” he said, putting his hands up to deflect the bullets.

I was being more than a little unfair, no matter what sort of emotions were coursing through my veins. After all, I went off on him for not acting like an adult in a relationship, right? So I made myself bite my tongue.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Well, maybe it’s close but I screwed it up.”

“Then get it out,” I said. “I’m sorry I got us started on this, I should have just let it alone. We’ve got more important things to worry about than relationship drama.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No we don’t.
This
is the most important thing in the world to me right now, and probably ever.”

“Drama?” I let out a little scoff.

I’d finally gone too far with my nervous joking so I clapped my mouth shut, except to eke out a “sorry” that Damon didn’t acknowledge.

“Truth is I don’t know what I believe about Skarachee ways, or any fate or anything else. Poko is my elder though, and that means something. I can’t... explain it really, because it seems like that doesn’t make much sense to most people, but when a seven hundred year old man is telling me things, I tend to listen.”

“But...” I said, anticipating his words.

“But.” He nodded, “he doesn’t always speak in literals. Sometimes what he means and what he says are hard to figure out. That’s got nothing to do with what I’m trying to say,” he sighed heavily.

His openness, his tender voice, it all made me realize how hard he
was
trying to get his point across. “You’re doing fine,” I said, regretting how sharp I’d been in the minutes past. I expected too much, demanded too much.

“I don’t care whether it’s true or not,” he said. “It doesn’t matter anymore. All I know is that I’m about to go through some things and I don’t know if I’ll survive. I also know that if I can’t have you by my side, then suddenly the surviving means a lot less.”

“What are you saying?” I heard him, but for some reason I needed to hear it again, like that made it real. “You don’t want me to go?”

“I couldn’t live with myself if you weren’t around, Lily,” he said. There was a strain in his voice, he’d been going over this and over this and now that it came out, he looked relieved. “I want to protect you. I need you to be safe and if this goes to war between our two clans, I know you’re going to be in the middle of it.”

Swallowing hard, I drew near him, put my head on his chest and my arms as far around his thickly muscled torso as they would go. “I’m sorry.”

Damon pushed me to arms’ length and held me there staring at my face. “You have
nothing
to apologize for,” he said. “You never have. This one’s on me. I have to believe in you just like you believe in me. I have to have faith in you.”

Tears burned behind my eyes. Why would he have faith in me? What had I done to deserve any of this?

“Where do we go now?”

“Lily,” he said. “I love you. I always have. I never knew how to show it and I never had the courage anyway. But you gave it to me. I can’t do,” he swallowed, “any of this. You make my heart strong.”

He paused for a moment then ran his finger along the side of my face. “It’s better if you don’t. When I wrote this speech out I didn’t plan on you responding, and if you do I’ll have to think of something else to say and then chances are I’ll screw it up and then, well...”

“You couldn’t,” I said. “You couldn’t say anything to screw up what you just laid out. That’s... I don’t know how to...” I let out a trickling, unsure laugh, shook my head.

He laughed nervously too, right afterwards. “Good,” he said. “I was so damn worried that I’d say all that stuff and you’d tell me it sounded corny. I just never know with that kind of stuff.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It wasn’t corny. Or anything besides beautiful. Thanks.”

“We’ve got something else to worry about.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed, massaging my palm with his huge thumb and forefinger. I had no idea how much I needed him to do just that just then. “Why don’t we head back to your place and we can try to figure out where to go next.”

“Shouldn’t we go to Poko?”

Damon shook his head no. “I have to do this on my own. A very smart young lady told me a couple of weeks ago that I’d figure out what it meant to be a leader, and I’m not going to let her down. If I keep having him solve all my problems, I’ll never understand what it means to be the Skarachee alpha.”

He took a deep breath. “I’m going to make you proud, Lily.”

“You already have,” I said with a small smile. “You’ve changed so much but what about your transformation ritual? The way Poko was talking, it’s going to be some horrible thing that cripples you or... something, I just don’t know.”

“I don’t either, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t live my life worrying. Can’t live it all in fear.”

I smiled. “You’re right,” I said.

“See you at your grandpa’s?” Damon said. “I think, don’t quote me on this, miss
New York Times
, but I feel him. I know he’s close. I can stop this before it starts. We, I mean. We can stop this.”

Nodding, I watched him get on his bike, kick the sleek chrome and black beast to life, spin, and jet off down the road, going the right way this time..

When I hopped in the car and turned on the ignition, after the requisite pedal pumps, I turned around to back out, and froze. Devin was crouched, low and deadly, behind my seat. Folded up and stuffed behind the passenger seat was Caitlyn, bound and gagged.

“You’re gonna turn back around,” Devin said with a growl on his lips. “And you’re gonna drive like there’s nothing wrong. Except you’re going to go exactly where I say you’re going. Get me?”

“Is... is she alive?” I squeaked.

A squirm and a muffled yelp gave me my answer.

My answer was a smile. “She’s not the one I want,” he said. “Not the one I
need
. Now drive.”

“But Damon,” I stuttered, “he’s expecting me to—”

“Show up at your grandpa’s house?” A grin crept across Devin’s face, revealing teeth too long to be human.

“You’re... you’re changing,” I whispered. “You’re—”

“Drive.”

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“W
here are we going?” I asked, but didn’t turn. I learned that lesson when he whipped his hand around and caught me cold under the eye the first time I did it. We’d been driving almost an hour, and for the past fifteen minutes, my phone had been buzzing constantly.