Change of Heart (12 page)

“Oh, I'm a dick?”

“How is this even any of your business?” she shot back, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I'm your man!” I yelled, so fucking frustrated I wanted to pull my hair out. I'd been listening to baby shit for over two hours, and I was done. “You didn't say shit to me about this, and then you're just announcing it at the fucking dinner table?”

“I just found out today!” she yelled back. “And when she asked me, you were still maintaining the illusion that we weren't in a relationship!”

“What, so now I'm supposed to play daddy to your kid?”

“I didn't expect you to do anything,” she said quietly, her face twisting into a grimace. “Don't worry, Bram, Maury says you are
not
the father.”

“This is so fucking insane,” I ground out, shaking my head. I ran my hands through my beard and then up over my head. “The whole reason we started hooking up was because I could fuck you without having to deal with baby drama.”

I knew the words were shitty the minute they rolled off my tongue, but I had no chance to take them back.

“Get out,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

“That came out—”

“Get out of my house, Abraham,” she said a little louder.

I stared at her for a long moment, wondering what the fuck I could do to make her change her mind. We were good—just the two of us. At least for as long as whatever it was between us lasted. We had fun together. Made each other laugh. Got into fights and made up between the sheets. She was the best lay I'd ever had.

A baby would change all that.

H
enry came flying in the door less than ten minutes after Bram left my house. I was still standing in the center of the room, my arms wrapped around my chest and my heart racing. But I wasn't crying. I wouldn't.

“Honey, I'm home!” Henry called out cheerfully as he saw me. “Where's Bram, little mama?”

Hen's face fell when I didn't immediately answer him.

“Anita Bonita?” he said gently. “Where's Abraham?”

“He left,” I said with a humorless laugh, shrugging my shoulders. “He's not ready to play the Mike to my Carol.”

“What?”

“Brady Bunch reference,” I said distractedly, walking toward my hallway. “Obviously.”

“Right,” Henry said slowly. “Not sure how I missed that one.”

The bedrooms in my house were tiny. At one point, there had been four and a bathroom, but sometime in the '70s, the previous owners had remodeled the front two bedrooms into a master with a connected second bathroom. So I only had two bedrooms to choose from for the baby's room.

I knew without even looking which bedroom I would choose. It was bright, with two tall windows that I'd have to get child locks for at some point, and was directly across from my bedroom. There was no closet, but I didn't think that really mattered. If he or she needed one at some point, I knew Trev would help me frame one in. He was good with shit like that.

I wondered what Trev thought about me adopting a baby. He'd been kind of quiet lately, and he hadn't even discussed the whole Bram scenario with me yet—but I knew he would. As soon as we had a chance to talk without fifteen people butting in, he'd corner me.

“This one, huh?” Henry asked, stepping into the room behind me. I'd forgotten he was even in the house as I'd looked around the baby's room, imagining where I would put everything. “Cool windows.”

“I know, right?” I said, smiling up at him.

“So…you wanna talk about it?” he murmured, glancing down at me.

“Not even a little bit.”

“You want to drink beer and clean out this room and
not
talk about it?”

“Yes, please.”

“Then I'll go get beer.” He wrapped a clumsy arm around my head and kissed the top of it before ambling back out of the room.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to form a game plan in my head for clearing out the room—but I couldn't. I couldn't think about anything except the way Bram had stared at me incredulously as I'd made the baby announcement earlier that night. The way he'd picked apart the decision, echoing my own thoughts with every word out of his mouth.

He was right. I didn't know if the baby would have health problems. Adopting a baby from a family member was a huge gamble normally, and it was even more of a gamble when you took my history into account. I was jumping into something and I had no clue how far I'd fall. I was terrified.

But this was my chance. The chance I'd never thought I'd have. I had to take it.

I was up and ready early the next morning as the guys started showing up at my house. I'd already sent Hen to get some donuts and coffee, so we were all set to get painting as soon as I'd actually bought the paint.

“Uh, we overlooked a small detail,” I said to Dan as he hugged me hello. “I don't have any paint.”

“I figured that,” he said with a chuckle, patting me on the back. “The rest of 'em will start taping off around the walls while we head in and get some. You know what you want?”

“I have no idea.”

“Well, you've got about ten minutes to figure it out.”

I grabbed my purse off the table and followed Dan out to his truck just as Bram was parking in front of my house.

What the hell was he doing there?

He looked good, wearing a ratty old gray T-shirt and blue jeans with holes in the knees. Work clothes. The kind of work where you knew you were going to get messy so you put on the oldest shit you owned. I swallowed hard, running my gaze from his messy hair covered in a baseball cap to the worn boots on his feet. As he turned toward me, I jerked my head to the side and hurried to the passenger door of Dan's truck.

Dan didn't seem to notice his son was there so I climbed into the cab of his truck and didn't mention it as we pulled away from the curb. I'd deal with Bram…later. Much later. Just looking at him hurt at the moment, and I wasn't about to let that show.

“Wanted to apologize to you for yelling, but I didn't have the chance until now,” Dan said as we pulled up in front of the local hardware store. “Didn't mean to scare you or make you feel bad.”

“No.” I shrugged off his words, extremely uncomfortable with the conversation. I thought I'd gotten away with never talking about that day with him, but apparently Dan had a good memory. “It's fine. I'd forgotten about it.”

“All right,” he said with a small nod, shutting off his truck and hopping out.

See, that's what I dug about Dan. His wife could talk the ear off a statue, but Dan was more reserved. He didn't push for answers or nag to get what he wanted. If I said we were fine, he took that at face value and let the subject drop. Thank God.

I'd been on emotional overload for the past twenty-four hours, and I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

It was weird. I'd been spending so much time with Bram that, even though I was super pissed at him for being such a jackass, I still wanted to text him a picture of the paint swatches I'd found and ask for his opinion. I'd gotten used to discussing shit with him. Nothing life altering, but small things. What I should get for dinner. Where I should get my oil changed. If he thought a bug bite on my thigh was from a mosquito or a deadly spider.

“I like the green,” Dan said quietly beside me, somehow sensing my complete indecision.

“You think?”

“Yep. Went with yellow when we had Katie—back then you didn't know what you were having until they came out—and her room was damn near blinding.” He laughed. “Green's better. Works for a boy or girl.”

“Yeah, okay.” I nodded in relief. “We'll get the green then.”

We were back at the house with my freshly mixed paint within twenty minutes, and by then the entire family had descended like a pack of wild dogs.

“Let's get painting,” Dan said with a smile as he parked behind my Toyota.

“You're here!” Katie yelled as we walked back in the house.

“Well, I live here. We considered heading for the border but decided against it. Painting's easier than living on the lam,” I replied drily, making Dan chuckle.

“Okay, well the boys are all ready to paint so we're going to leave them to it and go get furniture!” Kate said excitedly, throwing her purse over her shoulder. “Shane's got all the kids at my parents' house. I have the whole day!”

“Uh—” Frankly, I'd rather paint.

“No arguing,” Liz ordered, coming down my hallway. “Take that bandana off your head, and let's go.”

I reached up and pulled my painting bandana from my hair. “Okay, well I need to show them where the trim paint is. I figured we'd just use the stuff left over from the living room. It's white, so—”

“Bram already got it out,” Kate said cheerfully. “Let's go!”

I gritted my teeth at the sound of his name.

I let them usher me out of the house without argument. It wasn't like I'd wanted to spend the day with Bram anyway. Hopefully the guys would be done by the time we got back.

For as much as I'd dreaded the shopping trip, by the end of the first hour at Ikea, I was as excited as Katie. We'd found a crib and a changing table that were thankfully much less expensive than I'd been imagining, and I'd let Aunt Ellie and Liz pick out a bunch of small stuff like towels and baby spoons.

“You're not paying,” I argued with Liz as she pulled out a credit card. “No way.”

“Well, you didn't get a baby shower so this is my gift,” she said with a sunny smile, swiping the card before I could stop her.

“I can pay for this stuff,” I said in exasperation as Katie pulled out a reusable bag from her purse and started loading up the purchases.

“I know you can,” Liz huffed. “I'd kick Dan's ass if you couldn't.”

I snorted. She wouldn't need to be kicking anyone's ass. Dan and Mike paid me well over what any of my office manager counterparts were making. I'd argued when I first started, but they hadn't budged, and each year they gave me a cost-of-living raise that was way more than average.

“Okay, now we need to go get a car seat, diapers, clothes, and stuff like that,” Kate announced as we walked the big cart out to the truck. “Sound good?”

I looked at my phone to check the time. The guys were going to be at my house for hours still, and the thought of seeing Bram made my stomach knot up.

“Yep. Sounds good to me.”

“Since we don't know if the baby's a boy or girl yet, I figured we could just buy some gender-neutral stuff—just enough to get you guys home from the hospital,” Aunt Ellie said with a grunt as we lifted the box of crib parts into the truck bed. “We can get you more clothes and things after we know.”

“Good idea.” I nodded my head.

“Have you thought of any names?” Liz asked as she closed the tailgate and we walked around to our doors.

Names?
Shit.

I hadn't even thought about it. Whenever I thought of the baby, I still considered it Bethy's. I'd unconsciously assumed that she would name the baby, and I guess there was a chance she still might.

But I was adopting the baby. I would be his or her parent forever. If I wanted to pick a different name, I could do that.

“I hadn't really thought about it,” I said as I buckled up. “I guess I probably should.”

“Do you have any ideas?” Katie asked, checking her phone and then stuffing it back in her purse.

“Not really.”

“Well, I think you should use an
A
name,” she said, dropping her purse on the floorboard as Liz pulled the truck out of the parking lot. “Since you and Abraham are both
A
names.”

“Katie.” I drew out her name, sighing. “Bram's not a part of this.”

“Of course he is. You guys are together and—” she argued.

“He doesn't
want
to be a part of this,” I said flatly, cutting her off. “So it's just me, okay?”

The inside of the truck went completely silent, letting me know that Liz and Ellie had been listening to our conversation.

“You'll do just fine on your own,” Liz said with a nod. “Bram or no Bram, you'll do just fine.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said with a small smile.

“Hell, Mike didn't help with our boys until they were about ten, and we didn't even deal with the baby stage. All our boys were older when they came to us,” Ellie grumbled, making us all laugh.

“Dan was pretty good,” Liz murmured, her lips tipping up.

“Shane didn't help at all until Iris came along,” Katie scoffed. “I mean, I'm not sure how much he helped Rachel, but I don't think it was much.”

Rachel was Shane's first wife, and when she died in a car accident a couple years before, Kate had stepped in to help with the kiddos, and the rest was history. They were crazy about each other.

“I'm a little nervous about going to work,” I said, leaning back in my seat.

“I'll keep him or her,” Liz said immediately. “I mean, if you want me to.”

“Really?”

“Of course! I'm not doing anything but crafting and going places with Ellie. I can take the baby with me.”

“God, what a relief. I wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do.”

“Well, you wouldn't have had to worry about it for a while yet—you'll be on maternity leave for at least six weeks.”

“What?” I asked, sitting straight back up.

“Mike and Dan decided already,” Ellie warned, turning to look at me over the seat. “You'll get the six weeks—paid. If you want more than that, you'll have to discuss it with them.”

“Just because you're not carrying the baby doesn't mean you shouldn't get the six weeks, Ani,” Katie said with a roll of her eyes. “Just wait. You're going to be exhausted. You'll be up all night and tired all day, and you'll have this little person begging for attention all the time.”

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. I couldn't freaking wait.

The next two weeks went by in a blur.

Katie, Shane, Henry, and all the kids went back home to California.

The guys finished up the baby's bedroom, and it looked incredible.

Alex went back to Missouri.

I worked like crazy to get ahead of the game before I took time off.

Life was going pretty well, and there seemed to be this thick layer of anticipation in the air, but when I'd crawl into bed at night, my entire body ached.

I missed Bram more than I'd ever thought possible.

We saw each other at work, of course, and at family dinners, but we barely spoke. Not even to argue. It was as if he'd completely forgotten I existed. I told myself that we were being adults about the whole thing. That this was how adults dealt with their breakups.

It sounded like bullshit every time I said it in my head.

I couldn't understand what happened. No, that wasn't true. I understood it. Bram didn't want kids. He'd never wanted kids.

And now that I was about to have one, he no longer wanted me.

I was a mess of emotions every single minute of every day. I was angry, then sad, then determined, then sad again. I wondered if I was doing the right thing—if I should have told Bram about the baby before I'd announced it to everyone. If it would have even mattered when I told him.