Change of Heart (10 page)

“She's got her TV and shit in her room so she just hangs out in there,” I replied without thinking.

“Oh yeah? You've been hanging out in Ani's room?” Alex joked, watching me closely.

“Yeah,” I deadpanned, my palms going clammy. “I go over there to watch TV while she sucks me off.”

Alex froze for a minute, then broke out in gut-busting laughter. “The only way Ani would put your balls in her mouth is if she'd already cut them off and was planning on eating them,” he choked out, his face turning red from laughing so hard.

I snorted like I knew he expected me to, but couldn't stop the memory of Ani during a seriously good blow job the day before. My balls had definitely been in her mouth at one point. My dick hardened in the sweatpants I'd grabbed earlier when we came into the living room.

“Shit, I'm beat. I'm gonna head up,” Alex said as he finished laughing. “Wake me up in the morning?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

I locked up the house and cleaned up the beer bottles before following Alex upstairs. He was already snoring through the closed doorway to the spare room, and I couldn't help but smile.

I loved it when Alex was home. He was literally my other half. The better half. When our mom died, he was the only thing I'd had to hold on to in a drastically changing world. I may have been the tougher twin, but he'd always been the strongest. Where I jumped to conclusions and went off half-cocked, Alex was slower to react. He watched and waited, covering up his feelings with humor until he was ready to let loose.

Few saw the serious side of Alex. He rarely showed anyone the guy who worried over his sister and parents almost maniacally. They didn't see him angry. They rarely saw him quiet.

Alex was the life of the party—always—and he planned it that way. Sure, his personality was a pretty cheerful one, but no one was in that great of a mood all the time. Other people didn't notice but I always knew.

I could read him as well as he read me.

I stripped naked and climbed into bed, bracing my hands behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling.

I loved that Alex was home, but it freaked me the fuck out, too. He'd see shit that the rest of my family didn't. My fingers itched to pick up the phone and text Ani not to come over, but I knew that was ridiculous.

She wasn't going to show up at my house after she'd already left for the night. It wouldn't happen. But still, my stomach churned with anxiety as I lay there in bed. I didn't want to ruin the surprise for her, but I sure as fuck didn't want her accidentally telling the entire family that we were fucking like bunnies.

My heart thumped hard as I thought about what Alex's reaction would be to the fact that Ani and I were sleeping together. I'd told Ani that he would high-five me, but I knew even while I was saying it that it was far from the truth.

Alex would be livid.

He knew me.

He'd know what it was.

And he'd be pissed as fuck that I was screwing Ani with absolutely no intention of being in any type of relationship with her.

H
oly shit, she's huge!” I called, running toward the front of Dan and Liz's house and the woman standing there with a toddler in her arms.

I'd successfully avoided having any type of conversation with Dan since he'd lost it on me at family dinner, and I'd timed my arrival perfectly so that I wouldn't be alone with him before Katie and Shane showed up with the kids. I was kind of a genius that way.

“Language,” Katie sang as I wrapped my arms around her and Iris, leaning down to give Iris a kiss on the back of her head. The one-year-old hadn't seen me in months and had no idea who I was, so she was hiding her face in Katie's neck.

“You look good, dude!” I said, taking a step back so I could look at her.

She was wearing a pair of brightly colored leggings with flip-flops and a tunic, her hair in a bun on top of her head and long, dangly earrings hanging from her ears. Comfortable but gorgeous, as usual.

“Yeah, yeah,” she griped, shaking her head. “My ass is still huge.”

“Turn around,” I ordered.

She turned her back toward me and shook her booty as she looked at me over her shoulder. “See? Huge.”

“It is pretty massive,” I replied, nodding my head while she scoffed. “But dudes dig chicks with ass. No joke. Tits and ass is a thing. Fat-bottomed girls and all that.”

“You're lucky that's a Queen song or I'd punch you,” she laughed as she turned toward the driveway. “Oh! Bram's here!”

I swallowed hard as she began to wave at the truck pulling up the driveway.

I'd barely seen Bram except to fuck him for the last week. After his confusing signals the day we'd worked on the living room floor, I'd been keeping my distance. I wasn't sure what to make of his sweet words followed by his standoffishness. It kept happening, so I decided to pull back a bit so he could figure his shit out.

We were circling each other, Bram and I. Pushing together and then, when things got a little too serious, pulling apart again.

“That mother-effer!” Katie hissed beside me, covering Iris's ear with her palm.

“What?” I turned toward the truck, and my heart turned over in my chest.

Bram was climbing out the driver's side, and Alex was dropping down from the passenger seat.

“Alex!” I screamed, jumping off the porch and running full tilt toward him.

“Surprise,” he called with a huge-ass smile on his face just as I jumped him.

“I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming!” I yelled, hitting his arm before hugging him tightly.

It was an odd thing, hugging your lover's twin. His body was really similar to Bram's, though their muscles were made from different kinds of work and were shaped differently as a result. His voice was really close to Bram's, and Alex's smile was almost identical even without the beard.

I'd never mix the two of them up though, even with the physical similarities.

Alex didn't smell the same. He wore cologne. He didn't smell like deodorant and sawdust and the outdoors like Bram did. He didn't breathe in the same cadence as Bram, or move his hands the same way.

He'd never made my heart race or my nipples pebble.

As much as I loved Alex, he just didn't do it for me.

“You asshole!” Katie screeched, making me turn my head as she charged toward us. She must have set Iris inside because the baby wasn't with her as she ran down the steps. “You stole my thunder!”

Alex set me down and pushed me to the side since it seemed as though Kate wasn't going to stop running at us.

Bram caught me as I stumbled, squeezing my hips hard before quickly letting go. Yeah, we were going to have to be careful while everyone was home because that small touch had lit me up in a way that I knew would be easy to notice.

“Alexander?” Liz called from the front door as Katie tried her hardest to wrestle Alex to the ground.

“I'm going to hurt you,” Kate announced as Alex laughed, moving defensively against her but never overpowering her the way I knew he could.

“Aren't you happy to see me, Katiebear?” he asked through his chuckles.

“Oh, fuck you!” she sniped at his teasing, curving her fingers in a way that warned me of the epic pinch she was going to land somewhere on his body.

“Jesus, you've turned into a psycho!” he yelped as her fingers made contact.

He jerked her arms out to the side, then bent at the waist, throwing her over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” Kate yelled, kicking her feet.

“Nope,” Alex answered. Then he took a few steps away from the truck and started to turn.

“Oh, shit,” I said to Bram, my own laughter coming to a stop.

“Yeah.”

“I'm going to puke!” Kate yelled as Alex began spinning in the middle of the driveway with Kate over his shoulder. She'd been kicking her legs at one point, but she'd frozen completely when he began to move, and now the only thing on her body that wasn't holding on for dear life was her long, auburn hair.

“Knock it off, you two!” Liz yelled, coming down the front steps. “I swear, you act like you're twelve years old.”

“She started it!” Alex yelled, coming to a stop and stumbling slightly.

“Put her down before you fall down,” Kate's husband Shane ordered from the porch.

I felt Bram stiffen next to me as I glanced at the porch and noticed everyone in the house had made their way outside.

Alex and Katie were both finally laughing, and I felt a grin tug at the corners of my mouth just as I caught sight of my niece and nephews milling around on the porch.

“Your auntie is here!” I announced loudly, stepping away from Bram. “Come to me, minions!”

Keller let out a war whoop as he jumped down the stairs and ran for me, Gavin and Sage following closely behind him with shouts of their own. Damn, I loved those kids.

They hit me hard in a tangle of arms and legs, and I felt Bram behind me once again to steady me on my feet.

“I missed you guys!” I laughed as all the kids started talking at once, telling me about the airplane and school and a million different other things. “We're missing a couple.” I glanced at the porch where Dan was holding Iris. “Where's Gunner?”

“He fell asleep on Grandma's couch,” Sage said with a roll of her eyes.

“Well, we better not wake him up,” I said seriously with a wicked smile on my face.

“Don't you dare,” Kate warned, coming up behind me to throw an arm over my shoulders. “He's been up since five this morning. If he doesn't nap, I'm sending him home with you.”

We made our way into the group of family, and Henry pulled me into a hug as the kids raced off to God knew where.

“No dramatic hello for me, Anita Bonita?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me into the air. “I'm hurt.”

“Aw. I missed you too, Hen,” I mocked, nodding my head. “I missed you most.”

“Damn right, you did.” Henry smacked my ass and let me down as I met Bram's angry eyes over his shoulder.

“Hey, now. None of that,” Alex ordered, pulling me into his side. “We all know Ani missed me most.”

“Nuh uh!” Keller yelled as we went into the house. “She missed me the most!”

Gunner started crying from the couch.

“Son of a bitch,” Katie said under her breath, glancing at Shane before going to pick up their wailing son.

I laughed hard as chaos reigned around me.

“Stop staring at me,” I hissed at Bram hours later as we unloaded stacks of soda out of the back of Aunt Ellie's SUV.

“I'm not staring at you,” he argued, stacking up four cases and lifting them into his arms.

“Uh, yeah. You are,” I argued quietly as I picked up another case.

“Why the hell is Henry all over you?” he asked, making my eyes grow wide.

“What? What the hell are you talking about?”

“He had his hands on your ass.”

“That's probably the seventy-millionth time he's slapped my ass since I met him,” I replied incredulously. “He slaps everyone's ass!”

Bram glared at me and opened his mouth to reply, then snapped it shut again as Alex came around the side of the house.

“At each other's throats again? Jesus,” Alex said jokingly. “Why don't you just fuck already and get that shit out of your systems?”

My body completely froze, and beside me Bram dropped four cases of soda at our feet.

“Oh, no fucking way,” Alex breathed, looking back and forth between us. “You didn't.”

I couldn't make myself deny it. My tongue felt too thick in my mouth, and I knew my eyes were wide as saucers.

“You're an idiot,” Bram finally replied, leaning down to grab the soda cans that were busted and fizzing and probably completely unsalvageable.

“You fucked Ani?” Alex asked incredulously.

“Hey!” I hissed, offended.

“No offense.”

“Your tone was pretty fucking offensive!”

“Oh, my tone was offensive?” Alex asked, his jaw tightening. “My tone was offensive but you letting Bram fuck you, even though he can't stand you, isn't?”

My jaw dropped as hurt seemed to seep into my skin.

Before I could reply, Bram's fist was sailing out and clipping Alex on the jaw, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

“This was fun,” I said woodenly, gripping the case of soda still in my arms.

I turned on my heel and walked toward the house, my entire body singing with humiliation.

“Ani, you know I didn't—” Alex's words cut off, but I didn't turn around to see why.

“Oh, good, you got the soda. We never buy any at home, and I've been craving it all day,” Kate called out as I made my way in the back door.

She was standing in the kitchen making sandwiches, and I could hear the rest of the family in the living room talking loudly over one another as they caught up.

“I fucked Bram,” I said baldly, setting the case on the kitchen counter.

Kate almost dropped the butter knife in her hand and scrambled to catch it.

“Say again?” she asked, looking at me like I had two heads.

“I fucked Bram. A lot. All over his house…and my house. A lot—”

“Yeah, I get it,” she cut me off, her face pulled up in disgust.

“Alex just figured it out, and he has a big fucking mouth, so I'm telling you before he does.” I nodded once for emphasis.

“Why the hell would you sleep with Bram?” she hissed, glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

“Because he's sexy.” I shrugged nonchalantly, hiding the way my skin crawled over our conversation. “And because he's got a big—”

“Ew! Jesus, Ani!”

“So now you know,” I said, opening up the soda and carrying it to the fridge. We would have had to use the cooler for all of it, but since Bram had essentially ruined four cases with his butterfingers, we'd have room in the fridge.

“So are you guys together now? Why didn't anyone tell me?”

“We're not together,” I replied before she could start dreaming up fairy tales in her head.

“What?” she said, her voice growing hard.

“Leave it, Katie. We're not together.”

“But—”

“Did I give you shit when Shane was fucking you around?”

“Yes.”

“Exactly.” I ignored her affirmative answer. “So drop it.”

I finished unloading the soda in the bottom of the fridge and got to my feet as Kate stared at me.

“Ani—” Bram called as he stomped in the back door. His eyes met Kate's for one second, and that's all it took. “Motherfuck,” he hissed, turning to me. “Thought we weren't spreading that shit around.”

“It's Katie,” I argued dully.

“And we fucking agreed—”

“Alex was going to tell her anyway!” I said, wrapping my arms around my waist as he glared at me.

“I just spent the last ten minutes talking Alex into keeping his fucking mouth shut!”

“Charming,” Katie drawled, snapping our attention to where she was watching our conversation with a pissed look on her face. “It's a secret then?”

“Yes,” Bram said immediately, while I bit the inside of my cheek.

“Why, Bram?” Kate needled snidely. “You doing something you shouldn't be?”

I inhaled sharply at her tone.

“Don't act like I'm the asshole here—”

“If the boot fits,” Kate cut in.

“—we both agreed we were going to keep it quiet.”

“It's fine, Katiebear,” I said, setting my hand on her back as she grew even more worked up. “We both agreed that we weren't going to tell anyone.”

“That's bullshit,” she argued. “I'm your best friend—”

“It's just sex.” I shrugged.

“Well, what if you got pregnant or something? It's never
just
sex—”

“Not sure how I could knock her up when she's missing most of her parts,” Bram said snidely.

I closed my eyes in defeat and dropped my chin to my chest.

“Oh, fuck,” Bram muttered quietly into the suddenly silent room.

“What?” Kate asked in confusion beside me.

“Ani—” Bram called, his voice dripping with apology.

“It's nothing. I finally had the hysterectomy,” I said, opening my eyes and waving my hands in front of me. “Go me!”

“You did?” Kate breathed, her eyes filling with tears. “Why didn't you say anything?”

“That,” I said sharply, pointing to her eyes, which had begun to overflow. “That's the reason. It's fine, Katie. I'm fine. Stop crying.”

Kate's mouth trembled as she searched my gaze, then her breath hitched as she pulled me toward her, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling my face into her shoulder.

I shuddered as I felt my own tears rise to the surface.
This
was why I hadn't told her. She made me weak when I wanted to be strong, because I couldn't hide from her. Kate knew just by looking at me what I was feeling, and she wouldn't let me brazen my way through acting like the whole thing wasn't a big deal.