Changed by His Son's Smile (5 page)

“No. A lizard.” He folded her soft hand into his. “Let’s find Drew.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“T
HIS
LOOKS
LIKE
a good lizard spot.” Chase maneuvered the Land Rover off the dusty road and around some scrub towards a grouping of rocks.

“I can’t believe you’re really planning on catching one,” Dani said, shaking her head. “I know you have quick reflexes, but I think even you are a little slower than a lizard. And if you do catch one, it’ll probably bite you.”

“Watch and learn.” He grinned at Dani but the smile she gave in return was very half-hearted, and shadows touched the blue of her eyes. He stuffed down his impatience to tell Drew and get it over with so she’d relax and see what a great dad he was going to be. So she’d get over her illogical attitude and say yes to marrying him.

Chase stopped the vehicle by the rocks, which would hopefully prove to be a good hiding place for the reptiles. Not that the primary reason for coming out this afternoon was really about lizards. But he wanted Drew to like him and remembered how much fun he’d had searching for lizards and various other creatures with his own dad and brother.

“Spud packed an old blanket we can use as a sort of tablecloth on the rock,” Chase said. He turned to the child sitting in the car seat in the back. Every time he looked at the boy the wonder and worry over having a child slammed him in the chest all over again. “How about a snack, Drew? Then we’ll go hunting.”

“I’ll get the picnic bag Spud put together for us,” Dani said.

He watched Dani slide from the front seat, enjoying the view of her perfect, sexy behind in her khaki shorts. Her lean, toned legs. She opened the back door and unlatched their son from his car seat.

His son. Such a crazy word to think. To have rolling from his lips when he’d been alone and tried out how it would feel to say it.
My son.
But none of it was as strange as how normal it felt to look at the child and know Drew was his. To feel the strong tug of emotion that pulled at his heart for the sweet-faced boy he barely knew.

If Drew wouldn’t have balked at it, Chase would’ve taken his son from the seat himself and carried him to stand tall on the biggest rock where they planned to enjoy a picnic before going lizard hunting. Now that he knew about Drew, it felt oddly natural to be a father, and that itself seemed more than surprising.

During his run this morning, he’d found himself thinking of all the things he wanted to do with Drew. All the things he’d loved as a kid. All the things his own father had shared with him, taught him. Except so many of those things stemmed from having lived in other places and cultures around the world. He’d have to figure out which of those things they’d be able to do together in the States, where Drew belonged.

While he’d never been particularly comfortable in the U.S., he was more than willing to work there part of the year to spend time with his child and his wife. Seeing them every day while he was there would make it worthwhile. And with global communications being what they were these days, it would be easy to stay in touch, even close, when he worked missions.

He knew in his bones it would work out fine for everyone. His family.

Chase grabbed the blanket from the back of the car, along with a wooden box he’d brought for any lizards they’d manage to catch.

The savannah stretched for as far as they could see to the hilly horizon, with scruffy trees here and there amid lush grasses and brown scrub. He headed to a nice, flat rock perfect for a picnic and began to lay the blanket across it.

“Let me help.” A few soft, blonde curls that had escaped Dani’s ponytail fell across her cheek as she leaned over the rock. He wanted to drop the corner he was holding and feel them wrapped around his finger. Tickle the shell of her ear as he tucked them there. Bring her mouth to his.

She doesn’t like it when you push.
He grabbed one end of the fabric and together they smoothed it across the rock. Or attempted to smooth it, with Drew scrabbling across the rock on all fours looking a bit like a crab and bunching up the blanket until Dani grabbed him up and swung him in circles.

“We can’t eat with you messing up the blanket, silly.”

“I a lizard!” Drew protested as Dani set him on his feet and kissed the top of his head.

“I know. And I have yummy bugs to feed you if you sit on the rock like a good reptile.”

“Okay. I like bugs.” Drew quickly climbed onto the rock and sat, comically sticking out his tongue and giggling.

Chase and Dani both chuckled. The kid was so damned cute. He and Dani reached for the food bag at the same time, and her eyes met and locked with his. For a moment they just stared at one another, and Chase nearly reached for her, wanting to kiss away the worry behind her smile and whatever other emotions he saw flickering in their blue depths. The beautiful blue he’d seen so many times in his dreams after she’d left Honduras.

He gave up resisting and lifted his hand to cup her cheek, placing a quick, gentle kiss on her soft lips. “Why so gloomy? The Dani I remember was full of sass and saw everything as an adventure. Not a worrywart,” he said. “You’ve been adventuring with Drew alone. All I want is to jump in and join you.”

She gave him a twisted smile and shook her head. “Maybe today. But what about tomorrow? What about next year, when you’re who-knows-where and have forgotten all about us?”

What a damned insulting thing to say. As though he’d ever forget all about them. “If you’ll just—”

“I want my bugs!” Drew began lizard-walking again, sticking out his tongue and tangling the blanket.

“Okay, lizard-boy. Let’s see what’s in here.” Chase huffed out a frustrated breath at both her attitude and his apparent inability to just shut up about the subject for one minute.

Except he knew why he’d opened his mouth. He’d wanted to wipe that worry from her face. Wanted to see the sunny, vibrant Dani again. But pushing her was the wrong approach, and he knew it. Showing her his commitment to making a marriage and family work was the way to convince her, not with words. Not by getting irritated with her doubts, which he supposed he couldn’t blame her for having.

He pulled out the grilled chicken on sticks that Spud always made and looked to see what else was in the bag. “Here are the best-tasting bugs in Benin,” Chase said, pulling a box of raisins from the sack. Drew sat back on his haunches and opened his mouth. They began a comical game, with Chase tossing the raisins into Drew’s mouth and the child slurping up any that fell onto the blanket.

“Okay, you two. Even lizards need more substantial food than bugs,” Dani said.

She put the rest of the picnic on metal plates. “What’s this stuff?” she asked, lifting the foil from a plastic bowl to expose soft, lumpy, brown and beige discs.

“Those are
akara
,” Chase said. “Fried fritters made from black-eyed peas. They’re kind of ugly but they’re good.”

Dani handed one to Drew as she assembled a few other things on the child’s plate. Holding it in both hands, he took a big bite then promptly spit it out right onto the blanket, leaving his tongue hanging from his mouth with a comical look of anguish on his face. “Cookie yucky!”

Chase didn’t want Drew to think they were laughing at his distress, and tried to keep his face from showing how hilarious the poor kid’s expression was. “Sorry, buddy. That’s not a cookie. Guess we should have made that clearer.”

“Poor Drew. Have a drink to wash it down.” Dani handed him a water bottle and wiped up the food. Apparently she wasn’t too worried about Drew being offended, as a laugh bubbled from her lips, and the sound of her amusement stole Chase’s breath. He looked at the curve of her sexy lips and the sparkle in her beautiful eyes, beyond relieved that she was finally more relaxed and happy.

He’d always loved her laugh, her smile, her sense of humor. Kissing that laughing mouth was almost as high on his agenda as telling Drew that he was his father, but he reminded himself he had to go slowly.

But not too slowly. Who knew when his next assignment would come through? The thought of having to leave before Dani believed in their relationship again scared the hell out of him.

After they’d eaten, Chase grasped Dani’s hand to let her know the time had come to tell Drew, together. Instantly, a grim expression replaced the soft happiness on her face of just a moment ago, and he shoved down the disappointment he felt at the transformation. What had he ever done to make her look at him like that?

“Andrew.” The child stopped banging a stick against the rock and looked up at him expectantly. Chase figured he should take the lead in this, as he had a feeling Dani would be as tongue-tied as she’d been earlier if he left it all up to her. “This morning your mom was telling you she brought you to Africa for two reasons. Besides helping kids here, she wanted you to meet me. And I really wanted to meet you.”

He looked at her and the worry—damn it, he’d even call it torment—in her eyes made him pause. Did she need to be the one to say it?

“Yes, Drew.” Her voice sounded strained and her grip on his hand tightened. “I’m so happy because, believe it or not, you finally get to meet your daddy. Dr. Chase is your daddy. Isn’t that great?”

To Chase’s shock, her lips quivered and fat tears filled her eyes and spilled over. She quickly swiped them away, but not before they hit him hard in the gut.

Dani wasn’t an over-emotional woman, crying over any little thing. That she was moved to tears now showed him what he hadn’t even thought about. How hard all this had been on her, no doubt from the beginning. Being pregnant with Drew, alone. Giving birth to him, alone. Raising him, alone.

Painful guilt swamped him. No, he hadn’t known about Drew. But he should have been more intuitive when she’d proposed to him, damn it. And it had been his words that had driven her to secrecy.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing her salty cheek and giving her a smile he hoped would show her that her solitary hardship was over. That, even when she was in the States while he worked elsewhere, she would never be truly alone.

He looked at Drew, whose head was tipped to one side, his big brown eyes studying Chase. “Your mom told me you’re the best boy in the whole world, and I’m incredibly lucky to be your dad. I’m really happy to get to spend time with you now.”

Drew looked at his mother then jumped off the rock to start banging the stick on it again. “I thought maybe Mr. Matt was gonna be my daddy.”

Mr. Matt?
Chase stiffened and his arm dropped from Dani’s shoulder. Was Dani involved with someone? His brain froze. Why hadn’t he even thought to wonder? Or ask?

A short, uncomfortable laugh left Dani’s lips. “Mr. Matt is just a friend. Dr. Chase is your daddy, and I think he’d like it if you called him that.”

“Yes, I’d like that, Drew.” He only half heard himself speak. What the hell was he going to do if Dani was in love with someone else? A strange sensation gripped his heart that was panic and anger combined. They had a son together, and she belonged to him. It would be over Chase’s dead body if another man tried to claim her. Tried to make decisions that affected Drew. That affected where his son lived and who he lived with.

“’K.” Drew smiled then shrieked. “A lizard! Look!”

The boy ran, chasing a tiny lizard through and around the rocks, and Chase turned to Dani, trying to speak past the tightness gripping his throat and squeezing his chest.

“What the hell? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“What do you mean, ‘What the hell?’” Dani said, frowning. “You act like you and I were still together. In case you’ve forgotten, we’d both moved on with our lives until yesterday.”

The primitive possessiveness that roared through his blood shocked him in its intensity. “You can tell this Mr. Matt to get lost. That you’re getting married.”

She looked at him like she thought he was crazy. Which was fine, because he suddenly felt a little crazy. She made him crazy.

“I’m pretty sure I already told you I’m not marrying you. Can’t you just stop with the full court press and get to know Drew? Like I said, we’ll work out a solution where you can spend time with him each year.”

“Are you—?” Chase realized he was practically shouting and lowered his voice. “Are you in love with this guy?”

“My feelings for Matt are irrelevant. What is relevant is figuring out how to make sure Drew knows he’s important to you. That he’s not just some in-the-way, annoying afterthought in your life.”

He grasped her shoulders in his hands and pulled her close. “You know, I’m getting damned tired of you implying I’m going to be a deadbeat, rotten, selfish father. I’ve known Drew barely one day, but if you don’t think I’d throw myself in front of a truck for him, you don’t know me at all.”

She drew a deep breath, and stared at him searchingly as she slowly released it. “Okay. I’m sorry. Let’s...let’s just enjoy the day with Drew. We’ll figure out the rest later.”

Jealousy and frustration wouldn’t let him agree. He glanced over at Drew to see him occupied, enthusiastically poking his stick into a crack in a rock. “Is this Matt guy the reason you won’t agree to marry me?”

“No. I won’t marry you for all the reasons I’ve already said. I believe two people should get married because they want to live together and be together and love one another. Not so you can call the shots or because it’s a logical course of action.”

There was damned well nothing logical about the way he was feeling. Nothing very mature or sophisticated either. He wanted to throw her over his shoulder and make her his right then and there. Then he wanted to find this Matt guy and punch him in the face. But since he couldn’t do either of those things, he settled for the one thing he could do.

He pulled her tightly against him and kissed her. Without finesse. Without thoughts of reminding her what they’d had three years ago. He kissed her with the anger and fear and uncertainty that pummeled his heart. He kissed her with the release of a deep and pent-up hunger for her he hadn’t even realized was there until she’d come back into his life.

Her palms pushed against his chest and she pulled her mouth from his. She stared at him, both confusion and desire swimming in her eyes. The memories of past kisses, of yesterday and of three years ago, crackled between them. Her breath mingled with his. Her clean, sweet scent enveloped him. And there was no way he could keep from taking her mouth with his again.