Changed by His Son's Smile (2 page)

“Andrew.” The name came slowly from his lips. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Andrew was his own middle name. Anger began to burn in his gut. Hot, scorching anger that overwhelmed the shock and disbelief that had momentarily paralyzed him. She’d named the boy after him, but hadn’t thought it necessary to even let him know the kid existed?

“No, Dani.” It took every ounce of self-control to keep his voice fairly even, to not shout out the fury roaring through his blood and pounding in his head. “I’m thinking a conversation is in order right this second. One more damned minute is too long, even though you thought three years wasn’t long enough.”

“Chase, I—”

“Okay, here’s the plan,” Trent said, stepping forward and placing his hand on Chase’s shoulder. “I’ll take Andrew to the kitchen, if he’ll let me. Spud and I’ll rustle up some food. You two catch up and meet us in the kitchen in a few.”

Trent reached for the boy with one of his famously charming smiles. Andrew smiled back but still clung to Dani’s neck like a liana vine.

“It’s okay, Drew,” Dani said in a soothing voice as she stroked the dark hair from the child’s forehead. “Dr. Trent is going to get you something yummy to eat, and Mommy will be right there in just a minute.”

“Believe it or not, Drew, I bet we can find some ice cream. And I also bet you like candy. The kids we treat here sure do.”

The doubtful little frown that had formed a crease between the child’s brows lifted. Apparently he had a sweet tooth, as he untwined his arms from Dani and leaned towards Trent.

“And you know what else? It’s going to be like a campout in the kitchen, ’coz the lights are going out soon and we’ll have lanterns instead. Pretty cool, huh?”

Andrew nodded and grinned, his worries apparently soothed by the sweet adventure Trent promised.

Trent kept talking as he walked away with the child, but Chase no longer listened. He focused entirely on the woman in front of him. The deceiving, lying woman he’d never have dreamed would keep such an important thing a secret from him.

“I want to hear it from your lips. Is Andrew my son?” He knew,
knew
the answer deep in his gut but wanted to hear it just the same.

“Yes.” She reached out to rest her palm against his biceps. “Chase, I want you to understand—”

He pushed her hand from his arm. “I understand just fine. I understand that you lied to me. That you thought it would be okay to let him grow up without a father. That you brought
my son
to
Africa
, not caring at all about the risks to him. What is wrong with you that you would do all that?”

The guilt and defensiveness in her posture and expression faded into her own anger, sparking off her in waves.

“You didn’t want a family, remember? When I told you I wanted to marry, for us to have a family together, you said a baby was the last thing you would ever want. So, what, I should have said, ‘Gosh, that’s unfortunate because I’m pregnant’? The last thing
I
would ever want is for my child to know his father would consider him a huge mistake. So I left.”

“
Planning
to have a child is a completely different thing from this and you know it.” How could she not have realized he’d always honor his responsibilities? He’d done that every damned day of his life and wasn’t about to stop now. “What were you going to do when he was old enough to ask about his father? Did it never occur to you that if his dad wasn’t around to be a part of his life, he’d feel that anyway? That he’d think his father didn’t love him? Didn’t want him?”

“I...I don’t know.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked at the ground. “I just... I know what it’s like to have a father consider you a burden, and I didn’t want that for him. I thought I could love him enough for both of us.”

The sadness, the pain in her posture stole some of his anger, and he forced himself into a calmer state, to take a mental step back. To try to see it all from her perspective.

He
had
been adamant that children wouldn’t, couldn’t, fit into his life, ever. He’d learned long ago how dangerous it could be for non-native children in the countries where he worked. Where his parents worked. He couldn’t take that risk.

So when she’d proposed marriage and a family, he’d practically laughed. Now, knowing the real situation, he didn’t want to remember his cold response that had left no room for conversation or compromise.

No wonder she’d left.

She lifted her gaze to his, her eyes moist. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“Yes. You should have told me.” He heaved in a deep breath then slowly expelled it. “But I guess I can understand why you didn’t.”

“So.” She gave him a shadow of her usual sunny smile. “We’re here. You know. He’s still young enough that he won’t think anything of being told you’re his daddy. My contract here is for eight months, so you’ll have a nice amount of time to spend with him.”

Did she honestly think he was going to spend a few months with the boy and leave it completely up to her how—and where—his son was raised?

“Yes, I will. Because I accept your marriage proposal.”

CHAPTER TWO

“E
XCUSE
ME
?” D
ANI
asked, sure she must have heard wrong.

“Your marriage proposal. I accept.”

“My marriage proposal?” Astonished, she searched the deep brown of Chase’s eyes for a sign that he was kidding, but the golden flecks in them glinted with determination. “You can’t be serious.”

“I assure you I’ve never been more serious.”

“We haven’t even seen each other for three years!”

“We were good together then. And we have a child who bonds us together now. So I accept your offer of marriage.”

The intensely serious expression on his face subdued the nervous laugh that nearly bubbled from her throat. Chase had always been stubborn and tenacious about anything important to him, and that obviously hadn’t changed. She tried for a joking tone. “I’m pretty sure a marriage proposal has a statute of limitations. Definitely less than three years. The offer no longer stands.”

“Damn it, Dani, I get it that it’s been a long time.” He raked his hand through his hair. “That maybe it seems like a crazy idea. But you have to admit that all of this is crazy. That we have a child together is...crazy.”

“I understand this is a shock, that we have things to figure out.” Three years had passed, but she still clearly remembered how shaken she’d been when she’d realized she was pregnant. Chase obviously felt that way now. Maybe even more, since Andrew was now here in the flesh. “But you must know that marriage is an extreme solution.”

“Hey, it was your idea to begin with, remember? You’ve persuaded me.” A slight smile tilted his mouth. “Besides, it’s not extreme. A child should have two parents. Don’t you care about Andrew’s well-being?”

Now, there was an insulting question. Why did he think she’d left in the first place? “Lots of children are raised by unmarried parents. He’ll know you’re his father. We’ll work out an agreement so you can spend plenty of time with him. But you and I don’t even know each other any more.”

Yet, as she said the words, it felt like a lie. She looked at the familiar planes of his ruggedly handsome face and the years since she’d left Honduras faded away, as though they’d never been apart. As though she should just reach for his hand to stroll to the kitchen, fingers entwined. Put together a meal and eat by candlelight as they so often had, sometimes finishing and sometimes finding themselves teasing and laughing and very distracted from all thoughts of food.

A powerful wave of all those memories swept through her with both pain and longing. Memories of what had felt like endless days of perfection and happiness. Both ridiculous and dangerous, because there was good reason why a relationship between them hadn’t been made for the long haul.

Perhaps he sensed the jumbled confusion of her emotions as his features softened as he spoke, his lips no longer flattened into a hard line. “I’m the same man you proposed to three years ago.”

“Are you?” Apparently his memory of that proposal was different from hers. “Then you’re the same man who didn’t want kids, ever. Who said your life as a mission doctor was not just what you did but who you were, and children didn’t fit into that life. Well, I have a child so you’re obviously not the right husband for me.”

His expression hardened again, his jaw jutting mulishly. “Except your child is
my
child, which changes things. I’m willing to compromise. To adjust my schedule to be with the two of you in the States part of the year.”

“Well, that’s big of you. Except I have commitments to work outside the States, too.” For a man with amazing empathy for his patients, he could be incredibly dense and self-absorbed. “We should just sit down, look at our schedules for after the eight months I’m here and see if we can often work near enough to one another that you can see Drew when you have time off.”

“I will not have my son living with the kinds of dangers Africa and other places expose him to.”

“You grew up living all over the world and you turned out just fine.” More than fine. From the moment she’d met him she’d known he was different. Compassionate and giving. Funny and irreverent. Book smart and street smart.

The most fascinating man she’d ever known.

The unyielding intensity in his eyes clouded for a moment before he flicked her a look filled with cool determination. “I repeat—my son needs to grow up safe in the States until he’s older. Getting married is the most logical course of action. We figure out how to make our medical careers work with you anchored in the U.S. and me working there part of the year. Then we bring him on missions when he’s an older teen.”

“Well, now you’ve touched on my heart’s desire. A marriage founded on a logical course of action.” She laughed in sheer disbelief and to hide the tiny bruising of hurt she should no longer feel. “You’ve got it all figured out, and you haven’t even spent one minute with him. Or with me. So, I repeat—I’m not marrying you.”

Frustration and anger narrowed his gaze before he turned and strode a short distance away to stare at the dark outline of the horizon, fisting his hands at his hips, his broad shoulders stiff. In spite of the tension simmering between them, she found herself riveted by the sight of his tall, strong body silhouetted in the twilight. The body she’d always thought looked like it should belong to a star athlete, not a doctor.

She tried to shake off the vivid memories that bombarded her, including how much she’d loved touching all those hard muscles covered in smooth skin. All the memories of how crazy she’d been about him, period. Three light-hearted years ago the differences they now faced hadn’t existed. Serious differences in how Andrew should be raised, and she still had no proof that Chase wouldn’t be as resentful in his reluctant role as father as her own parent had been.

Now that Chase would be involved in Andrew’s life, she had to make sure her son never felt the barbed sting of being unwanted.

Tearing her gaze from his stiff and motionless form, she turned to find Andrew and get him settled in. Chase must have heard her movement as he suddenly spun and strode purposefully towards her.

The fierce intensity in his dark eyes sent an alarm clanging in her brain. What was coming next she didn’t know, but her instincts warned her to get ready for it. He closed the inches between them and grasped her waist in his strong hands, tugging her tightly against his hard body.

A squeak of surprise popped from her lips as the breath squeezed from her lungs.

This she was definitely not ready for.

His thick, dark lashes were half-lowered over his brown eyes, and her heart pounded at the way he looked at her. With determined purpose and simmering passion.

“I remember a little about your heart and your desire.” His warm breath feathered across her mouth. “I remember how good it was between us. How good it can be again.”

She pressed her hands against his firm chest but didn’t manage to put an inch between them. Her heart thumped with both alarm and ridiculous excitement. “It’s been three years. Too long to just take up where we left off.”

“Not so long that I don’t remember where you like to be kissed.”

Surprise turned to shock when he lowered his head to touch his lips to the sensitive spot beneath her earlobe, slowly sliding them to the hollow of her throat, his voice vibrating against her skin. “How you like to be kissed.”

“Chase, stop.” A delicious shiver snaked its way down her body before he lifted his head to stare into her eyes. “We—”

His mouth dropped to hers and, despite the part of her brain protesting that a kiss between them just complicated things, her eyes slid closed. The soft warmth of his lips sent her spiraling back to all the times they’d sneaked kisses between patients, celebrating successful outcomes, or held each other in wordless comfort when a patient had been lost. To all the times they’d tramped in the mountains and made love anywhere that had seemed inviting.

Apparently, her hands had their own memories, slipping up his chest to cup the back of his neck, his soft hair tickling her fingers.
He’s right.
The vague thought flitted through her head as his wide palm slid between her shoulder blades, pressing her body closer as he deepened the kiss. It had been very, very good between them. Until it hadn’t been.

Through her sensual fog the thought helped her remember what a strategic man Chase could be. That this wasn’t unchecked, remembered passion but a calculated effort to weaken her resolve, to have her give in to his marriage demand.

She broke the kiss. “This isn’t a good idea.”

“Yes, it is.” His warm mouth caressed her jaw. “I’ve missed you. I think you’ve missed me, too.”

“Why would I miss being dragged out of bed to do calisthenics at six a.m.?” The words came out annoyingly breathy.

“But you missed being dragged into bed for another kind of exercise.”

His mouth again covered hers, sweet and insistent and drugging. One hand slipped down her hip and cupped her bottom, pulling her close against his hardened body.

He’d always teased her about how she couldn’t resist his touch, his kiss. A pathetically hungry little sound filled her throat as she sank in deeper, doing a very good job proving he’d been right.

But that was before,
her sanity whispered.

Yanking her mouth determinedly from his, she dragged in a deep, quivering breath. “This won’t work. I know your devious strategies too well.”

His lips curved and his dark eyes sparked with liquid gold. “I think you’re wrong. I think it’s working.” He lifted one hand to press his fingers to her throat. “Your pulse is tachycardic and your breath is all choppy. Both clear indications of sexual desire.”

“Thanks for the physiology lesson.” She shoved hard at his chest to put a few inches between them and felt his own heart pounding beneath her hands. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling the heat. “But memories of good sex do not make a relationship. And definitely not a marriage.”

“So we make new memories.” His big hands cupped her face as his mouth joined hers again, and for a brief moment she just couldn’t resist. Softening, yielding to the seductive, soft heat of his kiss, to the feel of his thumbs feathering across her cheekbones, until her brain yelled his words of three years ago. That, despite what he said now, marriage and a family were the last things he ever wanted.

She couldn’t let him see the pathetic weakness for him that obviously still lurked inside her. She had to stay strong for Andrew.

The thought gave her the will to pull away completely and shake the thick haze from her brain, ignoring the hot tingle of her lips. “This is not a good idea,” she said again, more firmly this time. “Our...relationship...needs to be based on logic, just like you said. None of this to muddy things up.”

“You used to like things muddied up.”

The teasing half-smile and glint in his eyes made her want to kiss him and wallop him all at the same time. “I need to rescue Trent. You can meet Andrew, but I don’t want to tell him about...you...tonight. Let him spend a little time with you first.”

“So long as you understand this conversation isn’t over.”

Conversation? Was that what they’d been having? “I’d forgotten what a prince complex you have, bossing everyone around.”

She headed in the direction Trent and Andrew had disappeared, relieved to be back on stable ground without the confusion of his touch, his kiss. Then realized she hadn’t a clue where they’d gone. “Where is the kitchen anyway?”

Chase strode forward with the loose, athletic stride she’d always enjoyed. As though he was in no hurry to get where he was going but still covered the ground with remarkable speed.

“This way.”

His warm palm pressed her lower back again as he pulled a penlight from his pocket, shining it on the ground in front of her. “Watch your step. Rocks sometimes appear as though they rolled there themselves.”

As they walked in the starlight, the whole thing felt surreal. The heat of his hand on her back, the timbre of his voice, the same small, worn penlight illuminating the dusty path. As though the years hadn’t passed and they were back in Honduras again, feeling close and connected. She stared fixedly at the uneven path, determined to resist the gravitational pull that was Chase Bowen.

Chase shoved open a door and slipped his arm around her waist, tucking her close to his side as he led her down a short hallway. Quickly, she shook off his touch.

“Stop,” she hissed. “Drew needs to get to know you without your hands all over me.”

“Sorry. It’s so nice to touch you again, I keep forgetting.” He raised his palms to the sky, the picture of innocent surrender, and she again had the urge to punch the man who obviously knew all too well how easily he could mess with her equilibrium.

Several camp lights dully lit the room, showing Drew sitting at a high metal table, his legs dangling from a tall stool. The low light didn’t hide the melted ice cream covering the child’s face from the tip of his nose down, dripping from his chin.

“Hi, Mommy!” He flashed her a wide grin and raised the soggy cone as if in a toast, chocolate oozing between his fingers. “Dis ice cream is good!”

“I can see that.” She nearly laughed at the guilty look on Trent’s face as Drew began to lap all around the cone, sending rivulets down his arm to his elbow.

“I’ll clean him up.” Trent waved his hand towards Drew, looking a little helpless. “Didn’t see the point of it until he was done.”

“Don’t worry, making messes is what Drew does best,” she said, giving Trent a reassuring smile. “Right, honey?”

“Wight!” Drew shoved his mouth into the cone, and the softened ice cream globbed onto the table. He promptly dropped his face to slurp it straight from the flat metal surface then swirled his tongue, making circles in the melty chocolate.

“Okay, no licking the table.” Chase probably thought she’d never taught the boy manners. Hastily, she walked over to lift his wet, sticky chin with her palm. “Finish your cone, then we’ll find out where we’re sleeping. And you’d better do it quick, ’coz it’s about to become all cream without the ice part.”