Changeless: The Parasol Protectorate: Book the Second (33 page)

T
hey decided the mummy would be unwrapped, for the titillation of the ladies, just after dinner. Alexia was not convinced as
to the cleverness of this plan. Knowing Miss Hisselpenny’s constitution, if the mummy were gruesome enough, dinner might just
be revisited. But it was believed that darkness and candlelight best suited such an illustrious event.

None of the ladies present had ever before been to a mummy-unwrapping party. Lady Maccon expressed some distress that Madame
Lefoux and Tunstell would be missing the fun. Lord Maccon suggested that as he had little interest and he would go relieve
Tunstell, thus allowing the claviger at least to participate. Tunstell, everyone knew, enjoyed drama.

Alexia looked sharply at Miss Hisselpenny, but Ivy held herself composed and untroubled by the possibility of a redheaded
thespian and naked mummy in the same room. Felicity licked her lips in anticipation, and Lady Maccon prepared herself for
inevitable histrionics. But it was she, not Felicity or Ivy, who felt most uncomfortable in the presence of the ancient creature.

Truth be told, it was a rather sad-looking mummy. It resided in a not-very-big boxlike coffin that had only minimal hieroglyphic
decorations upon it. Once removed from the coffin, the wrappings on the mummy were revealed to be minimally painted with one
repeated motif: what looked to be an ankh, broken. The dead thing did not disgust or frighten Alexia in any way, and she had
seen mummies before in museums without desultory effects. But there was something about this particular mummy that, simply
put, repulsed her.

Lady Maccon was not given to bouts of sentimentality, so she did not think her reaction an emotional one. No, she was being
literally repulsed, in the scientific definition of the word. It was as though she and the mummy both had some kind of magnetic
field, and they were the same charge, with forces violently repelling one another.

The actual unwrapping seemed to take an exceptionally long time. Who knew there would be so dreadfully many bandages? They
also kept breaking. Every time an amulet was uncovered, the whole operation stopped and people gasped in delight. As more
and more of the mummy was revealed, Alexia found herself instinctively backing toward the door of the room, until she was
at the fringe of the crowd, standing on tiptoe to witness the proceedings.

Being soulless, Alexia had never given death much consideration. After all, for preternaturals like her, death was the end—she
had nothing whatsoever to look forward to. In BUR’s special documentation vaults, an inquisition pamphlet lamented the fact
that preternaturals, the church’s last best weapon against the supernatural threat, were also the only human beings who could
never be saved. What Alexia felt, most of the time, was indifference to her own mortality. This was the result of an ingrained
practicality that was also due to her soullessness. But there was something about this mummy that troubled her even as it
repulsed: the poor, sad, wrinkled thing.

Finally they worked their way up to his head, exposing a perfectly preserved skull with dark brown skin and some small portion
of hair still adhered to it. Amulets were removed from ears, nose, throat, and eyes, revealing the empty eye sockets and slightly
gaping mouth. Several scarab beetles crawled out of the exposed orifices, plopped to the floor, and skittered about. At which
both Felicity and Ivy, who had until that moment remained only mildly hysterical, fainted.

Tunstell caught Miss Hisselpenny, clutching her close to his breast and murmuring her given name in tones of marked distress.
Lachlan caught Miss Loontwill and was nowhere near as affectionate about it. Two sets of expensive skirts draped themselves
artistically in ruffled disarray. Two sets of bosoms heaved in heart-palpitating distress.

The evening’s entertainment was pronounced a definitive success.

The gentlemen, marshaled into action by Lady Kingair’s barked commands, carried the two young ladies into a sitting room down
the hall. There the ladies were duly revived with smelling salts, and rosewater was patted across the brow.

Alexia was left alone with the unfortunate mummy, unwitting cause of all the excitement. Even the scarab beetles had scuttled
off. She cocked her head to one side, resisting the insistent push, which seemed even worse now that there was only the two
of them. It was as though the very air were trying to drive her from the room. Alexia narrowed her eyes at the mummy, something
niggling the back of her brain. Whatever it was, she could not recall it. Turning away, still thinking hard, she made her
way into the other room.

Only to find Tunstell kissing Miss Hisselpenny, who was apparently wide awake and participating with gusto. Right there in
front of everyone.

“Well, I say!” said Alexia. She had not thought Ivy possessed that degree of gumption. Apparently, she was finding Tunstell’s
kisses less damp than she had previously.

Felicity blinked awake, probably desirous to see what had pulled everyone’s attention so thoroughly away from her own prostrate
form. She caught sight of the embrace and gasped, joining Alexia in amazement. “Why, Mr. Tunstell, what
are
you doing?”

“That should be perfectly clear, even to you, Miss Loontwill,” Lady Kingair snapped, not nearly so scandalized as she ought.

“Well,” said Alexia, “I take it you are feeling more the thing?”

No one answered her. Ivy was still occupied with kissing Tunstell. It appeared there might even be tongue involved at this
juncture. And Felicity was still occupied watching them with all the good-humored interest of an irritated chicken.

The touching scene was broken by Lord Maccon’s fantastically loud yell, which welled suddenly forth from the downstairs front
parlor. It was not one of his angry yells either. Lady Maccon would hardly have bestirred herself for one of those. No, this
yell sounded like pain.

Alexia was out the door and galloping pell-mell down the staircase, heedless of the very real danger to her delicate apparel,
waving her parasol about madly.

She crashed into the parlor door, which refused to budge. Something heavy was blocking it. She heaved against it desperately,
finally shoving it open far enough to find that it was her husband’s fallen body that blocked her entrance.

She bent over him, checking for injuries. She could find none on his back, so with prodigious effort, she rolled him over,
checking his front. He was breathing slowly and laboriously, as though drugged.

Alexia paused, frowning suspiciously at her parasol, lying near her at the ready.
The tip opens and emits a poisoned dart equipped with a numbing agent
, she heard Madame Lefoux’s voice say in her head. How easy, then, would it be to create a sleeping agent? A quick glance
about the room showed Madame Lefoux was still unconscious but otherwise undamaged.

Lady Kingair, Dubh, and Lachlan appeared at the door. Lady Maccon held up a hand indicating she was not to be disturbed and
stripped her husband bare to the waist, examining him more closely, not for injuries but for… aha!

“There it is.” A small puncture wound just below his left shoulder.

She pushed her way through the crowd at the door and yelled up the stairs, “Tunstell, you revolting blighter!” In Woolsey
Castle, such affectionate terminology for the claviger meant for him to come quickly, and come armed. Lord Maccon’s idea.

She turned back into the room and marched over to the prone form of Madame Lefoux. “If this is your fault,” she hissed to
the still-apparently-comatose woman, “I shall see you hanged as a spy; you see if I don’t.” Heedless of the others listening
and watching in avid interest, she added, “And you know very well I have the power to do so.”

Madame Lefoux lay as still as death.

Tunstell muscled his way into the room and immediately bent over his fallen master, reaching to check his breath.

“He is alive.”

“Barely,” replied Alexia. “Where did you—”

“What has happened?” interrupted Lady Kingair impatiently.

“He has been put to sleep, some kind of poisoned dart. Tincture of valerian perhaps,” explained Lady Maccon without looking
up.

“Goodness, how remarkable.”

“Woman’s weapon, poison.” Dubh sniffed.

“I beg your pardon!” replied Lady Maccon. “None of that, or you shall meet the blunt end of
my
preferred weapon, and let me assure you, it isn’t poison.”

Dubh wisely beat a retreat to avoid offending the lady further.

“You will have to leave off your tender ministrations of Miss Hisselpenny’s delicate constitution for the moment, Tunstell.”
Lady Maccon stood and strode purposefully to the door. “If you will excuse us,” she said to the assembled Kingair Pack. Then
she shut them firmly out of their own front parlor. Terribly rude, of course, but sometimes circumstances required rudeness,
and there was simply nothing else for it. Luckily, under such circumstances, Alexia Maccon was always equal to the task.

She proceeded on to another unpardonably rude offense. Leaving Tunstell to see her husband comfortable—which he did by dragging
the earl’s massive frame over to another small couch, then folding him onto it before covering him with a large plaid blanket—Lady
Maccon marched over and began stripping Madame Lefoux of her garments.

Tunstell did not ask, only turned his head away and tried not to look.

Alexia did this carefully, feeling about and checking every layer and fold for hidden gadgets and possible weapons. The Frenchwoman
did not stir, although Alexia could have sworn the woman’s breath quickened. By the end, Alexia had a fine pile of objects,
some of them familiar: a pair of glassicals, an aether transponder cable, an encephalic valve, but most of them unknown to
her. She knew Madame Lefoux normally boasted a dart emitter, because she’d said she used it during the fight on board the
dirigible. But none of the objects in the pile looked to be such a device, even disguised as something else. Had it been stolen?
Or had Madame Lefoux used it on Conall and then contrived to hide it somewhere else?

Lady Maccon slid her hands under the sleeping woman. Nothing there. Then she tucked them down Madame Lefoux’s side where it
rested against the back of the settee. Still nothing. Then she looked under and behind the couch. If the inventor had hidden
it, she had done so quite thoroughly.

With a sigh, Lady Maccon set about putting the Frenchwoman’s clothing back together again. It was odd to think, but she had
never before seen another woman’s naked body until now. She must admit Madame Lefoux did have a rather nice one. Not so well
endowed as Alexia’s own, of course, but trim and tidy with neat small breasts. It was a good thing the inventor opted for
masculine garb, she reflected, as it was much easier to manage. Once the task was completed, Lady Maccon’s hands were trembling
slightly—from embarrassment, of course.

“Keep a close eye on her, Tunstell. I shall return directly.” With that, Lady Maccon stood and marched out of the room, shutting
the door behind her and ignoring the Kingair Pack, still milling about confusedly in the vestibule. She went immediately upstairs
and inside her bedchamber. Angelique was already there, rummaging about.

“Out,” she said to the maid.

Angelique bobbed a curtsy and scurried away.

Lady Maccon went directly to the window and, standing on tiptoe, reached around for Conall’s precious little oiled leather
package. It was well beyond her reach, stashed behind a jutting brick. Impatient, she balanced on the sill precariously, bemoaning
her overly skirted state, bustle squeezing up tight against the side of the window. Despite the hazardous position, she managed
to grab hold of the package without mishap.

Unwrapping the little weapon, she stashed it under her ridiculous lace cap, nested among her copious dark curls, and marched
on to Ivy’s room to retrieve her dispatch case.

Ivy was lying in half-faint, half-flutter on her bed.

“Oh, Alexia, thank goodness. What am I to do? This is such a terrible crisis of apex proportions. Such palpitations of the
heart. Did you see? Oh, of course you saw. He kissed me, right there in public. I am
ruined
!” She sat up. “Yet I love him.” She flopped back. “Yet I am ruined. Oh, woe is me.”

“Did you actually just utter the phrase ‘woe is me’? I’m just going to, uh, check on those socks.”

Miss Hisselpenny was not to be distracted from her majestic problems. The removal of the dispatch case, not to mention her
friend’s militant expression, went unnoticed.

“He told me he would love me forever.”

Lady Maccon flipped through the various stacks of papers and rolls of parchments inside her case, looking for her muhjah letter
of marque. Where had she put the bedamned thing?

“He said that this was the true, the one, the only.”

Lady Maccon gave a noncommittal murmur at that. What else could one say to such folderol?

Miss Hisselpenny, unconcerned by a lack of response, continued to bemoan her fate. “And I love him. I really and truly do.
You could never understand this type of love, Alexia. Not such true love as ours. Marrying for practical gain is all very
well and good, but this… this is the real thing.”

Lacy Maccon tilted her head in sham surprise. “Is that what I did?”

Ivy continued without acknowledgment. “But we cannot possibly marry.”

Alexia continued to rummage. “Mmm, no, I see that.”

That made Miss Hisselpenny sit up and look daggers down at her friend. “Really, Alexia, you are not being even remotely helpful.”

Lady Maccon remembered she had transferred her most important papers to her parasol after the first break-in and quickly snapped
the dispatch case shut, locked it, and tucked it back behind Ivy’s stack of hatboxes.

“Ivy, my dear, I am terribly sympathetic to your plight. Honestly, I am, most sincerely. But you must excuse me. Necessity
demands I handle a situation downstairs rather hurriedly.”