Changes (2 page)

After a few minutes, he finally started the car and put it in gear. After another few minutes, he finally moved. Driving out of the parking lot of his now former store, he began to feel worried. He wasn’t used to change. He wasn’t used to starting fresh, and that small fact weighed heavier on him than any set of keys ever would.

“You what?” Sally felt numb all over and instantly felt her legs go weak. Her heart skipped several beats as her mind exploded with everything all at once. Her thoughts seemed even worse. She wasn’t expecting any of this and it showed. She didn’t want to hear it. She couldn’t believe what the words meant. She couldn’t accept him for saying any of it. “You can’t be joking?”
How can you joke about such a thing? Why would he do that? How dare he ruin my night?

“I’m serious.” Jimmy tossed his coat onto the back of the sofa and set his
Save Money
coffee mug to the top of the coffee table in front of it. Feeling numb was an understatement. He felt like he was just sucker punched in the groin by a supposed friend. He hurt all over and his thoughts were not his own. His whole body felt quite frankly
blank
. “I got fired. I don’t know why but I did.”

“What the hell are you going to do now?” She paused, feeling her heart clinch her chest.
How could you get fired? You’ve been working at that damn place for years. Did you get lazy? What did you fuck up now?
The ideas seemed endless as suddenly a new feeling crept up into her mind. It wasn’t fear she felt, but something that was closer to pity. How could this man that she has lived with for two years now, be so damned pitiful to be alive? He was stronger than what he sounded like now. There was a lot more to him than this. It all told her, he wasn’t the man that she thought he was. She hated thinking this. She hated feeling it. “I can’t believe you let yourself get fired?” She huffed and puffed as her body suddenly felt like it wanted to shake.

He shrugged his shoulders as he stared at her, but saw nothing at all. “I didn’t let this happen.” He didn’t know how to react or what to feel about anything. He just had the truth of what happened, and that was it. “I did my best. I did everything he ever asked of me. I tried.” He shrugged his shoulders again, still not thinking straight. “I think he was determined to fire me. I just don’t know why?” It had to be the only explanation for what happened. He had been the best manager they ever had; at least that’s what they told him, so many times before. He was supposed to be good at his job. He was supposed to be an expert at cleaning up stores. Why else would he fire him? Why else would he not even try to listen to what he said? It only made sense. His drive home gave him the time to think about everything. It gave him the time to ponder about all of the motives. All of it helped him with the only explanation he had.

She shrugged and again she huffed. She didn’t believe him. He looked beyond pitiful to look at right. “Then you should have worked harder? You should have stayed later to get it right. You should have done everything and anything to keep your job.” She hated hearing what she was. She hated it when people wouldn’t do what they were supposed to do, and now, listening to him quiver made everything feel worse. She heard it in his voice. He was using excuses. He tried to make her feel sorry for him and she hated him for doing that.

He listened and nodded. “I did all that I could do. The place was too much of a mess to be fixed.” He sighed, and crossed his arms across his chest. He heard what she said and tried to understand everything. What he did understand was her worry. Hell, he shared it. “I did all that I could do. He just didn‘t want to listen. He didn‘t seem to want to help.”

“Then it wasn’t enough.” Sally backed away and walked back to the front bay window at the front of their apartment, and there, looked out to the street that ran along the front of their home. With the light white curtains in front of the window, she could see the streetlight just outside it clearly. Beneath it, the world looked peaceful. Everything looked clear. None of that clarity was now in her home and she began to regret that sight—this feeling in her heart and mind. She began to regret him. How could things have changed to what they had? She didn’t know, but she did know that she didn’t intend to be poor again. She couldn’t go back to that life. She only knew how to go forward, and worse yet, he wasn’t fighting anything. He seemed to be just rolling over. How could he do that? Being that, she didn’t intend to stay with him any more than she already had. She didn’t come there for that. She liked the life they had. She turned down so much to live that life. “I don’t know Jimmy. I don’t. I don’t know what I’m going to do?”

He could hear the worry in her voice and understood it, but as far as he was concerned, they were still together. “We’ll figure it out.” As long as they were, he knew they would be able to work through it. They loved each other, so why wouldn’t they? “I can get another job. With my experience, I can get anything, I’m sure of it? I’m still young. The world is open to me.” He left the coffee table, went up behind the love of his life, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He hugged her tightly as the smell of her blonde hair flushed through his nose. The warmth of her touch smothered his belly. She felt so wonderful. She always felt so right. Sensing her there with him, he knew they could do anything. It told him that even now, he knew that everything was going to be fine. He just felt it. It was just going to be tough for a little while.

Feeling his arms wrap around her, she couldn’t stand it. In fact, it felt almost revolting to her. She didn’t need the feeling. She didn’t want him to touch her. “No,” she shot back, and pushed him off her. “I can’t do this Jimmy. I won’t live that way again.” She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She didn’t even want to try.

She turned and left him standing there with his arms still up, made her way to the coat closet, to the right of the front door at the side of the living room, opened it up, and took out her jacket. She put it on and closed the closet door with a shudder. “I won’t go back to being poor.” She had grown up with parents that struggled every day of their lives. She had nothing when she grew up. They gave her nothing. When she met Jimmy, all of that seemed to change. He had money. He had means. He was strong. He could take care of her and that made him stable. He wasn’t all that great looking, but with the money around them, and the protection he offered her, she didn’t care. She could overlook everything that was bad about him as long as she had that, but now, all of that changed. Everything ended. She knew that she could do so much better than that—than him.

“Honey?” He could feel his chest sink and his mind grow even number than what it already was. Again, he didn’t know what to do or what to think. “Where are you going?”
Why is she acting this way? What did I do?
None of this was his fault. Why did she blame him for it? He didn’t seem to understand anything. He seemed to be doing everything wrong.

She shrugged as she reached for the front door and opened it, stopping just under the doorjamb. “I’m going over to a friend’s place. I need time to think.” She turned and left, slamming the door behind her.

With that, he stood there motionless and unable to move. Did he just have what happened happen? Did he hear everything said? The day just passed into night. The time just went by. How long he stood there, staring at the front door, he didn’t know that either. He just knew that everything went by. His job, his life, his girlfriend just vanished with the passing of day and the coming of night. All else went unsaid, until the sun came up, and then—and only then—he finally moved.

“That just sucks man.” Brandon tried hard to sound concerned as he drank the beer from his glass. He loved Jimmy a lot. They had been best friends for God knows how long, so he felt for his friend. He could hear the pain flaring from his voice. Hell, it oozed from his soul. However, hearing what he was, only made
him
happy. He hated Sally. He always had. Besides that, he didn’t really care all that much. He just wanted to drink. He just wanted the quiet. Now that she was out of the picture, he and Jimmy could get back to what they were. She got in the way, and that was that.

“I don’t know how things came to this? First, my job, and then Sally leaves me. I thought she loved me. I thought I had everything figured out. I don’t know what the hell happened. I guess I’m just a fucking fool?” Jimmy took a sip from his glass and looked across the bar to the mirror ahead of him.
Why do bars always have mirrors behind them?
His thoughts were always random, and he proved that small fact again.

“She was a bitch. I don’t know why you ever put up with her?” Brandon finished his beer with one solid gulp. He had never been one to waste a beer.
Why are we even talking about her? We’re supposed to be having fun
. This wasn’t sitting all that well with him. Why he was with her, he would never know that either.
He can do so much better than her.
What he did know was why she left.
She was nothing but a user and an abuser. She used him from the beginning.
She was beautiful yes, but that was where everything she had ended. She was with him for only one reason that he could think of. She wanted the money. She wanted the life he gave her. As far as he was concerned, all women were like that. He knew it all too well.

“Don’t call her that,” Jimmy shot back with a dramatic flair. He took another sip from his glass. Listening to his best friend, and hearing what he said, wasn’t doing anything but bringing up anger in his heart. Brandon always talked about Sally like this. It hurt him every time he put her down. Even now, even after she left him, he couldn’t bring himself to stop those feelings from being there. At times like these, he couldn’t help but wonder how he and Brandon were friends at all.

Brandon heard his voice crack almost like a whip struck the air.
Why the fuck is he doing this? She left you buddy. She left you cold!
He still defended her, even now. He couldn’t believe what he heard and it made him just shake his head. “That’s what she was and you know it. You’re just pussy whipped that’s all.”

“I am not.” Jimmy swung himself around on his stool so that he now faced Brandon straight on. Seeing him now, in the dimness of the bar’s low glow, only brought the anger out stronger. “You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that?” His voice growled some as his face flushed hot. Why was he getting angry? He had no idea. He just was and it was enough.

Brandon laughed at that one. “God, I hope so.” He laughed harder as he shook his head. “You want to know what your problem is Jimmy? You’re too much of a pushover. You never use your balls when you have to. You just sit back and let people run all over you, saying nothing but; just do it again, please mister please.” He turned to the bartender who was now down at the other end of the bar, waiting on another patron of
O‘Leary‘s
pub. He hated seeing this knowing that it was going to be that much longer for him to get another beer. “You have got to take life by the balls and whip them around and throw them if you have to. You have to push back sometimes. You have to learn how to throw a punch. You have to take control of your life my friend, because it will always try to take control of you. There’s no other choice sometimes,” he paused, looked to the bartender and watched her closely. “Can I get some service over here?” he shouted out to the rather young woman, far down from him on his left.

The woman bartender turned to his voice and sighed. She left her other customer, went back to the cooler behind the bar, and grabbed another beer from one of the many that lined the shelves. Popping the cap, she returned the bottle to the counter in front of the obnoxious young man. She said nothing else, and just helped herself to what was left of his money on the counter next to his used glass. Done, she returned him his change, left back to her other customer, and to their conversation that suited her more.

Brandon watched her do it all, laughed, and turned back to Jimmy when she left. “See? Bark and they follow.” He laughed harder.

The sight caused Jimmy to shrug his shoulders in disgust.
You’re being an asshole.
He thought about saying, but didn’t. As far as he was concerned, what Brandon was doing wasn’t brave, but just plain rude.

Brandon noticed the shrug. “What man? See,” he paused, took the bottle and refilled his glass. When he finished, he slammed it back down to the bar. It banged loudly causing several other patrons to turn only briefly, towards them, some shook their heads, but all of them simply went back to doing what they were before the sound shook the bar. “I barked, she obeyed, simple.” He laughed.

The statement only made Jimmy shrug his shoulders again, and turn back to the mirror.

A sight that only made Brandon more determined to make his point. “You have got to take control of yourself buddy? You have got to get your life under control?” He took another solid gulp, and had a heavy low belch follow the beer down his throat. “You spent how many years with that God-awful place, and for what? You had nothing but misery with bad hours, and guilt with the drop of a hat. You spent how many years with that woman, and for what. Nothing but bad sex, if at all, and an argument every night when she didn‘t get her way. You let them both push you all over the place. You let both of them hold you down and crush you.” He gulped again with a second belch following it. “Look at you now.”

Jimmy listened, staring at himself in the mirror. The person staring back at him suddenly looked like someone he had never seen before. His black hair looked like it grew thin, and looked disheveled and out of place. A double chin started showing at his throat. He looked older. He looked overweight and completely out of shape. He looked tired with his brown eyes hollow on a drawn out face.
What the hell is happening to me?
He saw someone else sitting there. It just couldn’t be him.

Brandon looked into the mirror and could see the look on his face. It told him that what he said, was trying to force its way into his friend’s mind, so he continued, “Look at you man. You look old. You look tired. You’re not the guy that I remember. You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” Jimmy swallowed trying hard to focus his thoughts away from what he saw. He had changed a lot, he knew that, but he also knew that he was getting older, hell everyone did. He knew that he gained weight, which usually happens when you live with someone that makes you feel content. He knew that he looked pale. Working inside all day and every day had to be the reason for it. He knew everything, but he also knew that he couldn‘t stop it, so why even try. “I’m not like you. I can’t be like you.” He shook his head. He knew that Brandon acted rash. He also knew that he looked attractive. He sounded assertive. He acted bold.
He
was none of it.

“You be yourself, my friend. You be who you are, and the key is, you don’t let anyone make you be something that you’re not.” He gulped. “When I first knew you, you would never put up with anything. You worked out. You took care of yourself. You stood up to people. You were a fuck of a lot more fun too. You have to find that Jimmy I knew. I liked him. You have to find him again, before you do get older.”

Jimmy turned from the stranger in the mirror and back to Brandon. “So what do I do?” He personally didn’t agree with everything that Brandon said, but even with that, he
did
believe in some of it. When he was younger, he was a little brasher. He was a little more of a risk taker. However, now he felt—well—
seasoned
. He felt more like an adult. He felt like everything was supposed to be as it was. Has he lost a step, as they say? Has he fallen away? The truth was, he didn’t know. He had no idea of how to solve it, even if he did believe in any of it.

Brandon turned to his friend and looked him dead in the eyes. “I don’t know?” He tried to think of something else to say. He had always believed that Jimmy was becoming hopeless to fix. That he was someone that needed far too much help, for him to do on his own. Now, here he was asking for it, and his mind suddenly went blank. He really couldn’t think of anything at first, but thankfully, and it didn’t take very long, he did think of something. “I know, get a job with me. They’re always looking for more help. It’ll be great. The pay sucks, but it will give you a ton of time to think, move around, and find yourself.”

Jimmy listened and immediately shook his head. “I can’t do what you do.” The thought felt somewhat revolting. He sounded beyond simplistic. He had only one answer for it. “I’m not going to be a security guard.”

“Why the fuck not?” Brandon felt rather astonished by hearing him. Just by the sounds of his voice, he sounded like he mocked him. He hated it every time someone did that. He loved what he did for a living. His job fit him well. “You think that being a security officer is that fucking lame, huh?” He sighed, and then gulped his beer. He felt surprisingly ashamed, again he hated that, but he also hated having to defend himself for anything. “It’s cool work. You get to be something more than what you are. It gives you time to find yourself.”

Jimmy heard his friend’s voice crack and immediately began to regret what he said. He could tell that he hurt him more than he thought of at first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it that way.” He felt his face begin to flush from the embarrassment that oozed out of him for what he said. He didn’t mean to do that. It made him feel bad. It made him feel ashamed. He had to correct what he said and fast. “I know that you like that, I just meant that it wasn’t for me, that’s all.”

“It’s cool.” Brandon paused, thinking. After a bit of thought, he noticed something else coming up in his chest, and that something was closer to pity. The pity was for his friend. “See?” He turned back to his glass, shook his head, and let out a huge sigh. He felt beyond disappointed. At times like these, he hated being Jimmy Walls’ friend. “You don’t even have the balls to upset me?” He looked deep to his friend, and seeing the embarrassment oozing out of him began to turn his stomach.

Jimmy sighed, almost with a moan. “I’m sorry.” He turned back to the mirror, feeling more embarrassed than he already was.

“You’re such a pussy, you know that. You really are.” Brandon dashed the rest of his drink down his throat. He proved his point and he had nothing else left to say about it, but, “Let’s get trashed now shall we?” He turned to him and laughed out, grabbing his friend’s shoulder with the cusp of his hand.

Jimmy laughed some as well, sounding more half-hearted than anything else he felt. However, he did take everything he heard deep inside his mind. He knew what Brandon, his only friend, was trying to say, and the feeling it gave him made him feel rather odd. A light bulb went off inside his mind. It meant something; he just had to find out what that something was. Moreover, he was right. It was time to get drunk. Everything else would come up, when the time was right.