Chart Throb (62 page)

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Authors: Ben Elton

BOOK: Chart Throb
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Michael from The Four-Z appeared in series eighteen of
Celebrity Big Brother
, in which he, the Foreign Secretary and the Bishop of Bath and Wells were tasked to put on miniskirts and do an impression of Bananarama.
Stanley, the single dad, released a cover of ‘The Greatest Love Of All’ which got to number six. The process of making the single was recorded for a reality TV show entitled
The Greatest Dad of All.
Blossom has made a reality TV series for the Addiction and Recovery Channel called
How to Live with an Infectious Laugh
and has written an autobiography entitled
Loud Woman.
The Quasar now gives motivational seminars dressed only in a thong. His autobiography is entitled
Wake Up and Dream.
Shetland Mist got a massive boost from Iona’s second placing on
Chart Throb.
They are now huge on the Scottish folk rock circuit and are to be the subject of a reality TV show entitled
Big in the Outer Hebrides.
Dakota received a hundred-million-pound divorce settlement from Calvin and the following day married a trillionaire gun dealer with whom she was ‘hopelessly in lerve’. She has since worked her way through an oil sheikh and an insider trader and is currently to be found at major charity fundraisers trying to bump into Bill Gates.
Beryl’s television career survived Priscilla’s efforts to destroy it and she was showered with TV offers ranging from reading the news to playing Elizabeth Bennet in a star-studded new adaptation of
Pride and Prejudice
. Each new development in Beryl’s life is covered by its own separate documentary series and there is no moment of the day or night when Beryl Blenheim is not on television.
Rodney recently fulfilled a lifelong ambition by becoming the ‘face’ of a budget supermarket.
Priscilla became Shaiana and is big on the gay diva disco circuit.
The Prince of Wales never did inherit the throne, the position of head of state having been flogged off by the government to some Russian bloke in order to raise money for spin doctors.
Emma is single and keeps herself nice.
Calvin married Chelsie.
Chart Throb
remained a hit and CALonic TV continued to grow. At the current rate of expansion it is reckoned that by the year 2050 everybody in the world will be either a pop star or the subject of their own reality TV show.
THE END

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