Chasing Butterflies (6 page)

“Can you please stop talking about my husband?”

“Why? Mom and Dad warned you not to marry that good for nothing boy. He wasn’t any good then and he’s not any good now. And maybe if you hadn’t gotten knocked up, you wouldn’t be living in my house with a man who can’t take care of you.”

Part of me wanted to fist bump my aunt, but I still didn’t like her. The other part wanted to defend my dad because even if he was a shit, he was my shit. And I didn’t like her looking down her nose at him. Because, really, she thought we were all worthless and just wouldn’t say it.

“I love him, Joy. And I never say anything bad about your stuck in the mud husband.”

That got my aunt to her feet and pointed her nose high in the air. “If it weren’t for my husband, you wouldn’t have a roof over your head. Don’t ever forget that.”

Before my aunt made it out the door, Mom asked in a small voice, “How are Mom and Dad?”

My aunt stopped and cradled the doorframe with her hand.

“Mom’s starting to show signs of dementia. No surprise there, considering her age. And Dad’s got a cold. But otherwise they are good.”

“Have they asked about me?” Mom asked.

“Mom barely remembers me half the time, and Dad pretends not to remember you. Nothing’s changed, Jackie, since the day you left choosing to marry that boy.”

She left the room, and I saw the disappointment on Mom’s face. She’d never hidden that she had a strained relationship with her folks. They’d never come to see us. They were a great deal older, as was her sister. Mom was their
oops baby,
and they’d been too old to pay attention to her growing up, but too religious to give her up when they found themselves in their mid-forties about to have another kid.

I wrapped Mom in a hug, feeling my heart break for her as my strong and proud mother tried to look tough for me.

“They don’t deserve you, Mom. Anyone who can forget their kid so easily should lose their memory and their mind.”

“Kelley, they aren’t bad people.”

But that was exactly what Mom would say. She wanted to see the best in people, even when they didn’t deserve it. Her body shook, and I didn’t know if was the disease or silent tears that caused it. I didn’t ask either. She’d felt bad enough. No reason to remind her how fucked up the world was.

For the longest time, I just held on. I glanced around the room that had no personality. We hadn’t had much, but our walls in Galveston hadn’t been white like these were, along with the only small dresser and chair in the room. It felt more like a hospital than a guest room. Mom glanced up and caught me looking at what we’d been reduced to. Our house hadn’t been much, but it felt like home even when Dad was there. The only thing good here was she had a private bath attached. I had to use the bathroom in the pool house, which was across the other side of the backyard from the garage. Still, I didn’t complain because I had my own space and didn’t have to share with Dad.

Speaking of, “Where’s Dad?” I finally asked, not wanting to bump into him.

Her smile looked brittle. “Out finding a job. He’s been better to you, right?”

It was true he hadn’t hit either one of us since Mom’s news to me, but he hadn’t been around much either. What she hadn’t said was my aunt probably required Dad to find a job if he wanted to stay there. Good thing my room wasn’t near. No doubt he would take his frustrations out on me if he didn’t find anything soon. So far, he hadn’t visited my room. Too many stairs, I guessed, for his drunk ass to handle.

Mom patted my hand. “Don’t be late for dinner.”

That statement was a gentle reminder that meals were served at six am, noon, and six pm. If I missed them, I wasn’t allowed to scour for food in the kitchen. I would be out of luck. Good thing I qualified for free breakfast and lunch at school. When Mom finally fell asleep, I left for my room.

Friday, I found myself in a shed behind the bleacher during the football game. I’d walked straight into the gate while a line waited to buy a ticket. No one was watching, and I didn’t have any cash anyway.

Debbie panted as my hand worked the short distance under her cheerleading skirt. Before I could snake a finger under the material between me and getting off, she jumped back.

“Wait, I can’t. I’m a virgin.”

The news wasn’t a surprise. I guessed right, and Joel had warned me too. But the chick had practically been begging for it. Her hand had stroked my dick through my jeans. If I were another guy, I might have taken what I wanted. No one liked teases, but I wasn’t down with taking it. There were always other girls.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, backing off.

“Wait,” she called out when I headed for the door.

Turning, unsure why I did, I left a good distance between us. And I made no move to touch her again.

“I can give you a blow job.”

Joel’s information had been good, and who would say no to that? I stood there with my hands lifted, palms up. She got on her knees, and I braced my hands against the walls. It might have been an unspoken dare. It might have been I hadn’t gotten any in so long. What it was, was all on her. I hadn’t asked, and I didn’t expect anything.

Only when she got down to it, she was all teeth. So much for her reputed skills. My half hard dick went completely limp, so I carefully guided her off me.

“Sorry, this isn’t working.” I wasn’t one to lie.

While I began to put my dick into my pants, she pleaded with me for reasons I halfway understood.

“Please, I can do better.”

Can’t say I’m a total asshole. She didn’t want to be a failure. I got that. Girls were complicated, and I’d been around enough to know when they did it, they wanted to please. So I took control and let her mouth cover the head. Then I basically jacked off using her wet tongue as motivation. Only it took more than that to get me off. Somehow my mind drifted to Lenny. Imagining her on her knees in front of me sent me coming unexpectedly into Debbie’s mouth. She jerked back and ribbons of it covered her face.

“What the hell? You’re supposed to warn me, you jerk!”

I sighed. “Sorry, I guess I forgot.” I didn’t think telling her the truth that I’d been thinking of her best friend would win me any prizes.

She found a questionable towel lying on a table and wiped her face clean. I’d tucked myself away, and we stood there staring at each other.

“So what now?”

Shit. We hadn’t actually talked before she dragged me out there. Once we were alone, she’d placed my hand on her tits and it was a moaning fest until my release, except that bit in the middle.

“You’re a virgin, and I’m not. It’s never going to work between us.”

“So what you’re saying is, because I won’t have sex with you, you’re dumping me?”

The whole dumping thing stumped me because I barely knew the girl. But there was no reason to throw eggs on her ego.

“I like sex, you don’t have sex.”

“What?” she snarled and things were going nowhere good fast.

Her eyes narrowed on me. Before she could fuss me out, I added, “A little advice. If you don’t want the wrong guy to get pissed, maybe you should be more like your friend Lenny.”

Her next words came out of nowhere when all I’d tried to do was warn her there were assholes in the world who wouldn’t take kindly to her
I want it, but I’m not giving it up
game.

“You want her. Of course you do. Just like everyone else. You’re a total asshole.”

She stomped out of the shed, and I groaned loudly, watching her march away. I hadn’t meant that I wanted Lenny even though most of me did. I’d meant it because Lenny didn’t pretend to not want to be a virgin the way Debbie did. Debbie should keep her legs closed and mouth shut before she ran into trouble. Instead, a girl like her had a mouth with a lot to say. I could imagine the uphill battle I would have with the female population by the time Monday rolled around.

Halftime had just
ended when Debbie came barreling onto the field. Her hair was slightly out of place and her legs had a layer of dust on them.

Quickly, I scrambled over, while the other girls got into position.

“What happened?”

Her mouth formed a sneer and then it flattened. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later.”

She pushed past me and dusted off her legs before she grabbed her pom-poms off the ground. I studied her for a second. She’d left to meet Kelley. Apparently nothing good happened, but what did? My glance around netted me nothing. He hadn’t come after her. My concern made it hard to get through the rest of the game as Debbie refused to talk during the breaks.

When I piled in her car after the game because my parents hadn’t come, she had no choice but to speak.

“What?” she snapped. “Can’t you give it a rest already?”

I breathed through her anger, trying to hold back my own. “Look, I know something happened between you and Kelley. Spill!”

The long breath she exhaled could have gone on for days. “Okay.” She shifted the car back in park because we hadn’t moved from the spot yet. “You need to stay away from that guy. He’s bad news.”

My forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What guy? Kelley?” She nodded, but so slowly my heartbeats slowed. “Just tell me what he did to you.”

It had to be bad considering she didn’t blurt it out. Debbie wasn’t one for keeping secrets, or so I’d thought.

“He tried to rape me.”

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “Are you okay? How could you not say anything? We need to go to the police.”

Vehemently she shook her head. “No way I’m going to the cops. What do you think they’re going to do? It will be his word against mine.”

There was panic in her eyes as she glanced out the window, as if the people walking through the parking lot could hear us. I reached out a hand and clasped her arm.

“I’ll be there with you.”

Her eyes snapped back to mine. “No! I’m not. Do you know how they treat rape victims?”

I couldn’t say that I did. You heard stuff on the news occasionally, but nobody I knew had ever been hurt that way.

After I shook my head, she sniped, “They make them out to be whores. They’ll ask me all kinds of questions about my sex life.”

“You haven’t had sex.” It hadn’t been a question. She would have told me, right?

“No, but I’ve done everything. And you know how guys are.” I didn’t, but I let her continue. “They’ll say I’m easy or that I’ve done this or that.”

I stared at my best friend, wondering what I really knew about her. What was this and that? And what guys?

“My parents will know I’m not their precious little daughter. I can’t do it. I won’t do it,” she practically yelled.

My shoulders slumped a little. But I tried one more time. “What if he does it to some other girl?”

She shrugged. “Not my problem. So promise me you won’t say a word.”

“Debbie—”

“Promise me.”

I closed my eyes in defeat. “I promise.”

“And stay away from him. He mentioned your name.”

That caught my attention. “What?”

“It was nothing. It just sounded like he may try to talk to you next.”

My jaw couldn’t have been opened any wider. “Why would he do that? That’s crazy. He knows you’re my best friend.” Okay, I wasn’t sure of that. “He has to know you’d tell me.”

“Just stay away from him,” she said again.

Then she shifted the car in drive and took me home. Music filled the silence between us as I didn’t pepper her with any more questions. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it wouldn’t be hard telling the cops. But I didn’t understand why she didn’t care that he could do it to someone else. And why would he target me? Something seemed off. But how could I possibly doubt my best friend over a guy I barely knew? One who hadn’t been nice enough to help me when I dropped the cupcakes. One who’d made crude comments about my body. Maybe he was a creeper, even if he hardly seemed the type to have to force a girl to do anything.

After school on Monday, I stared at the cursed ring on my finger. Debbie was right. I hid in the library so I wouldn’t have to sit with my boyfriend at lunch. I wasn’t in love with Ox. But what was love? I headed to the room where I tutored along with some other students with good grades who needed an extracurricular activity on their college applications. Though I had to admit I liked helping people and had toyed with the idea of becoming a teacher.

When the classroom door opened twenty minutes later, I didn’t bother looking up. Students came and went during the session as needed. Only the mood in the room shifted. Slowly, I glanced up to find my worst nightmare. His eyes searched the room before landing on me. My heart sped up and my stomach took a nosedive. I don’t know what he saw in my expression, but he headed in my direction anyway.

“I need you.”

Any other time, those words might have been powerful, even romantic. But after what he did to Debbie, I suddenly believed she’d been right that he’d targeted me.

“I’m sorry, but I’m helping someone right now. You have to wait your turn. Anyone who frees up first can help you.”

A freshman with a face suffering from a bout of acne sat next to me as I helped him with algebra.

“I don’t want someone. I want you. Dude, beat it.”

Carl, with his mop of ginger curls, grabbed his stuff and took off out of the room. Kelley’s
I’m going to kick your ass
expression had been enough to do the trick.

He sat without my permission. With my eyes narrowed, I attempted to get up from my seat and find someone else who needed assistance. He gripped my arm, stopping me.

“You’re a bully,” I spat.

“Maybe, but that kid didn’t need your help either. Did you see how he was looking at you?”

“No.” I hadn’t. Carl wasn’t dumb and seemed to get the concepts, although he claimed he didn’t. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m here to help people.”

“And I need help. Mr. Wilks sent me here to find you. I need to get caught up and fast. He said you’re the best person to get me there. Although I can think of better ways we can spend our time together.”

I was flattered that my trig teacher placed me in high regards. But his last statement made me roll my eyes, and I chose to ignore it, ignore him the best I could. Only, it was hard to ignore his kissable lips. And why was I thinking like that? Time to bring the conversation around. “Why didn’t he help you himself?”

Seemingly having an answer for everything, he said, “I need to get caught up with all my subjects, not just math.” Then he leaned forward, and my breath caught thinking he might kiss me. “I passed Biology and Chemistry, but maybe we could work on some practical application of Physics.”

Was he flirting with me? Suddenly hot, I reached for my next words and blurt them out. “Let me see your schedule.”

The paper slid through the pages of one of the books he carried as he pulled it out. When he held it out, I made sure I didn’t touch him. Only my eyes locked on his lips a second too long, and I watched them curl into a smirk before I jerked my gaze to the paper in my hand.

He was in AP Algebra 2, which surprised me. We didn’t share classes, but his schedule didn’t include one remedial class. Talk about not judging a book by its cover. He’d been too pretty to be smart too, and boy I was wrong.

“Based on your schedule, I don’t see why you can’t help yourself. I’m sure there are other more willing victims for you to prey on.”

Crap, I hadn’t meant to say that. He rubbed me the right way, not the wrong like he should have. He smelled faintly of soap and his hair flopped over his left eye. A part of me wanted to reach out and push it back.

“Victim?”

I swallowed, because the way he said it, I felt like I was on the witness stand. His whole flirty smile had darkened into a scowl.

“Is that how she played it? She didn’t like I wasn’t into her and she tells you she’s a victim.
Maybe
she didn’t like that I told her she should be more like
you
.”

He stood, and I felt small because I’d judged him based on hearsay.

“You know what? I can figure this out myself. I don’t have time for this shit. Lying about shit like that ain’t cool. And of course you believe her because I don’t wear the right clothes or I’m not from the right part of town.”

He plucked the schedule from my hand and stalked out of the room with his stuff. I sat dumbfounded as the classroom was way too quiet, and I realized that everyone had been watching us. The thing about it was, I didn’t know him. But his actions and words had me questioning the truth of my friend’s story, and I hated myself for that.