Chasing Castles (Finding Focus #2) (33 page)

“Yeah,” I admit. “It was all I thought about for a long time, but then I’d see you, and you’d be doing great—hanging out with your friends, enjoying life—doing all the things I hoped you’d do. And I felt like the sacrifice was worth it.”

“And you were with Janie,” she says, biting her lip like she’d like to take it back, but I don’t want her to. I want her to know everything . . . anything she wants to ask, I’ll gladly answer.

“I was,” I tell her. “We were an easy fit. At first, we were just good friends, and that eventually turned into something else.”

“Did you love her?” she asks.

“Yes, but I was never in love with her.”

“Is that why y’all broke up?”

“Partly.”

“And the other part?” she prompts.

“I loved you . . . I was
in love
with you, and she knew that. She told me she could tell by the way I looked at you. I think I’d been in love with you for so long, I didn’t think it was obvious anymore. I’d denied myself for so long when it came to you, to loving you, I thought I was good at hiding it. But apparently, I wasn’t.”

She swallows hard and rests her chin on my chest.

“I thought you hung the moon back then,” she says with a light laugh.

“And now?” I ask, needing the same reassurance she’s looking for.

“I think you set the stars in place and the planets in motion.”

I pull her up to me and kiss her so hard, tangling my hands in her hair and our bodies together. For a second time tonight, and the third time in my life, I make love to Camille Benoit. I pour everything I have into each touch and each caress, hoping I can somehow make up for lost time and prove to her that I’m here for the long haul.

After we’re both spent, we drift back off to sleep.

There’s nothing like being with Cami. I’ve always known that, but being inside her takes me to a whole new level. And waking up next to her just went to the top of my favorites list.

I can’t help but watch her as she gradually wakes up. It takes her a minute to realize what, or who, she’s laying on, and who’s beside her. The smile that creeps up on her face is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I lean down and kiss her lips as a deep-seated longing takes root in my stomach.

This is right.

This is what life is all about.

Being with her.

Being inside her.

Being next to her.

I don’t know what took me so long to make this happen, but I’m sure as hell not gonna let her go.

The morning is nice, easy. I can tell Cami misses Carter and is anxious to get to church to see him, but other than that, we’re good.

“I’m nervous,” Cami says, fidgeting in the seat beside me as we drive down the road. I grab her hands and hold them still, rubbing my thumb over hers.

“Don’t be nervous. I swear, if anyone even looks at you wrong, I’ll handle it.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she says, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine. I mean, I already got the prize and since when do I care what everyone thinks about me?” She laughs, and I can tell she’s giving herself a pep talk.

When I look over at her, she gives me a beaming smile, and I have to fight the urge to turn my truck around and go back to her house and strip her out of her sundress. She can keep the red pumps. But the dress would have to go.

“What are you thinkin’ about?” she asks with a knowing grin.

“You and how incredible it is to have you sitting here next to me,” I lie, but it’s not total bullshit. I do feel that way. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

There is a part of me, though, that would like to live in the bubble we’ve been in since last night for a while longer, but we can’t. Our family is made up of a bunch of nosey asses. If we didn’t show up to Sunday Mass, they’d be at Cami’s house faster than you can shake a stick. And then they’d have seen my truck, and it all would’ve been over with anyway.

So, here we are. At church. And we’re getting ready to walk into the devil’s den, so to speak.

“Ready?” I ask her when I pull into one of the last parking spots and put the truck in park.

She takes a deep breath and exhales. “Yes,” she says with sheer bravery written all over her face. “And I missed my baby, and he’s in there. So, let’s do this.”

I laugh and hop out of the truck, running around to get her door. When she steps out, I stop her for a second and tilt her chin up until our eyes meet. “I love you. It’s you and me.”

She nods and smiles.

“Okay.”

I kiss her lips softly, and she leans in, deepening the kiss.

I moan in frustration as I reluctantly pull away.

“You’re gonna kill me, woman.”

She laughs, shaking her head.

“Let’s get this over with.”

When we walk through the heavy wooden doors, everyone else is already in their respective pews, and I think Cami and I both exhale a sigh of relief that maybe we’ll go undetected for just a little while longer.

“I gotta see Carter,” she whispers, pulling me down the hall toward the nursery.

“Okay,” I tell her, following along. I want to tell her that I missed him too . . . that I miss him every time I don’t get to see him for a day or two. But I don’t know if that would sound weird, so I keep it to myself.

When we peek into the room where the babies are, I see him immediately, happily playing on the floor with another little dude about his age. I can’t believe he can already sit up by himself. He’s only seven months old, but I don’t know what’s normal. I haven’t been around babies much.

Cami sighs and leans against the door. Mrs. Johnson, the lady who watches the babies, walks over and smiles. “You want me to get him for you?” she asks.

“No,” Cami says softly, not wanting to disrupt his play time. “I just needed to see him.”

“He’s such a good baby,” Mrs. Johnson says.

“Thanks,” Cami says. “I think so too.”

I kiss the side of Cami’s head and get a knowing look from Mrs. Johnson, to which I just smile like this is the most normal thing on the planet.

And it is.

Loving Cami is like breathing. It’s necessary and life preserving and what I was made to do.

As we walk in to find a seat, I grab Cami’s hand, and she looks up at me. I can tell her nerves are back, but I don’t care.

I want to shout it from the rooftops, but since we’re in church and Father Damon has already started, I decide holding her hand will have to do for now.

The second we’re seated, I feel a dozen set of eyes settle on us. Some of them are the people sitting on our pew, but the others are from a few rows ahead. My Mama, in particular, is looking at us with a raised eyebrow and a sly smile. She reminds me of a rubber-necker. One of those jackasses who can’t drive past an accident without holding up traffic.

Just to clarify, I’m not calling my Mama a jackass.

I would never.

But she’s still staring at us.

I smile at her, and when she still doesn’t turn around, I take a page from her book and give her the universal hand gesture for “turn around and mind your own business.”

She shakes her head and fights back a smile, but eventually turns back around. And I don’t miss when she leans in and whispers something to my dad. The next person to gawk at us is Micah, with a smirk and a squint of his eyes. If he were able to send me a subliminal message right now, it would be
about fucking time
, or
I told you so
.

Cami’s hand is still firmly in mine, and she leaves it there, even through the kneeling and praying. When her head leans against my shoulder while we listen to Father Damon, I let myself wonder, for a split second, if this is what we’ll be doing in fifty years.

I hope so.

When the final prayer is finished, and the congregation begins to file out of the pews, Cami squeezes my hand and pulls me toward the back doors.

“Do you think we can hold them off until lunch?” she asks in a hushed tone as I clear a path for us, smiling and excusing my way to the back of the church.

“I don’t know, but we can try.”

We make a beeline for the nursery and retrieve Carter. It isn’t until we’re standing outside the nursery that Cami realizes we’re at least going to have to talk to her dad because he and Kay have Carter’s car seat.

“Why don’t you go on to the house and I’ll ride with them,” she says, holding Carter close and placing a million soft kisses on his little head.

I lean in and get a few in for myself, loving the way he smells.

He smiles at her, and I know he missed his mama as much as she missed him.

“You sure?” I ask, worried about leaving her.

“I’m sure,” she nods, giving me a smile.

I glance around the corner and see my parents shaking hands with Father Damon. My window of escape is narrowing.

“I’ll meet you at the house,” I tell her.

As I turn to walk away, I feel her tug on my shirt.

“Deke,” she says with a bit of urgency.

Turning back around, I watch as she shifts Carter to her other hip and takes a step toward me.

“Thank you for comin’ to my house in the pourin’ rain,” she says, her hand reaching out and pulling the front of my shirt to bring me closer.

“Thank you for lettin’ me in,” I tell her, reaching up to hold her face and pull her lips to mine.

Mrs. Johnson clearing her throat is what finally interrupts us and brings me back to reality.

We’re going to the top of the short list for town gossip.

During the five-minute drive to the house, all I could think about was Cami. Now that we’re all seated around the table, all I can think is telling everyone that Cami is mine, and they can all deal with it. But I’m trying to allow Cami to go at her own pace, so I’m doing my best to play it cool.

“Well,” my Mama says, as she passes a bowl to my dad. “That was a lovely sermon today, don’t y’all think?”

I know her. I know she’s worming her way toward the two elephants in the room.

I feel Cami’s hand brush against my leg, and I give her a small smile.

Maybe we should put everyone out of their misery and just spill the beans, but I’m having a little too much fun watching them squirm.

Except Micah. He’s sitting on the opposite side of the table with that same damn smirk on his face. I’m tempted to kick him under the table. Such a smug bastard. Always thinking he knows everything.

“It was a lovely sermon,” Kay chimes in, feeding Carter little bites of mashed potatoes. “Didn’t you think so, handsome?” Carter gives a wide grin and slaps his hands down in a pile of peas. Everyone laughs, including me, because anything the kid does is the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

“I liked the part where Father Damon was talkin’ about the truth settin’ you free,” Micah says, cramming half a roll in his trap.

“I don’t remember that part,” Mama says, cocking her head in his direction.

“Oh, yeah. He also said,” Micah pauses to finish his enormous bite of food. “It’s always good to admit when you’re wrong.”

“Were we listenin’ to the same sermon?” Dad asks.

I look at the opposite end of the table, and I see Tucker watching all of this, everyone. One second his eyes are on Micah and then me . . . and then Cami. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, and if I’m nervous about anyone finding out about Cami and me, it’s him.

I don’t want him to think I went behind his back or that I’m in this for anything less than forever.

I know he loves her and wants what’s best for her.

I want that too.

“And you will know the truth,” Micah’s voice rings out like he’s the one giving the sermon. “And the truth will set you free!” He bangs a hand on the table for added emphasis.

Everyone is staring at him when I feel Cami abruptly stand beside me.

“Deacon and I are together,” she says, twisting her napkin between her fingers, nervously. “Like, together, together.” She pauses and looks down at me for reassurance, and I give it to her by taking one of her hands and kissing it lightly. “So, if you have anything to say.” She pauses and glares across the table at Micah. “Just say it. We’re all adults here.” When she says that last line, she looks down the table at her brother, but I look the other way at her dad. It just dawned on me that Clay might not like the idea of me being with his daughter . . . in the biblical sense.

And now I’m nervous.

Clay chuckles as he takes a bite of chicken.

Kay sighs.

My mama looks like she’s about to cry.

Micah is happily eating.

My dad looks . . . proud? Yeah, definitely proud. Like, the first time I rode a bike or the day I graduated from LSU. He smiles up at Cami and then back at me, giving me an approving wink.

Tucker’s brows are furrowed and his mouth twists as he chews on the information he’s just been given. I’m sure the conversation with him isn’t over.

Cami calmly sits back down, and I lean over to kiss her cheek.

“Well said, babe.”

“Oh, it’s
babe
now?” Micah asks, quirking an eyebrow over his chicken leg.

“Shut up and eat your dinner,” Mama says, swatting his shoulder, which gives me a sense of satisfaction. It’s always warmed my heart to see Micah reprimanded, because, in my humble opinion, it didn’t happen enough when we were kids.