Chasing Forever (15 page)

Chapter 22

Lucy

It had been seven days since we got back from Spain, and I hadn’t heard from Toby yet. My calls had gone unanswered, as had my text messages. Seeing him would be ideal, but since I didn’t have a key, I had taken that as a sign that I wouldn’t be welcome in his house.

The fact that Sienna mentioned that his aunt Tamsin
—the one that had cancer—had also passed away yesterday, made me ache deeply for him. He wasn’t having to deal with one death, it was
three
.

Thinking of that beautiful
, little angel brought tears to my eyes. Watching the man I loved hurt when there was nothing I could do to ease his agony, was the worst thing I had ever witnessed in my life.

Toby’s hurt when I
had left him was nothing compared to the eviscerating pain I had watched him go through—that he continued to experience at the moment. I couldn’t fathom what it had been like to bury Amelia and their baby five days after the little one had died.

He became a ghost. A ghost with empty eyes—eyes that could see
, but never really grasped anything they were seeing. Sleep had deserted him; his eyes were always red-rimmed from sleepless nights and tears. He was continually out of it, spacing out when spoken to. And at some point, I thought he wanted to bury himself along with them.

After the funeral, Blake and Sienna strongly suggested that he stay with them whilst mourning
. Chad and I had agreed, but he had been adamant that he wanted to be alone and that no one should dare bother him during this sensitive time.

I knew for a fact that Sienna
had arranged with Freya, Blake’s housekeeper, for food to be delivered four times a day to his home since he was steadfast about
none
of us invading his space and pestering him about anything. So we’d all grudgingly stepped back, wanting to grant him his wish… even Blake, which only made me more desperate. Because without anyone, Blake most of all, he would deteriorate in his own misery, and I would hate for that to happen.

I wasn’t sure what those two spoke about
, but I knew Toby said something to him the day after the funeral that made Blake stop demanding that he listen to him. Blake Knightly wasn’t a man that could easily be told what to do, however his best friend had said something that had made him stop pestering.

Like any normal person, I hadn’t stopped wondering what it was
; which was why I took action and decided to give the newlywed couple a quick visit.

It was early Saturday morning and I was sure they’d still be in bed. So I took the liberty
of purchasing coffee, my kind of apology in exchange for waking them up. Living with Sienna before had already given me an idea of their sleeping habit, eating preference, their usual fights, and of course, let’s not forget about their loud, hard-pounding kind of mating that always left me to wonder how in the world Sienna could walk in four inch heels after
that
kind of shagging.

Arriving in Chelsea
at the Knightly’s lavish home, I entered my pass code on the keypad before placing my thumb on the scan screen so it could identify me. Blake had top-notch security because he was a major deal. With billions and all as well as a hot face and body to go with everything else, it was a given that a lot of twisted fucks would try to get his attention. Then there was the other wretched sick fucks who wanted to hurt his woman. The situations these two had gone through from the start were quite the nonsensical soap opera.

With the gate opening
then closing, I strode towards the modern Victorian house before producing a key to enter into the lavishly decorated foyer, closing the door as quietly as I could. Making an effort to pause and peal my ears for any indication that the two were up and about, I was greeted with nothing except quietness, so I proceeded towards the stairs and into the hallway towards their bedroom. Hiding back a smile as I bit into my lip, I hoped that those two weren’t in the midst of shagging as I gently pushed the bedroom door open.

Their two dogs immediately perked up, especially Santini
, the husky. It looked like he was about to bark until he recognized who it was, then he went back on his spot, right next to Blake’s feet.

The two were beyond knackered it seemed because there was a wide space in between their snoozing bodies.

I knew it wasn’t the time to be silly, but it had been ages since I’d had good fun, and this opportunity was just as good as any. I took my shoes off and made my way towards the bed, scooting myself with caution as I held on to the coffee tray consisting of scalding hot beverages. I didn’t breathe until my body was resting against the black, tufted headboard, contemplating what I should do first when Blake made a muffled sound.

Peeking
at his side, my eyebrows rose when I saw his wide expanse of tanned, chiseled chest.
Was he… naked underneath?
The bloody thought hadn’t occurred to me.

OH.
My.
Fuck!!! This was a chance in a billion trillion.

Shifting towards Sienna’s back, I somehow wiggled my way into the comforter before braving it out and t
aking a peek just to get an answer for my curious mind. And
violà!
His bloody tight arse was shaped to perfection no less.

Stifling my giggle, I lifted my left foot, bringing it towards his golden bottom. With the help of my big toe, starting from the top
, I brushed it along the crack ever so smoothly, making sure I didn’t make the mistake of pressing it deeper into the crevice as I went along. My touch was light, feathery soft, but Blake noticed.

“Sienna…” he muttered. “My cock is hard and ready for a ride, cara.”

Christ Almighty! Such a horny bastard
, I thought wickedly as I remembered how Sienna usually talked to him.

In a low whisper, I went further into the joke. “How do you like it
, baby?”

“Fuck me hard.
Milk it good
,” he grunted out, sounding more awake than the last time.

Oh
, God. This was epic.

“My, Blake Knightly! What a
dirty,
naughty boy you are.”

His entire body froze, arse stiffening as he slowly twisted to his side with a horrified
, camera-worthy look on his face.

“Fucking Hell, Lucy!” he screeched before barking a deep-bellied laugh that reverberated throughout the room, which woke Sienna.

“Blake! You’re hurting my ears!” she grumbled, half sitting before she cocked her head to the side and saw me. “Holy shit—you’re here! What happened?” She looked rattled, but one glance at her husband softened her features.

He paused laughing enough to say, “Would you believe Lucy had her toe in my arse
and I had begged you to shag me?” He started tearing away, as if it was the funniest joke ever.

It was funny until I analyzed his words… “Am I that repulsive?” I asked in disbelief, looking at him then Sienna.

“No. Why would you even ask that?” Sienna frowned as she reached over and plucked her coffee off the tray. “You didn’t bring anything to go along with this?” she asked as she took a sip, tasting the coffee before nodding her approval.

“Like what? A side of Blake’s golden sausage?”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “No, silly. Madeleines, cheese Danish, chocolate croissant? And as for the sausage, trust me, it’s not that golden.” She gave me a knowing look, shaking her head as if it was the saddest thing.

“Such a disappointment.” I feigned sadness.

“Hey—Hey!” Blake glowered, obviously noting our conversation. “What’s with the rubbish talk? Let’s keep it civilized.” He then gave his wife a heated gaze, smoldering with sexual innuendo. “Wife, I look forward to you on your knees, begging. Have fun with your meat-free, vegetarian diet.”

His intense gaze then went to me, making me hide a smile as he lifted his brow. “What brings you to share my bed? My best friend might murder me for this.”

The mention of
him
brought me out of our silly banter. “I came to talk about
him
, as a matter of fact. Sleep evaded me last night, so I thought I’d make an early run for coffee and surprise you both.” After I had handed him his coffee, he thanked me as he took a sip then placed it on the side table.

“I need to change into something
, then we’ll discuss him, if you don’t mind.”

“Go right on ahead,” I said
, not realizing that he was slipping out of the bed stark naked then proceeding to walk towards the en-suite with no care what so ever. “Fuck, Knightly!” I was aghast, yet I couldn’t look away from perfection.

“Babe
, I think you’ve traumatized her enough. You can carry on getting ready,” Sienna mused, watching him disappear with an expression that said that she was truly smitten and in love with him.

“I hated Amelia,” she started to say, bringing my gaze to look at her before she continued
. “When she came in between us and broke us apart, I never truly got over it. Not with Camilla or Ivanna, either. Well, not until I attended Amelia’s funeral…” She trailed off. “I saw her parents look at Blake in a certain way. I knew they didn’t blame him for the cause of her death, but they had this bereaved look… like they were wondering why he couldn’t have loved their daughter the way she’d obsessed over him.”

“Oh, Sienna.” I reached out to her, holding her hand and g
iving it a light squeeze. “I don’t want you to remember these horrid events. It wasn’t my intention—”

“No. Of course I know that, Luce
, but all I’m saying is that I actually felt bad. I felt sorry for her. It must’ve been grueling to see the man you love be happy with someone else. I now understand her pain.”

Amelia
had truly been one difficult character to understand. She had been covered in layers upon layers, hiding the real woman underneath the sass, the bite and the sharp tongue. I understood her, too, in a way. Yet, I still couldn’t fathom the string of pain she had caused for so many people because she had been hurting inside. There was no excuse for such callous behavior, no matter the depth of your bereavement.

We all had our crosses to bear, and it was up to
each person how to carry on with that heavy pillar pressing against them, weighing them down until they could no longer take another step on the dusty, cobbled road ahead of them. Or one could at least try, persevere and hope for the best; that sooner rather than later the roads ahead would start to clear their way, making their feet ache less from each step they took.

The cross
would always be there, no matter where you went, no matter the stages in life. You just had to endure. You had to appreciate the pain even if it gutted you alive. You had to withstand it all, knowing that others had it worse than you, and yet, they had come out celebrating the journey, proudly bearing their scars. Trusting and loving oneself was the key to not giving up faith, believing that, someday, it would be you rejoicing
your
journey.

Our mood was somber when Blake strode out with a questioning look about him. I
hadn’t come here to bring back the past, I’d come here to deal with present problems.

“I need a key to his place.”

“You could ask him, you know. Have you ever thought of that?”

I gave Blake a
you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me
look. “You know he won’t, so why ask?”

Blake shrugged before sitting on the foot of the bed
, taking Santini in his arms and showering him with kisses. “He’s having such a gutting time, Luce. Baiting him with something he couldn’t have would be downright cruel.”

“How is wanting to make sure he’s okay considered cruel?”

He arched one aristocratic brow. “Need you ask?”

Well, then…
“What if I could help? What if I can get through to him, be there
with him
?”

“This will put him in a severe situation. What happens when you fancy dating another man? No
,” he shook his head disapprovingly, “I will not see my best friend go through another round of hell, Luce.”

“He’s got a point
,” Sienna interjected, agreeing with him.

Hurting him wasn’t my intention. I just—I needed to see him,
to make sure he was okay. I just needed to… “I can’t say I blame you both for protecting him, but I just want you guys to trust me. I promise I won’t hurt him—I swear on my life. Please, trust me on this?”

Blake was tormented. He didn’t want to break his friend’s trust
, yet he knew that he had to save him somehow. “He hasn’t returned my calls, nor has he opened his library door to let me in. He’s holing up in there, quite possibly drowning himself in alcohol. Heavens knows when he’ll eventually resurface.”

I had heard about his alcohol problem after he and I
had broken up. However, whenever I had seen him before, he had seemed fine and could handle his drinks like the usual man I’d dated back in the day.