Chasing Rainbows (24 page)

I smiled a silly smile as I glanced around the room searching for something else to wear. In front of his closet, I spied a pair of gray jersey shorts and slid into them glancing over my shoulder at him. He was still sleeping, so I pulled the drawstring tight, knotting the shorts securely at my waist. They hung down past my knees. I hoped that I didn't look as ridiculous as I felt, but I probably did.

At the door, I turned once more to sneak a peek at him. His hand still rested on the pillow where it had been entangled with mine. His other hand rested low on his stomach just above the sheet that teasingly clung to his hipbones. His chest rose and fell evenly in sleep, so I tiptoed from the room and pulled the door closed then headed for the kitchen.

Devon's door was still shut. I could only imagine what Kara would say when she found out that I'd spent the night with Jake. I didn't look forward to that interrogation in the least even though she would approve. I also knew she'd want all the details, and I didn't intend to give them to her. What happened between me and Jake was ours, no one else's. I loved Kara, but with Jake I drew the line. Some things, she just didn't need to know.

Opening the refrigerator door, I looked at the meager contents inside. There wasn't much in there besides water and beer. A couple packs of opened lunch meat, a half dozen eggs, cheese and butter, but it was more than enough to make Jake an omelet. I opened the cabinet doors and searched inside. In a matter of minutes, I had a skillet heating on the stove. It was hot so I poured the eggs inside letting them cook before adding the chopped ham and cheese into the mixture. I hoped he liked it. There wasn't too much to choose from and as it simmered and bubbled, I thought back to the events of the previous night.

Despite everything, I was still troubled by that encounter with Chance. He'd acted horrible. Kara was right. I'd dodged a bullet by not giving him my heart or my body. It was obvious now that he wouldn't have appreciated either. He was disgusted by me. It had been apparent in his expression when he'd stared down at me with those cold eyes as if I were nothing more than an insignificant speck. I was nothing to him.

It was hard to come to terms with, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I couldn't help what he thought. It didn't matter, especially not now. Too much had happened between us. We could never be friends. It was best just to let it go. Even if the whole school knew my secret, it didn't matter. Jake accepted me for who I was, scars and all.

I turned off the stove and placed the omelet onto a plate, grabbed the silverware and the bottle of water I'd sat on top the countertop. When I was walking across the apartment heading for Jake's room, I heard a knock at the front door. It was just a little after nine, and I was clueless as to who could be stopping by this early on the weekend. The knock sounded again, and there was no other choice but to answer it. I tucked the bottle of water under my arm and held the plate in one hand while I undid the lock and opened the front door.

I should have checked the peephole first. I had no idea who the woman was standing outside on the walk smiling back at me. She was tall with shoulder length blondish brown hair and was probably in her late thirties or early forties. It was hard to tell. Her yellow sundress and flip flops gave her a casual look. A red hobo bag was tucked snugly beneath her slim arm and she held a set of keys in her hand.

"Hello. Is Jake home?" she asked, eyeing me curiously. She was pretty and seemed vaguely familiar.

I nodded my head and she was still smiling at me when she reached up to remove the dark sunglasses perched atop her dainty nose. Dark blue eyes gazed back at me.
Aw, shit!
She has to be Jake's mother, and there I stood before her in his clothes. Maybe, she wouldn't notice.

"I'm Carrie," she said in a friendly tone, extending her hand. I grasped it, trying my best to smile back at her.

"Addie," I replied, quickly releasing her hand as if her touch had burned me. I took a step back to allow her to enter. "Please, come in. I'll get Jake." I wanted to run and hide; to flee as quickly as possible away from her and back to the safety of Jake's room.

"I just wanted to check up on him. He'll probably be upset with me for dropping in unannounced, but he hasn't been by the house all week. Moms tend to worry even if their children are grown."

I nodded my head in understanding. She was nothing like my own mother, who had left me for a week and never even bothered to call. "I'll get him," I said, trying to ease away from her as inconspicuously as possible. This was way too awkward.

"It was nice to meet you, Addie. I hope you'll stop by the house sometime with Jake," she called after me.

"Thanks, you too. I mean nice to meet you too." I threw a flustered glance over my shoulder at her and offered a weak smile before I hurried to Jake's room. As I opened the door and slipped inside, I groaned.
Great, she just saw me come into his room
.

Jake was awake and propped up against the wall watching me with hooded eyes. He had that look on his face that made my insides melt and my heart rate quicken. The air seized in my lungs when his lips curved into a smile. My thoughts scattered.

"I made you breakfast," I said proudly, showing him the omelet on the plate.

"Come here," he ordered in his sexy voice throwing back the sheet. He was still naked.

I almost swallowed my tongue at the sight of him in broad daylight then I came to my senses shaking my head. His mom was right outside the door. "Aww, baby," he cooed seeming to enjoy my tormented expression. His eyes were making promises that I knew he could more than keep. "Don't go shy on me now."

I pointed toward the door in a panic. "You're mom's here."

"Shit," he muttered, the playfulness disappearing from his face just as quickly as if I'd doused him with cold water. He slid from the bed watching me as he padded naked across the floor in my direction with as much confidence and ease as if he were fully dressed instead of wearing his birthday suit.

I took a step back, and he stood towering over me. Then, he slid his hand along my jaw line in a sweet caress before sinking it into my hair, and caused me to grip the plate tightly as he edged closer. The heat of his body penetrated my thin layer of clothing. The water bottle slipped from underneath my arm and bounced on the floor just as his lips settled over mine.

When he pulled back, our lips clung. A dreamy sensation like I was floating came over me as I gazed into his eyes. A wide smile spread across his face.

"Thank you for breakfast," he said glancing down at the plate that I held like a shield in front of me; as if a plate and an egg with a little cheese were enough to stop him. "And thank you, Addie, for last night," he whispered; his eyes were seductive and locked on me.

"You better get dressed. We don't want her coming in here." He should have already been out there, but the fact that his mom was waiting outside the room didn't seem to bother him at all. Just the thought of it was enough to make me break out in hives. He grinned and stepped away from me then walked back toward the bed scooping his pants off the floor on the way.

My eyes greedily followed his every move, noting the flex of the strong muscles of his thighs. His ass was firm and rock hard. I should have been ashamed, but I wasn't. With Jake I had no shame. I mean, there I was with his mom just outside the door, and I was now ogling her half-naked son with shameful intent. He started back toward me.

"This looks so bad, Jake. This wasn't how I wanted to meet your mom." I whispered, gazing back at him.

"You worry too much," he stated, and I stepped aside as he reached for the door knob. "It's alright, Addie," he murmured, then he bent to brush a quick reassuring kiss on my lips right before he opened the door and disappeared into the living room.

O.M.G.!
I thought as soon as the door closed. Was that a hickey on his chest right above his heart? I smacked my forehead calling myself ten kinds of slut underneath my breath and walked over to the bed where I sat on the edge of the mattress like a child in time-out. Maybe his mom wouldn't notice.

A few minutes later, I was standing with my ear pressed against the door. It was hopeless. I couldn't hear anything, so I decided to occupy myself by cleaning up his messy room instead of remembering that hickey on his chest. In a corner under a pile of clothes, I found hangers and lost count of the number of T-shirts and jeans I hung up in his closet. At least now, the floor could be seen, and I had finally found my missing panties and Kara's dress. He'd been out there forever, and I sat back down on the bed nibbling on my fingernail as doubts and insecurities flooded my mind.

I needed to leave. I couldn't stand it if he looked at me with pitying eyes. By now, he'd probably come to his senses and decided last night was a huge mistake. I stood, untying the knot on his shorts and slid them down my legs. Right now, he was probably trying to figure out a way to break it to me gently. As I pulled his T-shirt over my head, I heard the door open and close. Immediately, I yanked the shirt in front of me trying to cover myself and stared wide-eyed back at Jake who was leaning against the closed bedroom door smiling at me.

"Such a pretty sight," he said wistfully then he frowned when he noticed my dress lying on the mattress near the foot of the bed. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked; his frame suddenly tense as his eyes regarded me curiously.

I couldn't tell if he wanted me to stay or if he wanted me to go. Jake wasn't easy to read. His expression revealed nothing of his inner thoughts, and I'd always assumed the worst anyway. It kept one from being disappointed. "I thought it would be for the best," I said bravely, trying to hold his shirt in front of me.

I reached for my dress, modestly twisting to the side and glanced over my shoulder at him. He didn't offer to leave or give me any privacy but stood in place against the door watching me. "The best for whom?'" he asked in a calm tone.

"For you," I replied, honestly. He didn't need all of my hang ups and insecurities. I'd been deluding myself earlier. I didn't have Jake. He wasn't mine. It had only been for one night even though I wished it were more. I was doing him a favor. He'd thank me later. Jake was a good guy and he deserved far better than me.

"I need some privacy, please." There was no way I could get dressed with him standing there watching my every move, and if I turned around I'd flash him.

"Too bad," he ground out.

I lifted my eyes from my dress looking back at him. He was pissing me off.

I turned, letting the shirt fall to the floor, and gave him a view of my naked backside. I had to get out of here. I raised my arms, attempting to pull the dress over my head, when suddenly, strong hands clamped around my waist. The dress fell to the floor as he pulled me back against his hard warm chest. "Don't make my decisions for me, Addie. I'm old enough to know what I want."

Denim brushed against my skin as he palmed my stomach with one hand. He was molded against my back. His other hand sneaked up my torso and cupped my breast. I gasped; my body now greedily humming with sensation. His touch set me on fire.

"Is this what you want, Addie? Do you want to leave?" he asked, his lips temptingly moving against the side of my neck.

I bit my lip, fighting back the moan that threatened to escape. It wasn't what I wanted, but I was afraid. I was a coward. At the end of this year, Jake would be leaving and there was no use dragging out the inevitable. It was only a few more months and I didn't want to be the one left behind nor did I ever want to see a look in Jake's eyes like the one that I'd seen in Chance's the night before.

Eventually, he'd look at me that way. It was just a matter of time. I couldn't stand it. I'd fuck up. I didn't know if I could keep my promise to him. I wanted to, but feared I wasn't that strong. I didn't want to hurt him, but eventually I would.

His sigh ruffled my hair as his hands slid away, freeing me. "Alright Addie, go. If that's what you want."

I didn't turn around, but I heard the door open and close. He was gone, and I sank down to the edge of the mattress, weak in the knees, as tears filled my eyes. It was the right thing to do but why did I suddenly feel like I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life.

As I was leaving the apartment, Jake sat alone at the kitchen table. I could feel him watching me from across the room, but I didn't dare look at him. I couldn't. I was afraid that I'd start crying; afraid I'd beg him to forgive me. I wanted so bad to say, "I didn't mean it. I take it all back," but I couldn't manage to the say those words out loud. This was for the best. I opened the front door and, without looking back, walked down the sidewalk to my car. I ran just like I always did; just like I always would. I didn't deserve Jake, and I didn't deserve to be happy.

Once inside my car, I locked my door and started the engine. I laid my head against the steering wheel as tears seeped from the corners of my eyes trailing down my cheeks. It hurt to breathe. Every time something good happened in my life, I fucked it up. It was just the way I was, and I didn't know any other way to be.

There was a sharp peck at my window. I raised my head and found myself looking back at Jake. He motioned for me to roll down the window, but instead I sat there frozen. I should leave. Just put my Jetta in reverse and get the hell out of there as fast as I could, but instead, I finally gave in and rolled down the window gazing up at him.

Might as well get this over with. Finish destroying whatever this was between us for good.

"Why are you running away from me, Addie?" he asked; his expression solemn as he studied my face.

"I'm not," I denied, even though it was a lie. "This was a mistake," I whispered even though it hurt to utter those words, especially to him. I had to drive him away. It was for his own good.

His broad shoulders hunched forward as if trying to ward off the hurtfulness of my words. "A mistake?" he echoed; his eyes flashing angrily.

I nodded, unable to speak. My heart thudded painfully.